|
Is it time to let my friend go?
34/F
I am deciding whether to let my friend go. I’ve felt I don't wish to be her friend for over a year, however we have been friends since the 1st day of highschool and I do love her. I just feel like she is a huge drain on me and I always feel worse (stressed, sad, no energy) after talking to her or seeing her.
She was studying and working for a long time, and so I would always be the one making time for her, going through to see her, phoning at times that were convenient for her. Lately she’s had some big news (moving home, pregnancy), and again I’m the one making all the compromises.
I know I need to accommodate her but she has now said I can't email her because she doesn't have time to reply, and when I try to phone she doesn't pick up. I can't arrange a time to see her if we can't communicate. My last email to her (2 days ago) suggested 3 possible time slots for a phone call. She hasn’t replied. I’ve done this before (suggested times to call) but she hasn’t responded to these requests.
Lately when I do get to talk to her, she adds to the pile of stressors in her life, citing medical problems and more. She is a liar by nature and I now wonder if she is saying these things to gain my sympathies? It reeks of Victim Complex/Histrionic Personality Disorder, but obviously I can’t say this on the off-chance that it is all true. Her issues are vague, like ante natal depression, chronic fatigue syndrome, IBS, spastic colon - all "non-provable" things. The latest is that she has a "bad heart" or something.
I have told her I will speak to her in 6 weeks as I am too busy to chase her down for a phone call, but she has sent me petulant text messages, wondering whether I am as busy as I say I am (I really am!). She has become this huge, negative influence in my life but it is not easy to end it. My mother says I should protect & fight for my female friends as they will be there for me in the future like no-one else will.
Thanks for reading. I appreciate any comments.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
OMgosh I feel like I'm reading my own thoughts. I have a cousin that I grew up with almost like sisters. She's always been a lier for no reason WHATSOEVER! She's always "going through so much" RIGHT!!! SHe used to be a drain on my life but lately as you stated she's become distant.I think these people really need help. I think we (normal people) try to understand why they act as they do but the bottom line is I don't think they know why they act as they do. My cousin however has since become involved with another girl who is the same way. I couldn't handle one and now I'm certainly not going to deal with both of them so I've moved on. They always come around when they need something and I'm always there but it gets old. We don't have time for this and their games. Lets go on with our lives.
]
Your mother is right, but she forgot to add that you protect and fight for the female friends who would do the same for you! This friend won't even return an email, for crying out loud. Let this one go. You don't need to make a big declaration (unless she keeps pressing you about it). Just drop off the radar. Its fine to answer her texts or any emails she may send, just to keep up with her, but stop making any attempts to contact her. If she does finally call and start going on and on like usual just politely say "You know, Kathy, I'd love to sit down and hear all about this but I've got a lot of things going on right now and I'm super busy. We'll have to catch up later". Then say goodbye. It might take her a bit, but after a while she'll get the hint. No need to feel guilty. Sometimes people change that's all. Not every friendship is meant to be a life long friendship. Some are meant to see you through certain times in your life and then you move on. You'd do well to move on from this energy-sucker of a friend.
]
In years time, People getting older, They grow apart, They eventually go their separate ways..
If you feel that your friend is a burden in your life, Then the friendship likely died out a long time ago and you both are hanging by a thread and she hasn't acknowledge that yet. There really is no nice way to tell someone that you don't want them in your life anymore, The best way I can recommend for you is too simply tell her that there is something you want to get off your chest....and tell her you feel you've grown apart. However, Considering the fact that she is pregnant at this time instead of getting yourself into possible confrontation perhaps just send her a text message or write her a letter in the mail or last but not least just simply cut contact and hope she gets the picture. Nobody can force you to remain friends with someone but keep in mind if you burn your bridge you may be burning it forever.
]
More Questions: |