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Distant (gf wishes bf would talk more)
21/m with 22/fm
Me and my girlfriend have been together for almost a year and a half. At the beginning everything was great; we spent alot of time talking or together so we got to know each other fast and fell in love in only 2 weeks. Lately (or for the past couple of months) she complains that I never talk to her and she misses talking till 4 in the morning like we use to; and since then we've become alittle distant. We're together like 10 hours out of the day (including sleeping for like 2 or 3) but we get on each others nerves alot so you can say we're both not satisfied with this. We love each other and are always there for each other in the good and bad times; it's only been a year and a half but we've gone through alot.
My question is have you girls ever had this probably with a boyfriend you thought was your soul mate? Or your boyfriend that is now your husband?
I know it's a stereotype that men don't like to talk very much so did you just put up with it or did it hurt your relationship?
What I really want is just to make her happy but talking about the same crap everyday doesn't make me wanna talk "how was your day"? "Same annoying girl anoyyed me" or about our money problems.
Men can answer to if you have something useful to say
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I've had this problem with my boyfriend before. We've been together for almost 2 years.
We ran out of things to talk about when we weren't together because there was never anything new going on or we spent the day together.
I couldn't put up with it. When he didn't feel like talking, it made me feel like he didn't care. I know that's not true, but it just felt that way. So it ended up hurting our relationship.
In the beginning of every relationship, you talk all the time and you love it and you always have something new to talk about. And if you didn't, talking about nothing and flirting was good enough. But once you spend a lot more time together and have been dating for a long time, you don't do that anymore. So she's comparing the relationship to how it used to be. She misses the "honeymoon" stage of the relationship.
So to solve this problem, me and my boyfriend don't hang out all the time. We do our own thing and hang out other days. Find new things to do together, it will help show her you care. Talk about memories you've had together, and when you're not with her, send her a text to let her know you're thinking about her.
Talk to her about this and hopefully she'll see that spending a lot of time together can end up ruining a relationship. So spending some time apart doing other things can help give things to talk about especially when you miss each other throughout the day.
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i may be older but I went thru dating all over again after a divorce and did find a wonderful person to marry.
But here is what i learned about the talking and conversation in a relationship. Each new guy I met that seemed a decent person where there was some attraction/spark, always had good conversation with....or so it seemed while we were in the stage of telling each other our stories about each other, even child hood stuff. Once it was all told with no more stories to share, I discovered that some guys, I no longer had anything to talk to about because we just didn't have enough common interests, beliefs or goals in life. There are two major foundations on which every relationship needs to be built, one is friendship--being best friends, and the other is sexual compatibility, both like the same amount of sex, and there is such a great chemistry that you both always are desiring each other. To have one of the foundations without the other, the relationship won't last for long.
While dating my husband, after all our stories were told, we still found things to talk about buy usually the spring board for discussions was about something that one of us liked. Such as I like to decorate for Christmas and have Christmas traditions I observe every year. He doesn't get a kick out of decorating for any Holiday or birthday but he enjoys observing and supporting the enjoyment it brings others. So he's talked about how it upset his ex when he coulldn't be as into choosing ornaments or something as she was. I am happy as long as he wants to go along and enjoys watching me try to decide which new tree skirt I want. He might talk about it as far as, thats prettier but the other is made of more durable fabric and looks washable while the other isn't. This is normal conversation between two people depending on what they are doing but it isn't grand volume of words.
One reason for getting on each others nerves is not having any private 'bubble' time'. For some it may mean outside of the house. But if two people can be supportive and respectful of the other, it can happen even in a studio apartment. I find some time to be by myself simply from getting buried in a good book while he is taking the time to do household chores or take the dog for a walk or spend time on the pc. You don't say, "Oh I forgot to tell you what happened to day right when the partner is in the middle of their bubble time. Let them decide how long they need. But if you like, one can always set a timer for something like 90 mins. and see how that goes.
This is healthy and a valid need for two people. Sometimes, the need may be for you hanging out with a male friend for a couple hours without her along or her and girlfriends going to an antique doll exhibit, something that wouldnt interest you anyways and couldnt relate to as you never played with dolls. Get some self help book on relationships...the basic do's and don't no matter what your personality and whether you are a perfect match or not. Have her agree to work on all those points together and honor them in your relationship. If she is unwilling or after you've both applied your selves and you still see a disparity in the two of you match wise...then know its not ever going to be any better. Some relationships limp along imperfect as they are without either person being fully happy because the prospect of being alone or having to go through the dating process again is too scary so they stay together. You'll figure out what to do in the end. Just listen to your heart or your gut feeling. If you can feel totally at peace with any decision...don't do it. Good luck
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This sounds a lot like me and my boyfriend (21f, 23m). We've been together for 4 years and moved in together a few months back and it started off great. However, I've gone through phases since we've been together where I feel like my bf doesn't care or doesn't want to talk to me anymore, etc. And when I reflect on it now, I know it isn't true. It's really just because the honeymoon stage eventually passes, and when you've been with the same person for a while you;ve basically talked about everything in the book. I mean, he wouldn't be living with me if he didn't care, right?
I think with girls (in my opinion) not talking correlates with not caring. I wish I could explain it, but to be quite honest, the way girls think is irrational. It really has a lot to do with that expectation you have when you're young that you'll find your soulmate and it will be perfect and you'll never run out of things to talk about and it will be romance 100% of the time. Guys just really don't have that.
In my experience, when I've been bugging my boyfriend to talk to me or when im telling him that he doesn't talk enough, it's usually because there's something bothering me that I want him to ASK about. 90% of the time there's an underlying issue.
I did find that getting out and hanging out with other people helped, also, go out on dates, Take her somewhere nice or something. I find that show instead of tell makes a difference, if you can't vocalize that you're still into it, then just show her.
In conclusion! I'm a girl and I really can;t explain the mindset you have to be in to think like me, it's very complex. But I can tell you that I no longer badger my boyfriend about talking after he told me this: (this is the short version)
If not talking really makes you that unhappy with our relationship, then fine, just remember, I've been with you for 4 years, I've never once though about cheating, I was with you when you were sick and when you went through hard times with your family. I only want you and I have no intention of ever leaving you. Sometimes I may not talk but that does't mean I don't care. I love you more than anything and I always will.
Boy did that shut me up. Anyways, I really hope it all works out with you two!
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If you want any relationship to last then you need too allow it to breathe. Spending 10 hours a day together is going to smother the relationship and of course you will naturally get at one another. Being apart for a day or two isn't going to kill you, In fact it may enhance the spark of your relationship.
Basically, She has become so used to having you around that she is actually dependant upon you. Her dependant is turning into being a bit needy because she hasn't learned that a relationship is also about being independent also.
You go off wirh your friends, Let her go off with hers for a day. Give each other space
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