Hi there Advicenators.
The last time I logged on here I was 21. Im almost 30 now. Wow I thought I was well put together at that time. I wasn’t. I was looking for validation in being right, or proving that I had the solutions to problems. I didn’t. It makes me think about all the times I went looking for answers online and who was on the other end of that answer. Was it someone like my 21 year old self who didn’t know anything? Be careful out there, friends, and I hope you get the answers you’re looking for.
-Kat
Gender: Female
Location: Washington
Age: 21
MSN: katlzxdcj@live.com
Member Since: June 1, 2007
Answers: 163
Last Update: May 21, 2014
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Why i do i smell this way and what can i do to help it . (link)
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Maybe it's something with your water or something in your surroundings? I would check that out just to make sure that it's not you. (I dont like to jump to conclusions that its medical because then it freaks me out, but thats just me) Otherwise if its nothing around you, maybe see a doctor. It could possibly be an issue with your body, and possibly even with a simple fix.
We can't really suggest a good answer for ya unless we know the underlying cause of the issue!
Good luck and best wishes!
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I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months and I'm scared something is changing between us. I'm not sure if there is or not but I'm really scared there is something wrong. Well we just got back from a camp we went to together but I wasn't with him much at camp but something just feels different like I feel like he thinks there's something wrong but I don't want to tell him cuz it could make things worse and I love him soo incredibly much like we're so in love but I don't know about him... Wht should I do? Should we like hangout and see how things go? (link)
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I know this feeling. This is the honeymoon phase ending. The part of the relationship where everything is new and shiny and its exciting because you're still getting to know the other person. Well, once you know someone, that excitement sort of dwindles.
It doesn't necessarily mean that you love each other less or that he's not in to you. Maybe just talk to him, ask him if there's anything he wants to talk about and how he feels about the relationship and all that. Let him know you love him.
I've been in the same relationship for a while and I find that, as a female with irrational female thoughts and feelings, it's necessary for my mental well being to have these talks with my boyfriend every now and again. Just to make sure that everything is ok and to calm myself when I feel like something is wrong. I generally find that nothing is wrong and that I'm panicked for no reason.
When you love someone it's normal to get a little freaked out when you think something is wrong, because thinking about losing them is unbearable. But talk to him and be honest about how you feel and everything will be ok!
Best wishes to you :)
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ok long but please read, as all info is important. Hi, i am a 20yr old female standing about 5'7 and 1\2... ish. so almost 5'8 and weighing in at about 150 pounds. i was down to 135 at one point and felt amazing. i have had weight troubles ever since child hood and only 2 years ago went to a christian boarding school and ended up losing TONS of weight! :D i have only as of a few weeks ago been diagnosed with aspergers so late diagnoses but obviously had it my whole life, so i was never really involved with typical sports but as a kid did karate, swimming, and golf, swimming was the only thing that really stuck and was always just for fun not competitive or anything, i LOVE being in the water and would rather be in the water than on the water though being on the water is nice too sometimes. considered competitive swimming but i HATE swim caps with a passion. *shudders* i love canoeing as well. But anyways now im in university and have noticed the weight begin to come back on. im in jiujitsu but its not enough. i need something else to add to my week besides school, home to my apartment and kitten, jiujitsu. i get bored and lonely easily and like to make lots of attempts to be social and make friends.id like another activity preferrably one where i can be part of a team. jitsu is a group situation but not a team situation, though we do train in pairs but the focus is on defending ourselves so its group but not team, if u see what i mean. ive always loved team sports but could never play them due to the involvement of throwing/catching a ball with the visual-spacial difficulties that come with aspergers. please help me find my perfect sport ? Am i too old to start a new sport? and while fitness is important its more important that I want to be part of a Team. :) thanks guys. (link)
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In my opinion, it's never too late to join a sport. And besides, you're only 20! If you think that's old then I'm ancient, and I still play sport recreationally. Hey, maybe you won't be in the olympics but being a part of a team is great for you mentally and it gives you something to do! Have you ever considered rowing? Your university may have a rowing team, you should check into it! You have to work together closely with your team and it will whip your butt in to shape fast. You won't have to worry about catching or hitting a ball either. If there's no rowing team then maybe you can get some friends together and do some jogging or go to the gym together and work out. Also check in to some adult rec sport teams in your area. Usually they're just people that are looking to have a good time and stay fit, nothing too competitive.
So I say 100% yes, you can join a sport! It's really just going to be trial and error. Try some new things and if you don't like it then move on to the next thing.
Best of wishes to you!
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I've been in a relationship with him for 2 years, all long distance. At first, we were great together. The distance didn't even touch us. We planned visits all of the time. We even decided that I'd visit for a 2 month period to just spend time together. It was awesome.
However, I ended up losing my job and became in a bad situation financially. He suggested I come stay with him to test out the waters. Look for a new job. If we worked and I found one, I was going to stay. We were both really excited for this. Maybe not ready to "move in" but it was just a test run. And I could go home at any time.
But he became frustrated. I was taking too long. And to be fair, I was. Out of financial fear. Not anything to do with my feelings. We cared for each other deeply. Maybe even loved at one point. He never told me that out right, but I knew that's where it was headed. I just wanted to get my money straight. I had a lot of bills and didn't want to mess it up.
He turned to pot. Didn't tell me about it at first. He became very depressed. Went on an antidepressant that made it worse. He became detached. One night while he was high, he created a casual encounters ad on Craigslist that he came clean about after days of lying. But proved to me that he never used it. I believed it was his depression. And gave him another chance.
Since, things have gotten better. His depression was more stabilized. But after all of these things that happened, I lost trust. I was fighting hard to get it back. Our visits dwindled to nothing. He was adamant. "Move here or we're over. I cannot take long distance with you anymore". He began complaining about how lonely he was. That he needed someone around to love him and to take care of him.
And it provoked a "HAUL ASS OUT OF THERE" reaction. I've tried ending it. So has he. But he's a sweet talker and I don't know what to say. I feel like whatever I do say, it won't be justified. He'll blame the break up on me. He'll say I never tried. It's my fault. I don't trust myself going NC and sticking with it. Please, how do I do this? (link)
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Long distance is hard, I know, I was in a long distance relationship for nearly 4 years. With long distance though, both people need to be patient and understanding. There can be no ultimatums, like "move here or we're done", because moving is a big thing for any one person. Also, from how you write, you sound pretty levelheaded about everything, whereas he is acting like a 16 year old girl, throwing a temper tantrum because she didnt get what she wanted. Furthermore, if he's talking about how he needs someone to love him, then he's basically saying that he doesn't count you as loving him. I think your decision to end it is justified, and if he's tried ending it as well, it sounds like it's time.
First, you KNOW in your gut that you are making the right decision, so don't worry about what he thinks or says to you about it. You know you tried, he's just trying to get the upper hand and make you feel bad.
Second, make it clear and concise. Don't drag it out. Tell him that you guys are done and give him an explanation if needed, but don't get trapped in an argument, or let him guilt trip you in to changing your mind.
Last, once you do it, then that's it. There is no going back. You gave it two years of your life and it didn't work. Cut off communication with him and move on.
Good luck, I hope you find happiness!
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Do men come back to you faster if you ignore them? (link)
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It depends on why they aren't with you to begin with. With my boyfriend, if we get in a fight about something that HE did, then usually if I ignore him, he will be the first to come to me and apologize. However, if he is mad or annoyed with me, then me ignoring him doesn't really do anything. Usually I have to go and make things right.
If you're talking about the pre-relationship "hard to get" thing, then, from what i hear from my guy friends, they hate that. You might need a guy's perspective on this one, but if a guy is interested in you and you just ignore them, usually you just come off as rude. It all depends on the guy though!
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I am 24 years old and I have been working as a volunteer at Free heart which is a men's drug and alchohol rehabilitation center . well there is this guy that goes there which just happens to be one of my ex's he dosn't remember me I know this for a fact because about a month ago he said nice to meet you and shook my hand and then last night he wroste me his address on a napkin and said that I could write him if I wanted to but I don't know if I could get in trouble or he could get in trouble for writing him by the manager of Free heart . I also wanted to know what yall thought about me writing this guy the whole reason I broke up with him was because he is an alcoholic but he has been improving I see that for myself he hasn't skipped any of the meeting at freeheart. my cousin who is a preacher told that he didn't see anything wrong with writing this guy because thaT is the only commincation that we are going to have with each other besides seeing each other twice a week at the mettings for like an hour that's 2 hours a week . what does everybody on here think ? (link)
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It sounds like you must have dated a while ago, given that he doesn't remember you. I know that people can change for the better if they really want to. In my opinion, I wouldn't jump right in to it, as he is still a recovering alcoholic, but maybe just keep him at arms length, you know. 2 hours a week isn't a lot but make sure to not speed things up until you know for sure this guy has changed. Otherwise you'll just be back in the same sinking boat you jumped out of last time. Writing to him doesn't really sound too bad but it could give him the impression the you want more. Not many people have the strength to admit their problems and get help, so that's a good sign, that he's willing to get better. He needs as much encouragement as he can get but, from personal experience, flirting and/or a relationship may be a distraction.
Just play it by ear! See what happens, but don't jump in to anything too quickly. And I think writing him would probably be fine, but I would definitely check with whoever is in charge there, just to be sure you won't get in trouble!
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Have to send the books directly from the publisher and they must be soft cover. You can't sendp anything that has to do with instigating riots, racial tension, violence, making drugs and escaping from jail and things like that. Those books you mentioned aren't like that right (link)
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Hmmm..in that case, you may want to leave out the hunger games. Its basically people fighting to the death the whole time. The other ones should be fine though.
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told me this is enabling what do you think
"Is it really worth the expense and effort? It seems to me that you are still trying to make her stay as comfortable as possible which is self defeating. If you want her to not only learn a lesson but believe she has a debt to society that needs to be paid, then you need to let her deal with what she's given. Sending her money for stamps and paper isn't enabling, but the fact you want to send her all this other crap and make her life a cushy as possible rather than exercising some tough love and telling her to deal with the consequences of her actions IS enabling her. " (link)
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To be honest, I think that's stupid. She's in jail. Jail is not a fun place to be. When you're in there, it's because you made a mistake and you're paying for it. I guarantee you they don't let you forget that. Being in there is lesson enough. In addition, it's a depressing place to be. It's hard enough to be in there, let alone without the support of your family. Think about the most lonely time in your life and magnify it by 100. That's jail.
What you are doing is not enabling a criminal to repeat past crimes, what you are doing is showing your love for the woman that raised you. This isn't about what society thinks is best for her, this is about what you, as a daughter, think is right. In the end, the choice is yours to make.
whenever I have a conflict, I always just put myself in that person's shoes. If you were in your mom's position right now, would you want your family to send you things to show that they're thinking of you and want you to be well? Or would you want them to excommunicate you?
Besides, it's just some books. It's not like books will make the whole jail experience "cushy".
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my boyfriend will be turning 18, it will be winter (his first snowy winter), he loves music, hanging out with friends, he drives, i wanna get him a few things. a few big things and a few large things, but i dont wanna be original. thank you for any of your help :) (link)
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Since this will be his first snowy winter, then maybe a nice snow jacket would be good for him to have! If he likes music then you could get him a medium/ high end pair of headphones or earbuds, or if you want to go all out you could get and ipod touch for him. For smaller things, you could do itunes gift cards for music, a beanie for the snow, some dvds of his favorite tv shows or movies. I always get my bf a gift card to his favorite restaurant, what guy doesn't like free food? ;)
Hope this gives you some ideas!
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books really a good idea to help her pass time? Also are there any specific books that are good to send to an inmate (link)
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My friend says that books were good for helping to pass time. He was not in as long as your mom so he mostly just sat around all day in his bunk. Your mom is in there for longer so I don't know whether or not she'll have a chance to read. If your looking for time consuming books though, I would recommend
- Game of thrones series
- The Hunger games series
- The girl with the dragon tattoo series
They all have 3 or more books in the series so it will definitely help pass time.
Just make sure that if you send books, they aren't explicit because they'll most likely be confiscated.
However, if you're unsure about sending books then another good thing to send would be things like crossword puzzles, sudoku, or word search puzzles. Those keep the brain thinking and are totally time consuming.
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my mother is currently in jail the next eight months for a financial crime(if she serves her full sentence it will be about next April when she gets out). I might get flack for supporting a criminal but you know since her crime wasn't against me I guess it is OK to support her in this way. I was wondering what are some good books or magazines to send to an inmate, I honestly don't read much and I was thinking maybe there were some good specific books you can send to an inmate (link)
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Nothing sexually explicit because they will not allow them to have it! Some jails are strict and won't allow things like cosmo magazine or other fashion magazines and DEFINITELY no 50 shades of gray. (Life experience from a friend that was in jail) So maybe something like national geographic or readers digest. The stuff in those are usually pretty interesting and sometimes funny. Maybe get her a series of books so that it will last a while. like game of thrones, they will definitely last 8 months and they're pretty entertaining. The girl with the dragon tattoo and the hunger games series are also very good.
By the way, I hope you don't get flack for supporting a criminal, because even more importantly, you're supporting your mother, and that's a big thing of you to do!
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I'm trying to research what it takes to become a granny nanny, or basically a personal assistant for the elderly. One who helps the elderly with activities of daily living, such as walking, bathing, dressing, cooking, housework, etc. Not a nurse assistant, mind you. I have an extreme phobia of blood, and would not be able to handle the medical things. I do not have a problem at all with vomit, bowel movements, etc, oddly enough. Everything but blood is fine. I'm a very caring person, and I get along excellently with older people. I get compliments all the time on how I naturally get along with older people (kids on the other hand are a totally different story). I would love to help with groceries, help them to the bathroom, be there for company, anything they needed. And the assisted living field is on a major rise, I think it'd be a great job. But, does anyone know how to qualify? Are there any degrees/certifications I need pursue first? I'm trying to research, but I'm coming up dry. The websites tell me what the job entails, but not how to train for it. If anyone knows, please fill me in! Thank you! :DD (link)
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Most likely a CNA certification actually WOULD be the best training for that kind of thing. In practice, its less of the medical aspect of health care and more of the living part of it. Like what you described, bathing, dressing, walking etc. The training part may have some blood and medical stuff involved but once you get the certification you can go a lot of different ways with it, you don't HAVE to deal with blood and bodily fluids and such. But having the training makes you valuable when caring for the elderly since you'll have the knowledge of what to do In an emergency, just in case. You can be hired on by many nursing homes, assisted care facilities, hospice companies, or you can even put ads out just by yourself. People want to put their loved ones in the hands of someone that knows what they're doing!
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am gay and i never do sex befor is it painful at the first time (link)
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It really depends on if you are male or female and what type of activities you decide to engage in. Usually any type of activity that involves penetration will hurt the first time, maybe even the first few. Just let the other person know to be careful. The more aware they are, the better your experience will be.
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My boyfriend and I have been dating for quite a while now. We're very in love and getting our own place soon. We both work full time jobs and he talks about wanting to marry me all the time.
For the last two weeks I had been staying at his apartment pretty much 24/7 but yesterday when he went to work I went home because I felt weird knowing that his parents knew I'd been there so much and I didn't want them to think I was living there and using him. He begged me to come back over last night and I didn't (because I wanted to show his parents I wasn't living there ,his parents pay for his apartment which is outside their house).
I explained all of that to him and he was okay with it after some convincing. Then tonight after I got off of work I waited around for him to get off because I was supposed to go back over to his place. He texted me a couple hours later "I just got off work and I'm heading home!" Immediately I got angry.
I don't understand why he always goes straight home and it makes me mad when he does because it makes me feel like he doesn't want to do anything he just wants to go straight home.
I'm always the one driving to him but he never wants to drive to me so it takes me an hour and a half to get to work and an hour and a half to get back and if I go to his place another hour which takes up a lot of gas even though I have a hybrid. I fill up pretty much every week because of it and it's costing me a lot of money too.
Whenever I ask him to come my way he says "I don't have enough gas for that" or "It takes a lot of gas to do that" and I feel like there's a double standard. It's okay to him for me to use lots of money on gas to see him but not okay for him to spend a lot of money on gas to see me?
I feel like I shouldn't really be mad but it always upsets me when he says that. Especially since he only lives ten minutes from his work place and pretty much everything else for him is really local where as he's 30 minutes away, one way and my job is 90 minutes away, one way.
It's not just that either. I often get angry when he works days I have off or when he has days off that I work. Today I got home around 6 and he got home around 8 so I was already thinking wow it's already 8pm I probably shouldn't go over there it's too late now unless I stay over since I have to work tomorrow and he has the day off.
He also won $1k a month ago and blew it all on an ipad mini and his car and I felt as if he should have saved part of it towards his share of wherever we move into or towards a cheap engagement ring and I'm still mad about that though I haven't told him that.
How can I not be so clingy? I'm just so in love with him that I want to be his world 24.7 because he's mine and I know that's wrong and selfish...
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It really sounds like he's not playing his part with the relationship. That is a lot of driving to do just to see him! Plus the fact that he won that money and didn't really spend any of it on you, it's a little bit selfish. As a girl, you want to feel like a priority, I know how that feels.
It's hard to keep doing what you're doing when it feels there's no return. I don't think it's the fact that you're clingy, it just sounds like you're getting frustrated about not getting from the relationship what you're putting in. Don't be so hard on yourself, you think that you're selfish for wanting to be with him 24/7, but he wants the same thing, he just isn't putting in the same amount of effort to be together that you are!
When I feel myself getting this way in my relationship, what I do is back off, set limits for myself. Like, I'm going to take a week for myself and go to bed early and save some gas and focus on work. And after I've had a stress free week to myself I feel a lot better, plus, after about a week my boyfriend is ready to make an effort to see me. (lol)
I would suggest just talking to him about it. My policy is 100% blunt honesty. It will be a lot better to just tell him what you're feeling now as opposed to taking it out on him later and him not knowing why you're mad. Just to avoid confusion or possible fights later!
Best of wishes!
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I want a laptop that I can download music on & burn to CD, have Microsoft word & powerpoint for school, games & built in security & under $1,000. What laptop has these features? (link)
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Asus is a really good brand of computer. I've had good experiences with it. I had a toshiba that was pretty nice, I would recommend it for a cheap brand. There are a ton of computers that meet your criteria so it might be good for you to just browse around online or go to an electronics store and see what you like. I like Best Buy for computers since you get the Geek Squad coverage and everything.
If you want something that you can download games on to, you may want to consider a mac (pricey) or a windows 8 computer (less pricey and you can get one with a touch screen!), since they have their own places that you can buy and download games. I believe that they both have built in security and I know they can both do MS word/powerpoint.
Take a look!
http://www.bestbuy.com/site/Computers-PCs/Laptop-Computers/abcat0502000.c?id=abcat0502000
Since there are so many that have cd/dvd drives, MS word/powerpoint, games and security, it's just really up to the aesthetics and cost at that point.
Good luck computer hunting!
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What would I get my boyfriend from the beach? (link)
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When I go to the beach I always get the boys in my life saltwater taffy! The best way to the heart is through the stomach right?
If your looking for something more meaningful, maybe pick up some shells from the beach or something? The gift shops always have cool stuff in them too, necklaces, bracelets, other knick knacks. I'm not sure what he likes but, my boyfriend and I have matching kites that we take whenever we go to the beach (we're cheesy), we live real close to the beach so we go there a lot, I have a heart shaped piece of driftwood from there with our initials carved into it.
Just some ideas!
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Hi . I have a cat who is about 3 1/2 years old . She has been an outdoor cat since a young age. On July 24 , 2012 she gave birth to her first litter of kittens. On April 8 , 2013 she gave birth again for the second time. Her abdomen is bulging again and I'm am 99.9% sure she is pregnant. My mother can't afford to bring her to a vet but her babies usually come out perfectly healthy. Her last 2 pregnancies were pretty much normal her nipples were larger and pinker, bulging abdomen , and more lenient around other animals. But this pregnancy seems strange. Everything is normal except her attitude towards her daughter that we kept from the first litter. Lately she has been attacking her own daughter which has never happened before. So I have a few questions.
1.) Is this normal?
2.) Will she stop after the kittens are born?
3.) Is it dangerous to not bring her to the vet?
4.) What can I do if I cant afford a vet?
5.) Should I do something about it?
Thank you for your time (: (link)
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It's completely normal for female cats to be aggressive durnig pregnancies, and even after they give birth, when they are still nursing. They may even get aggressive towards the kittens as they are weaned. I've had many many cats throughout the years and I had one cat that as soon as the kittens stopped nursing, she wanted nothing to do with them. Another let her kittens nurse until they were young adult cats. They all have different ways of dealing with it.
Cats are highly self sufficient and it would most likely be ok to not bring her to the vet.
HOWEVER! Having litter after litter is not healthy for any animal. If bred too many times, she may eventually start having complications with the litters, stillbirths, or she may not be able to perform the birth on her own.
I'm not sure where you are but, I know that in my area, there are shelters and charities that will do low cost or even free spays and neuters. Look online and see whats available to you. There are hundreds of cats that get put down every day because no one wants them, I wouldn't want that to happen to any of those kittens!
Best of wishes to you and the kitties!
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Hello everyone female, 20 years old.
I would say about 10-11 years ago I was diagnosed with kyphosis and scoliosis. The scoliosis was minor but the kyphosis was the major issue they were concerened with. I went to physical therapy for a year after which didn't do much. I haven't seen a doctor since.
I deal with pain or soreness every day in my back. I pretty much look just like I have horrible posture, besides that my ribs are uneven and I constantly lean on one side. I work in an office where I must be on a computer all day. I've been dealing with rude people all my life telling me to sit up straight and that I'll be a hunchback when I'm older. My husband has never mentioned it but I feel like he just knows I'm really self conscious. I also have decently sized breasts that I feel add to the pain and misery.
Basically, my questions are
1. Has anyone had luck with any exercises that has helped their posture or pain? If so, what are they?
2. Has anyone found a way to relieve pain?
3. And, has anyone found any unconventional ways to help the pain/posture? Like deep breathing, mediation etc.
I'm sick of being so self conscious of my back and being in pain. It effects my mood and the time I spend with my daughter and husband.
Thanks in advance! (link)
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I've been diagnosed with scoliosis, not kyphosis however, so it might not be the same. It causes my lower back to be in constant chronic pain, sitting, standing laying down, whenever. I was always hunched over too, struggled with posture. I spoke with my doc about it and they actually gave my a back brace when I was younger that I could wear under my clothes that forced my to sit straight. It sucked at the time but after I was done with it, my posture was a lot better. then again it's probably different with kyphosis.
I do a lot of back and leg strengthening exercises. Your back will hurt way more if your muscles are weak, you want to have strong back muscles so that you aren't relying on your spine to support you as you bend, and work out your legs so that you are more apt to lift with your legs instead of your back. I do reps of squats, lunges, backwards crunches (where you face the ground and lift your chest to work the lower back-you can also do this on a ball) and an exercise i call the grasshopper, which is my absolute favorite. lay on the ground with your arms stretched in front of you and your legs behind you. lift your arms and chest off the ground a few inches and lift your legs up in the air (just enough so that you can move your legs open and closed) and beat your heels together. this will strengthen you back as you hold and also your butt, which is good for lifting and bending.
I had really good results for pain relief with spinal decompression. My chiro also did spinal decompression at his office and I could feel the improvement in 3 or 4 sessions. This also helped with posture.
I haven't really had any experience with improving posture with unconventional methods. I do meditate, as it helps me relax and control my anger. Which may be good for you even if it doesn't improve posture, so that you can be in a better mood for your family.
Again, my condition is different than yours, so this is what helps me, but it might benefit you to go back to physical therapy or the doc for some more condition specific exercises and such!
Best of wishes to you!
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Im a female 18 years of age. i was having sex with a friend. 20 minutes in the bed and he had a condom on and did not cum. An hour in the pool on and off and he did not have a condom on and he said he didn't cum. He said it was frustrating him because he couldn't cum. And then we had sex in his car for about 10 minutes. And he still did not cum. I gave him a blowjob, and he still did not cum. He went home and master bated while watching porn and came within 15 minutes. I do t understand how this is possible? I'm really scared. Supposed to get my period next Thursday and this happened 2 nights ago. I'm worried he came when we were in the pool and didn't feel it? I don't know how a guy doesn't cumin 3 hours of sex..... He is also very sexually active.he said he didn't cum at all and he said if he felt it coming then he would have pulled out. I don't know I'm just really worried. (link)
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My boyfriend and I have had a couple nights where we had to go forever and ever to make him cum. Usually its because he's orgasmed multiple times in the last day or so. it takes him longer to cum when he has recently came already. And when this happens, usually he has to finish himself off for some reason. Also, in my experience, you can definitely feel it inside you if he came without pulling out. So if you didn't feel anything abnormal after you were done having sex then I think you're ok.
So based on he situation, it sounds like maybe he just couldn't cum. It happens sometimes. But definitely keep an eye on your period, just to be safe.
Best of wishes to you
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21/m with 22/fm
Me and my girlfriend have been together for almost a year and a half. At the beginning everything was great; we spent alot of time talking or together so we got to know each other fast and fell in love in only 2 weeks. Lately (or for the past couple of months) she complains that I never talk to her and she misses talking till 4 in the morning like we use to; and since then we've become alittle distant. We're together like 10 hours out of the day (including sleeping for like 2 or 3) but we get on each others nerves alot so you can say we're both not satisfied with this. We love each other and are always there for each other in the good and bad times; it's only been a year and a half but we've gone through alot.
My question is have you girls ever had this probably with a boyfriend you thought was your soul mate? Or your boyfriend that is now your husband?
I know it's a stereotype that men don't like to talk very much so did you just put up with it or did it hurt your relationship?
What I really want is just to make her happy but talking about the same crap everyday doesn't make me wanna talk "how was your day"? "Same annoying girl anoyyed me" or about our money problems.
Men can answer to if you have something useful to say (link)
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This sounds a lot like me and my boyfriend (21f, 23m). We've been together for 4 years and moved in together a few months back and it started off great. However, I've gone through phases since we've been together where I feel like my bf doesn't care or doesn't want to talk to me anymore, etc. And when I reflect on it now, I know it isn't true. It's really just because the honeymoon stage eventually passes, and when you've been with the same person for a while you;ve basically talked about everything in the book. I mean, he wouldn't be living with me if he didn't care, right?
I think with girls (in my opinion) not talking correlates with not caring. I wish I could explain it, but to be quite honest, the way girls think is irrational. It really has a lot to do with that expectation you have when you're young that you'll find your soulmate and it will be perfect and you'll never run out of things to talk about and it will be romance 100% of the time. Guys just really don't have that.
In my experience, when I've been bugging my boyfriend to talk to me or when im telling him that he doesn't talk enough, it's usually because there's something bothering me that I want him to ASK about. 90% of the time there's an underlying issue.
I did find that getting out and hanging out with other people helped, also, go out on dates, Take her somewhere nice or something. I find that show instead of tell makes a difference, if you can't vocalize that you're still into it, then just show her.
In conclusion! I'm a girl and I really can;t explain the mindset you have to be in to think like me, it's very complex. But I can tell you that I no longer badger my boyfriend about talking after he told me this: (this is the short version)
If not talking really makes you that unhappy with our relationship, then fine, just remember, I've been with you for 4 years, I've never once though about cheating, I was with you when you were sick and when you went through hard times with your family. I only want you and I have no intention of ever leaving you. Sometimes I may not talk but that does't mean I don't care. I love you more than anything and I always will.
Boy did that shut me up. Anyways, I really hope it all works out with you two!
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