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FAMILY MATTERS. PLEASE HELP ME SOON.....
14/f HELP ME SOON PLEASE....
Ok, well right now im crying. I was supposed to go to my boyfriend Ian's house but my mom just wouldnt take me. She left a note on my back so that I saw it when I woke up. It said," Sorry Rebecca, I love you. I just cant do this. You will be mad at me but I still love you. I dont want you dating anymore until you're 16. I dont want you to see Ian anymore. I love you." She's doing this because of my grandpa. I know she doesnt mean this because she approved of me and him. Its just because of what happened to my grandpa last night...
Right now we are experiencing a hurricane in my area and it has rained for the past four days now I think. My garndpa walked 3 miles in the rain to the cemetery where my great-grandma was buried, laid there for almost an hour, and talked to her. He told my grandma that my great-grandma said that she would see him soon, he would die soon. He told my grandma that no one loved him, no one cared for him, he was just too afraid to kill himself. He walked half way back and then started getting chest pains so he stopped and got someone to call the house. It was like 10:00pm. It's 7:00am right now, and he's still in chest pains, denying that he lives in th house, and my grandma is going to send him to an asylum. THIS IS ALL MY FAULT. IM A BAD PERSON. MY GRANDPA ALMOST COMMIT SUICIDE BECAUSE OF ME. IM A BAD PERSON. Rihgt now I just want all o this to go away but I love Ian, I dont want to stop dating him. I know that may be selfish in my current situation but I love Ian. I really do. And he loves me back. I dont want to break up with him. What should I do? I'm still in tears and the middle of a breakdown and I feel terrible about all of this. Please, if you're goingto give feedback, advice, ect., please dont say to break up with Ian. I dont want to do that and will not. I'll find a way to make this right for us. But I need help with my grandpa situation. I need help. Please...
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Hey. Well right now your family is going through a really rough situation but don't blame yourself. It's not your fault. You love your grandpa so much as I'm sure and you love Ian too. Just tell your grandfather that and talk to him about it. Say grandpa you know I love you more then anything in the world but I also love Ian just like you love grandma. I know this sounds easier then it may be but you have to do it. And don't become angry with your mother either because she's going through a really tough time right now too. Talk to your mother and tell her that of course you love your grandpa but you love Ian too and who knows, you may marry someday. Maybe you can tell Ian you just need a few days to sort all of this out and talk to him about it but make sure you tell him how much you love him. You love both of them right? Well that means you can have a talk with each :0). I hope this helps even if only a little and please give feedback :).
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Let your grandpa know how much you love Ian but you also love him too,it would be so unfair to be asked to choose between the two or leave one out,just as he loved someone he should understand why you don't want to give up your love,how he makes you feel,that he has got to understand you,that to please respect the things you cherish,it would mean so much if he supported you,that even though you wil still be with Ian doesn't mean that you are not going to still care for him,stop loving him,that he will make you very happy for wanting to see you that way,and that it's nothing going to change your relationship with him.Talk to him at the right moment and when you see that he's calm.Good luck!
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Right now, your family is facing a full-blown crisis. That means you, your mother, your grandmother, and your grandfather need to collectively concentrate on that.
Can you appreciate that your mother probably feels ten times as overwhelmed as you do right now? She's dealing with her parents (or her in-laws, you didn't say which) in the midst of a five-alarm emotional upheaval, and she's the responsible adult who needs to take care of it.
Show some regard for your mother, and tell Ian you won't be able to see him for the next week or so. Don't add to your mother's problems right now, because I guarantee it won't end well. You may be right - it's possible she doesn't mean it, and that she likes Ian just fine, but right now her world is turning upside-down and there could be any number of reasons why she's putting the brakes on your dating life.
Give things a chance to calm down. Do whatever you can to help. This will show that you are a person of maturity and character. There is nothing you can do directly to help your grandfather except let him know that he is loved and that you do not want to lose him; but be aware that he may be suffering from more than just grief. It's not impossible that he is in the initial stages of dementia or Alzheimer's, in which case he may be beyond your own power to help him. The best thing you can do right now is to help your mother and your grandmother, because they are the ones who will need to solve this crisis.
Once things have settled somewhat, approach your mother. Tell her that at times like these, Ian is a vauluable part of your support system and someone who helps you get through it, just as you have tried to help her.
Now, seek compromise. What you want, I think, is to be able to date Ian, go out with him alone, come home late, etc. You will probably have to accept the fact that this just isn't going to happen right now. You will get the best results if you show that you can accept her point of view (another sign of maturity) and agree NOT to date Ian in the traditional sense. However, you should also stand firm on one point, which is that she should not choose your friends for you. Make it clear that you do consider Ian a friend, that you will not disrespect that by telling him that you won't see him anymore, and furthermore that your feelings for him go beyond friendship and you don't want to live with the regret of not giving that a chance.
I think that your mother will be willing to allow you to see Ian along with a group of friends, or have him over at your home, or perhaps go to his house if she knows and trusts his parents. Then, as hard as it is, wait until you're sixteen. I suppose I should admit that I'm with your mother on this one, and consider 14 too young to date.
Whatever you do, DON'T raise a fuss about not being able to date Ian anymore. Do not react in a way that demonstrates immaturity or lack of regard for what your mother's going through. It will damage your relationship with her and more or less assure that she will never again see Ian with anything but contempt. If you want to salvage your relationship with him, you need to do so by supporting your mother right now when she really needs it. Then, she will support you when you need it.
All my best to you and your family.
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well i think you should talk to your mom about your grampa and see what help you can provide even if it is just around the house or something.
Ian will have to wait maybe keep your relationship on the downlow for awhile or ask him if you guys can take a break explian your sitition to him i am sure he will be able to help you figure out what to do.
I am not sure how you got it in your head that this is all your fault or that you are a bad person but let me asure Killers are bad people Rapist are bad people.A teenage girl thinking about her boyfriend is totally normal and a good person!people often think of other things when stress that will cause worry is going on to me that sounds like you what you are doing.That is perfectly normal to when my Nana was in the hospital i sort of did the same thing.
if you need to talk i am always here mizztalk_alot@hotmail.com
tell me how it goes
~nikki~
lalagurly
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Im really not sure what to say because i dont understand how Ian has anything to do with your grandpa. But try and talk to your grandpa and assure him that he is loved and that you'll always be there for him. Try and build a better relationship with him but this doesnt mean break it off with Ian. It just means spend a little less time with him at the moment. Good Luck.
Nelle
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