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This is ridiculous...minor-envy??
Okay...21f, he's 23m. I'm just looking for some insight, here.
I just graduated college. My studies led me to realize that my real career lies in counseling. So, I'm planning to go back to my school and do a post-bacc in psychology and sociology, then do a counseling M.A.
My boyfriend has recently decided that he wants to do the same. Except he can postpone his graduation and do a minor...and his parents will pay for it, provided there's an "-ology" at the end of his degree, and he actually will be able to say he has a minor in psychology. I won't.
My parents can't help me pay for my classes, and I can't get a job that will, either, yet...but I'm working on it.
So here's the problem:
I'm jealous of my boyfriend. I should be HAPPY that he's showing interest in something I love, that we're going to be able to study for the same classes at the same time (if I can find a way to pay for them by Fall semester, and can get in). I should be excited that we found something so big in common, and maybe even learn to understand each other better by doing this. I don't understand why I'm upset that he's following my lead.
The only problem I see coming from this is that he and I are both ridiculously competitive, and I'm better at psychology than he is. He's taken more lecture classes than I have and he tends to do better on tests than I do, but I have more of a passion for it. I foresee him maybe being a little intimidated. But I'm also a better singer than he is and he has no problem admitting that - he even asked me for coaching.
My dad, when I asked him (he's a psychiatrist), said maybe I'm feeling upset because psychology was kind of my "thing", my identity, and maybe I feel like he's infringing on it...but I'm not so sure if that's the case. My guy IS part of my identity, and I love sharing everything with him. We took an English class together before - he got a 4.0, I got a 3.9 because I had some medical problems - and it was fun. We studied together, we laughed about class, I memorized Dante's Inferno just so I could get a better exam grade than he did...it was great.
I don't know why I'm so upset about this. I'm normally very logically-minded, and I can't figure this out because it's all unfounded emotion, not logic. I'm hoping an objective third party will be able to.
Anyone?
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I think your Dad is right about this one. The fact that you know this "minor-envy" is ridiculous means you are at least objective about the situation, and that's good. Remember, this is not a zero-sum game. Just because your boyfriend has "more" of something in his life doesn't mean you get "less" of the same thing. There's room for both of you to achieve and succeed. If he's just doing this to compete with you, he'll eventually lose interest. Just keep striving and achieving and remember that when he reaches a goal, its a good thing for the BOTH of you.
As far as his financial situation/parents paying for everything, that has nothing to do with you and is none of your business. Remind yourself of that when you start feeling a little envious. If he had to pay for everything himself would that change anything about your own financial situation? Probably not, so just try to put all that aside because it has no impact on your life or what you are trying to do. And don't be afraid to laugh at yourself. You sound very self-aware, and that's a great step in the right direction. Good luck, and try to find the fun in all the different situations the two of you encounter along the way!
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My boyfriend and I are competitive to the EXTREME too. But we both know this and laugh about it. I always win ;) We've been together since the 7th grade and we're both going into our senior year of high school. I too want to become a Psychologist where as he wants to be a math teacher. I must admit, if I was in the situation you were in and he decided to switch over to my passion, I would feel a little insecure about it, too. I take that back. Extremely insecure about it AND guilty that I feel that way.
Basically, your dad is right. But I think its more like this, in my opinion:
You really are happy he's showing an interest in something you love. But the fact that the money and everything is there for him to pursue YOUR passion, it's not for you right now. Maybe your worried that you might not be able to accomplish your goal, whereas, he will because money is not an issue.
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