I am an advice hound. I love to give advice, get advice, read advice columns. I love telling people what to do ; D
Truly, I have a love for people and an honest desire to see every individual excel and succeed in their personal lives, to shed themselves of as many burdens as possible and enjoy this strange and terrible and wonderful gift that is LIFE
Location: Los Angeles
Occupation: advice guru and life coach
Member Since: June 9, 2009
Answers: 900
Last Update: February 5, 2012
Visitors: 32800
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Ok,so i know asking this probably isn't going to get me anywhere as people feel too morally obliged not to answer a question like this but i'll give it a go nonetheless. The thing is,i am considering the possibility of claiming my own life very serious as of late and would like to know what would be the most efficient way to go about it.I'm not going to try and justify my considering this but i would really appreciate an honest answer.I realise asking this puts anyone who reads this in a very awkward position and i am very sorry for that,all i need are just a few simple suggestions. (link)
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Best suggestion is find a therapist, counselor or doctor and tell them what you are trying to do. No one on here is going to tell you how to kill yourself. Doesn't work like that.
EDIT: don't ask the question if you don't want to hear the answers. You say "If God can't hear me, how will a therapist?" Well, go and find out.
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I'm 19 and my boyfriend's 21. We've been dating for 4 months. We live about an hour away from eachother and he works a lot so I only see him once or twice a week. The problem I have is I see him when he either has off from work or has time before/after work to hang out. But lately, I've been getting annoyed with him because he wants to hang out with his friend and drink or play video games or whatever they do. Last week, when I was with him, he tried to make me go over there with him. I dont drink, so it would be boring for me! We ended up getting into a fight and he wonders why I don't want to "hang out with people when I'm with him". He barely hangs out with any of my friends because we're usually ALWAYS out by where he lives. So, when we hang with his friends (which I don't mind, sometimes...), it's boring for me because my friends are so far away and I have no one to talk to except my boyfriend, who's always tied up with his friends when that happens. Whenever he comes to me, I always make sure it's just me and him. So, I guess my question is, is it so wrong, since I only see him once or twice a week, that when I do see him, I only want to hang out with him and him ONLY? He has so many chances to hang out with them. Is it wrong of me?
Thankyou.. (link)
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Its not wrong. Its just a basic difference between men and women. He thinks taking you to hang with his friends IS spending time together. You just want alone time. You'll have to compromise, even though you won't like it. If you see him twice a week, make a deal that one night is for what you want to do, and one is for what he wants to do.. or every other week or whatever. The point is to get a balance. He should recognize that you enjoy being with him so much that you treasure your alone time, but you also need to recognize that being with friends and doing things he likes to do is important to him also. At his age its very typical for a guy to be into all the things you say he is. If you keep being resentful of his choices you will only drive him away. If you show him you are willing to compromise and be a good sport about it, he will appreciate you even more. When you go to hang out with his friends, try engaging them more. They don't have to become your best friends, but if you just relax and start concentrating on the things you can actually tolerate about them, you may just come to find that you enjoy being around them from time to time. Try asking some of them to teach you about the video games. Get involved. You don't have to drink too to have fun. I'll tell you this, if his friends don't like you, it won't be long before he doesn't either. He spends way more time with them than you. He'll have to hear all their complaints about you and how uptight you are over and over again. So lighten up. Figure out how to enjoy your boyfriend AND his friends, and make it a point to let him hang out with your friends every once in a while. It will lead to a well rounded relationship and he will appreciate that you want to be a part of his life as a whole, not just when you can be alone. Good luck.
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I am a stay at home mother with 5 children. 3 of my own and 2 step children. I love all of my kids with everything I have! My problem is with my stepchildren's mother. We have full custody of the girls and every time we have to interact with her, she causes a scene! It doesn't matter where we are or what we do, she has to have a complete breakdown so that all the attention is on her and we look like the bad guys. I have NEVER done anything to stop the girls from seeing their mother or defamed her in front of them but she tells the girls all kinds of lies about us. What can I do to try and keep the peace?? I have tried avoiding situations where we have to be in contact but there are certain times when it is unavoidable. I don't know what else to do (link)
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YOu sound like you are doing all the right things. At this point it is your husband's place to explain to the girls the basics of the situation and make sure they know that you all are a family unit, that you all love and respect each other, no matter what anyone else may say. He needs to tell them that he respects their mother and only wants her to be happy, and even when she's angry with him he would never hate her. They must be so confused. They need reassurance from Dad that the adults have everything under control. You just keep doing what you're doing. If the girls tell you lies their mother says about you, calmly explain that their mother sometimes gets angry, and when she gets angry she says things that aren't true, but no one is perfect and she is blessed to have such good daughters who love her no matter what. You've done enough. This is not your situation to control. Your husband needs to step up and lay down the law and take control. Therapy is a great option and might even be necassary for the girls. Blending a family is hard, no matter what the circumstances. Counseling will help a lot. Your husband needs to learn other methods of dealing with his ex. It is not your job, and it lets him off the hook if you keep making it your job.
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Im a 26yr old female....If you just have a sexual relationship with a guy...do you hang out, watch movies with the kids, cuddle, have hour long conversations about work, family, etc before you have sex....cuddle afterwards and stay until morning? If you do all that is it really just sex or is it definitely more to the relationship? (link)
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If you have to ask, then it is just sex. I admire your commitment to not letting a guy hang around the kids until you are sure about his role in your life. Good for you! If it makes you feel better, as him point blank if he considers this a committed relationship. But be prepared for an answer you may not like. If he thinks of you as his girlfriend he'll be able to answer that question quite easily. If he dances around it, that's not good. Personally I think a sexual relationship is a bad idea, because we are designed to bond to the people we have sex with. When we lack committment, every time that person leaves its like ripping off a bandaid. Soon some skin is gonna come off with that. You need to decide what is healthy and right for you, but you definitely deserve to know where you stand with this guy, so ask. Good luck.
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okay, so I just got engaged a few months ago to my boyfriend of now 7 years. A few days before we got engaged, Mike (my fiance) was on the road because of his job and I decided to surprise him for Valentine's day. I show up and find him passed out and half naked in bed at the hotel with some other half naked woman at the door. I find out he was drunk and never actually did anything.but after I found out and we talked about it, all was fine. Recently my best guy friend, Randy, told me that he has strong feels for me. He's always around when I need somebody and Mike is on the road and doesn't call much. Mike found out about Randy and I spending a lot of time together and got jealous. He then told me to choose between them. I got upset and walked off and disappeared for a week to clear my mind. in the heat of the moment I kissed Randy so now I'm really confused. When I was gone, only Randy called me and actually tried to find me while Mike hasn't done anything. He did and was as sweet as always and I'm starting to feel the same about him but still love Mike! I don't know what to do or who to choose! Mike is so sweet and romantic and everything I could ask for. Randy is sweet, sensitive and always there for me. Please help me. I'm getting Married in 2 months and need to figure out what to do!
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Girl, if you are having this much trouble before the wedding, being married is only going to magnify it by a thousand! You don't have to break off your engagement, but you need to postpone this wedding. It sounds to me like neither of you is completely ready to get married at this time. The incident with the naked woman is a huge red flag. I know you say you talked it out, but the fact that you are even mentioning it here means its not fine. You need to put this wedding on hold until you figure out what you really want. I can't say if your feelings for Randy are real, but at the very least what happened with him is a symptom of a relationship you are not sure about. Please, I know its difficult, but don't get married right now. Marriage is so very difficult even when you go into it with everything working. To have problems before you even take the vows... that's not going to end well. Take some time, let your guests know you've decided to postpone things, and really take time to think about this. don't let pride get in the way. Its better to break it off now then get married and realize you made a mistake. Divorce is a lot messier than simply canceling a wedding. Good luck to you.
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18/f
My boyfriend is leaving for vacation, and because of that... My older sister told me to prepare for the worst. She said that a majority of the people she knows either cheated when they're on vacation, or the person at home ends up with someone else/cheats on someone else, she has experienced it herself too. She said that she's not saying the same thing will happen to us, but she just told me to prepare for the worst. I'm positive that it's not going to happen with me, because I already miss him when I don't see him for a day... But possibly 1 and a half weeks to 3 weeks?? Without seeing him and talking to him is really hard. So all that can happen, is me missing him more.
I tried defending him, but the more she said it... The more it got me paranoid. So I asked him about it. He said that it probably won't happen, probably. He said a majority of the times he goes, nothing happens so he thinks that nothing will happen this time. Single or not. He says he can't control a relationship from starting, but he can control actions. And honestly, that doesn't make me feel secure. He just actually admitted that there is a possible chance that something could happen, or he could end up liking another girl in a week and a half. I know that's not alot of time... But a lot of things can happen in a week and a half without seeing and talking to your significant other.
Many people told me that they'd be more worried about me than about him. Because he's very traditional and serious, so if he did something like that it would bring "shame to the family." But he does get influenced easily, so it kind of worries me.
One of the factors that really does worry me right now is also probably because he's been distant lately (he's been busy). He says that his main goal to go to vacation was the send his grandma back home, visit some friends he hasn't seen for a long time, and to look for inspiration to work harder for school. I texted him saying that he doesn't need to worry about me, because I will be waiting for him until he gets back and that I'll be thinking of him the whole time. And the only thing he said back was, "thanks."
How do I relieve this paranoia of mine?? (link)
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Its not paranoia, your intuition is telling you something isn't right. If the best your boyfriend can do to ease your worry is tell you "PROBABLY nothing will happen", that's pretty sad. Sounds to me like he's leaving the door open. He's been distant and keeping communication short. It doesn't look good. I'm not saying break up with him, but rather than sitting around waiting and wondering, let him know you'll also be out having a good time while he's gone. Tell him you can't wait to see him when he returns so you guys can compare vacation stories, then go out with friends, attend gatherings and movies, do stuff you life to do. don't spend too much time hung up on this boy. It doesn't sound like he's that hung up on you.
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When I was 12 my mother told me that she didnt know who my father was because she was raped. But there is a name on my birth cirtificate that my mother says is just an old friend who was nice and put his name on for me and I cant find that person anywhere then my mother told me last year when she lived in my house that my father was a nice guy and she only remembered his first name. how did he go from being a rapist to a nice guy who would never hurt her. She even went the extra mile to tell me that he was "afraid" when they had sex because he wanted to make sure she wanted it. How do I tell her that I know that she has been lying to me? How do I get her to tell me the truth? Why do you think she is lying? Why doesnt she think that I deserve to know my father and my children deserve to know their grandfather? I dont care if he wants to be in my life I just want to know if there is health problems I need to worry about. I would love for him to be there in my life but the choice is his. What do I do? Please help (link)
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You should explain to your mother how much her lies are hurting you. Write it down in a letter if it helps you to express it without breaking down. You have a right to know. You are not wrong or crazy for wanting to know. But before you press on any further, please be sure you are ready to know the truth. You know she has lied so far. The real truth might not be any of those things she's already told you. It may be far worse and she feels she is protecting you. So be prepared. If you feel you can be ready for anything, I think you have a right to know. If you can approach her calmly and rationally about it, she may finally understand how much the not knowing hurts you. Good luck.
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My best friends mom thinks I'm like a bad influence because I am vegan, and eat organic. I mean clearly she must be uneducated in health. Sure best friends mom you can slurp up some more aspartame, and down another quart of sugar, but I wont. I am 15, and I do not know how to confront this problem. I do not care what her diet consists of...so why does she hate me for mine? (link)
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She probably doesn't hate you for it, she probably just hates how judgmental you sound when you talk about food. You certainly sound that way here. You don't need to comment on what other people are eating all the time. Its great that you feel passionately about your food choices, but people have been eating bad stuff since the beginning of time, and our general life expectancy has never been longer than it is now. Its a choice. The best way to take care of the situation is simply not talk food when you are around her, and don't judge your friend for the food she eats either. When people see that you respect the choices they make for themselves, they will respect the choices you make for yourself as well.
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my soon to be husband moved my daughter and me into his house this past january its been real nice up untill lately his brother lives there also and another room mate well his 40 year old brother doesnt pay rent or pay bills or even buy food for the house he lops around doing nothing at all sleeps all day and up all night. He just recently started being smart towards my family and my daughter by the way she sleeps in the den he has his own room she is 14 and he doesnt give her no privtecy last night i went to cook and he through out all the forks and spoons that i use to cook with . how can i get this loser to leave i have told my boyfriend and he just feels sorry for this bs of a what he thinks is a man i want him to leave i pay the bills and buy food he doesnt do nothing what can i do to get him out ? (link)
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How can you start a marriage together when you don't even have a home together? Your daughter doesn't even have a room? How'd you let that happen? Bad idea. When you marry you will need know that your home is your HOME, and what you want is important. Leave there and delay the wedding until the living situation is sorted out. Trust me, if its bad now, it will seem 100 times worse AFTER you're married. You have to have these problems ironed out before you say idea or they will come back to haunt you worse than you could have ever imagined.
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i had sex with the person my best friend liked and she found out about it a few days later. she is pissed / upset and she keeps ignoring my calls and texts. i work with her sunday morning, so it's gonna be really awkward. what should i do and what should i say to her? :\ (link)
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Before you start your shift tell her you're sorry and you know it was a crappy thing to do and you understand if she stays mad at you for a little while. Then let her stew. She'll get over it, but you hurt her, you betrayed her trust and she just needs a while to mope about it.
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34/F
I am deciding whether to let my friend go. I’ve felt I don't wish to be her friend for over a year, however we have been friends since the 1st day of highschool and I do love her. I just feel like she is a huge drain on me and I always feel worse (stressed, sad, no energy) after talking to her or seeing her.
She was studying and working for a long time, and so I would always be the one making time for her, going through to see her, phoning at times that were convenient for her. Lately she’s had some big news (moving home, pregnancy), and again I’m the one making all the compromises.
I know I need to accommodate her but she has now said I can't email her because she doesn't have time to reply, and when I try to phone she doesn't pick up. I can't arrange a time to see her if we can't communicate. My last email to her (2 days ago) suggested 3 possible time slots for a phone call. She hasn’t replied. I’ve done this before (suggested times to call) but she hasn’t responded to these requests.
Lately when I do get to talk to her, she adds to the pile of stressors in her life, citing medical problems and more. She is a liar by nature and I now wonder if she is saying these things to gain my sympathies? It reeks of Victim Complex/Histrionic Personality Disorder, but obviously I can’t say this on the off-chance that it is all true. Her issues are vague, like ante natal depression, chronic fatigue syndrome, IBS, spastic colon - all "non-provable" things. The latest is that she has a "bad heart" or something.
I have told her I will speak to her in 6 weeks as I am too busy to chase her down for a phone call, but she has sent me petulant text messages, wondering whether I am as busy as I say I am (I really am!). She has become this huge, negative influence in my life but it is not easy to end it. My mother says I should protect & fight for my female friends as they will be there for me in the future like no-one else will.
Thanks for reading. I appreciate any comments. (link)
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Your mother is right, but she forgot to add that you protect and fight for the female friends who would do the same for you! This friend won't even return an email, for crying out loud. Let this one go. You don't need to make a big declaration (unless she keeps pressing you about it). Just drop off the radar. Its fine to answer her texts or any emails she may send, just to keep up with her, but stop making any attempts to contact her. If she does finally call and start going on and on like usual just politely say "You know, Kathy, I'd love to sit down and hear all about this but I've got a lot of things going on right now and I'm super busy. We'll have to catch up later". Then say goodbye. It might take her a bit, but after a while she'll get the hint. No need to feel guilty. Sometimes people change that's all. Not every friendship is meant to be a life long friendship. Some are meant to see you through certain times in your life and then you move on. You'd do well to move on from this energy-sucker of a friend.
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20/f
Okay so i work at a drugstore, in the front of the store, and we just got a new pharmacy intern a week ago. I swear that he is the most gorgeous guy I have ever seen..he makes me melt when I see him and gives me serious butterflies, kind of like a middle school crush. The issue is that hes very quiet and shy and I have a social anxiety disorder so us ever speaking at all to eachother isnt looking promising. Me approaching him is never going to happen no matter how bad I would like to due to my anxiety. So my questions are, how would I even know if he's interested? especially if he's shy..and how do I get him to notice me? I usually have no problem with guys but he's different, he's very very intimidating.
(link)
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Just start with saying hello when you see him at the beginning of each shift. A friendly "hi" consistently can do a lot to break the ice.Be sure to use his name, like "Hi Bill". If he doesn't know your name then just introduce yourself quickly one day like "Hi Bill. I'm Jenny. welcome to the store. If you need help with anything let me know" Leave it at that. That is a great ice breaker and now you are at least free to say hi how are you each day. Be patient, don't pressure yourself or him. Just be friendly and keep it casual. As you both become more comfortable making conversation will become easier.
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16/f/India
Okay so I am in senior year. Here 12th grade is VERY important..My admissions into a good college will be only on the basis of the marks I score in my "board examination" which is held at the end of the year. The papers are not checked by my teachers but by some other teachers who don't know me and are teaching in some other school. This is done to make the examination fair. The cutoffs for any college where i live (new delhi) are CRAZZY. I mean nothing below a 475/500 is acceptable.
I have Physics, Chemistry, Computer science, English and Maths as my subjects.
Im telling you all of this just so that you know there is a lot of pressure to perform well.. and I have to in order to get a good college.
Ive just been real distracted for a while. I don't know how to concentrate on my studies. I dont feel like sitting with my books. It is freaking me out because every day matters to me. Please help!!!!! (link)
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Because you live in a different culture it is hard for me to give you sound advice. I don't fully understand the pressures. But I would say that you are letting the pressure affect you and that's why you can't concentrate. I know its important on the outside, but really, your whole life will not be about what college you get into. There are so many other things that will happen to you that will shape your life and who you become that have absolutely nothing to do with school. That being said, try to take some of the pressure off yourself by giving yourself a break. Take one day a week off from studying to do something that you enjoy. Or try taking mini breaks during your study days to relax, talk with friends or enjoy an activity. Your brain needs a rest! You're freaking yourself out and the only way to get over it is to find some time to just relax. You may feel guilty at first because you are not studying, but trust me, in the long run it is better for your brain and your emotional health to take a break every now and then. Then you will feel refreshed when you return to your studies. Good luck. You will be just fine, no matter what happens, I promise.
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I have been trying to lose weight for about a year. I have been eating the right things, tracking my food and exercise, seeing a personal trainer, and have had blood drawn. All the blood tests come back negative for diabetes, thyroid problems, anemia, and whatever else they test for for weight problems. It is so frustrating! And I don't understand why if i'm doing the right things the weight won't come off! (And I do mean that literally. 10 pounds loss in a year is NOT losing weight! Especially when I was working out and GAINED weight.) grrrrrrrrrr! Has anyone else had this problem before? (link)
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Maybe you just haven't found the right combination that works for you. Have you tried Weight watchers? I did it and lost 75lbs in about 18 months. It is a great program because it teaches you how to eat right and make good choices while still being realistic about the food choices we have around us every day. Its not a diet, so that's a good thing. Its just sort of a lifestyle change. It will teach you how to make healthy choices, how to treat yourself without going overboard, and how to incorporate exercise every day. And its pretty cheap. You can do it online for about $20/month or attend meetings once a week for $10/week. I suggest the meetings because its good to see people each week who can hold you accountable for what you're doing. Good luck. don't give up, and remember, even losing 1 pound a month is better than gaining one pound a month.
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Alright, I am 16, female, going to be a senior in high school. When I was in Jr. High, I created a very close relationship with a teacher of mine. Everyone likes him and everyone is around him all the time but the more I think about it, he was the nicest to me. He let me call him by his first name and nobody else. When I felt like I needed to perfect my actions to better myself in his class, he would write me a pass to go to his room. Many people thought we were secretly seeing each other because I had a near perfect average in his class even though I didn't try most of the time and due to the countless free periods I spent with him in his office. Now, you're probably going to think I am whack but I took internet 'does he like me' quizzes and each came back positive. I also go back to visit him and check on his new students to see how they are succeeding in his class and he would let me help them, almost as a mentor to help them better themselves as well. The one time I went back to visit, I was the last person to leave. I was waiting for my mom outside while he was finishing up some paper work in his office. I guess he thought I had left because when he walked out, he looked back at me and said "oh, you're still here" and I replied. He then asked very awkwardly "well.. uh, do you.. need a ride?" I declined because my mom was on her way and I didn't want more rumors flying around about us. So, he drove home. He always calls me by my full name and my friend that sometimes visits him with me (she is a current student of his) said when I visited him for the first time "he looked the happiest that he did in a looong time." He sometimes goes to my high school to watch the students he once had, the last day of school he gave us announcements for the summer and he looked so nervous but every time I realized he looked nervous, he looked directly at me, like I made him feel more at ease. We talk about my future goals and what I want to do with myself and he tells me numerous times that I am growing up to be a very mature, young lady. He compliments me as well, like my hairstyles and outfits. He also never ceases to know when I am not myself, I went to visit him one day after a terrible day at school and after all of the kids left, he didn't even ask how I was, he just said "alright, (my name) what's eating at you?" I am going on a 11 day school trip to another country. He is going to be the leader of this trip because he is the head of the department. I want to know what is going on between us before this trip so I can at least try to think of what's going to happen.
What do you think is going on? Don't answer me saying that it's disgusting, that it was wrong of me to even think about this or I need to stay away from him because I mentor his students, so I have to be near him, we are spending a week and 4 days together in another country.
Just tell me why you think he was so close to me and not everyone else? Is he attracted to me? (link)
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Its hard to tell just from this letter. It could be a mutual attraction, or it could just be that he thinks you're a cool kid and enjoys having you around, in a non-romantic way. Either way, its best that you spend as little time alone with him as possible. Even if nothing ever happens, just the rumors of something inappropriate could be enough to get him in serious, serious trouble. Like the kind of trouble where he could never work as a teacher again. Schools don't look lightly on teacher/student relationships. I'm sure he's nice and you sound nice, so its not about what's creepy and disgusting, its about what's appropriate. For you only your feelings are at stake. For him, his job and livelihood and criminal record are at risk if he allows any type of inappropriate contact. So just keep that in mind and enjoy your trip.
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I'm fourteen and I am babysitting an eight year old girl and 5 year old boy for the next three and a half weeks. My first day was today, and I was already running out of ideas, which scared me to death! Any recommendations? (link)
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Keep in mind that you don't have to keep them entertained every second of the day. You just have to keep them safe and fed. But planning a few activities helps the day go faster, so I'll give you a few things I used to do when I babysat at your age:
1)Scavenger hunt - place objects (anything you want, balls, painted rocks, candy, be creative) around the house and make a list of clues to where they are and have the kids search for them. Give a prize to the winner, or both if you want.
2)Go for a walk and make a map of the neighborhood. Take pictures of landmarks or houses or special trees and print them out and paste them to the map.
3)If you have a phone or camera take video of the kids reading stories, then email or text video to mom and dad
4)card games - give each child the chance to pick what game they want to play. Look on internet for rules and ideas of new card games to play
5)make artwork - you can just use crayons or markers or if you have the stuff use paints or look online for ideas. Everybody make a special picture, a work of art. Then make picture frames from old cardboard boxes or cereal boxes. put picture in frame and give to mom and dad when they get home.
6)hide and seek
7)movie day - bring a special movie and pop some popcorn and enjoy a special show together
8)water balloons - water balloon kits are super cheap and you can get them at any store like Walgreens or CVS or Walmart (some are no more than $2) Fill them up and have a water balloon fight!
9)take a walk around the neighborhood and play I Spy
These are just a few ideas, but keep asking around to your friends and family for ideas. And don't forget, no matter what you decided to do, its always good to build in a little quiet time during the day. It will give both you and the kids a little rest. So pick a time of the day that you set aside 20 minutes to an hour for reading time/quiet play time. This is a time for everyone to relax and give their bodies and brains a rest. Good luck and have fun!
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Okay so there is this real close friend of mine.We are classmates. And we had this sleepover, a couple of us, guys and girls. I just broke up two months back with my bf who cheated..so i am still getting over it...And my friend broke up a few days ago. We ended up chatting throughout the night, and i dont know what happened but we ended up kissing each other too..it was not our intention of doing ANYTHING like that. we pretty much have feelings for our ex's and not each other. i dont know why and how it happened.
we have promised not to tell this to anyone. and that this incident will stay a secret between the two of us forever. but i feel weird about it, i feel disgusted for doing such a stupid thing now. do you think things will change because of this? i am scared he would tell someone which i really dont want.HELP. how should i handle this? (link)
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I understand that its embarrassing, but try not to look at it as a bad thing. Look at it as two people who were hurting about breakups finding some comfort with each other. I don't think it needs to be a secret, you didn't do anything wrong, but that's up to you. You don't need to advertise it, but if he tells someone, so what? Like I said, just look at it as two friends who needed to connect with another person to ease the loneliness just a bit. You did it, its over and you have nothing to be ashamed of. You're not attached to anyone. You're single and so is he and so you made out one night? Big deal. Don't think so much about it. I think the fact that you are so desperate to keep it a secret makes it feel worse than it actually was. If someone asks you about it you can just say yeah, something happened, but it was a private thing and I don't want to talk about it. End of story. Don't worry, as time moves forward this will get easier and easier. Keep yourself busy and try to put it out of your mind. You didn't do anything wrong. Good luck!
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Okay first of all I DO NOT live with my dad. In fact I haven't even seen him in 7 weeks.
I'm supposed to go to his house every other weekend but I really hate going there so I tend to skip a lot of weekends and he often has things that come up on our weekends so he'll cancel as well.
I feel like my dad is an animal hoarder.
He lives in a 1 bedroom apartment and currently has 11 inside cats and 2 outside cats and one of them is pregnant.
He also has 4 snakes,two whole aqauriums full of mice and an aqaurium of fish.
All of those animals in a one bedroom apartment.
So you can see why I never want to visit him.
I really want to report him and I know they wouldn't tell him who reported him but I'm afraid if they see his place they're going to evict him as well as take all of his animals and I don't want that to happen because he doesn't have enough money to move somewhere else.
He's also a junk hoarder as well but he's getting a lot better with that. The entire back room is filled to the ceiling with junk but he doesn't put anything back there anymore and he's always trying to clean up all of the other rooms.
He has another lady living there now too (a friend of his) and I want to make some sort of secret deal with her where we tell my dad to go out and while he's gone we just pile everything into trash bags and throw it out.
He always complains about not having money but he would if he didn't have all of those animals.
I'm just really afraid he'll lose it if either the animals or the stuff goes away but he really needs to just stop.
He thinks taking in all of the animals is justified because the animals are sick/pregnant when he gets them and then he takes care of them until their well again but then instead of finding homes for them like he says he's going to do he just keeps them.
I'm also worried that they'll take some of the cats and put them to sleep because one of them is blind in both eyes and another is blind in the one eye however both of the cats are really sweet.
What should I do?
I don't want my dad to get in legal trouble or get evicted he just doesn't have the money to find another place and he doesn't do anything bad or evil he loves his animals and he's nursed them all back to good health it's just that he has too many and their making him sick with all the cat fur and ammonia and he already has really bad lungs.
He even had a full blown asthma attack less then a week ago and he's always getting bronchitis.
Any advice is appreciated.
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Usually this type of behavior is a sign of other emotional issues. It is a type of hoarding and he needs help. I think you do need to start with calling animal control. You don't have to give your name, but think of the poor animals. As much as your Dad may love them, he can't possibly care for all those animals properly. They are suffereing in a small space that is probably filthy. Also, if the problem gets much worse, your dad may actually lose his apartment and then what will he do? If neighbors haven't already noticed the smell and the noise, they surely will soon. You will be helping him by letting animal control know. If your dad will agree, take him to see the doctor about his hoarding. Its not normal or healthy. But if he won't agree, the best you can do is assure him you love him and keep an eye on his animal situation. If it gets out of hand again, call animal control again. But if you don't help him to get rid of some of these animals soon, he definitely will be evicted. There's no doubt about that. Also, if you haven't seen it already, check out the show "Hoarders" on A&E. It may give you some ideas and help you understand him better. good luck.
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I wrote to you about 2 months ago concerning how to move on after I was the one who broke it off. I'm not sure if you remember, so I'll just reiterate that it's been about 5 months since I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years because I felt he wasn't ambitious enough. Your advice was wonderful and helped me get through the school year, and I honestly believed that I'd moved on. But now I'm home for the summer, and I saw him again last week at a dinner with our mutual friends; since then I haven't been able to stop thinking about him. I'm afraid that I haven't really moved on and only forced the issue to the back of my mind while I concentrated on school. Seeing him has released a flood of memories and feelings that I thought I'd never have again, and I'm just so confused.
At the dinner, I was rather cold and distant to him because I didn't know how to deal with what I was feeling. I felt horrible afterwards, so I messaged him to apologize and ask that we be friends like we had intended to be after the breakup. He agreed and said he was relieved that I had contacted him because he thought that, judging by my behavior that night, I would never want to see or speak to him again. We chatted for a bit and then the topic turned to our thoughts about getting back together. In a previous talk, I'd told him that I would not consider getting back together with him for a long time. This time, I asked what his thoughts were. He said he would consider it because he believes that anything is possible. The thing is, he also said, "what we had was great, and now that we've both moved on, it's good to be friends." I don't understand how he could consider us getting back together in the future if he's already moved on. Also, I don't know how to deal with these feelings because I don't know if it's him that I miss or just the idea of a relationship. And how was he able to move on so quickly (considering the length of our relationship and how torn up he was about breaking up) while I'm still having difficulty? (link)
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First, congratulations for making it through the school year! I know it must have been difficult. Its totally natural and normal to be feeling these things now that you're seeing him again after so long. You've been apart for a while and seeing each other is bound to bring back memories and old feelings. I don't think its necessarily because you are still in love, but maybe there is still some work to be done on the whole "closure" aspect. Also, I know its hard to understand, but don't be so sure he's moved on quickly. Guys are different. Women take time to heal and when our hearts are broken we retreat and really don't want to be with anyone else until we feel better. Guys are the opposite. They'll go out and find the next person available, just to feel better. So it may seem he's moved on, he may even say it, but its just his way of dealing with his own hurt. Trust me, he's hurting. You guys were together too long for him not to be.
You have to do what you think is right for you and best for your own sanity, but I think you haven't really been able to close the chapter on this just yet. That being said, I don't think you need to spend the whole summer avoiding him. I think spending time together with mutual friends may be a good way to develop your friendship again and really see what feelings come up. Don't place any expectations on anything. This is a good time to just let things flow. You've learned a lot about yourself in this last year. You are more confident and know a bit more about what you want out of life. I believe once you have had the chance to become more comfortable around your ex again you will know what you want and what you don't. And you'll make the right decision when the time comes. So for now, don't sweat it too much. Hang out if you want to. See if a real friendship is in the cards for you or something more or nothing at all. You'll know. Whatever happens, the question you must always ask yourself is "Am I moving forward, or stepping back?" Keep moving forward in your life and you'll be just fine. Try to relax and enjoy your summer with friends and family. Good luck!
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Me & and the guy that i have been dating have been going strong for a good 7 months now. We are in love and we trust eachother and haven't had many problems in our relationship. There is one thing i am uncertain about though. After 4 months into our relationship, i seen where he wrote on his ex girlfriend of 2 and a half years facebook wall and said "Thanks for logging off during mid conversation." I wasn't really worried about it when i first saw he posted that but now that i have come to think of it, i really want to know what they were talking about and why he was so worried that she logged off. I know that he would never cheat on me and that he loves me. He's not a bad guy. It just makes me worry a little because they dated for so long. Should i be worried? I feel like its to late to say anything to him since it happened about 3 months ago. (link)
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Its understandable that you feel uneasy, but unless you've seen other signs that make you uncomfortable I wouldn't worry about it. Who knows what they were talking about. they could have been just putting some closure on some unresolved issues or talking about a mutual friend. Maybe it really wasn't anything that important, just two people who have a history catching up. Whatever it was, it didn't end well obviously, so that's something. Try not to worry about it. You seem to indicate he's great in every other way. 2 1/2 years is a long time to be with someone. It will take a while for him to cut all ties with that person. That's totally normal and doesn't mean he doesn't care for you.
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