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Break up support
I've been in a relationship with him for 2 years, all long distance. At first, we were great together. The distance didn't even touch us. We planned visits all of the time. We even decided that I'd visit for a 2 month period to just spend time together. It was awesome.
However, I ended up losing my job and became in a bad situation financially. He suggested I come stay with him to test out the waters. Look for a new job. If we worked and I found one, I was going to stay. We were both really excited for this. Maybe not ready to "move in" but it was just a test run. And I could go home at any time.
But he became frustrated. I was taking too long. And to be fair, I was. Out of financial fear. Not anything to do with my feelings. We cared for each other deeply. Maybe even loved at one point. He never told me that out right, but I knew that's where it was headed. I just wanted to get my money straight. I had a lot of bills and didn't want to mess it up.
He turned to pot. Didn't tell me about it at first. He became very depressed. Went on an antidepressant that made it worse. He became detached. One night while he was high, he created a casual encounters ad on Craigslist that he came clean about after days of lying. But proved to me that he never used it. I believed it was his depression. And gave him another chance.
Since, things have gotten better. His depression was more stabilized. But after all of these things that happened, I lost trust. I was fighting hard to get it back. Our visits dwindled to nothing. He was adamant. "Move here or we're over. I cannot take long distance with you anymore". He began complaining about how lonely he was. That he needed someone around to love him and to take care of him.
And it provoked a "HAUL ASS OUT OF THERE" reaction. I've tried ending it. So has he. But he's a sweet talker and I don't know what to say. I feel like whatever I do say, it won't be justified. He'll blame the break up on me. He'll say I never tried. It's my fault. I don't trust myself going NC and sticking with it. Please, how do I do this?
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Long distance is hard, I know, I was in a long distance relationship for nearly 4 years. With long distance though, both people need to be patient and understanding. There can be no ultimatums, like "move here or we're done", because moving is a big thing for any one person. Also, from how you write, you sound pretty levelheaded about everything, whereas he is acting like a 16 year old girl, throwing a temper tantrum because she didnt get what she wanted. Furthermore, if he's talking about how he needs someone to love him, then he's basically saying that he doesn't count you as loving him. I think your decision to end it is justified, and if he's tried ending it as well, it sounds like it's time.
First, you KNOW in your gut that you are making the right decision, so don't worry about what he thinks or says to you about it. You know you tried, he's just trying to get the upper hand and make you feel bad.
Second, make it clear and concise. Don't drag it out. Tell him that you guys are done and give him an explanation if needed, but don't get trapped in an argument, or let him guilt trip you in to changing your mind.
Last, once you do it, then that's it. There is no going back. You gave it two years of your life and it didn't work. Cut off communication with him and move on.
Good luck, I hope you find happiness!
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You both tried ending the relationship therefore you are basically already holding onto nothing. He isn't into you, You don't seem to be into him. Best thing I would say is to come to a mutual agreement and call it over. His sweet talking is his manipulative way of having you around to fill his loneliness. Unfortunately, You may eant to end it and cut ties. Sometimes it's the best way to go when someone is needy in a relationship.
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