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The more I think about it, the more true it seems.
Alright, I am 16, female, going to be a senior in high school. When I was in Jr. High, I created a very close relationship with a teacher of mine. Everyone likes him and everyone is around him all the time but the more I think about it, he was the nicest to me. He let me call him by his first name and nobody else. When I felt like I needed to perfect my actions to better myself in his class, he would write me a pass to go to his room. Many people thought we were secretly seeing each other because I had a near perfect average in his class even though I didn't try most of the time and due to the countless free periods I spent with him in his office. Now, you're probably going to think I am whack but I took internet 'does he like me' quizzes and each came back positive. I also go back to visit him and check on his new students to see how they are succeeding in his class and he would let me help them, almost as a mentor to help them better themselves as well. The one time I went back to visit, I was the last person to leave. I was waiting for my mom outside while he was finishing up some paper work in his office. I guess he thought I had left because when he walked out, he looked back at me and said "oh, you're still here" and I replied. He then asked very awkwardly "well.. uh, do you.. need a ride?" I declined because my mom was on her way and I didn't want more rumors flying around about us. So, he drove home. He always calls me by my full name and my friend that sometimes visits him with me (she is a current student of his) said when I visited him for the first time "he looked the happiest that he did in a looong time." He sometimes goes to my high school to watch the students he once had, the last day of school he gave us announcements for the summer and he looked so nervous but every time I realized he looked nervous, he looked directly at me, like I made him feel more at ease. We talk about my future goals and what I want to do with myself and he tells me numerous times that I am growing up to be a very mature, young lady. He compliments me as well, like my hairstyles and outfits. He also never ceases to know when I am not myself, I went to visit him one day after a terrible day at school and after all of the kids left, he didn't even ask how I was, he just said "alright, (my name) what's eating at you?" I am going on a 11 day school trip to another country. He is going to be the leader of this trip because he is the head of the department. I want to know what is going on between us before this trip so I can at least try to think of what's going to happen.
What do you think is going on? Don't answer me saying that it's disgusting, that it was wrong of me to even think about this or I need to stay away from him because I mentor his students, so I have to be near him, we are spending a week and 4 days together in another country.
Just tell me why you think he was so close to me and not everyone else? Is he attracted to me?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Work/School Relationships?
He may be attracted to you - it is possible - a bit unlikely, but possible.
What is even more unlikely is that if he is attracted to you, he would risk his job, his career and going to jail in order to act on it.
A teacher in his position who ACTED on their attraction to you, would be behaving unethically and illegally. Unless he is a complete, selfish, asshole of a moron, it will never happen.
It's not disgusting, and it's perfectly fine that these things occur to us in our minds sometimes. We often had ideas that aren’t ‘good ideas’. That’s okay, it’s just important to realize what ideas are good, and which are bad.
So, what should you do?
You should assume that this teacher isn't a moron. You should assume that even if he is attracted to you on some level, he knows it would be dangerous to act on it - and that is would also be immoral. It is immoral and unethical for an older person to take advantage of their position as a teacher in a romantic way. It would make him not a just a criminal, but a lousy, selfish human being would was more interested in what he wanted, then what was fair and right for you.
You should learn to be okay with not knowing exactly what he thinks.
You should try and focus on building connections with people who are your equals in society - people you can have respectful and healthy connections with.
You are a teenager. You aren't his peer. You can't possibly be his equal in society yet, legally, or functionally. That means you can't be a respectful, healthy relationship. Respectful and healthy relationships take two people who can stand on equal ground, make decisions with equal strength and respect each other’s knowledge and experience. That doesn't always mean the same age, but it does mean people should be at simpler places in their lives, and be able to act with similar degrees of strength and power.
Nothing is ‘going on’. You have a crush. Maybe he does to (it’s unlikely, but it’s possible) but unless he an asshole and a creep, he is NEVER going to tell you.
So, enjoy the friendship, but make sure you are putting your energy into other friendships as well. This teacher is a just a mentor and friend. That is all he wants to be. That is all he can be. It’s fine to have a crush, it’s not always okay to act on it.
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Its hard to tell just from this letter. It could be a mutual attraction, or it could just be that he thinks you're a cool kid and enjoys having you around, in a non-romantic way. Either way, its best that you spend as little time alone with him as possible. Even if nothing ever happens, just the rumors of something inappropriate could be enough to get him in serious, serious trouble. Like the kind of trouble where he could never work as a teacher again. Schools don't look lightly on teacher/student relationships. I'm sure he's nice and you sound nice, so its not about what's creepy and disgusting, its about what's appropriate. For you only your feelings are at stake. For him, his job and livelihood and criminal record are at risk if he allows any type of inappropriate contact. So just keep that in mind and enjoy your trip.
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