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should i be bothered??
okay, i have a question. So i've been dating someone for 4 years now. i, no questions asked, love him to death right. He was my first in everything but i wasn't his first in bed. After all these years he won't tell me who he first slept with. If i really think about it really it makes me a bit mad. He says he wants to at least keep something to himself. What do you guys think i really think i have the right to know, it makes me mad that i don't know. I rate well. ;)
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I think that it is something that he should be keeping to himself..not only for his own sake but for the other girl. FOr example. If you were dating a guy and you slept with him...and then broke up...would you want him going around telling his next girlfreinds about what you two did in your private time?
I know exactly how you feel...and it can be frustrating but I've learned to just get over it.
i hope that this helps!
<3
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That would make anyone get so curious to the point of going crazy! lol. I would recommend seeing if you could get another reason why. Perhaps the first experience was actually something embarassing or painful. Like, if he was raped as a kid or something horrible like that. It might not be very likely, but if it was the case, I'm sure he wouldn't want to talk about it. There's also a good chance he's hiding it from you because it was someone you know. Maybe if you just reassure him that he doesn't have to worry about teling you, he might say who it was. But don't force him to tell you anything, it could be painful for him to think about, whether it left him heartbroken, the girl has a bad rep, or the whole experience was miserable.
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you have the right to ask, he has the right not to tell you. the past is past, typically, older relationships arent really discused. you have no point of reference, but i can tell you its typically odd for a girl to ask her boyfriend about old relationships, with me, aside from my last girlfriend, none really asked, except for some general stuff, but tehre were no specifics. i recoment just dropping it.
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Sorry, but he is absolutely correct. His every experience before you is his private business, whether about sex or anything else. If you need to be with someone who holds nothing back and enjoys telling all, then maybe he is not for you. Of course, there is a flip side to everything, and being with someone who tells you every grim detail of his past could be even more upsetting. Let it go and love him for who he is. He picked you an is with you! You don't need more and should not even ask for more.
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Well, I can see why you'd be angry about not knowing. The curiousity would get to me to eventually, and then I'd REALLY want to know. But I have to say, it just might not be your place to ask about it. Some people don't like sharing the intimate and personal details of their life with people. Just like you might like having a secret all to yourself that nobody knows of, he might too. I just wouldn't be too persistant on it, because he might eventually wind up getting mad and bothered by it.
But there might be other reasons why he won't tell you. It could've been somebody you possibly know, somebody maybe you didn't like, etc. Just ask him that at least. Be like,"I know you won't tell me, and I respect that, it's just, is it someone I know or something? Or someone I possibly hated which may be the reason you won't share it with me?"
Maybe a little later in life he might feel more comfortable with telling you, you'll just have to wait and see, but for now, you're just going to have to respect his decision.
I hope I helped.
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If he's disease-free, and it's in the past, then I'd say it's his call.
I have to wonder, what makes you think you have the right to know? Just because you've taken your relationship to the next level physically doesn't give you the right to know all the intimate details of his past. Of course, you can tell him that he gets no more nookie unless he tells, but e's under no obligation to tell you anything that's done and over with. If he were still having sex with others, that's another matter - then you DO have the right to know for your own protection. But the damage is done, so to speak; you chose to accept the risk, and for you to decide now that you need to know is locking the barn door after the cows have escaped.
I can see where you might feel a little upset that he chooses to keep secrets from you, but bear in mind that there could be any number of reasons why he's not telling. Perhaps he promised her not to - you'd want him to keep those kinds of promises if he made them to you, wouldn't you? Perhaps he's ashamed of it for one reason or another; he may have been taken advantage of (it can happen to guys too).
I would suggest that if the two of you were going to get married, then he should tell you about his history, including names and dates. But even then, he would have the right not too - just as you have the right to leave him if you decide that you can't deal with that secret being kept from you.
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Do you want to know because you think it could be someone you know personally? I understand both sides of the situation, why he would rather not tell and why you are very curious, so it's a toughie. If it could be someone you know then I think he should tell you, because such relationship dynamics could change, and maybe they should change. If he assures you that it was no friend of yours and noone you could have ever really known, then I would just let it go.
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I think you have the right to know girl. I would be mad too. When I started talking to my boyfriend about sex, he told me flat out about the other girls and I understood. You need to ask you boyfriend to tell you. You do have the right in my opinion. I you want to know, you should be able to. Im not sure why your boyfriend wont tell you but I hope you get this sorted out. Hope I helped any.
Mecha Becca
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