My advice column is for young teens. Being a colege student, for me its like, been there done that got the t-shirt. So, my goal is to help teens with the problems they face everyday in lifes long struggle.
Gender: Female
Location: New York
Occupation: student
Member Since: July 30, 2006
Answers: 124
Last Update: October 23, 2008
Visitors: 10144
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ductape_n_roses
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i want to make new friends, but i dont really know how to. You see, it's just kind of weird to go sit at a lunch table that you don't usually sit at, or start talking to people at school that you don't really know. So, my question is, how do you make new friends? (link)
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Yo.
What i usually try to do is ask my old friends who they have met/ heard about and who they think is nice. I also try to talk to a variety of people, and now i have a HUGE variety of friends, goths, girly-girls, tom-boys and i have a few guy-friends. You dont really have to have the same gender of friends (girls with friends that are girls, boys with boys that are friends; stuff like that) i have alot of friends that are guuys, and i am a girl and im fine with that. Just be yourself.
No one is better qualified ;)
-YOLIV :)
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34/f
I have a friend who is divorcing her husband. We became friends through church, while the two were still together. They have two children together who are my child's closest friends.
Before they separated, 'Renee' showed me a lot of stuff, asking what she should do. They included e-mails her husband, 'Sam,' had sent on their joint computer, trying to entice women from other states to come have sex with him. He wrote
very detailed, intimate fantasies and sent naked pictures of himself. This wasn't the first time.
Back to the story, they are separated, but they share the custody of their girls. Because our girls are friends, I still see Sam occasionally.
When I do, he makes icky comments and does things like taking pictures of me without asking. I feel uncomfortable around him. Mike (my hubby) can't stand him either. The most explicit thing he's ever said to me, I think, is asking, in regards to the movie The Secretary, which I told him I had never seen, whether I was "into that sort of thing." It's a movie about an S&M relationship between a boss and his secretary.
He often e-mails, calls, or mentions when we see him (last was Christmas) that he wants to get together with us sometime when he has the girls. He suggests dinner at his house or outings to
the science museum, etc. We always politely decline. Either we have other plans or we're not able to commit to a date. He keeps trying. They've been separated for 9 months now and we've been trying to avoid him longer than that.
So, do you think we're going to need to tell this dude to buzz off in no uncertain terms? I don't want to make it Renee's problem. She has enough on her mind. I don't want to be mean, but he should know that I see her probably every week
and we get the girls together about every 2 weeks. We never invite him along. What do you think? Would it be less cruel to explain to Sam that I'm Renee's friend and don't wish to hang out with him? Think he'll get the hint eventually?
(link)
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Wowo
OK so you shoukd (in my opinion) tell the dude to buzz off. Sendin thse nasty pictures n e-mailing other women is NASSSTTYYY. Dont let it be Renee's problem, she's fine.
If tellin the dude to buzz off doesnt work, get yous hubby to beat him up. (hahah just kidding)
-YOLIV
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my mom and older brother constantly tell me how i was a mistake and how i was the worst one and im only here because the condom broke. my mom even said if there was a chance to save my life, and the 2 dogs life, she'd save the dogs. my brother is constantly calling me names, ugly, etc. and when i was younger he used to hit me when my mom went to work. not like little hits, like punching. now he just verbally abuses me. my real dad isnt in my life, the memory of him is fading in my mind considering i only saw him one time. my stepdad is extremely lazy and is annying. i used to just accept what they said to me, and how my brother hit me but i cant anymore. i fight back-ish. i'd rather have my mom hit me than talk to me like that. i kinda edge her on to. such as her: "dont get that attitude with me, i'll back hand you across the face." so i just say "do it". she has a couple times.
everytime i hear my friends talking about how mean they're parents are by calling her "weird", but she really is weird. so im thinking "shut up." or "ohh. howww horrible" and its annoying.
after my mom usually says mean things to me and same with my brother i got in my room and cry secretly and listen to music. then like i think about everything and my wrists feel extremely weird like they are screaming "CUT ME" but i dont. i usually hurt myself some other way to release everything, but something that doesnt scar, like scratching, hitting myself, i just cant help it.
is it bad/mean how i cant stand my mom, and brother? and is it like bad for me to hurt myself other ways to relieve everything?
i cant talk to my mom about it, i dont talk to her at all about anything. same with the rest of my family. and its not like im a horrible person. my family doesnt really even know me, like at all besides facts like birthday, etc. and i get really good grades and try my hardest, im not doing drugs or anything or even in a bad crowd.
i mean like, do u blame me?
sry it was long, ANYTHING could help. (link)
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Wow.
Try talking to your school guidence counsler, or a trusted teacher. Tell your friends how you feel. Talking to someone (other then a stranger on this thing) will help. Let it all out. Go somewhere (where you can) and scream as loud as you can. (not like swear qwords just a scream) Let it out.
-YOLIV
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Hello my friend is an only child and her parents are going through a very ugly divorce and I really want to do something for her to make her feel better but I have no idea what to do can anyone help me please? (link)
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Yo.
The the probably best thing you can do is hang out with her as much as you can. Bake her a cake or have a party with her. Get some of her friends to have a big party for her. Hang out at the mall or movies or something
-YOLIV :)
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i think i`m worried that my parents are going to die. i dont know why, it might be because i read this book and this girls dad died and her mom was a wreck.
and i dont want that to happen to my family.
i get really upset when i think about it though.
i dont know what to do to not think of it..
please help, thanks. (link)
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Yo.
I'm sorry dude. Dont worry your parents sound healthy to me. But sadly, everyone dies. If this really stresses you out try talking to your school guidence counsler or even your parents. Or possibly friends.
Hope I helped!
-YOLIV
p.s.- Dont worry..:(............ be happy :)
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WARNING: THIS IS GOING TO BE LONG BUT I SERIOUSLY NEED ADVICE ON THIS. PLEASE DONT LEAVE BECAUSE ITS TOO LONG. YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO MAKE IT ALL BETTER FOR ME. PLEASE READ.
ok. so me and my mom fight non-stop. screaming yelling crying. the usual. its weird because we used to be really close and would always go shopping and crap and i would tell her everything yatta yatta. well i really want to be her "friend" er w/e. i mean not like besties but id like to at least have a positive relationship. seriously. usually, like as of right now, i hate her guts. with a strong passion. she ruins my life.
does anyone know anything i can say to her that lets her know i need her? this sound really cheesey i know. but its like ruining my life not to have a positive relationship. i mean. i get grounded for the f-ing retaredest things (if thats even a word..) and because of her i wont be able to spend this coming weekend with my boyfirend. (its our anniversary) and im superrr pissed.
anything.. please. this is serious. i hate my life. and its all because of her. i honestly wish my parents would divorce just so i wouldnt see her as much. but the only thing is she says that if my parents were to divorce (for the like 3rd time) she wouldnt let me live with my dad. yeah right. i would refuse to live with my mom.
ughhhh. please help..
oh and by the way;
if it makes a difference, she has cronic depression and doesnt always take her medications (which pisses me off). so shes always bitchy. my dad agrees with me that sometimes she goes over the top.
I KNOW THIS WAS LONG BUT PLEASE HELP!
xoxo
14/f (link)
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Yo.
Tell your mom (when you arent fighting) that your really sorry and you love her. Me n my mom fight alot, but she is there when i need her. In time, (hopefully) you'll learn that you really need your mom. :)
-YOLIV :)
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Okay my little brother is sooooo anoying! He comes in my room bugging me to death! Then when my friend is over he comes walking in saying can I do that to? He just won't leave me alone what do I do? (link)
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Yo.
I hear your pain my lil sister does that ALL the time. He is probably bored. Try including him or talking to your parents. Or get a lock for your door.
Hope I helped.
-YOLIV:)
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after my dad died his side of the family completely abandoned us . leaveing my mom to do everything.
she has a lot of stress to deal with and im not sure how to help her. ive tried helping out with cleaning the house but i just get in the way.
and my little 9 year old brother is just makeing things worse. i dont know whats going on that little head of his but hes giving my mom big ass head aches. hes failing 4th grade. wich is like the easiest grade. and hes leaving all of his garbage every where. and is constantly doing stuf wrong.
weve tried everything to help him and i swear none of it works.
if any one has any sujestions PLEASE tell me !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (link)
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Yo.
I'm sorry to hear your Dad died. Try giving your mom a 'day iff' like a day she has off of work, and PAMPER her. make her breakfast, lunch, dinner, let her watch watever she wants on tv, take care of your lil brother and all that jazz. For your brothers failing, try talking to the schools (his schools) guidence counsler or the pricibal or even his teacher. Sylvan has a tutor for alot of stuff so maybe try to call them.
Hope you can get some things squared away
-YOLIV :)
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I`m already worried about starting
high school next year, especially the drinking
scene. My best friend was given 20 minutes to
live this year after I found her severly drunk
at a soccer game. (Keep in mind, we're 8th
graders) Well, I had no idea any of this was
going on and I'm not sure if I can handle
my other friends getting into drinking next
year. How do I keep myself out of it?
I'm not up for risking my life like she did,
but I am curious about trying it! Thats the
problem. (link)
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Yo.
DONT DO IT! Getting drunk is really bad. Dont let them pressure you into it. If they were your real friends they would repsect you for your descision. Everyone is curious about what it tastes like. But, as they say, curiousity killed the cat. I'm not saying your friends are bad, but maybe you should talk to them about it. If that doesnt work try talking to your mom or dad or school guidence counseler.
Hope i helped!
-YOLIV:)
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Okay my dog is real sweet and she is so lovable! But she dosn't do well with farm animals but we sorta have alot of land so we got chickens, we got 2, she killed both of them. Then we got more and now we are afraid she will get them again. She is sneaky can probably find a way to get to them. She attcked one but we stopped her. And sometimes she finds ways to get out of the fence and goes somewhere else and we have to go looking for her. And now my dad says we are going to have to get rid of her. I don't know what to do. I love her but she is not very good with chickens. What do you think I should do with her? Is she good to keep? (link)
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Hi!
ooohhhh your in a tough situation. I would have to say spread a nasty spray (vinegar, something like that) and let the dog smell it. Then, if she tries to go near the chickes, spray her and the chickens.
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hello i would really love a dog because i love animals and have always wanted a dog. My dad loves dogs but the problem is that we have 2 cats, is thier anyway we can teach them or get a special type of dog? (link)
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Hi.
I have two dogs and we introduced the little one to the cat he was afraid of it. If you get a larg dog then it may not turn out that way. If you get a small dog, chances are that it will be afraid of your cats.
Hope I helped!!
-YOLIV
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My best friend is moving away tomorrow! Tonight I was going to bake cookies or cake for them, which do you think is better? THANKS! (link)
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Hi.
Sorry to hear your best friends moving. Anywhos, you can decorate the cake, but she can eat the cookies on a long trip or like whre ever she wants. I'd go for cookies. You can put tint messages and she can take them where ever.
Hop I helped!!
-YOLIV :)
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hey! i have a really big problem. so i dated this guy jake over a year ago now for almost 2 months. he dated thisgirl i knew and then they broke up after 2 years and me n him dated. which was quite crazy. anyways, we ended up breaking up bcz he cheated on me with her and they got back 2gether n have been on n off for almost a year. well, now he is dating sum other girl that idont know n the other day i messaged him on myspace, i havent talked 2 him since last year n i asked him for directions 2 get this oneplace we went 2 last year when we dated. he messaged back sayin he has nothing againts me n he knows he did some bogus shit n to give him a call ormessage when we wanna hangout for old times sake... so idont know if im taking this too overboard but he was my first realll bf that i reallylikedn my friend's birthday is coming up this weekend, and he knew her, thats how we met n began dating bcz his x was friends with my best friend n because of allthis she hated us... well i really do have feelings 4 him n want to ask him 2 come by but is it 2 weird?? but thing is... he never said sorry... what should i write back? thank you somuch (link)
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Hi.
Not trying to get you to dis hm or anytthing but as they say, once a cheater always a cheater. Plus he nerver said sorry which would really turn ME off. But it really is your decision. I wouldn't trust him. If he cheated once, wh knows if he will cheat again. My friend ahad the same problem and wouldn't talk to her X because she didn't know if she could trust him.
Hope I helped!
-YOLIV
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I have two guaranteed jobs; one at the bowling alley and one at the nursing home. The bowling alley would be more fun, and has the hours I want to work, but the nursing home pays better and I get to help old people. Which should I choose? (link)
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Hi.
Well if you want a good pay, then definately nurseing home and that would be great because it sounds like you want to help old people. The bowling alley would be fun and have nice hours but if it barely pays then, well you would have to go with the nurseing home. My dad always says, having a job you like is nice, but you gotta be makin' some cash. I'm not positive on what he means on this ( I can barely make out what he means on most things) but I am pretty sure that he means, you gotta get good pay, but still be happy.
Hope I could help!! :)
-YOLIV
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Hi.
Its you sister. Anyways, I really want to be a soccer star when i get older. I know that praqctice makes pefrect but are there any secrets?
-Sasha (link)
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Hey Sasha!
Practice makes perfect. But never push yourself too far or you will get carried away and your 95.9 average might fade. to sit ups push ups or stepups to gain strength! Keep practicing girl!!!
-YOLIV
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I have alot of friends but i never hear from them that much, on weekends i used to do everything with my friends but now i sit home on the weekends, and do nothing, it just feels like i have no friends but i do. and some of my friends freak out on me over a stupid question and it wasen't even that serious of a ? to freak out on me for. Please give some advice on what is should do, and I have like a rapid cycle of moods like i'm mad, then sad, then happy, but i always so angry but i never show it, i'm kinda really hyper in school, but every one likes me, so should i just calm down and just sit there and show all my anger cause i just can't take it anymore. please help!!!!!!!!! (link)
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HI.
I sometimes have the same problems, my BFF's parents are divorced n all but anywhos, try to set up a sday wwhere you could have like a slumber party or just like go see a movie, whatever. Halloween is coming up so maybe you could like throw a party for them and celebrate your frinedship. :) If thast can't happen, try to just call them or set up a day at the mall.
Hope I could help!!
Good Luck!! :)
-YOLIV
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i was supposed to hang out with a friend tonight. like he was supposed to call me or just come on over. but he did neither. so i tried to call him later. but he didn't pick up. pretty much, he ditched me. what should i do? (link)
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First off, find out why he wouldn't answer, or didn't call. He may have gotten into some trouble or something like that. Try talking to him about how you felt and try to set up arrangemnts to hang out later.
Hope I helped!!
-YOLIV
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Well.. whenever I'm with my best friend alone she's really nice but when she's with someone else she treats me like crap and I'm really feeling felt out because shes drifting away from me...? (link)
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Hi.
I once felt the same way. Anyways, she may be doing this do be with the 'in' crowd. Since I don't know her what-so-ever, I don't know. Try talking to her about how you feel. If this doesnt work, then maybe you might want to try doing that to her, and then if she approches you, you can then explain how you feel, and that she is doing the same to you.
Hop I helped!!! :) Good Luck!
-YOLIV
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My best friend, Katie, has liked a guy named Michael for about three or two months. Finally, he asked her out last Saturday. Before that happened, he was flirting with our other friend, Julie. Everyone including me saw that he was flirting with Julie and we all thought we liked her. When I'm with Julie and Katie isn't there, we sometimes see Michael. He flirts with her quite often and it really seems like he likes her. Julie already has a boyfriend and Katie's going out with Michael. Should I wait until it happens again and then talk to Katie about it or do I just try and ignore it? (link)
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Hi!!
Well it kinda depends if her flirts with her on the regular or not. If so tell Katie now. If she really likes him then she needs to know whats been up. If its not really lately then wait till it happens again.
Hope i helped!
-Liv :)
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okay, so i HAD a best friend, me and her were friends for almost 4 years she knew everything about me and we were really close. although she was a little fake towards me - such as she dated my ex and would never help me out when i was in a fight with someone she even once used me to get to one of my brothers friends. i always had her back though and let all these things slip by. so this girl who i dont like goes to her and tells her that ive been talking about her behind her back, that did hurt her but it hurt me to, my friend for 4 years cant even trust me? well i guess more then just this one girl told her that i was talking about her, and i must admit i had talked about her on several occasions, but she always ditched me when i needed her the most, and then would expect me to be there for her, i took a lot of crap for and from her and would always clean up after her when she got into trouble. but i had made this friend of mine pretty much my life and didnt realy have too many other friends besides her, and the ones that i did have she was also friends with and turned a lot of them against me. so im trying my hardest to make some new friends, and this weekend i may be hanging out with some new people. i dont really know how to handle this whole situation though, how do i make a good impression on these new people? what should i do while in school? and how should i act around my ex bestfriend? it seems like shes trying to make my life hell. i wish i could go somewheres and start over, a lot of people think im fake and 2 faced now. but in reality i think i had a right to atleast say a few things about her, i mean she laughed at me once for crying and did a lot of things a friend shouldnt do. im in a time in my life when i need a friend the most. what should i do? am i the one at fault?
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Hi.
Definatly you are NOT the one at fault. If she is gonna laugh at you and do all those nasty things why even bother? If she wants to be mean and turn ld f4iends against yoiu then fine. Keep your chin high girl!! and while around your new friends be yourself because it seems no one else has qualafied :) Hop I helped
-Liv :)
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