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Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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my boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 months, he just turned 18 and I'm almost 16. before we had sex we went through all the smaller steps, which was good, and we've had sex a few times now. I'm not on birth control and I've tried to go on it for other reasons but my mom and doctor didn't think it was necessary unless I was sexually active which at the time I wasn't but now I am. we use a condom every time, I wouldn't do it any other way and neither would he. should I be taking a form of the morning after pill or something? I just don't want anything to happen. please any advice helps, thank you! (link)
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Get on birth control. Either figure out how to go see your doctor or google planned parenthood and find the closest one you can visit.
In the meantime, spermicide.
In the condom aisle is a little box of VCF. Vaginal Contraceptive Film. Find the box, buy the box, read the instructions twice, and make sure you wait the damn 15 minutes.
They can be used with condoms, if a condom breaks it's a second line of defense. Shower after use, it tastes terrible.
Check your condoms for breaks. Water is the easiest way. Fill it up under the sink, look for leaks. No break, should be no worry. Hole? Consider buying plan b.
Last, go google "ovulation cycle" if you don't already know what fertile means and when you are. You want to know when eggs are popping up during your cycle so you know when the greatest danger is.
:Edit:
I feel the need to point out that while I'm happy to tell you what you need to have sex safely the intelligent and mature thing to do would be figure out birth control and wait until you're on it.
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15/f I have been seeing this guy for awhile we are hooking up or making out but nothing more whenever we hangout. we are good friends he is 17/m and we don't want to be serious. ideally I would like to be in a relationship to lose my virginity but are relationship is great where it is. we have respect for each other and care about each other a lot and we are comfortable around each other. im not one to rush into anything quickly especially with guys and I have a hard time trusting them. it took us awhile like two months to even hookup. we are very open with each other and talk about everything, including sex and he doesn't pressure me or anything. I know he is a good guy and I just want to make the right decision. I am so mature and responsible for my age that its not that im trying to rush anything I just feel so much older and im ready. if he uses a condom and uses it correctly and everything is their really any chance of getting pregnant? if everything does go fine should I still use plan B afterwards if im not on the pill just to make sure? the only reason is I don't want to get on birth control for someone im not in a relationship with so it could just be a one time thing and I don't want it to fuck up my hormones and everything. by the way what are some things I should consider if I decide to go through with this. thanks (link)
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Yeah I think you do.
Bottom line, whenever teenagers start having sex in a committed relationship they end up having it every chance they get. If you wait, that's alot more exposure, more time when a condom break can change your life permanently.
Get on birth control first. I'd recommend still using condoms as well. Two lines of defense are better than one and all, and I have no idea where your guy has been.
Plan B is expensive still. You don't want to rely on that or have to shell out 50 bucks every time you have sex. Plus, it's basically a super dose of birth control. It's not a great idea to fuck with your hormones that much on a regular basis, it's not something you want to be doing a few times a month or more.
It's called emergency contraception for a reason. You just got done telling us how mature you are. Prove it. Wait until you're on birth control and have given it enough time to be effective.
Welcome to the world of adulthood. Self control sucks.
:Edit:
Ask your gyno about an IUD!
Every girl I've ever met who has one agrees that it sucks to have it put in or taken out or messed with, but after a bit of discomfort you basically don't have to think about birth control for years. No forgetting pills or anything.
Just make sure you ask about what interferes with birth control. Certain types of antibiotics and other drugs can make it less effective. Ask your doc, I can't remember the list but my ex and I had cause to be careful a few times when she was on prescribed medications, if you take anything else ask about it. It may never come up, but you want to know because if it ever did, you know, pregnancy.
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I and my girlfriend had unprotective sex on 24th May 2013. There after she took i-pill immediately on that night of 24th may. She got her periods after 10 days i.e on 4th June 2013 (Which are earlier than usual). But the problem is she dint get her periods after that. Today its 17th July. Is there any chances of pregnancy. I feel its not because she got periods after having sex. I am worried and more worried is my Gf. Hoping for the earliest reply. (link)
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If you haven't had sex since and she is pregnant it will show up by now on a pregnancy test. Go to the nearest drug store and get one. Take it first thing in the morning, that's when you'll get the most accurate result.
And to counter something Dragonfly said, it is possible to get a period, even a heavy period, and be pregnant. Especially if plan b is involved. Getting some level of period the first period after you get pregnant is not unheard of.
Get a test and take it. Yes, there is a chance of pregnancy, but it has been nearly 2 months, so if she is her body definitely knows it by now. At least you'll know for sure.
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I have known my girlfriend for 6 months and been dating her for 5. I am 28 and she is 30 and she is american and im english.
When we first met and started talking we hit it off big time. I told her from the first day that i wanted to be completely open an honest with her, especially after i had been lied to and cheated on in both my only 2 serious relationships....this meant telling her that as of the last 3-4 years whilst i was single i had dated alot and had had many casual partner & one night stands (i dont know my actual number but i told her it was 35). At the time she was shocked and didnt know what to think of me, but i really liked her and expressed my feelings for her and explained that as of the last year /6 months i had made a concious effort to stop partying, being wild, no more casual dates and to just wait for the 'right girl' i felt i could love and trust. Furthermore, as part of us getting know eachother we both talked about our last dates / relationship. The thing with my last casual / semi serious date is that it was with another american girl. I explained all this as honest as i could and explained i didnt have an 'american girl fetish' or anything...its just co-incidence how things have worked out.
She on the other hand has only has 2 serious relationships and says she has never been the sleeping around / casual dating type..which i truly believed...she has no reason to lie. Her past relationship was very abusive and she was physically harmed and it ended badly. i dont know whether this is a result of that, but she can be a very insecure person and often needs constant reassurance id never hurt her, or cheat on her..etc etc. an im more than willing to do this everytime its needed as i truly love her and feel sorry she went through her bad past.
anyway, after we got it all out in the open, she fully accepted what i was telling her and a month later we became serious and bf/gf.
Since then we fell truly head over heels in love with eachother and ive never felt this way about anyone before...i genuinely think (thought...seen as how shes now breaking up with me) that she was 'my one' and i told her this and she said she felt the same. ive been more romantic and done things in this relationship that ive never done before...showering her with flowers, gifts, travelling with her to the US to meet her parents and suprising her for her 30th birthday etc we've met eachothers familys and friends and everything was rosey....right up until last night
She began questioning me about the previous american girl i casual saw...asking specific times and months we dated, how serious we were...etc etc. I told her again what i told her when we first met...but played it down abit more than was actually the case, as i didnt want to make think that anything i had was as serious as what i have with her now...which is honestly the case. What i didnt know was that she'd been on my facebook page and trawled back thru all my old msgs, comments and photos between me and the other american girl, which are very 'coupley' and flirty. not only that but alot of what id wrote to her was similar to what ive wrote to my now / recently broken up with gf (english - american banter etc). She WENT ABSOLUTLY CRAZY BESERK.
saying that i lied to her, i was way more serious with her then i first said, that the dates and times i orginally said didnt match with fb dates n times (they were a month or so out here and there which i honestly didnt know...i dont memorise things like that). I told her i was sorry i didnt explain all the details about the previous relationship...and in all honesty it wasnt as serious relationship as what i have with her now. She did not and can not accept that. She says im a liar..i lied about something really important.
To make matters worse...she then trawlled through even more of my fb, looking as far back as 3-4 years ago and going through every girl im friends with. As ive stated before, i did sleep around alot had many dates...so over the last few years theres alot of fb comments, photos etc...not really on my page as i deleted alot. but theres alot on other peoples. When she saw this...how i spoke to them, how i flirted etc tec...she said she didnt feel special, nothing we had over the last 6 months was special anymore, id done exactly the same as id did with all the other girls already and that she didnt really know me anymore, or who i was...etc etc.
i pleaded with her that i told her this from the start, that it was my past, that i was ashmed of it, that i was a different person as of the last 6-8 months (basically just before i started dating her)and that id that all i ever cared about since meeting her...was her. furthermore...that i loved her and id never put as much love, romance, effort into anyone else before her. I couldnt describe enough how special she is / was to me.
She didnt believe any of it though. she kept saying i lied, i was a player, i would use her, nothing about what ive done is special, i treat her like every other girl before and that she wont be just another notch on the bed post. she the abruptly ended with me. all that in 5 hours in one night after 6 months. its been a day an ive not heard from her and dont know what to do?
Did i do anything wrong? what should i have done? what should i do now?
advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks (link)
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I don't think you did anything wrong. I also don't think you have anything to be ashamed of. I haven't been with as many people as you have but my number isn't a minority fraction of your number either.
I'm completely up front. I tell girls whatever they want to know. If I feel judgement or disgust or insecurity I walk. I ask questions to show that I don't make such judgements myself. Well, mostly. If I talk to a girl and she's been with less than 5 I get kinda nervous about it. The lower the number the lower the chances of sexual compatibility unless her life has been a series of several year serious relationships or something.
Stop begging.
In your situation I would be pissed. She is being childish and insecure and it's entirely situational. She's throwing away what sounds like a good relationship over stupid insecure judgmental bullshit that she probably could get over if she thought it out and stopped being a brat about it.
I would agree with the suggestion below to write it out. Do not beg or cajole or beckon. The tone of further interactions... honestly you should be slightly offended. I would be. I know that you're probably desperate to get this girl back but you need to change things up on her.
You pleaded and it got you nowhere.
Hit her harder with it. Confrontation. Show her some frustration, some irritation, some offended anger. Not saying you need to yell at her, you just need to demonstrate in some quiet way that these are the things she is making you feel.
If you're not feeling them smack yourself in the head, because you should not ever have to plead for a relationship. No one should ever put you in that position and if they do you should not take to it like they're right.
She needs to hit a brick wall of "You are absolutely wrong and I'm pissed at you for even suggesting that that's the kind of person I am. You should damn well know better by now"
If that doesn't work, walk. You did literally everything you could and probably more than you should. You sound like a pretty decent person and obviously you haven't had problems finding girls who want you, so just keep on keeping on looking for someone sane to have something serious with.
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Hi everyone so my friend wants me to get a fake ID so I can go out with her and her friends. Her friends are single and her and I have boyfriends and her friends always ditch her for guys so she wants me to come and hangout with her. My boyfriend is not okay with me going out with my friends ever! Which I don't do often because my life revolves around him... Which I'm trying to change and hangout with my friends more instead of him. And I don't drink or smoke when I go out with my friends he just hates she I hangout with them. I hate when he hangdog with his friends too and I don't want him to get a fake ID and to out to bars and clubs without me and he doesnt want me to go to bars and clubs without him. But he always goes out with his friends as in always hangout with them and I never hangout with mine. My step mom totally understands why I want the fake ID but how do I make my boyfriend understand without sounding like a hypocrite? I know it's hypocritical but is there anyway I can explain to him that I needs my friends and I want to go out and have girl nights. I would never cheat on him or anything like that. I hope you all understand what I'm trying to say. (link)
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I really don't know how to answer this question. I got to 21 without a fake ID and I had a ton of fun, so I don't see why you guys are so set on going to clubs. You'll be sick of them before you're drinking age at this rate, it's really not all that thrilling once you've done it a few dozen times and that's coming from an adult who can go drink and take someone home and all of the things adults usually use clubs for.
Your boyfriend isolating you from your friends is bad. You saying your life revolves around him is bad. You not being able to trust him while expecting trust is bad. This relationship is toxic. I think you should break up.
Girl nights are fine, do whatever you want, but this relationship seems like something you'd be better off without no matter what else you decide to do.
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So the guy I like isn't over his ex, but he claims he is. Well she text me talking mad shit & what not.. & I guess he told her pretty much EVERYTHING we talk about together. I really do like him & she claims she will always have him, I don't wanna give up on us because then she will get what she wants but i then again I also can't trust him anymore after telling our business. I don't know what to do... Should I just cut it off with him or forget about it & put it behind us. (link)
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Cut it off. If he actually told his ex everything you and he talked about he is way, way too involved in her and she's probably right about him being hers.
If he wants to be involved with someone so immature that they text you talking shit...
Relationships should be about the two of you being happy together. You aren't happy and you actually had the thought "If I give him up she wins..."
Sweetheart if you suffer over him she wins too. The only way you win this is by not playing. Walk away. He's not grown up enough to do this right even if he wants to get away from her. I'll be willing to bet they're going to be on again off again for a while. Steer clear of it.
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Does God want a Christian's to marry a Catholic
what if a Christian meet a catholic in a Christian church?
(link)
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Catholics are Christians. They're actually kind of the original Christians. The Catholic Church was the first church of Christianity, and all of the other types (Baptist, Methodist, Presbyterian) are groups who broke away from the Catholics because they didn't agree with church dogma. Other groups broke away from them (mormons, maybe Jehovahs witnesses? Maybe evangelicals?) and formed their own groups.
I don't think God particularly cares. Depends on who you ask though. If they think you shouldn't marry a catholic you can bet they believe that God doesn't want it either.
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ok so my boyfriend is bisexual. which is alright with me, the other day he confessed that he and my best guy friend were curious. my boyfriend gave the guy a blowjob. he said he doesn't consider it to be cheating, and he says he would never cheat on me because he loves me. I consider it to be cheating, I mean what if he gets curious again? what should I do? I'm so confused, please help. (link)
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Cheating is stepping outside the bounds of the relationship. There is no default relationship on earth where you can go get a blowjob from someone else. These are things that people discuss and allow, not things that are normal.
It's not overly uncommon for a bisexual person to have their partners permission to play and explore. Often there are limits. All of it is agreed to before anything ever happens.
There was no agreement between you, thus he did in fact cheat, and you should bring these concerns up to him because they are absolutely valid and you are absolutely right to feel like he violated your trust.
I am a bisexual guy as well, this is not how relationships work, and you shouldn't stand for it.
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I'm a thirteen year old girl, slightly insane. I have a neighbor/friend named Jonathoan. He's thirtytwo. He's a conspiracy theorist, and, although his ideas might be a little out there, I don't think they are all definitely wrong. We like the same kind of music- greenday, the beatles, matchbox 20, etc. We both enjoy learning, and want to know the truth about everything possible. He's funny, and nice. He isn't some weirdo who hangs out with little kids, I'm just kind of odd, and prefer to talk to adults over kids my age. The point of my story? I have a bit of a crush on him. I, of course, haven't told him, and don't plan on acting on my feelings. (link)
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Not liking him is about not being around him. You like him. Assuming this stays completely innocent and he's just a nice guy who talks to you, I don't see that changing any time soon. That's just kind of how it works, we like people we like until they give us a concrete reason not to. If he's a decent guy and acts appropriately towards you at all times, where exactly is he going to give you a reason not to?
So your choice here is to deal with it silently or find someone closer to your own age to talk to. Or, you know, someone you're just not interested in.
Alternately, actually, third option. Find someone your own age to date and crush on. If you're dating someone else you probably won't be crushing on him.
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Sorry for the ineloquent subject/title. Anyway, I'm going to start out by saying I don't want this to turn into a debate. I just want my question answered. :)
So, possession of marijuana is illegal where I live (unless you have a license or whatever). And I haaaaaaaaate drugs, alcohol, things of that nature. Those things make me extremely uncomfortable. Now don't get me wrong, people have the right to smoke that stupid crap, but in a state where it's LEGAL. Here where I live, it's illegal, end of story. Well, I work at a grocery store, and let's just say some of my coworkers don't make the best of decisions... Sometimes, they come to work high. At it makes me so sad, mad, and anxious to be around that. I get SO uncomfortable. I think I have a right to not want to be around that. It's different if I'm at a party or something. If someone brings out the booze for us minors or people start blazing up, I can leave. But I can't do that at work. If I walked off the job, I'd be fired. I have to work close by these people, too.
I'm not making plans to sue or anything like that. And whether or not I should tell my supervisor isn't the concern. I was just wondering, because a friend and I were talking about this, and I said "When they come to work high, it takes away my choice to want to be around that crap or not. It infringes on my rights." Well, he goes "It only infringes on your rights when it's harming you. They're not harming you, so you can suck it up." I think that's bogus. My argument is, what about laws against sexual harassment or religious discrimination? If someone says "HEY, nice tits, baby! -Motor boat noises- ;)" that's considered sexual harassment, and they can get fired for that. That would violate my right to an unoffensive/non-hostile work environment. Same with drugs, I think. They're illegal, and they make me uncomfortable, and offend me. I choose to stay away from them. By being forced to work with those people, it takes away my right to choose.
What do you think? Do I have the right to choose to not be around that crap? Or is my friend right, they're not harming me, so my rights are not being infringed? Thanks for reading! (link)
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Hmm.
Intoxication on the job is not illegal the way religious discrimination or sexual harassment is.
And to be honest, to a degree your friend is right. Your discomfort is kind of your problem.
That said, it is a work environment. This isn't infringing on a right, but it may well be violating company policy and there would be nothing wrong with you trying to address it.
Moreover, if there are any safety concerns or you have to pick up stoned workers slack, there is nothing wrong with addressing that either. But if it's not affecting their work or yours (outside of you just not liking it) it isn't infringing on your rights. You don't actually have a right to an unoffensive work environment and this doesn't qualify as a hostile one. What you do have a right to is the protection of protected statuses, like religious or gender or sexual orientation based discrimination. That's not what this is.
In other words go read Cardigan's response like five times and ignore adviceman's. Cardigan hit it right on the nose.
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I love my boyfriend. We've been together for 2 years, but he's my first boyfriend.
He wants to marry me eventually. He's positive about it. He tells me all the time. And I love him so much and he's my best friend...
But I feel like... we're not right for the long run. I feel like we're perfect for each other at this point in our lives though.
But I know I'd never be sure about marriage with him since I've never dated anyone else.
I'm happy, but I feel like I'm still not sure what I want in a relationship because I haven't had experience with other guys...
But, is it okay to date someone you don't want to marry as long as you're both happy at the time?
Am I being unfair by staying in the relationship when he wants marriage? Is it okay to date someone you love but don't think you'll marry?
We're both happy and we both love each other... but looking to the future... I feel like he's not the one. Though I always want him to be my best friend. (link)
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Is it unfair?
Yeah, a little. I'm recently divorced in my life and I've had to walk the other way on a few women since because they wanted serious and I want to just date and have some fun right now.
When they want something you don't, things always get weird. They're going to get weirder the longer you stay with him. You're going to think about this every time he brings up marriage.
The friendship is probably a lost cause either way. There's no way he's not going to be heart broken. When the breakup comes, avoid each other. We call this "sever" and it means sever all contact. Not out of anger, but because every time you two talk it sets him back in getting over you, and the less you are around him the easier he will have it trying to forget about you. Which is what he will need.
It's high school. He's probably not going to find his future wife no matter how hard he looks.
Honestly, I'd say talk to him. Tell him you want him to stop bringing up marriage. That you love him but this is high school and you have no idea what you will want when you are ready to think about marriage. Make it clear you aren't ready to think about marriage now.
Depending on his reaction and cooperation end it or have fun.
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I am newly a child of god and accepted him in my life, I am struggling with sexual desires quite frequently and I am having trouble controlling this urges and don't know how to decrease these urges, it seems to happen almost on a daily basis. (link)
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There's really nothing you can do without damaging yourself physically or mentally. Like fasting and repressing represented below, all avenues which enable you to deny your sexual self are paths to self destruction. The denial of normal, natural sexual desires flies directly in the face of your humanity.
If you were a robot, a soulless emotionless automaton, you'd be fine. But you aren't. You are human. With human desires, needs, and emotions.
Masturbation, fantasy, and other forms of sexual expression (whether alone or with someone else) are a normal and healthy part of an adult's life. If you're not an adult, masturbate. If you are an adult, rethink your life, because the path you are on now will lead you into nothing but pain and regret as you sacrifice your own mental health for the sake of some rules that someone who never had a good night's sex in his life created.
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Okay ladies me & my significant other just decided that we want another child. Im in mid pack of my birth control. Is it okay if I just throw it out?? I know ill have withdrawl bleeding a few days after I stop taking them. But is there any dangers if I stop now??
Thanks Ahead of Time for ur responses (: (link)
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Throw them out.
Though I cannot understand for the life of me why Dragonfly would tell a couple who want to conceive to wear a condom for any reason.
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Im a 13 year old girl and I took an IQ test the other day. I scored 133. Is this an average score? Im very nervous that it might be below average. (link)
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Ignore wombat
An actual IQ score of 133 is quite high. Average is about 110, 160+ is genius level.
That said, there are only a few valid and recognized IQ tests, all must be given under certain conditions. They are timed, they have been rigorously formulated, and I'm highly doubtful that you took a real test, got a 133, and are asking here whether that's high or not. If you had been involved in a real test your results would include an explanation of your percentile and what average and above and below are.
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I am 16. My bf is 19, we have been together for over 3 years. I love him very much, with all my heart. He has NEVER forced, pressured or even suggested we have sex, even though I've been 16 for over half a year. He always says, he is only ready when he is sure I am ready... but how will I know?
My mum is ok with it all, she really likes my bf, she says he treats me right. She has always said that when I am ready I will know, and as long as it is for love, and protected, she is ok with me having sex.
But how do I know? In my head it is like:
- I am scared (will it hurt? will I be good? what do I do? will i feel different after?)
- I am confused (we have done other stuff... I like the say it feels, i want to have sex)
- I am in love (I really do love him with all my heart)
But I seems to find excuses. Not excuses for other people, just excuses for me, in my own head. I don't want to regret it. Will I know?
(link)
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I'll take these in order of questions.
- Will I know?
Not in the way you mean. No one ever knows that they are absolutely ready for sex. What people know is they are ready to make the decision. At some point, the desire for sex is stronger than the worries about things like being ready, and you have sex.
Sex is an adult thing. Adults do not ask themselves if they are ready. They decide to be ready, and they make their decisions, and they deal with the consequences good or bad.
While you won't be an adult for a while, this kind of decision making will be something you will have to learn in all aspects of your life. Sex is no different.
- I am scared
I'll address these separately.
- Will it hurt?
Possibly. There are three very common reasons why this might be.
a) Hymen stretching/breaking. This is unavoidable but not everyone hurts from it. In fact less than half of women actually bleed their first time. Generally the pain is gone quickly if there is any at all. Nothing to worry about.
b) Size differences aka he is big and you are not. The vagina is very stretchy. It's made to handle babies. But that said it can hurt if he is large and you are tight. The two solutions to this problem are excitement and lubrication. Excitement is simple, more foreplay and more relaxation. If you try and it hurts, take a minute and relax, go back to foreplay, and get more excited. Lubrication is pretty simple too. The more excited you are the more lubricated you are. But if you need or want some help, use lube. The best lube is lube. Wal Mart has astroglide. Suck it up and take it through the check out.
c) Lubrication. You can have no problems with size but still not be wet enough, and the friction is enough to hurt. Being anxious can do this. Anything that dampens your excitement can affect it. But also some women are just not as wet or take longer to warm up.
So use lube.
- Will I be good?
No. More than likely not. That's ok. Sex is a skill. It involves learning. Part of the reason people emphasize relationships over casual sex to teenagers is that sex can come with mistakes and awkwardness. If you're with someone you know loves you, you can elbow them in the face by accident and kill the mood and laugh about it until your assorted body parts stop hurting enough to be into having sex again.
Google has a ton of instructions for you. There are millions of pages that will tell you in detail how to perform all kinds of sex. There are videos that will show you how. But when you get right down to it the most important things are the most basic.
- Will I feel different after
Yes and no. Sex doesn't change who you are. But there is a very common perspective shift. Before you have it it's this big built up thing. It is very common after to wonder what you were so worked up about. If the sex is good, you wonder why you bothered waiting so long. If it's not, you think "really, all that build up over that?" and hope it's better next time.
You have not described a situation which makes me think you would regret this guy being your first.
- I want to have sex but I'm confused/scared
Entirely normal. Every bit. Liking how it feels, wanting sex, being worried. Normal.
- I am in love
Good, you should love your first partner. That's the best way.
A few extra notes.
First, your mom seems like a good mom. Value that.
Second, talk alot more. With him, maybe with your mom. I know I'm repeating myself, but seriously talking about sex is fun and communication about sex especially when you have doubts is important.
Third, if you aren't on birth control get on it before you have sex. You said protected so I won't go into the birth control lecture, I assume you are thinking smart. Make an appointment with a gyno if you don't already have one. Get on birth control if you aren't. Ignore this if you've already done all this.
Last, statutory rape. It ruins lives. Be aware of that. Your mother may like him. If that changed, she could ruin his life.
Do not talk about having sex via text, e-mail, facebook chat, or anything else. Not even over the phone. Face to face only. Do not take or accept any naked pictures and certainly do not take pictures of you two having sex. The less evidence the better. I think your choices are your own. Opportunistic District Attorneys don't care what you wanted if they can secure an easy conviction or a plea bargain. Do not tell anyone that you are having sex with him if you do. Your mother is the likely exception because she's probably going to know and you have to be able to trust someone.
Do not expose him otherwise. Find out what the age of consent laws in your area are and if you are about to violate them. It's your private life. Keep it private.
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I'm a female, 16 years old. Me and my boyfriend(who's the same age as me) are both still virgins, we were talking about losing our virginity to each other. We're a little bit scared thou, and nervous, we don't wanna use a condom either Anyways, We love each other very much, we think it's time... I'm just a little nervous it might hurt. Ughh, should I wait ?
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Do you see Drew below me?
Drew is an idiot.
Adviceman a little less so but still sets my teeth on edge.
So here is how a real adult deals with sex in the real world today.
First, pregnancy is your primary concern. An unplanned baby is worse than an STD. It throws a third life in to be affected by whatever happens and teenaged pregnancy makes it ten times worse.
Get.On.Birth.Control. Period. If you are old enough to have sex you are old enough to go see a gynecologist. Go see one. Get a pelvic exam. Get a birth control prescription.
If you decide to have sex before birth control, do not have sex without a condom. Period. End of story.
Condoms are not enough. They break, things happen. What then? Second line of defense is spermicide. In the condom aisle, VCF. Vaginal Contraceptive Film. It's easy to use, the instructions are on the box, and you can use it in conjunction with latex condoms. If used properly its something like 85% effective at preventing pregnancy alone. Condoms don't break often. A rare condom break with that 85% effective buffer afterwards, pregnancy is highly unlikely.
Next, your cycle. You ovulate generally 11-14 days after the end of your last period. Sex could potentially get you pregnant anywhere from 2 days before your ovulation to during the middle of your period, and that's with a very regular ovulation cycle. Women's cycles do funny things sometimes, so that's never 100% guaranteed.
Generally, though, the week after your period is the safest time. Condom and spermicide and you should be fine.
If a condom breaks after you've ovulated, you probably want to get plan B just in case. It's expensive, so be careful. You should be able to buy it over the counter at a pharmacy.
Now, STDs.
If he really is a virgin you have nothing to worry about. If he has had sexual activity with anyone else, even just touching, they are a possibility.
Responsible adults address even slight possibilities. If he has been sexually active with anyone else, oral, hands, whatever, go get tested. Going together is important, even if you really are a virgin. It's solidarity. Don't ask anything of someone sexually you wouldn't do yourself. So get tested together.
If you really are both virgins and you are on birth control and take it responsibly without missing days, go hog wild. Few adults in monogamous relationships use condoms together. And the rest of us look at them like they're a little "special"
People use birth control, get tested, and have fun. And they use condoms with new partners or with partners who have had recent sexual activity with other people where it might be too soon to tell if they have something. Three months is pretty standard and six months to be safe. If it's testable it shows up after six months and if it's not (herpes, generally) there will be at least one outbreak by the six month mark.
If they've had sex with someone else in the last six months, at the three month mark you're taking a risk but not a huge one. At the six month mark you should be able to know for absolute certain if they have anything they can give to you.
The thing to remember here is that you are always taking a chance, but it is possible to reduce those chances to the point that nothing bad ever happens.
I've had alot of sex in my life. I'm 28, I've had 25 partners, and I never wore a condom once with many of them. We got tested, I knew their sexual history, they were on birth control, and we made sure that we were responsible at all times.
My first kid was at 27, to a woman I'd been married to for 2 years. I've never had an STD.
Sex isn't something to be afraid of, but you have to educate yourself and know the risks and how to minimize them. The STD risk you can zero out. Pregnancy is always a risk. That's just how it goes. But you can make it a one in a million chance.
Last word, no, you are not ready. If you're here asking us, you are not ready. You are ready when you don't need to ask anyone. When it is a decision that you want to make and then you go ahead and make it. You've got the rest of your ducks in a row. Boyfriend, communicating about sex before you have it, love, agreement. All of the above are great, you're miles ahead of 90% of your peer group. That is how you deal with sex in a relationship. You talk about it, figure it out together, and go into whatever you do equal partners. You just need to grow up a little yourself and realize that the adult world is about making your own decisions and living with the consequences, good or bad.
Make responsible choices. Protect yourself and your partner. And when you're ready, enjoy it. It's one of the best things life has to offer you.
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i am so ashamed but where do i start basically im 19 i already have a one year old not with the father because i choose horrible men and he didnt want me anymore just the baby, ive had sex with about 13 people since i was 16 and ive cheated before i feel so ashamed of how my life has become and am looking for some reason to change but i cant find it please would you be able to help me? (link)
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The simplest answer is that you feel like a slut because your parents failed you. While you bear responsibility for your own choices, I still look at 20 year olds like they're children and you are definitely not an adult yet.
They should have taught you self worth, so you didn't seek validation through sex. They should have raised you with a healthy exposure to sex education so you didn't end up pregnant at 18. They should have taught you that sex is not something to be ashamed of.
You need to speak to a therapist. At your age with a one year old you are not equipped to find your way out of what you are dealing with alone. No one is.
There are no simple words that will turn this around. It is a process. It takes work. Recovery always takes work.
But with time, and effort, you can find yourself again.
If you need a reason, look at your kid. Someday, that child will need you to teach him or her about how to be safe, take care of themselves, and be responsible. How to respect themselves. You need to learn these lessons yourself before you can teach them to others.
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I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years. Initially when we got together he had a high porn addiction, but now we have been living together for a year and even longer than that, he's been watching it in reasonable amounts and for instance if I'm gone for the weekend.
I'm fine with that, but what concerns me is that his content choice is everything that I am not...
I.e he's always searching for threesomes, big boobs (I'm not even that small, I am a big C cup), hot redheads and anal.
From a guy's perspective, is this a reflection on everything I am not, or is it simply the small turn ons or even compensation; I have told him I'll never have a threesome as it never is as awesome as porn makes it seem & I don't think it is something for a serious couple.
I'm up for anal but he's never made the effort to commit to it - it takes both of us to make it happen & yes it requires more work than it does in porn but he's not even up for buying lube.
So please settle my mind by telling me what exactly guys see their porn choices as, desires? Simply just naked people fucking? (link)
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Porn watching generally falls into one of two categories.
a) Things you fantasize about doing
b) Things that turn you on to watch
Keep in mind that anything that falls into column a also falls into column b, but not all things in column b fall into column a.
Example, some people really enjoy watching certain sex acts but don't like doing them. I can think of at least one sexual position that is hot as hell to see on screen but in practice just doesn't feel as good as other things. It's about the actual visual imagery of the scene. I wouldn't want to have sex with someone else in that position, but I would love to watch a couple have sex in that position. It's pure voyeurism.
And as Rahzie said, fantasy does not always equal reality. Red heads have a stereotype about being crazy in bed. It's not really true, hair color has nothing to do with sexuality, but the fantasy is about all of the connotations in whoever's mind that that fantasy brings up.
His porn habits don't reflect a dissatisfaction with his sex life. But if you want to bring some new things into the bedroom, there's no reason not to. If you want to try something new go buy the lube yourself and figure it out.
Last, just for the record, the right threesome is better than porn could ever be. Serious couples have them all the time. You would be amazed how common it is for a married couple to invite a guy or girl or another couple into the bedroom. There are alot more people with bisexual tendencies than you'd think and group sex is often the only way to indulge when you're in a committed relationship.
And plenty of people just plain love group sex.
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My lil brother has a baby on the way, and is being very responsible about it, but her parents are very controlling of her. They are both legal age, she 19 and him about to be 20. The baby is due at the end of the month, and the soon to be grandmother called to tell him he's not welcome at the hospital when the baby comes, and if the babys mom tried to call him, she'll rip the phone from the wall. The sad thingis they have her so brainwashed that I'm sure she's afraid to call anyway, and her mom is a paralegal, so she's threatened to keep the baby away from us. We live in TEXAS, does anyone know what he should do???? (link)
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I live in Texas and she's full of shit.
She has no right to keep him from the baby after it's born. He needs to be there and speak to the doctors and make damn sure his name is on the birth certificate.
You probably want to speak to a lawyer. In an unwed situation until you go to court for a custody agreement there is no legally enforcable order so the mother can keep your brother away from the baby. She is not legally required to turn the child over to your brother and he would have the same rights.
But because he's the guy, he's got to watch his step. No fighting. He has to go to the hospital and he has to keep his calm. I would say he should not go alone, a number of your family members should go with him as quiet support. If they protest, simply inform the doctors of who he is.
If they want to fight your little brother they have zero grounds to deny him his son.
Start thinking smart. Talk to an attorney before the baby comes. Texas is a one party recording state. He can record conversations with the family of his kid's mom and they are court admissible. Catch them saying things like "we will rip the phone out of the wall if she tries to call you" and that they will keep the baby away from you and those could be compelling evidence in court.
The court is going to by default want to leave the child with it's mother, but if the mother can be shown to be unfit (she seems like it from what you said) to be in charge of a child and under the influence of a pretty appalling set of relatives if you can put your baby brother up in court and demonstrate to a judge that you're more than ready to formula feed this kid and that your family is rallying around the kid, he might possibly maybe but probably not get custody. Depends alot on the judge and the area.
Whatever you do, talk to an attorney. Is her family ready to pay out 10-20 grand fighting you in court? Because at the very least a judge will probably hand your little brother joint custody and a couple of visits a week by default.
In summation
1) Talk to a lawyer
2) Do not not show up to the hospital
3) He has to sign the birth certificate
4) Do not get into any verbal confrontations. Display no hostility.
5) Consider recording them if you think you can politely bait them into saying some terrible shit in front of you. Remember that you can ditch a recording if it makes you both sound bad, and use it if it only makes them sound bad.
Talk to a lawyer is not negotiable. The longer you wait the more expensive it's going to get and the harder he will have to fight to have rights to his son.
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So I've been with my current boyfriend for a little while now, not a super long time but I'm much much closer to him than I've been to anybody else.
We're looking at getting our own place together and he's been talking about how he's looking for the perfect engagement ring. I see him almost every day and we really just fit so perfectly together and I never thought that would happen. I was one of those girls before this that rolled their eyes and thought all of my friends who talked about being in love were just victims of romance books and fantasies.
Anyways before him I'd never even gone further than making out because I never felt hot around any of my couple ex's.
With my current boyfriend something about him woke me up sexually and he drives me crazy and I'm tired of holding back because I'm scared of losing my virginity.
I'm very small and thin and he's much taller than me,athletic and he's large (if you know what I mean). We actually planned it out for Monday but as the day gets closer I get more scared and nervous about it.
I don't want to keep pushing him off of me though because I get so worked up myself. He's totally okay with us waiting but I don't want to anymore, I just want to get it over with so we can move past this point in the relationship. I mean we'll be living together soon but we haven't had sex.
I'm also tired of feeling pain when he tries to stimulate me with his fingers. It's just a horrible feeling for me and I don't want it to be like that and have to keep telling him to stop because I'm not used to it.
The other problem is if it hurts so much with just a finger I know it's going to be so much worse when he's actually inside of me. I thought about maybe having an alcoholic drink first but he's really against drinking and I don't want to make our first time weird if I get a little tipsy since I've only drank twice before (btw we're both adults).
I just don't want it to be this disgusting horrible,terrifying experience for me and I don't want to panic, freak out and throw him off of me or something.
What should I do about this? Should I take a pain killer or something first to numb me a little bit or will that kill the moment?
Any thoughts/advice (other than use protection I know that)?
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You gotta chill out. You're way overthinking this.
First, you're an adult. This isn't some high school love affair where you're sneaking around grabbing time where you can. Take things slow, even if your first time starts out awkward doesn't mean it will end awkward.
Second, drop the word "disgusting" from your vocabulary. Seriously, the guy you're with who is being as patient as he is according to you does not find any part of this process disgusting. Neither should you.
Third, buy a vibrator and a couple of dildos. Play with yourself alone and consider getting your own hymen out of the way. That's what alot of this problem is. If you want your time with him to be flawless then think about eliminating that pointless and irritating bit of skin that's causing you so much anxiety.
Fourth, no pain killers and no alcohol. You love this guy. He loves you. You can and will get through this together. You don't need to be high for it. It can absolutely ruin the mood on either side.
Fifth, if you try and fail again, don't get dressed. Hang out naked. Play. See if you can get each other off without penetration. If you're an adult and you're hell bent on having sex then have some sex already, jesus. It just doesn't have to be penetrative sex.
I guarantee you he'll be happier with that then you getting awkward and shy and upset. He's not upset. He just wants to be with you however he can. You will, I guarantee also, figure this out. If it takes a little more time, I don't think it's going to be a big deal.
Sixth, communicate clearly. This boils down to making sure he knows how badly you want him. It feels nice to be wanted even when you can't do anything about it.
And last, it's just sex. Try to remember that.
:Edit:
Condoms are for casual sex and teenaged relationships. If you're worried at all about STDs, get him tested. If you're worried at all about pregnancy, why aren't you already on birth control, exactly?
Use birth control and if you have to be really paranoid about it spermicide. VCF (Vaginal Contraceptive Film) is found on the condom aisle just about everywhere including wal-mart, is easy to use and clean up, and will let you feel extra safe and responsible.
While still getting to feel him skin to skin.
Trust me, it will be worth it doing it this way your first time. Bring a condom and try afterwards just for shits and giggles. They're terrible, and men aren't the only ones who often notice a severe difference.
:Edit2:
If you're a teenager and you dislike what I just said, suck it up. All of us who made it to drinking age without kids and STDs had to.
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