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Best friend had an abortion, but now she wants to die herself...help!
My best friend had an abortion almost 2 months ago now and it's really hitting her hard. She dreams about the lost baby all the time, and everywhere she goes it reminds her of what she lost and "the life she took." I'm scared she may do something drastic because she continues to talk about suicide. How can I help her get through this, learn her lesson, and move forward? I've suggested a therapist but she doesn't want to go to see anyone like that--she says she feels that she can't trust them.
Like I said, she's talking about suicide and I'm really worried about it. She's always crying and talking about how she "murdered" her baby. I've never had an abortion (never will) so it's hard for me to relate, I guess. I just need some help so I can help her...that's all.
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I went through the same thing I did this a frw years back because ex of mine was so mean that he was controling me but thiers ways to help going to counsiling and trying to move on not try to think of bad things and bring god in your life can help to. some times it not people falt we all are sinners we get a second chance on life abortion takes all every thing out of your life you think your worthless and you think you wish the baby was stil lher i use to cry but i wasnt my falt i was forced and told if i didnt i get killed or they take it way no one can tell you what to do it the girls body not the mans she need to get out thier get a hobbie get her nails down go back to school we all make mastakes just dont let it be another second time if a girl has a baby thier family that want babys they pay them to to live with them till they have the baby so no one will bother see you gota think what best for you and a baby moving on is the best go to college learn somthing new start dating dont rush your life wait tell your ready when you find a guy learn to get to no him take time 2 years mabe youll get married then you can say im pregant that when your happy and not sad so look in the mirror and say im good person and i need to move dont let people walk all over me i pretty i can do this think postative not compare your self to other be you
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a lot of people who choose an abortion will regret it after, which is common. *im glad you dont choose it, because i think it is murder.* but that doesnt mean she needs to commit suicide, because takin another life will just mean two lives lost. in your own words, tell her that. another life lost will NOT make up for one missin.
its a hard process gettin over an abortion. just like you, one of my really good friends had one, and after that she wasnt the same. all you can do is tell her that it was best for her, and when she gets older and has the chance to have a baby with someone she loves it will be different. tell her that no one thinks of her different because many people are pro-choice.
tell her that you think (and other people think) that her life is to valuable to take, and that she needs just to grief for a little while and then she needs to see the brighter sides of life. you can help her with that. if you live by lakes or oceans take her there. if you know great mountains to climb, or great places to see in you are, TAKE HER WHERE SHE CAN SEE THE BEAUTY IN LIFE.
tell her that just because she stopped somethin that wasnt right for her, that doesnt mean she has to take her own life. she will have other chances to have babies.
even tho i am verrrrry pro-life, suicide is not the answer. ive wanted to commit suicide and good friends convinced me not to. thats what you have to be; a reeeallly good friend.
good luck, and any other questions just come to me (especially involvin this)
x sweeethoney
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Your friend is experiencing grief. It is very common after an abortion. Many women dream of their babies long after the procedure. A good friend of mine had an abortion 15 years ago and she STILL dreams about her baby. She even named him. It is a grief that has followed her for a long time. There are many online services available to your friend if she doesn't feel like seeking out a therapist. Here is one that lists multiple websites and organizations to check out. It may help your friend to be in contact with people who have gone through the same thing, so she knows she's not alone. www.coalitionforlife.com Also, check my column. I listed a couple more websites for a girl who was in a similar situation. You are a good friend to be so concerned. Stay close to your friend and be there for her to lean on if she needs you.
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Its great your being a concerned friend. My friend told me she wanted to commit suicide and it scared me half to death, but I talked her out of it. First off, if you feel in anyway she might attempt it, you need to call her parents, the police, someone who can stop it.
Seeing a therapist is a great idea, but if she wont do it, maybe just talking to a trusting friend like you will help. Sit down and let her vent everything to you.
See if she'll consider talking to an expert online or on the phone, its anonymous.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
She needs to get all her emotions out, and then work on healing.
Suggest she keep a journal. She can talk about how she feels. She could also write a letter to the baby she lost, if she feels ready. It might be the only way she can apologize if she feels she needs to.
Forgiveness may be what shes looking for, and there is no one who can out right say 'you are forgiven'. Try taking her to a church confession. Even if she isn't religious, the only thing that can forgive her is God. Tell her forgiveness is possible, and that once she has hit rock bottom she can only go up.
If she is suicidal, beg her to get through this trying period. Tell her that taking her own life is the same as abortion, and name all the people who will miss her so much if she did that. She could give up on life, or work to suceed and over come this.
Thank you for being a great friend, we need more of them out there.
Best of luck to the both of you,
-Abby
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