A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Member Since: July 16, 2007
Answers: 2588
Last Update: April 13, 2014
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Bad posture runs in my family. My mom's shoulder is one higher than the other, and she constantly slouches. Ive noticed over the past year, i have been becoming the same way. I cant even stand up or sit up straight because it hurts. My shoulders are slouched, and ive already gone to the doctor to get it checked out. They said i dont have scoliosis (spelled it wrong), but how am i supposed to improve my posture if it hurts? (link)
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Yoga is good, also special shoes.
http://hubpages.com/hub/Shape-Up-with-Shape-Ups-Shoes-How-They-Work-and-Do-They-Work
Sketchers Shape Ups. They're costly, but worth it. My wife spends 8 hours a day standing on hard tile floors, both posture and general back pain from standing on hard surfaces were a problem.
She comes home, and she isn't in pain anymore. These shoes, at least for posture and back pain, work absolutely wonderfully apparently. The review and my wife agree. Give them a look.
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hey i was just wondering how can u tell for sure that you are ready for sex? (link)
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When you have a steady partner to be a second parent, a mortgage, and the beginnings of a college fund.
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hi im turing 16 in august im female and i have had this bestfriend sience second grade and now im in tenth and well we havent seen or talked to eachother since fifth grade i never forgot him i looked him up on myspace and we started talking again and now my feelings for him are comming back i told him i still like him he dont believe me. he said b4 i told him he has no time for a gf or a love life. i wanna ask him out and tell him how i feel but im scared to lose him as a friend im so confused can you help me? (link)
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You cannot be friends with people whom you like. Be persistent. Kiss him. Tell him that you can't be less than friends and that if he is attracted to you he should take advantage of the fact that you feel the same way.
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Hi,i'm a 14 year old girl and my best friends boyfriend loves me and i love him! Help Me! (link)
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To reverse the time honored saying, Hos before Bros. Abide by the friend code, he's off limits until they've been broken up for more than 6 months, and you will not at any time inform him that you're willing to date him until that time passes.
In all likely hood, even if you two dated, it wouldn't last. Best friends can last. Don't fuck it up over hormones.
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My boyfriend is a cheerleader and I have a really hard time not getting jealous. I trust him not to cheat on me but it still concerns me that he is always with these beautiful cheer girls (you know the stereotype of most cheer girls). I don't wanna talk to him about it because I don't want to seem controlling or jealous and want to be supportive of him. Any advice? (link)
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Better to get it out in the open. The trick is to get yourselves into a place where he gets that you just need to say how you feel, and you need him to tell you that you're crazy and that he has eyes only for you.
Instead of brooding over jealousies you can't quite control, share it with him and let him shoulder some of it for you. Thats part of what relationships are. Tell him what you told us, let him reassure you, and then you'll have a clearer mind and clearer air to be supportive and not controlling.
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19/female. Nick is 18.
We've been friends for about 3-4 years now. he's actually a senior in high school and i'm a sophomore in college, yeahhh please don't comment on the age difference that's not my problem right now!! plus i'm doing online so its not like i'm far away from him.
anyways nick would always be really flirty with me like all the time. neither of us have said we liked each other but this attraction has been going on for like 2 years now. girls have come and gone but i've always been there. well now there is this other girl who i feel threatened by and i feel like he needs to choose between me or her because i'm done with this crap. this girl is honestly really immature, not pretty at all and i'm not just saying that, basically i think he is too good for her. the thing is, i don't know if he sees me more as a friend! we never really established we liked each other, maybe in fear of one of us wouldnt feel the same way.
so i'm going to tell nick that i'm basically really turned off by him talking to this other girl and hanging out with her and if he really does like her then he can forget about me. BUT if i say this and he is like wait what do you mean forget about you? i thought we were just friends .. i'd be devastated and foremost embarassed. i just need to get it out there though. what do you guys think about me saying this? am i doomed for sadness? but maybe he will realize i'm not joking around and playing his games. (link)
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You're taking the bratty route. Rethink the wording to sound less bitchy.
Instead of "I'm done with you if you're with her" why not just go with the slightly less arrogant "I don't know why it took me this long to say it, but I want to be more than friends with you, and I don't think I can be ok with less. Seeing you with (whats her name) hurts me, and I'd like you to think about the fact that if you dump her, I'm yours"
Then kiss him (on the cheek if you can't muster a kiss on the lips) and leave telling him to call you when he's thought it through.
Since love is war, fight dirty. Do this face to face, pick an outfit that best fits the descriptors "hot" "casual" and "classy". Look him in the eye when you speak to him. Play with your hair at some point. When he meets your eyes, bite your lip slightly. Touch your heart (in such a way that you don't hide the hint of cleavage you should be showing) while talking to him. Pretend to look at something above you and off to the side so that you arch your neck and expose it to him (necks are sexy) When you leave, add a little sway to your hips.
This is seduction 101, but a little subtle manipulation goes a long way. If a woman is within a guy's standards for physical attraction, all it takes is acting a little sultry to get his motor going. The trick is to be suble. Don't be over the top, your goal is that he doesn't even really notice that you're acting all that much different. Subtly touching or rubbing parts of yourself in non sexual ways won't make him think anything's really different, but if your hands are moving over your body his eyes will be drawn there, and his mind will be churning.
If pulled off perfectly, the net effect is that you still seem like the same person, only now he's turned on by you. Added to your little revelation, you've got a pretty decent chance at turning his head.
And honestly, be patient. If he's a good guy, there's a good shot he won't necessarily be cool with just telling the other girl to fuck off, purely because he doesn't have the reasons to dislike her you have and he doesn't want to be an asshole.
If he isn't won over, let him know that you'd like him to change his mind, and if he does in the future he should come talk to you about it. And then you should remove yourself, because being around him and a girl he dates who you hate and are jealous of is only going to turn you into a bitch. Don't put any of you through that, better to walk away with your head held high and hope he comes around.
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[I met this girl, shes in my class too and we started being friends and we hug eachother a lot, i was attracted to her and she has a nice personality and right when i found out she experimented with girls a lot back then and shes bisexual i got my hopes up and i really dont know why, now im having thoughts about me kissing her at times and i really want to try it. One day she was sitting down in a chair and i was walking i gave her a hug and i almost knocked her over because i usually hug her tight all the time and right about to give hera hug and say bye she puckered her lip to me but i didnt do anything so ended up her lips touching my neck and when i walked away she said "YOU KNOW YOU LIKE IT!" and after that nothing like that really happened anymore was she trying to kiss me? and am i bisexual or bicurious? we tend to hug a lot,sometimes we hold hands but we barely talk because i just met her a month ago. Im sure she doesnt like me because she doesn't like anyone right now, i never felt like this with a girl before. I'm really confused.]
That was my last post, well now we've been talking as friends but when we hug its really different now, its like she lets go when she used to hug me longer than that. Mostly we talk and joke around but thats about it, and now i found out that she likes someone else/ found her lover and i feel...i dont know disappointed and mad and i just dont now what to do anymore, i only felt this feeling for a guys and im pretty surprised that im feeling this towards her, im reallly disappointed and sad, i guess ill just become better friends with her because i cant do anything about it..... what can i do stop feeling this way and just be close friends with her? (link)
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Spend less time around her for a little while, but keep talking and basically showing her that you like her and want to be her friend. Spend the extra time hanging out with other people, meeting new people, and trying to find someone else you're attracted to.
Once you find someone you like, you forget about old crushes generally.
Then there's always the "sit her down and tell her you wish you'd kissed her, and yes you did like it" approach.
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Alright so I'm 17 y ears and I don't believe in love for my age yet.
I don't date at all because I find it useless , it's just my perspective.
So I met this guy lets call him "S", (was out with most of ma friends and he came along)
Well S is hot and yeah I am the kind of person who cares about looks so sue me.
I kinda have drinking issues that I know of and we were at a party and i was wasted. I don't remember clearly what happened but I do remember dancing with S.
Now H is a really good friend of mine, he is a male and my best friend. He can become over protective sometimes of me. I sometimes suspect that he has feelings for me but I made it clear to him that I don't have feelings for him and I don't believe in all the dating crap.
After the party in couple of days. I was hanging out with M who is my friend but he is better friends with H and he told me that S tried to kiss me at the party and that H got really mad and threatened him and crap like that.
So i got pissed that people are getting into my business and H should have told me, I shouldnt have heard it from M. And I really kinda like S.
So after a couple of days, I was drunk at ma place and H was with me chilling. And then I talked to him about it and he got really pissed and denied it. And he really wanted to know who told me but I promised M i wouldn't say he did.
Anyways after a day, H texts me and says he is ready to talk about it. We met at a party (where i was just kinda tipsy) and we had a big fight even though he was the one who was wrong.
Then after a couple of days H calls me and he says "I'm not gonna ruin my friendship with you for S and i'm sorry and I'll tell you everything when I see you"
The same day, some unknown number calls and it was S, I was really surprised like I only hanged out with the guy for like two or three times and he seems really nice. I was also surprised he got my number ya know. Anyways he flirted and he asked me out on something like a date. And he told me exactly what happened between him and H. That he was dancing with me and then H pushed him and told him "There is something going on between me and (my name)so you can dance with her but dont dare make out with her or else i'm going to fuck your sister" That was really weird you know.
Anyways I talked with H after the call from S in two days and he was like "I told S to back off because he was taking advantage of you while your drunk" and he also apologized.
The next day, my date with S which i couldnt go 2 because I had a thing with a family member. S calls me late at night and goes like "M and H called me and they wanted to fight with me cuz i only said hi to C (who is M's girlfriend)"
That was really weird because M never gets mad if someone just says hello to his girlfriend you know. Then H told me the story and M told me that he is pissed at S for it and that he doesnt like the guy.
Now the problem is, M and H father's are big shit in this country and they want to kidnap S (for fun) and beat him up and fuck him up literally. Yes it's mean but they always do it if someone is bothering them.
S didn't do anything. And I really feel bad, what can I do? (link)
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Yes, you fucking can. I don't give a shit who is who, you know about the situation and you have a responsibility to inform others about it.
This is one of those important moments of growing up. You're 16 god damned years old, you do not need to be keeping shit like this to yourself because you're scared of possible consequences and if you really genuinely think they could murder someone and no one would care you're delusional.
Tell your damned parents. This is important. You can't act like a kid when you're talking about something like this.
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Okay im truning 16 on august 3rd and i have never ever had my first kiss.nore have i dated anyone.i have opened my options to girls too.so im bisexual and still havent dated anyone or had my first kiss.is that something to be ashamed of? (link)
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Nah. Everyone has a right to their own priorities, to wanting things at different times.
I knew plenty of people in high school who were too busy being social or dealing with school to care much about actual dating until junior or senior year. Honestly, girls get that a little easier than guys generally, because there's a level of masculinity associated with straight guys who have started seeking women, while girls can just be "not interested in anyone they know" forever without too much hassle.
If you're interested, just start talking to people more. The easiest way to meet people you are attracted to is by meeting alot of people you can be friends with. So go out, be social, make friends, and flirt with anyone you find yourself attracted to.
It'll work itself out quickly enough if you make yourself available for other people to notice and be interested in you.
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m / 14
This really isn't about getting advice. It's just some things i've wondered about girls.
1) Why do girls always go to the bathroom in groups? What do you guys do in there besides pee?
2)why are girls embarrassed to be seen in their bra and panties but not in a bikini.
3) Do girls notice when guys get boners?
(link)
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1) Generally to find a place to talk privately
2) Because of the connotation of "underwear". Standing there in a bikini isn't "indecent" because it doesn't have the sexual connotation that standing there in a bra and panties does (the implication being that those too might soon come off)
At least, thats the best guess I can muster.
3) Yeah, girls check guys out too, and if you've got a discernible boner they're obviously going to see it. If you're tenting your pants, someone's inevitably going to notice.
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some cultures say women are completely usless and should have litterally no rights that a man has. in my experience i call this totally wrong, and im pretty feminist for a guy. like on tv everyone important, or in the picture is men, men men men men men. it makes me sick. so what do u think?? (link)
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I think you need to chill out.
Having opinions is great, supporting your opinions is great, and your specific opinions are both correct and great. However, guys who go off the deep end as "feminists" generally just look like they're overcompensating.
You're not a woman, and so while you can be outraged, you'll never really be able to relate. Your outrage has little basis. Also, Women's rights/Women's Lib and Feminism are not the same things. I sincerely doubt you're a feminist, unless you hate yourself for being a man.
You should educate yourself. If you think modern attitudes are bad, you should look back to the origins of the Catholic Church, witch burnings in Europe, so on and so forth. Women were not always second class citizens, relegated to art pieces, sex objects, and servants/property. That was changed as part of an effort to establish the male dominated world we live in now, to vilify sex and other such natural impulses in such a way to make the masses feel like they needed religion to save them from themselves.
Understanding the history will broaden your horizons alot, we're literally just coming out of a 2000 year dark age for women. So rather than outrage, you should try to focus a little more on hope.
Things are getting better. Slow as hell, but they are getting better.
:Edit:
Something said below reminded me of some research I did a few months ago.
Psychologically speaking, most people relate to each other on a level of masculine/feminine. Even among homosexual couples, there is usually one with more masculine traits and one who is generally more feminine. Whether by God or Nature we were designed so that masculine and feminine are two halves of a whole.
And for 2000 years, the world has been run entirely from the perspective of only one half of that whole. I've been studying the history of the eradication of women from places of power, how they were systematically cut out of government and religion first, then were removed from power within the community through things like the witch burnings in Europe hundreds of years ago, and the vilification of sex I mentioned earlier. Finally it moved into the home where women were relieved of their rights as people, essentially removing the female voice from our collective histories for millenia with a few notable exceptions (Joan of Arc is a fascinating historical figure)
In fact, it wasn't until the rise of regular monarchies where royal blood meant more than gender that women began to rise in social and cultural power again.
What I'm actually studying is the visible effects throughout history on our leadership, our cultural changes, advancements, and regressions, and the general impact on the world of being ruled only by testosterone for so long.
The poster below said that men and women are different, but still equal. Thats exactly right. The thinking that's been propogated all that time is that men and women are separate from each other, and that they have value and potential each their own.
Thats patentedly false. We're two parts of one thing, a reflection of the duality of nature. One is not capable of existing without the other, and we're a really fucked up world full of people for having forgotten that for so long.
For a close to home example, take a look at the American criminal justice system. If men are usually associated with power and aggression, then women are associated with empathy and forethought.
I think anyone who knows anything about our prisons and justice system could tell you that if our system lacks anything, its empathy and forethought. These are the things we've done to ourselves as a consequence of vilifying and dismissing the female perspective from our cultural psyche.
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My girlfriend is an emo, and she wants me to cry on her "to increase sexual pleasure". What shall I do? (link)
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That's kinda odd. More than kinda, really.
I don't know. Do you want to give it a shot? If so, give it a shot. If not, explain to her that sex and crying don't really mesh at all, and unless she wants you limp as cooked spaghetti that she's going to have to give up that little fantasy.
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Alright so theres this boy I have known since I was in 1st grade, We have been best friends ever since until this one day me and him got really close and we looked to other people as if we were dating and we went to this place called syms hotsprings, we went swimming but we were with all these other people two and we got dared to make out. I said okay not thinking it would hurt our friendship. after we were done playing truth or dare we were fine we sat by eachother and stuff we talked, in the way home i sat with him and this other guy and we just talked and stuff but then a week later at school he didnt talk to me I acted as if everything was fine but he wouldnt talk to me so or even make eye contact with me.. all I am asking is how do regain that friendship to where we are cool again! can you give me some advice. Please. =] (link)
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I sincerely doubt that he's angry with you.
What's probably going on? You kissed your best friend, and it destroyed whatever denial he had built up about being attracted to you.
This is about the most common opposite sex friends story in the history of the world. You grew up together, but now that you're reaching ages where relationships and sexual attraction are regular features of your life and the lives of those around you he's probably realizing that he's alot more into you in alot more ways than just friends, and he's trying to figure out how to deal with it.
He's wondering if you said OK because you like him or if it meant nothing to you, he's wondering if he should forget whats going on in his head or if he should ask you out.
I can tell you this. You've crossed a line and you can't go back. Opposite sex friendships don't usually work all that well at your age unless you're both completely unattracted to each other. When one person develops feelings, the relationship either becomes dating and romance or slowly tears itself apart as he begins to resent you for not liking him the way he likes you.
So, you've got some things to think about. Are you attracted to him? Did you get anything out of making out with him? If not, start looking at other guys, the easiest way to keep the friendship is to get yourself a boyfriend, and to encourage him to get a girlfriend. If one or both of you are dating, he doesn't have time to be interested.
Also keep in mind that this won't really go away. If you two stay friends into your 20s, find yourselves both single, there's a really good chance he's still going to be interested. You've known each other forever, so you're already somewhat a part of each other's lives. He's attracted to you, so unless you become a total bitch for some reason that's probably not going away either.
On the other hand, if you're avoiding attraction because you want to save the friendship, or if you're attracted to him and want to go out with him, you've still got some things to think about.
Relationships which start at your age almost never lead to 50th anniversaries and grandkids. You're both young, in five years you'll be completely different people from who you are now, and the same goes for five years after that. You don't really reach fully formed until your mid to late 20s generally.
Thats alot of adaptation, conflict, and honestly alot of immaturity for your relationship to survive. Because regardless of how mature you are now, you'll be alot more mature in 5 years, and you'll look at alot of the things you did and think "God that was stupid/petty". And those things you look back on with chagrin will cause strain on the relationship. Avoiding romance now would well save your overall relationship and your ability to like each other at least as friends in the long run.
On the other hand again, if you DO like him and you try the cautious road, he could fall for someone else, and then you're the friend who wants more.
You've hinted that you aren't into him that way, but I gave you both options because you might find that changes with time. Every option has its benefits and draw backs, its up to you to figure out what's best in this situation because you know him and know yourself. Good luck with it all, if you have anything else feel free to send me a question.
Either way, you do need to at least sit him down alone and talk to him. Ask him whats up, and tell him you miss having him around and you don't understand what you did to upset him. Be calm and gentle about it, just ask him to talk to you until he does.
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I don't think I've ever received better advice! Thank you so much! :) (link)
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No problem
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if you have sex with someone bigger then your boyfriend.... can they tell?
i have been with this guy for 3 years and made a drunk mistake with someone else who was alot bigger then my boyfriend. so he fits perfectly inside me...can he tell i cheated on him the next time we have sex?
i heard you could. (link)
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The "you can't tell" thing isn't entirely true, but the two sexings have to be within an hour or two of each other. Past probably about 90 minutes there's not going to be a difference. Generally, if the same couple has sex twice in an hour the guy (unless he's small enough that he doesn't stretch her out at all) will notice that she's not quite as tight the second time around.
Kegels can pretty much eliminate this, for the record. I'm not telling you for cheating purposes, but if you find yourself in a relationship where you're often having sex several times in a day kegels are a good thing to practice to keep the enjoyment up for both of you, because when you're looser you get less sensation too.
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What happens to a boy during a physical? (link)
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As described below. Most of it is checking statistics like blood pressure, range of motion on your body, and other things. The only real part of it that's uncomfortable is the ball grabbing thing, which they do to check for hernias and such (its important)
Its quick and over quickly. As Matt said, don't look down. There are few things more disconcerting to a straight guy than looking down to see a guy grabbing his balls.
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18/male.
now i don't know why i do what i do, and yet i do it anyways. i have a nice relationship growing with a female friend of mine. and things are going good. and then i always always do or say something stupid to push her away. like tonight for example she said she would call me back in a few minutes as she had to get off the phone momentarily. and so i sat there for a while then my friend rodney came by and asked me if i wanted to go see a movie. and me being the idiot i am went along with it and left this girl who i have such intense feelings for hanging. and so i came back around and tried to talk to her online and she was mad at me which was to be expected. but the point of this question is: why do i do this crap? why do i always make an idiot out of myself and ruin things between me and a girl? why can't i just leave well enough alone and stick around? is it just because i'm immature and stupid? or is there more to it? (link)
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What you described really isn't that big a deal. The point at which you fucked up was disappearing when she obviously was coming back for you.
In the future, in a situation like that, send her a text "my friend dropped by and he's kidnapping me for a movie, I'll call you as soon as we're done" both shows that you're a courteous guy who's thinking about her, and shows that you have a life which is just kind of attractive to girls in general.
In the mean time, go and apologize. Tell her that you're sorry, that you're scatterbrained sometimes and you didn't mean to disrespect her by not being there when she called back, and tell her that you'll do the above in the future so that she's not sitting there waiting for your asshole self. Do this face to face.
Then tell her she looks beautiful. 99% chance that apology plus compliment will net you complete forgiveness, even if its transparent as hell. Girls think its cute when you try.
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Hi, I have oral herpes and was wondering if it is possible to spread it to my partner with a cut on my lip from biting it. I am not having a outbreak right now, just wondering it its possible to spread it to them through the cut. (link)
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Yes, a cut would enable the spread of herpes. I honestly don't remember my sex ed enough to tell you if mouth herpes are a problem in the nether-regions or not, you should look that up with google.
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I want to break up with my long distance relationship. There's no real reason..I honestly just don't feel like being in a relationship anymore. I live in the US, he in the Uk. I'm 19, he's 21. We've never met yet, been dating 8 months. He wants me to visit this summer.
I like him, but I don't love him. He LOVES me, he's actually obsessed. It freaks me out in a way. I tried breaking up with him earlier this week by using excuses about school, and he started crying for about 2 hours. So, I gave in. He told me he couldn't breathe, and that he'd come down here immediately and such. I don't WANT that, I'm scared if I break up with him that he'll show up at my door.
He's a very fragile guy, it took him 2 years to get over his ex, and he still talks about how he never thought he'd love again, blah blah, but then he found me. :/ I do like him, but I want to be free. I hate staying inside all day on the computer to talk to him, I want my life back. I know if I tell him this that he'll have some solution, like: you can go with your friends, or spend less time with me!
Basically, I don't want to be sucked in again. I want to break up with him, not lead him on with false hopes. Can you PLEASE tell me how to go about this? I've been struggling with it for about a month. I want to end it, cut all contact. But, what do I do when he starts crying? I'm not a heartless person, I don't know if I can just hang up on him. Ahh, please help!!! (link)
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First, you need to understand his perspective.
He "loves you". This is complete bullshit. I'm not saying he isn't fully convinced that he loves you, but he in fact does not. You hit it right on the head at the start of the question.
Obsession.
Understand that this guy has probably never had any real serious relationship. It takes someone like that to convince themselves that they're in love with a person they've never met in real life. Yeah, he probably is fragile. That isn't your fault, and its not your cross to bear from across the Atlantic.
Its going to take a little heartlessness now to avoid this getting any worse, because the bottom line is that you've already reached the conclusion that this relationship isn't going anywhere and you wouldn't want it to if it was. In the long run, ending it now is a hell of alot nicer than enabling his obsession.
Be honest with him. Set out a block of a few hours for you to talk it over with him. Be prepared to not waver in the slightest the entire time, because he will seize upon any hesitation he senses in you and will pretend there's hesitation if he can't detect any. Understand that he is delusional and will approach the situation from a "I'll say I'll do anything to not be single"
That means, your break up needs to be because you don't want to date him anymore, not because of distance or any other reason. You need to tell him that you don't want a relationship right now, and that you would not continue dating (not you don't want to, you _will_not_) if you did. If he brings up showing up, tell him that you do not want him to come.
Its absolutely essential that you put up the "I don't want to be with you" message and do not back down from it. You don't have to be cruel, but you do need to be honest. He'll probably hate you for it, but he's in the UK.
If he ever shows up at your door, tell him to leave and that if he doesn't you'll call the cops. Coming to another country to stalk you is a level of dangerous obsession you do not want to invite into your life, so once you break it off if he ever shows up do not open your door to him.
After the conversation, block his e-mail and change your phone number. And hopefully you haven't sent him any racy pictures, because they're almost certainly going to end up on the internet.
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im not sure how long i should wait until i like, go to third base [as in blowjob] with this guy. like ive never done it, and hes gotten head before. im nervous, but i know im always gonna be nervous no matter when i decide to. i just dont know peoples opinions on it. like, is it the same thing as sex where you have to be in love? is it trashy if your dating? how long after you start dating is it socially acceptable. im a sophmore, and hes a junior. at this age, i know he expects it, and the pressures on. so i just want honest opinions. not like "ohhh do it when your ready!" cause i know ill never be completely ready. ok well thanks :D (link)
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I'm a guy in his mid 20s for reference. My opinion? You shouldn't be deciding whether or not you want to give a blowjob based on its social acceptability factor.
You ask if its trashy. Trashy is a matter of opinion, but generally "Trashy" people fall into one of two categories.
- Those who have no standards
- Those who's standards mean nothing
You're standing here trying to decide whether or not to do something and thinking about "ready", and ready is some great undefined state that people throw around all the time.
Let me give you some specifics. Sex and intimacy are deeply tied to some strong emotions in human beings. It involves both trust and vulnerability.
What are you worried about? Likely the same things most girls are. "Will I do it right?" "What will he think of me when its over?" etc etc. Knowing as you said that you might not ever feel completely ready, you should probably start depending on other standards.
How about "Do I trust this guy to care me beyond just getting laid and know him well enough to know that's not the case?" Or "If I fuck something up, it won't matter, because we care about each other and being together physically isn't solely about getting off?"
Age doesn't matter. Status doesn't matter. The point of relationships is to stand on equal ground together, not to find someone of appropriate social standing and attractiveness to splice sex organs with. When in doubt, approach sex from a relationship standpoint.
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