|
| |
|
okay im going out with this guy names josh. well he's went to rehab and everything and is all cleaned up from smoking weed. well recently he started smoking again. and he gets drug tests every wednesday. and he said hes gonna have his brother pee in the cup for him. but if he gets caught i dont want him to go back to rehab or get locked up again. i made him promise me that he wouldnt smoke again but then he smoked yesterday and i found out about it. he says hes been trying but its rly hard to say no cause its around him all the time with his friends. everytime i call him and he doesnt answer i know hes smoking and i just get so mad. i know its mostly his friend scotts fault. scott is always smoking no matter what time it is or anything. and i know scott is pressuring josh. when im with josh he says that he doesnt feel the need to smoke. and i want to help him. i already told him that whenever he feels the need just to come see me but he never does. i dont know what to do. i know schools coming up in a couple days. and it will be easier to keep an eye on him and make sure he doesnt smoke. i really care for him and i dont want him to go back to rehab.. what should i do? (link)
|
Short answer: leave him.
Long answer: You don't need this guy's problems. There are some who can occasionally smoke weed and do just fine, just as there are those who can have a drink every night and not be an alcoholic. Your boyfriend is not Just Fine - he has a major problem and he doesn't seem interested in solving it.
You have offered what help you can, and he seems more interested in skirting the rules than fixing the source of the trouble. He's obviously not above doing something really dishonest in order to maintain his habit - what does that say about his character? What happens when he does something you would be upset about, and he knows he can get away with it if he tells an easy lie; do you think he'll be truthful with you?
You aren't his watchdog, conscience, or mother. It's not your responsibility to keep him off drugs. I suggest you tell him that you think he has a drug problem and that he has to choose between you and the weed. If he picks you, then offer him help for as long as he makes an effort to go clean. If he picks the weed, then be grateful he won't be dragging you down with him.
|
|
I know there's nothing we can really do baout it, but like me , who else hates the ads on this site? It makes it so hard to see questions and answers. Pisses me off (link)
| |
I use Firefox as my browser and have no problem with the ads (they're still there, but they don't get in the way). Try that and see if it helps.
|
|
Okay well I know what making out is. But I don't really get how you do it. I know it's like kissing with the tongue but do you keep kissing while the tongues in each other's mouths or are your lips just like together? And what do guys like you to do when you're making out? Uhmm help (link)
|
Usually, serious make-out kissing involves tongue, but different people enjoy kissing in different ways. Heck, it can even be fun to experiment with different kinds of kissing.
Guys like different things when it comes to making out, of course, but something that is fairly universal is that they need to know where the boundaries are. If it's okay with you that they feel your breasts, then there are different ways you can encourage that (rubbing them yourself, nudging his hands that way, a little shiver and a sigh when he "accidentally" brushes his hand over your nipple). However, if it's NOT okay for him to put his hands inside your shirt, then stop him gently but firmly, smile and say, "I'm not ready for that." A decent guy will always respect your limits, and it IS up to you to set them, because he probably won't.
Here's a list of things that guys like to hear (as long as they're true - don't fake it!):
(1) "Mmm, I like the way you _______" (fill the blank with something you like)
(2) "Hold still, I want to try something." (follow this with something you haven't tried before, like nibbling on his ear or kissing him upside-down, like Spider-Man.)
(3) "You're getting me really excited." (NOTE: Unless you plan on actually having sex, this is probably the sexiest comment you want to make!)
(4) "I feel so safe with you." (This is both a stroke to the male ego and a reminder that they need to be respectful of your boundaries)
Things NOT to say:
(1) "You're much better than _____." (Guys don't want to know about your previous boyfriends at a time like this, even if they ARE better.)
(2) "I wish we could go all the way." (His response will be, "Why not?" leaving you having a conversation about why you can't have sex instead of enjoying what you CAN do.)
(3) "Is that a pencil in your pocket?" (The reason why not to say this should be obvious.)
Happy necking!
|
Ok my boyfriend and I have been together for a year now. I don't think that our relationship is sex based but sometimes it does seem like it. Everytime I go to his house we end up having sex. And he tells me that it is part of the relationship. Now don't get me wrong. I want it as much as he wants it. And we both try to hold ourselves back but it obviously isn't working to well.I just don't know how to avoid it other than just avoiding him as well.We both love each other very much and we promised to marry each other after college. And we already have promise rings. Please help me. I don't want this to just be a sex based relationship. But how can i avoid it and IS this a sex based realationship??
I would love any advice good or bad. (link)
|
If you can enjoy yourselves in other ways, then I don't see as there's a problem. Make a mental list of what else you enjoy doing together and stuff that you have in common; if there are a lot of things on it, then you don't have a sex-based relationship, just a relationship where you have a lot of sex.
Or try this: pretend that one of you was told by a doctor that you couldn't have sex for a year. Do you think the relationship would survive? If you can honestly say "yes", then you're safe; if the answer is no, then you might want to rethink the priorities.
|
|
if you have a UTI how long would you experience it for? i mean i've been having some symptoms like that for about 2 weeks so..i don't know if i would have one or not? and if i do how long do i have to get medicine for or what do i need to do? (link)
| |
Don't mess around with a UTI. Unchecked, it can spread to the prostate or uterus (depending on your gender, of course) and cause sterility. See a doctor, get some antibiotics, and take them as directed. They will clear it up after the first three days or so, but take them all, because otherwise it can come back resistant to that particular strain of antibiotics.
|
Ok, there are so many sex questions going around that I'm getting really confused, so here are some that I need answers to so it can straighten everything out.
1. If the guy REALLY doesn't cum, can you get pregnant?
2. What is the big diference between pre-cum and cum? or is there no difference?
3. With a condom, what is the % of pregnancy? without a condom? with birth control? with birth control AND a condom?
4. On average, how long does it take for a guy to cum?
5. How common ARE STD's?
6. If you have sex with a carrier of an STD, will you for sure get it?
I RATE FOR ANYTHING THAT ANSWERS ANY QUESTION! (link)
|
1: If there is intercourse and the guy doesn't orgasm, then there is still the possibility of pregnancy, though it is reduced.
2. "Pre-come" is a clear fluid that fills the penis and dribbles out a bit when the guy gets excited. Its purpose is to lubricate the passage so that semen can more easily pass through it. Since "pre-come" does have sperm in it, it can cause pregnancy.
3: When used properly, a condom prevents over 99% of pregnancies; it's improper use that can lower that percentage (improper use includes not putting it on right, using expired condoms, not withdrawing promptly after orgasm, etc.) With no method of birth control at all, odds of conception are roughly one in three, though other factors play into that. Birth control, meaning oxycontin or "the pill", is about 97% effective (be aware that antibiotics can diminish the effect of oxycontin). With condom and pill together, the odds drop very nearly to zero, though you can never discount human error.
4: That depends greatly on circumstance, but most guys probably could do it in three to five minutes if they were trying to get there as fast as possible and had sufficient stimulation. Most guys actively try not to let it go so fast, though, because the slower build-up is more pleasurable.
5: I read a statistic once that about 10% of the world's sexually active population has SOME kind of STD, though of course some are more benign than others and many people have more than one. Also, bear in mind that this probably isn't an easy thing to get accurate statistics on, because many people don't know about it or will deliberately lie about it.
6: It is entirely possible to have sex with someone who has an STD and not get it. Herpes, for instance, will generally only spread when there are open lesions (though these are not always visible, and the infected party can have them without knowing it!) However, knowingly having unprotected sex with someone who has an STD is kind of like running naked through the alligator exhibit at the zoo; you might get away with it, but that doesn't make it any less stupid.
Incidentally, your doctor will answer these sorts of questions in complete confidence, and will be speaking from a position of much greater authority than most of the crowd around here.
|
13/f
i want to try out for cheerdancing but before that, my coach says i have to focus on my weight. she said i was too heavy but i'm still able to do stuff like cartwheel, handstand,etc. does anyone have tips on how to lose weight in a healthy way?? i'd appreciate it. by the way, i think tryouts are gonna be weeks from now.
tnx in advance!:) (link)
|
I'd be somewhat curious to know why your coach thinks you're too heavy. If you can perform all the required moves, then it seems to me that he may be out of line.
As far as losing weight, healthy diet & aerobic exercise. It's a simple matter of eliminating junk foods, cutting down portion size, and swimming laps. There's no magic formula - if there were, then there wouldn't be dozens marketed, only the one that works!
|
I'm 14/f if that helps.
I've lost about 5lbs in 2 weeks. I'm getting happy with the results (exercising and eating correctly)
But I keep exact count of my calories everyday nowadays. I usually have about 900calories for breakfast and lunch and less than 1000 calories for dinner. But if I feel like I've ate too much during dinner and wasn't able to know how much calories I've consumed, I make myself throw up. I've done that several times. I mean I'm not aiming to be pro ana or anything. I just feel disgusted whenever I'm not able to know how much I ate. (Calorie wise and such)
Do I have a problem? (link)
|
Not yet. But you're playing a dangerous game.
Forcing yourself to throw up even occasionally can have an effect, first and foremost on your teeth. Every time you upchuck, you're bathing them in hydrochloric acid, which can erode enamel very quickly. It's not good for the rest of your digestive tract either. Inducing vomiting releases certain chemicals into the bloodstream that are hard on your heart, and over time that can do damage.
You are at the point right now when you can make a conscious decision to stop, and that will be the end of it. Do not take the chance that this will be something you can control; every person with bulemia thinks that at the beginning, and a lot of them are wrong by the end.
If your goal is to be healthy, then don't start down this road. It can kill you.
|
Okay I put this in the category "Relationships -> Friendship" because I didnt know what else it would be classified as.
But lets get one thing straight,
the girl I'm going to talk about I am not friends with her.
Okay, well I was adopted and so was this girl, from the same place. And when we were in elementary school we tried to be friends, it didnt really work, she like lives for PITY, (because she was adopted).. and after we figured out it couoldnt work (well I figured it out)
we just stopped talking.
But now speed forward, to highschool.
She is bugging the crap out of me, my freshman year (last year) i felt bad for her, so yet again I befriended her, and she made it worse, she became freakishly clingy, and caused a LOT of drama. And i said I've had it and I'm not going ot be your friend. Not now anymore, or ever. And you cant convince me too.
I've talked ot school counsulars, but they dont know half of our past so they cant help.
Just know that, we always argued when we were friends, and it was unhealthy and I cant take the drama from her.
But I'm going into my sophmore year,
and she has been obsessing over me it seems. Like reading my comments on xanga ( i have a tracker, and shes not blocked so its not like she cant comment) so yeah. And its annoying, and she thinks we have some tie together since we're "both adopted" but therea re other pepole adopted at our school, from teh same place, but does she bug them? NO? so whats so special about me? She thinks of her adoption of being "abandonded" and thats why she acts eepressed and wants pity all the time.
But I mean she can get help, btu cant she leave me alone? I've even gone to see conuslars about her, but they all told me how i can treat her, and what to say so she will leave me alone. But my questions are:
WHY DOES SHE KEEP BUGGING ME?
WHAT IS HER PROBLEM?
And also she has a hard time letting go of things, like our past.
And I've had it, with her, I'm liable to i dont know what, But I've had it. please help.
(link)
|
Much like the counselors, I don't know half your past, but I'll try to answer your questions.
You say that you were both adopted from the same place. I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that she sees you as a brother, the original family that she never knew, and she clings to you so desperately because she needs that grounding. Who knows why she chose you over someone else - it may have been something she saw in you when you were kids that just felt right.
If I'm right, then she'll continue to cling, because in some part of her mind she's your sister and she won't let go of that easily. I suggest that you take a proactive stance this year. Go see a counselor right away and make it clear that whatever the reasons, she is harassing you and it is interfering with your ability to perform in school. Make it clear that you expect something to be done about it. It will help if you show specific examples of how she is bugging you and what she has done that could be considered harassment.
There will be fallout. She will probably hate you. That is her problem, not yours. From what I see you've done all you can and then some.
|
14/f HELP ME SOON PLEASE....
Ok, well right now im crying. I was supposed to go to my boyfriend Ian's house but my mom just wouldnt take me. She left a note on my back so that I saw it when I woke up. It said," Sorry Rebecca, I love you. I just cant do this. You will be mad at me but I still love you. I dont want you dating anymore until you're 16. I dont want you to see Ian anymore. I love you." She's doing this because of my grandpa. I know she doesnt mean this because she approved of me and him. Its just because of what happened to my grandpa last night...
Right now we are experiencing a hurricane in my area and it has rained for the past four days now I think. My garndpa walked 3 miles in the rain to the cemetery where my great-grandma was buried, laid there for almost an hour, and talked to her. He told my grandma that my great-grandma said that she would see him soon, he would die soon. He told my grandma that no one loved him, no one cared for him, he was just too afraid to kill himself. He walked half way back and then started getting chest pains so he stopped and got someone to call the house. It was like 10:00pm. It's 7:00am right now, and he's still in chest pains, denying that he lives in th house, and my grandma is going to send him to an asylum. THIS IS ALL MY FAULT. IM A BAD PERSON. MY GRANDPA ALMOST COMMIT SUICIDE BECAUSE OF ME. IM A BAD PERSON. Rihgt now I just want all o this to go away but I love Ian, I dont want to stop dating him. I know that may be selfish in my current situation but I love Ian. I really do. And he loves me back. I dont want to break up with him. What should I do? I'm still in tears and the middle of a breakdown and I feel terrible about all of this. Please, if you're goingto give feedback, advice, ect., please dont say to break up with Ian. I dont want to do that and will not. I'll find a way to make this right for us. But I need help with my grandpa situation. I need help. Please...
(link)
|
Right now, your family is facing a full-blown crisis. That means you, your mother, your grandmother, and your grandfather need to collectively concentrate on that.
Can you appreciate that your mother probably feels ten times as overwhelmed as you do right now? She's dealing with her parents (or her in-laws, you didn't say which) in the midst of a five-alarm emotional upheaval, and she's the responsible adult who needs to take care of it.
Show some regard for your mother, and tell Ian you won't be able to see him for the next week or so. Don't add to your mother's problems right now, because I guarantee it won't end well. You may be right - it's possible she doesn't mean it, and that she likes Ian just fine, but right now her world is turning upside-down and there could be any number of reasons why she's putting the brakes on your dating life.
Give things a chance to calm down. Do whatever you can to help. This will show that you are a person of maturity and character. There is nothing you can do directly to help your grandfather except let him know that he is loved and that you do not want to lose him; but be aware that he may be suffering from more than just grief. It's not impossible that he is in the initial stages of dementia or Alzheimer's, in which case he may be beyond your own power to help him. The best thing you can do right now is to help your mother and your grandmother, because they are the ones who will need to solve this crisis.
Once things have settled somewhat, approach your mother. Tell her that at times like these, Ian is a vauluable part of your support system and someone who helps you get through it, just as you have tried to help her.
Now, seek compromise. What you want, I think, is to be able to date Ian, go out with him alone, come home late, etc. You will probably have to accept the fact that this just isn't going to happen right now. You will get the best results if you show that you can accept her point of view (another sign of maturity) and agree NOT to date Ian in the traditional sense. However, you should also stand firm on one point, which is that she should not choose your friends for you. Make it clear that you do consider Ian a friend, that you will not disrespect that by telling him that you won't see him anymore, and furthermore that your feelings for him go beyond friendship and you don't want to live with the regret of not giving that a chance.
I think that your mother will be willing to allow you to see Ian along with a group of friends, or have him over at your home, or perhaps go to his house if she knows and trusts his parents. Then, as hard as it is, wait until you're sixteen. I suppose I should admit that I'm with your mother on this one, and consider 14 too young to date.
Whatever you do, DON'T raise a fuss about not being able to date Ian anymore. Do not react in a way that demonstrates immaturity or lack of regard for what your mother's going through. It will damage your relationship with her and more or less assure that she will never again see Ian with anything but contempt. If you want to salvage your relationship with him, you need to do so by supporting your mother right now when she really needs it. Then, she will support you when you need it.
All my best to you and your family.
|
Hi. There is this fish shop (a shop that sells fish) near my house, they also sell stuff like candy, so anyway i piked up a candybar and looked at the sell by date and it was like 3 months past it, so when i told the shop keeper he insisted there was nothing wrong with the sell by date, so i took a few pictures of the inside of the shop, and the backroom and then a picture of the out of date candybar(including the date) and left, is there anything i can do to report him and if so who do i report him to?
(link)
|
Is it really a sell-by date, or does it say something like "This product is best when consumed by 01-01-07"? There's a difference between dates stamped on a product to ensure that the food inside isn't rancid, and dates that are placed there by the manufacturer to ensure that it is sold while still fresh. The date on a candy bar definitely falls into the latter category.
If this guy were selling month-old fish, something that could actually be harmful, then you could report him to the FDA, but a candy bar isn't going to kill someone even if it's years past its sell date. The only people that are likely to care is the maker of the candy (Hershey, M&M Mars, or what have you) and then only if you could show them a whole shelf full of expired product, not just one. Think about it - it would probably cost them a few hundred bucks just to send an inspector to his store to verify the situation, and they're not likely to feel that it's worth it.
Incidentally, why would you want to report this guy for something as simple as an expired candy bar? It sounds awfully vindictive to me. Furthermore, if this case actually went to trial, he could probably use your pictures of his back room as evidence of your trespassing, and counter-sue.
Here's the best solution: Just stop shopping there. You won't have to worry any more about his expired candy, and I guarantee he won't miss you as a customer.
|
|
okay, i have a question. So i've been dating someone for 4 years now. i, no questions asked, love him to death right. He was my first in everything but i wasn't his first in bed. After all these years he won't tell me who he first slept with. If i really think about it really it makes me a bit mad. He says he wants to at least keep something to himself. What do you guys think i really think i have the right to know, it makes me mad that i don't know. I rate well. ;) (link)
|
If he's disease-free, and it's in the past, then I'd say it's his call.
I have to wonder, what makes you think you have the right to know? Just because you've taken your relationship to the next level physically doesn't give you the right to know all the intimate details of his past. Of course, you can tell him that he gets no more nookie unless he tells, but e's under no obligation to tell you anything that's done and over with. If he were still having sex with others, that's another matter - then you DO have the right to know for your own protection. But the damage is done, so to speak; you chose to accept the risk, and for you to decide now that you need to know is locking the barn door after the cows have escaped.
I can see where you might feel a little upset that he chooses to keep secrets from you, but bear in mind that there could be any number of reasons why he's not telling. Perhaps he promised her not to - you'd want him to keep those kinds of promises if he made them to you, wouldn't you? Perhaps he's ashamed of it for one reason or another; he may have been taken advantage of (it can happen to guys too).
I would suggest that if the two of you were going to get married, then he should tell you about his history, including names and dates. But even then, he would have the right not too - just as you have the right to leave him if you decide that you can't deal with that secret being kept from you.
|
|
How many minutes is 3.27 GB? (link)
| |
That question makes no sense. It's like asking how many miles until Tuesday.
|
|
I really like this boy. But he doesn`t trust me because of the guys I wen`t out with and hes afraid that I`m going to go back with them but I tell him all the time I`m not going to. So how do I get him to believe me what are some good advice`s? (link)
|
The first thing to do is to determine whether that's the real reason, because it sounds like an excuse to me. It's possible that he just doesn't want to go out with you - which is not to say that there's anything wrong with you, there might just not be any chemistry there from his perspective.
You might ask him why he feels that you would go back to an old boyfriend. Perhaps you can put his fears to rest. If not, then you should probably find someone else, because he's displaying profound lack of interest.
|
Okay hi =] haha uhm i take a lot of pictures of my dog and random plants, landscapes, etc. random people and stuff. i really want to get into photography so other people can look at my pictures. theres nothing like that at my school. ( im in 8th grade) so how can i get people to view my pictures?
is there a website with people looking for photography or something?
please let me know. thanks =] (link)
| |
There are a LOT of photography websites, but one of the better ones I've seen is www.worth1000.com. It has two main sections, one for "straight" photography and one for digitally manipulated images.
|
|
I was just wondering what do you think would be an appropriate age to start dating? (link)
|
I have a five-year-old daughter. I plan on allowing her to date at sixteen. Until then, she will be permitted to go out with groups of friends, but not one-on-one with a boy.
And yes, I'm terrified of that day.
|
|
i have this ENORMAS pimple that is growing on my chin. it is taking up my whole chin, literally. i'm not exaggerating here. the only problem is that the acne cream i use isn't working. i put 10% benzoyl peroxide on it last night and this morning it is just a HUGE bump. it is still underneath my skin, so there really isn't anything i can do. i'm afraid that it will be there for school (which is in exactly one week), what can i do to make it go away before it comes out? (link)
| |
Have you considered the possibility that it might not be a pimple? See if you can make an appointment to see a dermatologist.
|
|
i made a mistake! jus one small mistak (choosing the wrong highschool ... where i live you choose which onwe to go to..everyone told me not to take this one.. but i did) and now my life is ruined! im miserable! i cry myself to sleep everynight, EVERY SINGLE NIGHT! i hate my life, and all i ever want to do is sleep, just cause crying as much as i do gives me a headache.. so what? i made a mistake! it happens, right? and ok ive learnt from it! "listen to my parents and friends from now on" - its on my "learnt lessons" list! so now howcome he doesnt make it better??! why won't he help me get back on my feet?? OR why'd he make so much depend on just one choice, how could he make my happynees depend on what school i choose? so i chose the wrong one, now i have to be miserable and suffer for it? help me understand because i dont want to stop trusting in him or become bitter towards him, or blame him for my sorrow.. not at all, so just please explain this to me.. if you know the answer.. thank you!! (link)
|
You haven't given any details regarding why the high school you chose is the wrong one, so I don't see how anyone can give you any practical advice. Is it wrong because the teachers are idiots, or because the students do drugs, or because your friends aren't going there, or what?
You say you've learned your lesson, but there's a more important lesson you haven't learned yet. Aesop said it best: "The gods help those who help themselves" (Aesop was speaking of Zeus and company, but the essential message is still true). Faith in God, by itself, is worthless. You need to take some action to fix things yourself.
If all your problems stem from having chosen the wrong high school, is there anything preventing you from changing your mind and transferring to a different school? Depending on what your reasons are for wanting to leave, it might be entirely possible. Don't expect that to magically fix everything, though - somehow I doubt that all the problems in your life stem from that one decision.
Once again, without more details on what exactly is so wrong about this decision you've made, neither I nor anyone else can help you. I can tell you this, however: if you wait for God to fix everything for you, you'll be waiting for a very long and miserable time. You need to solve your own problems and stop expecting God to do it all.
|
i am an 18 year old teenager in need of some desperate advice.
do you offer advice?
PLEASE can you offer me some advice.
I have got myself into the most HORRIBLE situation ever and can see no solution. Please could you offer me any advice? i feel sick thinking about it all.
I have a sort of relationship??/emotional problem
My Problem is this:
When I was in primary school I fell in love with someone called Ian.
But then when it came too high school, he got sent to a private all boy's school far away and I got sent to the local comprehensive.
I thought I'd NEVER see him EVER again and despaired.
Around about the same time my Grandmother of whom I was VERY close to died. She practically raised me.My mother never seemed to bother with me. However I never noticed this neglect (by my mother)until my Grandma died.
I noticed that I was very unsupported by my mother and in general uncared for. Sometimes she was also emotionally abusive towards me--sometimes she could be so nasty she'd make me cry.
Because of all these things(the death of my Grandma, the loss of Ian and also the uncaring attituse at home) I began to feel very depressed.
Then I made a TERRIBLE mistake:
Somedays I felt so low I found it almost impossible to think about the future and sometimes couldn't find the will-power to get up in the mornings.I started to refuse to go to school asn I felt so low. I'd been bullied VERY VERY badly at the primary school i went to (before I moved to the one Ian was at)which also made me quite nervous of people and scared of school too.However I recieved no help, no counselling or anything(do you think this was neglect?)
I refused to go to High school on-and-off for the first three years by which time I was REALLY REALLY very behind in my work.I then refused to go to school altoghether as I couldn't cope any more with my life. I was SEVERELY depressed and wasn't thinking logically. I ended up having 5 measly hours of home tuition per week, for the next two years which should have been spent in school. Unsurprisingly I then failed all my GCSEs (apart from one, where I got a 'C' in English)I felt so depressed. I then have stayed at home doing nothing for the past two years as I have felt too embarrassed to face the world.
However this is my problem:
I now want??/need to go to college. However I have just found out thet the college I wanted to attend is right next door to the top educational sixth form which Ian goes to. If I go there then I will definantely bump into him…but the thing is he will NEVER EVER be interested in me now (even if he used to be when I was ok).how on earth canI explain to him WHY I refused to go to school? He’s going to think I am a bad person .
But the thing is he's studying 'A' levels at a top sixth form college. And I .....will probably have to go on an Entry level course and learn really basic stuff like how to cook, use public transport etc(basically for absolute dim-wits)
He'll NEVER EVER be interested in me now. He's in a different league to me. He's so clever.but this is killing me. I wish I could be with him more than anything in the world but as soon as he finds out that's it....my dream...dead......finished
Also even if I go to a different college, it's inevitable that i'll bump into him whilst out and about anyway.(I just can’t believe that I DIDN’T THINK ABOUT THIS years ago….i just wasn’t thinking properly) But If I ignore him then he'll think I'm not interested i him, when I am. But if I talk to him he'll not like me anyway when he finds out what I've done. He'll think I;m a terrible person.
The thing is (and I really need your help on this) HOW ON EARTH DO I EXPLAIN TO HIM ABOUT HOW I REFUSED TO GO TO SCHOOL--AND WORST OF ALL WHY? HE'LL NOT THINK VERY WELL OF ME ONCE I'VE TOLD HIM. I'M not going to lie. I need him to know the truth.my other problem is that when I refused to go to school--s did my sister(only she didn't have a valid reason) she simply wouldn't go just because I was off school and didn't see why she should go either.HOW ON EARTG CAN I EXPLAIN TO HIM HOW MY SISTER IS NOW IN THE SAME SITUATION I'M IN?HE'LL THINK MY FAMILY ARE AWFUL.(he used to know her you see)
What on earth should I do?
Also my mum's still not very nice to me.I want to move into the local youth hostel? but unfortunately I don't know how. Please could you tell me how I can move out? How do you move out?
Also, one of the reasons why I couldn't cope with school was because of the neglect/emotional abuse that I suffered at home. I thought that if I moved out then it would offer ian a bit of validation that I couldn't cope with/was having a bad time at home and he might believe me then when I told him about the neglect.
if I stay at home and go to college as I am now then he'll think I'm making it all up as I'm ok now.and he'll wonder how come it is that I couldn't cope with school/education back then but I can now!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT ME MOVING OUT? but are Foyers rough places? don/t you have to be quite tough to survive living in one?Also could i manage living like this since I don't realy know basic stuff I need to know to live independantly?PLEASE HELP.
i HAVE DEEPLY CONSIDERED going to Wales and living in a Foyer there so that I never have to face ian(because it's inevitable that we'll meet) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS IDEA?
but would they let me live in a Foyerl so far away or would they refuse and say I need to live in a local one?How do I move out?
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Could you reply to me. I feel really sick thinking about it all. I need some advice----fast!
Should i move out to a local Foyer/youth Hostel? Or to Wales?
PLEASE HELP ME I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO :(
i live in England
(link)
|
You have my sympathy for all you've faced. My advice is limited in nature due in part to what I don't know about your situation, but I think I can help out some.
First, try not to be so hard on yourself; you've had a rough time, and many people might have come through it worse than you did. You've survived, and I wouldn't say that any of the problems you describe are insoluble.
I think you're looking at Ian as your potential knight in shining armor, a possible means of rescue from your situation. Don't put all that on his shoulders! He's 18, just like you, and though he's been more successful in school I doubt he's prepared to solve all your problems for you.
Have you been in touch with Ian all this time? If not, you need to prepare yourself for the possibility that he no longer feels the same about you as you do for him. He may have a girlfriend, or other plans that don't involve you, and this has nothing to do with your lack of education or anything else - he just hasn't been in your life for a few years, and may well have moved on. You don't mention what kind of relationship you had when you were in school together, but I don't get the impression that you were dating or anything. It's possible that he hasn't really been thinking about you.
But for the sake of argument, we can say that he hasn't. If you do seek contact with him, make sure you don't view him as your savior, but as a friend. Don't sell him short - he may be very much interested in you, even though you aren't on the same level academically and you have family problems. Then again, he may not.
You seem to be very much concerned with what Ian will think, where Ian will be going to school, and whether Ian will believe you. Your problems are NOT Ian's problems! You need to be making choices based on what's best for you, without regard for what Ian might think. You've got him on a very high pedastal, and that's not fair to him.
First piece of practical advice: FORGET ABOUT IAN.
Your first priority should not be to get a boyfriend - it should be to get a future. You say you want to go to college, which is commendable, but I don't see how you're going to do it without a high-school diploma or its equivalent (here in the U.S. we have something called a GED, which is a test you can take that shows you have high-school level knowledge; presumably, there is something similar you can take). Of course you'll need to do some studying, and a good place to look for help on that would probably be your local library. They could at least point you in the right direction.
Moving out is a trickier decision. It certainly seems as though your Mom is no help to you, which is most unfortunate; you have my sympathy. However, I'm guessing that for the time being you have a roof over your head, a bed to sleep in, and food to eat. You may want to stay with that situation for a little longer so that you can concentrate on educating yourself. On the other hand, if the situation is so bad that you can't focus on learning, then perhaps you should move out. (Incidentally, in the United States, one is legally an adult at 18 - if this is not the case in England, then you may need to take some legal steps to essentially declare yourself independent from your mother. If you are legally an adult at 18 in England, then neither she nor anyone else has any say in whether you can move out or where you can go live - it's up to you.)
I don't have much practical advice there, unfortunately, because when I moved out I did so with my parents' blessing. In addition, I've never lived in a youth hostel or anything remotely similar, so I can't tell you what to expect. I can, however, tell you a few things you'll need to do:
(1) Don't just suddenly leave without a plan of where to go and what to do, unless you feel you're in danger at home. (If that's the case, then get the police involved.)
(2) You'll need a job. Living costs money. The word for people who move out without a job is "homeless". You may have a hard time finding one with your limited education. Don't be proud; if all you can find is a job washing dishes or cleaning hotel rooms, then that's what you do.
(3) Manage your money. Don't get credit cards or spend on luxuries. For right now, in your situation, anything you can live without is a luxury. Open a bank account, if you haven't already - you don't want to have to keep large quantities of cash with you that could be stolen or lost.
(4) Find support. There will be others in a similar situation to your own, who want to improve their lives after having been through rough times. Find them and be help for each other.
(5) Don't give up. If you move into a place that's not right for you, try a different place.
(6) Don't depend on Ian. It's not his place to save you; that's your responsibility.
Take a deep breath, look reality in the face, and take it on. Best of luck to you.
(P.S. It is not your fault that your sister stopped going to school. It was her decision, not yours, helped along by the fact that she had the same lousy mother that you did.)
|
okay i have pretty bad ocd, but my bathroom ocd is the worst. this might sound weird/gross, but when i use the bathroom, i have to squat/stand to go. i've been doing this for months/years & now suddenly i cant go! i dont know if its a mental thing, but i cant go unless i sit down. i don't just sit down [obviously cause i have ocd]. i wipe the seat & try to squat as much as possible, but i just cant. what is this!! what else can i do so i don't get germs. im scared of it.
thanks!! (link)
|
First of all, be aware that a toilet seat is not the germ-infested horror that it may seem to be. Porcelain and plastic just isn't that hospitable an environment for bacteria or viruses, and exposure to the air is also a pretty major germ-killer.
That having been said, I recommend that you carry one of those little bottles of antibacterial lotion with you. It's not just for your hands, if you get my drift!
|
|
