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Adoption Crisis/ serious question i cant take it any longer.
Okay I put this in the category "Relationships -> Friendship" because I didnt know what else it would be classified as.
But lets get one thing straight,
the girl I'm going to talk about I am not friends with her.
Okay, well I was adopted and so was this girl, from the same place. And when we were in elementary school we tried to be friends, it didnt really work, she like lives for PITY, (because she was adopted).. and after we figured out it couoldnt work (well I figured it out)
we just stopped talking.
But now speed forward, to highschool.
She is bugging the crap out of me, my freshman year (last year) i felt bad for her, so yet again I befriended her, and she made it worse, she became freakishly clingy, and caused a LOT of drama. And i said I've had it and I'm not going ot be your friend. Not now anymore, or ever. And you cant convince me too.
I've talked ot school counsulars, but they dont know half of our past so they cant help.
Just know that, we always argued when we were friends, and it was unhealthy and I cant take the drama from her.
But I'm going into my sophmore year,
and she has been obsessing over me it seems. Like reading my comments on xanga ( i have a tracker, and shes not blocked so its not like she cant comment) so yeah. And its annoying, and she thinks we have some tie together since we're "both adopted" but therea re other pepole adopted at our school, from teh same place, but does she bug them? NO? so whats so special about me? She thinks of her adoption of being "abandonded" and thats why she acts eepressed and wants pity all the time.
But I mean she can get help, btu cant she leave me alone? I've even gone to see conuslars about her, but they all told me how i can treat her, and what to say so she will leave me alone. But my questions are:
WHY DOES SHE KEEP BUGGING ME?
WHAT IS HER PROBLEM?
And also she has a hard time letting go of things, like our past.
And I've had it, with her, I'm liable to i dont know what, But I've had it. please help.
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Hey. Wow this sounds pretty sick. Well first of all it does sound like this girl has an obsession and needs some serious help. For some reason she got it in her mind that she really wants to be friends with you. But if she's going to cause all this drama I don't blame you for being upset. Now to her it's probably become almost like a "game" to be obsessed with you and as you know that is not normal. This may be a physological problem that is going through her and she needs help. Just do whatever you can to stay away from her but to be honest if you're a little friendly it may make her stop obsessing and trying so hard to be you're friend. Don't be mean or anything because it will just make you look bad and make her continue to obsess. Also you should tell your mom and dad who adopted you about this and maybe they can talk about it to her mom and dad. I know this sounds embaressing but believe me, I deffinitely think it will make her embarressed and she will stop bugging you! I hope this helped at least a little and please give me feedback my friend :-).
Chrissie
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I'm not quite clear on some things here.
have you ever TOLD her that you didn't want to be her friend? Like straight out saying "Go away I don't want to be your friend?"
Well, if that didn't work, then, she's one persistent little girl. I'm going to guess the reason she clings to you, though there are other people from the same place, is because she admires you I guess? I'm not saying you should feel bad cause she wants to be your friend and thinks you're cool, and you don't like her at all.
Believe me, I know that having someone "admire" you is troublesome and just plain annoying. There must be something about you that she wants to be like. I'm not sure what about you she likes, but perhaps you could try showing your...worse characteristics. Like a girl who liked me for my art and my race, I guess, I was extremely cold to her and acted incredibly sensitive whenever she mentioned my race. Also, since you know she likes you, act arrogant, like you're better than her.
I don't thinks my next idea's a very good idea, but if you're desperate. You could always be mean to her. She sounds like someone who could easily get on someone's nerves, and her "pity me, I'm adopted" routine is getting old. There are plenty of people adopted so, if not you, someone needs to tell her to belt up and move on with life, perferably to someone who's...not you.
and since you're in high school, you could always try to avoid her by joining clubs and teams that you know she can't join or doesn't want to join. which shouldn't be too hard considering you two are very different.
I'm not sure what else there is to do. I know the advice I've given you has basically been
1) be mean to her.
2) avoid her.
But I'm sure other people have given you plenty of advice on how to break it to her nicely. besides from the sound of the description, you've had it with her and just want to get rid of her, regardless of her "feelings"
I can't help but wonder though, how could she still cling on to you, even when you told her to back off. That must be incredibly annoying. So if you haven't already, just tell her straight out. "Go Away."
--therealist
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She clings to you because she thinks that no one else will accept her. I mean she might think that if she holds on to you you'll never go away. She may think that her parents put ehr up for adoption because she didn't really make a connection with them but if she can connect with you, you want abandon her like her parents did. Tell her that you two can be friends but you just need space. But make sure that you can explain that you aren't going to absolutely give up on her you just can't be with her all the time.
I really hope I helped.
Sincerely,
Roxy
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She keeps buggin you because of a connection you too have that makes her think you too are meant to be,she has a mental problem,she needs to speak to a psychiatrist it will serve her well,they will see,convince her that it doesn't mean that that will make her meet her soulmate,you are right to feel frustrated,her obession will be fixed the person I only see that could convince her to seek a psychiatrist for help is you,since she has a thing for you,he/she will take care of her,then later on you'll be able to move on with your life without feeling unsafe,feeing frustrated,and you'll be able to do things the way you normally used to.
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Much like the counselors, I don't know half your past, but I'll try to answer your questions.
You say that you were both adopted from the same place. I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that she sees you as a brother, the original family that she never knew, and she clings to you so desperately because she needs that grounding. Who knows why she chose you over someone else - it may have been something she saw in you when you were kids that just felt right.
If I'm right, then she'll continue to cling, because in some part of her mind she's your sister and she won't let go of that easily. I suggest that you take a proactive stance this year. Go see a counselor right away and make it clear that whatever the reasons, she is harassing you and it is interfering with your ability to perform in school. Make it clear that you expect something to be done about it. It will help if you show specific examples of how she is bugging you and what she has done that could be considered harassment.
There will be fallout. She will probably hate you. That is her problem, not yours. From what I see you've done all you can and then some.
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Did you ever think that maybe, just MAYBE she really finds you like a good friend? and that she's too shy to find another friend that was adopted? I think she's clingy to you because your the only adopted person that she actually KNOWS. Sure.... there are other adopted people from the same place, but she doesnt even know those people. She hasnt met them yet. She didnt have a past with those people. She's always around you because she had a past with you, she has 1 thing in commen with you. And that thing is that both of you were almost friends. Try to get her friends with the other adopted people. Bring her to them and introduce her to them, you can tell her that she's really bugging you and you can try to hang out with other adopted people.
I hope I helped!!!
-volleyball2150
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