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How did you know he/she was The One?
For people who are marrieed/engaged...
Did you know right away that the one you were going to marry was THE ONE or did it take time? I am 20 years old and have been dating a guy for about a year and a half and originally felt like he was the one, but now i question it. He does everything for me and cares so deeply for me and is hardpressed on marrying me. I used to feel this way too but now it seems those feelings have sizzled off a little bit. It would kill me to end it with him because I still feel strongly for him, but i find myself getting irritated with him so easily lately and im not sure if its just because im stressed with work and school or if im just bored with him. So did you know that your husband/wife/fiancee was the one right away or did it come with time? How did you know this?? Also, how do you bring that spark back when the feelings start to fade?
I cant see myself with anybody else but him, but I feel like I should have more of a desire to want to be with him than I do at this point in time... Any advice at all would be helpful.
Thank you
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I never realized anything.
Pure choice. Theres no such thing as "the one" theres just a person that you choose to be with every day.
Four and a half years into the relationship, I can tell you point blank you won't love them every day. Case in point, I really have the urge to yell at my girlfriend at the moment, we're in the middle of an argument and she's more stubborn than I am.
Relationships, especially marriages, are constant unceasing, unending work. There is no magic person you will always be alright with, problems in a relationship are a result of the fact that no two people are clones of each other and differences must be overcome and adjusted to.
There will be good days and bad days. The good days are forged out of desire and will. You don't magically love someone forever, the two of you have to commit on a deeper level than love before you're willing to tie the knot.
I like the term partners, because thats exactly what it is. The person you choose to spend your life with is your ally against the world. The person who will be on your side if and when no one else is. The person you trust that far and the person who trusts you the same.
Love is not how you hold onto a person, love is how you enjoy them.
If you feel disconnected, connect. Make it a point to not let yourself get pissed off by small things for a few days and spend some time with him talking, having fun, etc. Go out on an official "date" every once in a while even now that you're together.
Which is, again, work. You have to put yourselves in situations that you can remember the passion. Don't be surprised if some of the feelings fade sometimes. Life stress can definitely get in the way, my girlfriend and I are both struggling through school and being poor as shit and worrying about school, rent, etc all at once can put a damper on us and our interactions. Its work to not be at each others throats.
But when we can spend a quiet night together recuperating from the rest of the world, its worth it.
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I knew my husband was the one when I looked at him one day and realized there was nothing else I wanted to do in my without him by me side. You are only 20 years old. You are still young and still finding your way in the world. What you are feeling may be a response to your natural desire to explore the world and find out who you are before you settle down. Listen to your instincts. If you aren't sure about this man, be honest, be fair to him and yourself. Take a break. It doesn't have to be forever, but maybe some space will bring things into sharper focus for you. You know, when you are too close to something you are trying to see everything just looks blurry. Its not until you pull back (like the zoom on your camera) that you can see the whole picture.
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I can definitely sympathize with your feelings. I'm 22 years old, and getting married next August. I've been engaged for 2 years now, with him for 3.
It is totally normal to feel what you're feeling. Have you heard of the "honeymoon phase"? It's when you're still crazy in love with each other, and nothing will ever tear you apart. You overlook any flaws they might have, and they overlook yours. You compromise without a second thought. Neither of you can do any wrong with the other.
Then, inevitably, it ends.
Not to say that you won't love someone for years and years, but you just can't keep that level of insanity up for long. Then comes the part of the relationship where you actually have to work at it!
You've probably started to notice all his annoying habits. He's noticing yours. You're likely starting to bicker over things you've never argued over before. He's not that god of romance anymore; he's a guy who clips his toenails on the couch while you're watching tv.
Sounds terrible, right? But it's not. This is when you two come to terms with each other, good bad and ugly. It's easy to love someone when they're perfect. Real love is when you can deal with their imperfections. If you can, at the end of the day, get over your annoyance and still love him, that is a good sign. I know it feels like your love is fading, but after a while of adjusting, your feelings will start to get deeper and stronger.
To keep things going strong, make sure that you don't get too comfortable. It's easy to let things slide. Try to make time to go out for a nice dinner once a month or so. Take dance lessons. Go for a picnic. It's okay to wear sweatpants every once in a while. Every day? Not so much. Keep looking nice, and get on his case if he isn't. My guy went through a phase where he wouldn't put on clothes unless he was going out. He'd wander around in boxers, unshaven, unless he was going to be seen by someone else. That is too comfortable.
Bottom line: don't worry. Just keep soldiering on, and every time he annoys you, think of something you love about him.
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