I am an advice hound. I love to give advice, get advice, read advice columns. I love telling people what to do ; D
Truly, I have a love for people and an honest desire to see every individual excel and succeed in their personal lives, to shed themselves of as many burdens as possible and enjoy this strange and terrible and wonderful gift that is LIFE
Location: Los Angeles
Occupation: advice guru and life coach
Member Since: June 9, 2009
Answers: 900
Last Update: February 5, 2012
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My boyfriend (24m) is having some problems with depression. He's on medication for it, but medication alone isn't a solution. I urged him to seek out counseling, and he actually listened to me.
He had one session and told me that he was incredibly frustrated and angry and didn't want to do it anymore. I convinced him to try again.
I've tried to explain to him that counseling helps because it allows the individual (or couple, or family) to speak with an outside, objective person, someone who isn't involved in the situation. The objectivity helps because the therapist's opinions and suggestions are unbiased and (usually) knowledgeable, and focus on finding the best solution to help the individual with the problem at hand. The purpose of talking is to address the turmoil going on so that the individual can understand it, and then move on from it, instead of suppressing it and allowing it to fester and cause further psychological distress and/or physical problems.
I have to point out that I'm not a professional therapist. I'm not even a psychology major (I'm doing a post-bacc degree), but I have a solid understanding of the concept, and he knows this. He's very resistant, and I feel like everything I say makes it worse, and makes him want to go even less.
I know I can't control him, nor do I want to, but I really really want him to go at least a couple of times.
What can I say to help persuade him to open up to his psychologist and give talk therapy a real shot? (link)
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Your boyfriend was angry and frustrated after his first session because therapy tends to dig up a lot of suppressed feelings. Its uncomfortable, and he was reacting to that. Try to keep encouraging him to return, no matter how uncomfortable it is. The longer he goes, the easier it will get, but he can't expect to just open up everything he's been pushing down for so long after just an hour of therapy. If he really wants to get better, he needs to look at therapy like working out. You wouldn't expect to get a "six-pack" by doing crunches for just one day. Same with therapy. It takes a while. Keep encouraging him, but don't push him. You may be coming off as a "know it all", and that doesn't help. Just be there, encourage, support and remember that he is the only one who can get help for himself. You can't MAKE him do anything. He has to want it for himself.
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For people who are marrieed/engaged...
Did you know right away that the one you were going to marry was THE ONE or did it take time? I am 20 years old and have been dating a guy for about a year and a half and originally felt like he was the one, but now i question it. He does everything for me and cares so deeply for me and is hardpressed on marrying me. I used to feel this way too but now it seems those feelings have sizzled off a little bit. It would kill me to end it with him because I still feel strongly for him, but i find myself getting irritated with him so easily lately and im not sure if its just because im stressed with work and school or if im just bored with him. So did you know that your husband/wife/fiancee was the one right away or did it come with time? How did you know this?? Also, how do you bring that spark back when the feelings start to fade?
I cant see myself with anybody else but him, but I feel like I should have more of a desire to want to be with him than I do at this point in time... Any advice at all would be helpful.
Thank you (link)
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I knew my husband was the one when I looked at him one day and realized there was nothing else I wanted to do in my without him by me side. You are only 20 years old. You are still young and still finding your way in the world. What you are feeling may be a response to your natural desire to explore the world and find out who you are before you settle down. Listen to your instincts. If you aren't sure about this man, be honest, be fair to him and yourself. Take a break. It doesn't have to be forever, but maybe some space will bring things into sharper focus for you. You know, when you are too close to something you are trying to see everything just looks blurry. Its not until you pull back (like the zoom on your camera) that you can see the whole picture.
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My boyfriend and I broke up last week due to another girl who claimed to like him and gave him the impression that if he were to dump me, she would get with him. Turns out, she was never even remotely interested to begin with and I ended up dumped. We went to the movies two days after the break up and he hit on her while she was sitting right next to me. I didn't mind because we decided to remain friends. That same day, she told him she wasn't interested and just wanted to break us up for some strange reason. (idc about her reasons) The next day, he tells me he wants to get back together. Although I'm still crazy about him I couldn't help but think, "What the hell? He can't be serious." It would be pathetic for me to get back with him after what he did to me. I thought his apology was complete bullshit. (mainly because deep down I felt hurt that he did that to me) But turns out, he actually really is sorry. I learned that that same night, he had called his best friend crying saying that he couldn't believe he got tricked by the girl and that he couldn't believe that he had done that to me and treated me so badly. "I can't believe I did that to her." he cried. So yes, he is very sorry and has been feeling like sh*t for days. He wants me to give him another chance. I'm still crazy about him but because I have some self respect and am hurt as hell I can't bring myself to get back together with him. I know he's sorry and am unsure as to whether I'm making the right choice to "drop him like he dropped me." (his bf's advice) I still really like him so my judgement's slightly impared at the moment. Please help me, I'm confused and have no idea what to do....well I have an idea but I need some advice. thanks. (link)
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This is your first lesson in "love". It can be painful, we all have to go through them. Consider this - he may be sorry now, but the point isn't that this girl "tricked" him into dumping you for him. The point is, all it took for him to dump you was one girl expressing interest in him. The girl is really beside the point. Your boyfriend (ex) is the problem in this situation. Another girl says she likes him and will go out with him if he dumps his current girlfriend. He dumps girlfriend, girl changes her mind. He wants girlfriend back. Do these sound like the actions of a young man who really cares for his girlfriend? What would you tell your best friend to do if it happened to he? It may be tough, but doing the right thing is rarely easy. Leave this guy behind and try to take the lessons you learned in this relationship (the good ones and the bad) and hold them close to your heart. They'll help you as you grow and mature and look toward healthy, exciting and fulfilling relationships in your future.
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Last week, I was rejected from the arts program of one of my choice schools (due to a lower academic average but they put me on hold and waited till now to tell me) that I really wanted to go to (I'm transferring from community college). The website told me that I could appeal any decisions by directly contacting the person who sent me the letter. And then send a letter to enrollment services and after that, I could even appeal it to the senate.
So I'm going to e-mail them and hope they'll change their minds. My problem is that my early grades were crap because I was going through a lot of problems psychologically and socially. In the past year, I have been really trying hard and my GPA went up from 2.78 to 3.22 in the past semester but dropped again because I took 5 difficult courses in my last semester to deal with admission requirements (stats, sciences etc). So I have two questions...
1. How should I phrase this so that they will understand where I'm coming from and reconsider me? What could I add to make it sound better? I'm very active in my community, I volunteer and have worked for many non-profit orgs. In high school, I received a scholarship for high scores on the SAT. Should I add that in the initial e-mail? What should I put in?
2. If I send them this letter and they don't change their minds, could this hurt my chances of applying to grad school there?
Thank you so much for your help,
(link)
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This is a hard situation. A letter explaining all the things you mentioned here could sound like a list of excuses (even if that's not how you intended it). College appeals are usually meant for people who feel they've been discriminated against or treated unfairly in some way. Generally, there is an "appeals commission" made up of professors and administrators. They hear stories like yours every day. Lives are complicated and sometimes bad things happen. But that's just the way it is. Sometimes we have to pay the price for life's circumstances and the choices we make during those circumstances. I don't mean to sound harsh, but taking difficult courses for your requirements doesn't sound like a legitimate reason for the appeals board to reverse the rejection. After all, if you can't handle the requirement courses for admission, how could you handle the courses once you were enrolled? If you feel strongly about it, go ahead and appeal, but be wary about your letter sounding like a list of excuses. We can't always have what we want in this life. Maybe this is a sign that there is a better program out there for you, at another school. You're so wrapped up in this dream you've been working toward that you may be missing out on a really great experience at a different institution. As for grad admissions, a rejection for undergrad should not affect that. Grad and undergrad programs are generally run as to separate entities. Find a place you like, where you can excel and thrive, work hard (like it sounds you've already been doing) and go ahead and apply to the grad program there. Good luck to you. Whatever happens, keep moving toward your ultimate goal, even if it means changing the road map here and there.
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man it feels like I have a new problem every day.
I've been spending alot of my time with this guy jason, and im crazy about him. Before him I was totally in love with this guy josh and honestly I still love him dearly but we aren't good for eachother and I accept that. But Jason he doesn't want me to talk to josh, hang out with him or anything. He expects me to leave behind one of the most important people in my life(someone i've known for over six years) for him (someone i've known for less than a year). I cant do it and I wont. He says that he knows about me and josh's past and that he thinks I would leave him for josh, we argue about this guy every day and im sick of it. Josh has even tried being his freind so that we can all get along and when I hang out with josh he can come and feel comfortable, but all jason wanted to do was start problems with josh. I really like jason and want things between us to work out but I will never cut josh out of my life for anyone, he's been there for me through everything and not only was he my first love but my best freind. so what do I do with jason>? What can I say to make him feel better about this situation>? (link)
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Jason obviously senses your feelings for Josh. You say you can't be with Josh, but love him dearly. Would you want to be with a guy who said he likes you but also loves his ex-girlfriend "dearly"? By staying close to the ex you still have feelings for, you're telling your current man that you'll never be able to completely commit to him. I see nothing wrong with the way you feel for your ex, but if you can't commit to Jason the way he wants to commit to you, then you're just leading him on. Looks like you're going to have to make a choice on this one - best friend/first love, or boyfriend? It may be difficult, and seem unfair, but remember that there are other feelings and hearts at stake here besides your own.
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This is a really long story so I'll try to keep it short. Basically this girl was my best friend since I've been 4. Even though I moved away, we kept in touch and by the time I was 18 we started having real feelings for each other. So much so that she planned to come to my same college. But she ended up finding a guy who followed her down to my college town. Basically it broke my heart. Here's where it gets complicated, we kept in touch again for the past 5 years that she's been with this guy. So I'm hanging out with her and she tells me that her bf of 5 years cheated on her, and had a kid because of it. They were buying a house together, and he didn't tell her until the last second so she wouldn't have a chance to leave him. Also, I learned this was the second time he had cheated on her. Anyway, she's bound and determined to stick with this loser even though everybody around her is telling her not to. I obviously love her, she's been my best friend for 20 years, but the night I found out really cemented that in my mind. Because of this, I don't feel like I can interject my opinion on the issue because it's going to look like I'm trying to get with her again. I'm not saying that isn't in the back of my mind, it just wouldn't be ideal right now. I seriously think she's making the biggest mistake of her life, although she doesn't have much of a choice with them buying a house together. Does this seem like a mistake to other people too? Should I confront her about it? The other thing is I tolerated the guy because I knew that he'd have to be apart of my life if I was still friends with her, but I can't even respect him anymore. So I don't even know if I can go visit her anymore and hang around him. Also, should I tell her that I still have "those kind" of feelings for her? I know she feels the same because she says she loves me all the time, it's just not romantically or whatever. I'm just confused. (link)
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No doubt about it. You're friend is making a huge mistake. Unfortunately, its hers to make. As much as you want to butt in (because you care), you've made the right choice thus far by keeping your harsher opinions to yourself. Since she is your best friend, you realize that you'll have to live with whoever she lives with, and any tension between you and that other person means tension between you and her. She's obviously aware of her mistakes, as she did confide in you. But if she really wanted to be free of this man, she'd do it. As much as it pains you, if you really care for this woman, you need to stand back and let her make her own mistakes. If she asks your opinion, fine, be honest and tell her what you think of the situation, but then leave it at that. Don't beat it into the ground and don't keep bringing it up. It could drive her away, and at this stage in her life it sounds as if she's going to need a good friend to help her through. You can support her decisions without approving of them - it means being a good listener and giving honest (gentle) responses. As for your romantic feelings, I don't suggest revealing those to her as long as she's in a relationship. She sounds like she's already having a difficult time. Dealing with the romantic feelings of someone she's considered a "friend" for 20 years will only complicate things. I don't think that would be helping right now. Besides, what would you hope to accomplish by doing that? You hope to hear from her that she feels the same? Then why is she giving her life to such a loser? You hope she says she's always felt the same and dumps the guy to be with you? Then you're stuck with a girl who hasn't even the confidence or self-esteem to live without a man. Hopping out of one relationship immediately and directly into another is not the sign of someone who is stable or dependable. As much as you love her, as hard as it is, the best (and most caring) thing to do is step back, be there to listen and support her, and keep your opinions to yourself unless asked. Hopefully she'll come around soon and realize what a waste of her energy this guy is and see what a catch she has in you. Until then (or if she never does) you need to work on developing relationships with other women who can appreciate a caring loyal guy like yourself.
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16/f
so im really worried because i know hes serious and i cant lose the only guy ive ever loved. weve been dating for a year. he hates living with his dad becuase his dad has beat him since he was little and its given him horrible depression and he hears voices that tell him to kill himself and he's stopped eating and lost a bunch of weight and his grades have dropped and he's started smoking pot everyday to get away from it all and i can tell he is so sad inside. he acts like the class clown and plays sports so you would never know that something was wrong but around me he doesnt try to put on a show and thats when i can tell that something is really wrong. at the begining of summer his mom told him he could move to texas with her. he was really happy because he loves his mom and only gets to see her once a year. then she told him he couldnt live with her. he started saying that no one wants him and that his own mom lied to him and he was just so upset. he knows i love him and he said the only thing keeping him going is me and my problems. he called me the other night saying he had overdosed on pills and he was being ridiculous saying he wanted to test his bodys limits like stevo and he was bein really rude to me saying stop freakin out mom im fine drama queen. but i stayed on the phone anyway because i knew he was just upset. but last night he said he was getting out of here and i said well ok but dont kill yourself and he said its a possibility. and i know that he will go through with it because he's put bags over his head beofre and overdosed and other stuff. he told me he had a dream that he jumped off a building and felt complete peace then bam end of dream. i think hes really serious and is ready to die and im so scared. he doesnt listen to me and i need to get through to him. please help me its making me want to kill myself too (link)
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Call this number right away - 1-800-273-TALK (8255)- or visit www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
You'll be able to talk to people with experience in these situations. They can give you advice or guide you to places that may be able to help. Your boyfriend is in a lot of pain. He needs professional help. The fact that he is telling you his thoughts of suicide is his way of reaching out for help. You are not equipped to deal with this alone. Call the number. Get help for yourself and for him, its the best gift you can give someone you love.
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me and my ex boyfriend have been dealing for 4 weeks now. we've had sex held hands made out kissed everything a couple does.. and yesturday i asked soo.. do you want to get back together and he said no. and im like why? he's like i just dont want to. so he was just leading me on for fun and games? i dont want to keep doing the things we do if we're not together.. because while we were dealing he told me how much he loved me and then sum random girl asked him if he had anyone special in his life and he said no.. which crushed me because i tell everyone im taken maybe not officially but we're getting there so therfore i just say im taken.. was he just playing me? should i just forget about him? allt he sighns we're there that he wanted to get back together he even said he wanted to ask me out again but remeber the word was "WANTED" .. i dont know what to do (link)
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Yes, he's playing you. Some guys will do anything to get a girl to sleep with them. Turn around and walk away now while you still have a little of your sanity and self respect left, even if its difficult. You're body is one of the greatest gifts you can give someone. To give it away for free with no commitment and no promises is a waste of something real special, and it is NEVER a way to attract a good guy. Don't bother with this guy anymore. Respect yourself and others will too.
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tomorrow i'm leaving for a sports nationals and its going to be 6 days long. today i found out that i just got my period. on top of that... i'm feeling sick. I feel like i need to throw up, i have diahrrea, a little sore throat.
my mom is away on business and will be back tonight. my dad is working and i called him and told him i felt sick, but he got angry and said i should take medicine and rest. he refused to accept that i was sick right before nationals. i tried to tell him that i felt like i needed to throw up and he's just like- its just nerves.
so problem #1- i feel sick and really dont want to leave for nationals. what should i do?
problem #2- we are going to the beach one of the days, and i have my period, and i cant wear tampons. my mom wont let me, and i've tried a bunch of times but it never works out right. so what am i supposed to do? i was thinking i could just tell the coaches that i feel sick and that i dont want to go to the beach. but idk if thats a good idea?
thank you!!
and please answer ASAP. (link)
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Sounds like nerves about the competition AND dealing with your period. Try to think about the fun things about traveling for competitions and try to remind yourself that this is for YOU and no one else, not Mom or Dad or any friends. How well you do, how much fun you have, what you get out of it, its all about YOU. Don't let the pressure of performing for others get the best of you. Do it for yourself. As for the period thing, I know how that feels. Do you have a few bucks? Have some time b/f Mom gets home? Run out and get some "slender regular" plastic application tampons. I learned to put the tampons in by looking at the directions. It often helps to raise your leg and rest if against something, like the wall, tub, or toilet. The plastic applicators are better for first timers because they are smoother. You've got all day to practice. But try to relax, don't get crazy about it, b/c you can actually cause your vaginal muscles to tighten up if you are too stressed. You can do it, and once you do it right its like riding a bike. You'll barely have to think about it. Once you get it you'll love the freedom of wearing a tampon. If it doesn't work out b/f you go, on beach day you may have to pull a coach aside (do you have a female coach) and be honest. Or, a coach's wife... or female chaperone. It will help to have just one adult be able to make explanations for you, so you don't have to go through the embarrassment. Good LUck! I hope you do well, but do your best, the rest is gravy
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16/f
im not really sure what to do..
this guy who is a senior who ive only seen once, havent even said a word to him, friend requested me. i accepted and then he inboxed me and we started texting and talking everyday. he wants to hang out with me and do almost everything with me..i feel like im just a piece of ass and why is he going for me? he's never even spoken to me face to face. my friends say its because im really pretty. but still what if when he meets me he doesnt like my personality in person. we might hang out tomorrow night, he wants to pick me up in his car and take me back to his house where no one is gonna be home. i mean i know whats gonna happen because we talk about it, and he isnt a bad kid or anything..but my friend did ask around and heard from some people that hes a scumbag. i also asked my one friend who used to talk to him and she told me theyre not a good group to get into..i wanna hang out with him and see how he is i feel like it will be fun but just some things he's been asking from me and i said i'd do them..i feel like im being stupid because i barely know him. i know he wont hurt me though i mean im pretty sure he wont..he calls me cutie and cutiepie alll the time so that should be a good sign..i dont know. im still gonna hang out with him but..should i be scared or nervous? (link)
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I'm a big believer in "women's intuition". Yours is telling you to be wary of this guy and his intentions toward you. LISTEN to it! Just because he calls you cute things doesn't mean he's a good guy. It means he knows what to say to get your guard down and agree to do things with him that you KNOW aren't safe for you or your mental well being. Back away from this one and concentrate on finding someone who's actually good for you and doesn't have any scary reputations. Be smart. Smart girls attract good men. Its a fact.
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Please help me! I'm a 13-year-old girl in eighth grade and I have moved 2 times. I've been attending my new school for 9 months and I have only one friend. It's not that I'm not nice or that I don't want friends - I just can't seem to make them. When I meet a nice person and I talk to them, I can't think of anything to say and we just don't become friends. Everyone at school ignores and neglects me and I sit in a corner and don't talk to anyone. Do I have ADD? Help! I'm kind of...hopelessly miserable! (link)
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No, you don't have ADD. You're shy! Lots of teens have that problem. The best way to develop friendships is to join a club or activity. That way, you meet people with similar interests and soon the you'll start to make friends naturally, without really having to try because you'll be around people you have things in common with. So think of things you like to do (acting, music, math, reading, whatever it is) and then find a school club or even something in your community to join. Then just try to have fun and don't try too hard to make people your friends. That will happen on its own. People are attracted to people who seem happy and seem like they are enjoying life. You'll be fine. You're not weird, I promise you. You're just trying to find a way to fit in somewhere and you're not sure how to do it. Totally normal! Start finding some things you like to do and then do them. The rest will come naturally!
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Hey i see you've had some problems with drugs . i am 15 year old female .can you try helping me out .. This summer i was completely drug free . I satrted hangin with the wrong people to early . I started cutting school ALOT i failed everythign my parents still don't know =/ . Then i started smoking cigarets ,then weed . When that phase was over i started doing ecstasy and now i sniff coke . I am really skinny by nature and drugs are making it worse , the thing is im not sure i want to quit as weird as it sounds . I want to do good in school and family but i just don't want to quit cocaine its something ido for my self , to relax kind off . what do you think ? how should i start of fixing this whole situation ? (link)
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First, you need to ask yourself why you need drugs to "relax". What's going on in your life that makes you think you need to escape with the use of mind-altering drugs? Is home kind of crazy right now? Do drugs give you a confidence you feel you don't normally have? If you feel you can, talk to the school counsellor. Its private and they can refer you to places and people that you can talk to. Or check out this website for teens who are in your situation.
www.checkyourself.org
You said it yourself, you're hanging out with the wrong people. You know you shouldn't be around people who encourage you to do the wrong things, but its hard to just "drop" your friends. Find something to get involved in. It may sound lame, but church youth groups are always a great place to start b/c you can meet other kids your age who are struggling just like you are, but who are interested in more positive activities. Also, try getting involved in things at school. Like acting or art? Join the drama club or try out for the play. Music? Try band or some other music club. My point is, you need to find other interests outside of the drugs. You need figure out exactly what the drugs and "friends" do for you, and replace that with positive people and activity. Remember, you ARE who you hang with. The more positive and active people you surround yourself with, the easier it will become to leave all the bad stuff behind. If you have an adult you can trust (pastor, teacher, religious leader of some kind) go talk to them. They might be able to point you to some good places to hang out and get involved in. You're reaching out for help, and that's a great sign. You can get back on the right track, but please don't try to do it alone. We all need support and good friends to make it in this life. Anything worth doing is difficult. This will be hard at first, but I've found that if you start taking the little steps in the right direction, you'll usually end up finding people who can help you the rest of the way. You can do this.
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Hello,
I'm 19 & I've been talking to a guy I like who is 22 since September of 2008. In November of 2008 I slept with him once, which was very stupid of me. I really like this guy but all we do is text & he ALWAYS initiates the texting. We've hung out that one time in November & again in May of this year. He never brought up spending time with me so I finally mentioned it in March of this year & again in April & he responded with “Ya sure sometime when I’m not busy w/work.” (he works a lot) Finally last month he asked me out to dinner & a movie. We had a good time, laughed, & he flirted a bit, it was very innocent so it was really nice & we didn't do anything except hug when he dropped me off. I felt like this would be starting fresh so he can see that I'm not some sluty girl who sleeps around. It's been almost a month since we spent time & he hasn't brought up doing something like that again. The thing is that he texts me daily & will do so for hours. I do wonder if he felt obligated to spend time with me & got it over with so that I wouldn't ask him again. It seemed like he enjoyed his time with me though. If I take a while to respond when he texts he will text something like "Fine don't text back!" in a joking manner. I'm confused because I don’t know if he likes me or just enjoys the attention that I give him. This has stressed me out so much & I overanalyze it every day. I did tell him that I like him in December 2008 & he said he wasn't interested in a relationship because he got out of a 2 year relationship a few months before & his ex treated him badly. I dropped it & left him alone but he continued to communicate with me. It's not that I expect him to date me right now, but getting to know eachother in person doesn't seem like a lot to ask. I don’t ask him if he likes me or why we don’t spend more time together because I don’t want to scare him off or pressure him. I'd also like to mention that he's never even insinuated sleeping together so I don't believe that he's interested in just sex from me at this point. He's a respectful, good guy. I’m exhausted with this situation now & I would appreciate some help =( (link)
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It looks like you already have your answer. You told him that you like him and he responded that he wasn't interested in a relationship. He told you straight out. End of story. I suspect that after your date ended in a hug he realized he wasn't going to "score" again and that's why he hasn't asked you out since. As for the constant texting, maybe he's into head games, or maybe he just wants to stay on your radar in case you change your mind about the "slutty girl" thing. In any case, drop this guy. Stop responding to his texts. He'll get the message eventually. And let this be a lesson learned. A one night stand is no way to attract a man you like. Mostly, it achieves just the opposite. You should be in a loving, committed relationship before you give the greatest gift a woman can offer a man, herself. That way you can be sure the man is attracted to YOU, and not just interested in sex, and you can pursue a healthy, exciting and fulfilling relationship.
You're the one in control here, you just don't realize it. By responding to his texts, you encourage his rude and confusing behavior. Let it go, there's someone better for you out there, and you may be missing him by spending so much energy on this flake.
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yes , me and my boyfriend argue when we go over there. and my boyfriend sister is only 13. thats why his dad says its a bad influence (link)
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Well, I can understand that his father doesn't want to see his daughter witness that. And no parent wants to watch their child arguing with anyone. It sounds like he was very rude to you, and that's not right for any adult. He should have approached you privately and told you how he felt. However, my real concern is the fact that you and you b/f argue enough for him to even say something like that. Maybe this isn't a healthy relationship. People who care for each other don't hurt each other. Not on a regular basis. Perhaps you guys need a little space from each other. If you can't bring yourself to make that happen, then honor his Dad's request and keep your arguments away from his house. If you really want to earn brownie points with Dad, apologize to him for causing a scene and let him know you don't mean to any harm to his daughter. That's probably what I would have done, even if it meant swallowing a little pride.
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sorry,am the girl that asked you the question about my boyfriend ignoring me :(
but i have another question here it goes ..
today after school i went to his house and his dad was outside and he said "go go go" i looked at his dad and he was saying to us "you guys are going to be making a show outside evryday noo this aint like this" he told him to tell me to go home.then he started saying that my ex sister was in there and that was bad influence.
i left and didnt even looked at my boyfriend father face. what would you have done if it was you in this position?
(link)
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Well, I'm missing some things here. Do you and your boyfriend argue when you go over there? Who is your "ex sister"? and why would he say that about her?
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i did and he wast just saying to give him time.
today after school i went to his house and his dad was outside and he said "go go go" i looked at his dad and he was saying to us "you guys are going to be making a show outside evryday noo this aint like this" he told him to tell me to go home.then he started saying that my ex sister was in there and that was bad influence.
i left and didnt even looked at my boyfriend father face. what would you have done if it was you in this position? (link)
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I'm sorry. Did you mean to ask me this question, or someone else? I can't recall which question this was in regard to. Can you remind me?
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Okay...21f, he's 23m. I'm just looking for some insight, here.
I just graduated college. My studies led me to realize that my real career lies in counseling. So, I'm planning to go back to my school and do a post-bacc in psychology and sociology, then do a counseling M.A.
My boyfriend has recently decided that he wants to do the same. Except he can postpone his graduation and do a minor...and his parents will pay for it, provided there's an "-ology" at the end of his degree, and he actually will be able to say he has a minor in psychology. I won't.
My parents can't help me pay for my classes, and I can't get a job that will, either, yet...but I'm working on it.
So here's the problem:
I'm jealous of my boyfriend. I should be HAPPY that he's showing interest in something I love, that we're going to be able to study for the same classes at the same time (if I can find a way to pay for them by Fall semester, and can get in). I should be excited that we found something so big in common, and maybe even learn to understand each other better by doing this. I don't understand why I'm upset that he's following my lead.
The only problem I see coming from this is that he and I are both ridiculously competitive, and I'm better at psychology than he is. He's taken more lecture classes than I have and he tends to do better on tests than I do, but I have more of a passion for it. I foresee him maybe being a little intimidated. But I'm also a better singer than he is and he has no problem admitting that - he even asked me for coaching.
My dad, when I asked him (he's a psychiatrist), said maybe I'm feeling upset because psychology was kind of my "thing", my identity, and maybe I feel like he's infringing on it...but I'm not so sure if that's the case. My guy IS part of my identity, and I love sharing everything with him. We took an English class together before - he got a 4.0, I got a 3.9 because I had some medical problems - and it was fun. We studied together, we laughed about class, I memorized Dante's Inferno just so I could get a better exam grade than he did...it was great.
I don't know why I'm so upset about this. I'm normally very logically-minded, and I can't figure this out because it's all unfounded emotion, not logic. I'm hoping an objective third party will be able to.
Anyone? (link)
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I think your Dad is right about this one. The fact that you know this "minor-envy" is ridiculous means you are at least objective about the situation, and that's good. Remember, this is not a zero-sum game. Just because your boyfriend has "more" of something in his life doesn't mean you get "less" of the same thing. There's room for both of you to achieve and succeed. If he's just doing this to compete with you, he'll eventually lose interest. Just keep striving and achieving and remember that when he reaches a goal, its a good thing for the BOTH of you.
As far as his financial situation/parents paying for everything, that has nothing to do with you and is none of your business. Remind yourself of that when you start feeling a little envious. If he had to pay for everything himself would that change anything about your own financial situation? Probably not, so just try to put all that aside because it has no impact on your life or what you are trying to do. And don't be afraid to laugh at yourself. You sound very self-aware, and that's a great step in the right direction. Good luck, and try to find the fun in all the different situations the two of you encounter along the way!
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I'm 19 & I've been talking to a guy I like who is 22 since September of 2008. In November of 2008 I slept with him once, which was very stupid of me. I really like this guy but all we do is text & he ALWAYS initiates the texting. We've hung out that one time in November & again in May of this year. He never brought up spending time with me so I finally mentioned it in March of this year & again in April & responded with “Ya for sure sometime when I’m not busy w/work.” (he works a lot) Finally last month he asked me out to dinner & a movie. We had a good time, laughed, & he flirted a bit so it was really nice & we didn't do anything except hug when he dropped me off. I felt like this would be starting fresh so he can see that I'm not a sluty girl who sleeps around. It's been almost a month since we spent time & he hasn't brought up doing something like that again. The thing is that he texts me daily & will do so for hours. I do wonder if he felt obligated to spend time with me & got it over with so that I wouldn't ask him again. It seemed like he enjoyed his time with me though. If I take a while to respond when he texts he will text something like "Fine don't text back! lol" like he's being playful. I'm confused because I don’t know if he likes me or just enjoys the attention that I give him. This has stressed me out so much & I overanalyze it every day. I have no idea why I feel the need to hang on instead of dropping him. I did tell him that I like him in December 2008 & he said he wasn't interested in a relationship because he got out of a 2 year relationship a few months before & his ex treated him badly. I don’t ask him if he likes me or why we don’t spend more time together because I don’t want to scare him off or pressure him. I’m exhausted with this situation now & I just would like some help =( (link)
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It looks like you already have your answer. You told him that you like him and he responded that he wasn't interested in a relationship. He told you straight out. End of story. I suspect that after your date ended in a hug he realized he wasn't going to "score" again and that's why he hasn't asked you out since. As for the constant texting, maybe he's into head games, or maybe he just wants to stay on your radar in case you change your mind about the "slutty girl" thing. In any case, drop this guy. Stop responding to his texts. He'll get the message eventually. And let this be a lesson learned. A one night stand is no way to attract a man you like. Mostly, it achieves just the opposite. You should be in a loving, committed relationship before you give the greatest gift a woman can offer a man, herself. That way you can be sure the man is attracted to YOU, and not just interested in sex, and you can pursue a healthy, exciting and fulfilling relationship.
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i live with my grandparents and they went to a city about twenty miles away from where we lived and they were supost to be there for quite a long time. well they took one truck and left our newest one at home, and my brother who is 17, and doesnt live with me, stopped by and we were hangin out and stuff and he had this brilliant idea to take their NEW chevy silverado out for a lil cruise, and so i said sure go ahead but i aint goin cause that truck was like my gpas pride n joy and he doesnt trust my brother with his possesions cause he has a bad history of "stealing, and wreckless driving" and i knoew if my brother got caught he would be in sum BIG trouble lol so i decided to stay..and he left for a bit and he came back, well he wanted me to go so i called my gma with an excuse to see hwo long she was gon be so she wouldnt come back while we were gone and she said she was still gon be gon for atleast and hour or so so we were safe to go, and my brother and his persuasion led me to go with him this time and of course he was speeding, doin donuts, squeeling tires, being the rebel that he is. then he brought me down to where we used to live when i was a baby and he was tellin me a story bout how we used to catch butterflies togther..etc. and so he was backin out of our old houses' drive and while he was talkin n not paying attention he backed into a streetlight/pole thing. and so my grandpas NEW truck had a HUGE dent from the inpact in the side and the bumper was broken. so we hauled ass home, and we were thinkin up excuses, lies, stories, and anything else to say, well we finally got a lie to say, which was we left for a bit adn when we came back we noticed the dent, so we called my gma, (lying) and todl her the fake story she was upset and my granpa was furious, well they told us to call the cops, and we didnt want to at all cause we were the ones who actually did it. but we did todl them the fake story too and they came and checked it out, well my gma came home looked at it and teh fake skid marks my bro made in teh mud with his shoes and were suspicious, well unfortunatley our story wasnt very successful, two of our neighbors told my gma they saw the truck leave...but they didnt see is in it, and there were many things in the truck wrong and misplaced that also was a dead giveaway. but any who, we are still denying it and denying it and playing dumbfounded and keeping our mouths closed but i want to know wut u think i should do alicia. so please get back to me i know its very long but i am in a bad situation and need desperate help, btw- my gparents woudl kill us if they foudn out that their "13 yr old angel" (haha yea right) was lying and stole their truck so please please please get back to me asap (link)
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This is a very important lesson that EVERYONE has to learn growing up: actions have consequences. You knew what the right thing to do was. You made a bad decision and now you have to face up to it. Its not easy! Of course not. And there will be consequences, but maybe if you come clean on your own your grandparents will show a LITTLE mercy. Of course they're going to be mad, but can you blame them. You lied, aided your brother in doing something you KNEW he wasn't allowed to do, then lied again. Each lie is going to have to cover up another lie until you'll be so confused about what lie is what that you'll end up giving yourself away. Do yourself (and your brother) a favor and tell the truth before you get caught. Let your grandparents know you know you made a bad choice and were scared to admit it, but you realize that mature young women tell the truth, even when its hard and it might mean trouble. You can do this. It will be tough at first, but over time it won't seem so bad, and eventually, you'll gain your grandparent's trust again.
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My best friend had an abortion almost 2 months ago now and it's really hitting her hard. She dreams about the lost baby all the time, and everywhere she goes it reminds her of what she lost and "the life she took." I'm scared she may do something drastic because she continues to talk about suicide. How can I help her get through this, learn her lesson, and move forward? I've suggested a therapist but she doesn't want to go to see anyone like that--she says she feels that she can't trust them.
Like I said, she's talking about suicide and I'm really worried about it. She's always crying and talking about how she "murdered" her baby. I've never had an abortion (never will) so it's hard for me to relate, I guess. I just need some help so I can help her...that's all. (link)
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Your friend is experiencing grief. It is very common after an abortion. Many women dream of their babies long after the procedure. A good friend of mine had an abortion 15 years ago and she STILL dreams about her baby. She even named him. It is a grief that has followed her for a long time. There are many online services available to your friend if she doesn't feel like seeking out a therapist. Here is one that lists multiple websites and organizations to check out. It may help your friend to be in contact with people who have gone through the same thing, so she knows she's not alone. www.coalitionforlife.com Also, check my column. I listed a couple more websites for a girl who was in a similar situation. You are a good friend to be so concerned. Stay close to your friend and be there for her to lean on if she needs you.
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