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Boyfriend's porn choice.
I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years. Initially when we got together he had a high porn addiction, but now we have been living together for a year and even longer than that, he's been watching it in reasonable amounts and for instance if I'm gone for the weekend.
I'm fine with that, but what concerns me is that his content choice is everything that I am not...
I.e he's always searching for threesomes, big boobs (I'm not even that small, I am a big C cup), hot redheads and anal.
From a guy's perspective, is this a reflection on everything I am not, or is it simply the small turn ons or even compensation; I have told him I'll never have a threesome as it never is as awesome as porn makes it seem & I don't think it is something for a serious couple.
I'm up for anal but he's never made the effort to commit to it - it takes both of us to make it happen & yes it requires more work than it does in porn but he's not even up for buying lube.
So please settle my mind by telling me what exactly guys see their porn choices as, desires? Simply just naked people fucking?
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Porn watching generally falls into one of two categories.
a) Things you fantasize about doing
b) Things that turn you on to watch
Keep in mind that anything that falls into column a also falls into column b, but not all things in column b fall into column a.
Example, some people really enjoy watching certain sex acts but don't like doing them. I can think of at least one sexual position that is hot as hell to see on screen but in practice just doesn't feel as good as other things. It's about the actual visual imagery of the scene. I wouldn't want to have sex with someone else in that position, but I would love to watch a couple have sex in that position. It's pure voyeurism.
And as Rahzie said, fantasy does not always equal reality. Red heads have a stereotype about being crazy in bed. It's not really true, hair color has nothing to do with sexuality, but the fantasy is about all of the connotations in whoever's mind that that fantasy brings up.
His porn habits don't reflect a dissatisfaction with his sex life. But if you want to bring some new things into the bedroom, there's no reason not to. If you want to try something new go buy the lube yourself and figure it out.
Last, just for the record, the right threesome is better than porn could ever be. Serious couples have them all the time. You would be amazed how common it is for a married couple to invite a guy or girl or another couple into the bedroom. There are alot more people with bisexual tendencies than you'd think and group sex is often the only way to indulge when you're in a committed relationship.
And plenty of people just plain love group sex.
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I don't think it's because he wants something that's other than you. I think it's just something he fantasizes about but might not really care for in reality.
He might just like the look of it but wouldn't care to act on it.
So I think porn is just fantasies. If it bothers you and you really want to know if these are things he wants, then just ask him.
As you already know, sex isn't what it's lived up to be in porn. Those things could be cool ideas to watch but not to actually do.
Anyways, that's just my opinion. I'd talk to him if you're really curious.
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Don't you fantasize about things you don't actually want to do?
I know I do. I fantasize about all sort of stuff, sexual and otherwise, that I would never actually want to do. Some of it's too hard, or requires too much commitment, some of it would just be stupid dangerous or have serious negative consequences, and some of it I just know will never actually live up to the fantasy so why bother?
Do you watch superheros movies because you are really dedicated to learning how to fly? Probably not. Do you watch Breaking Bad 'cause you really want a career making crystal meth? Or watch The Bachelorrette 'cause you really think that being trapped in a big house with 20 guys chosen by a casting agent and surrounded by TV cameras is really a good way to find true love? I certainly hope not.
Fantasy is fantasy. Entertainment is entertainment. Porn isn't all that special. Sex isn't so incredibly different and special. This isn't so much a 'guy thing' as it is a human thing. Adult, sane, human beings are capable of recognizing the difference between things that entertain them or things they find sexually appealing, and things they actually want to DO.
The next time you really enjoy a fantasy, a book or a movie, ask yourself what you see that choice of entertainment as? Is it actually a reflection of some sort of deep desire you really want to act on in your own life? Probably not. There's your answer.
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Guys are visual
He may not just have a porn addiction but he may very well be addicted to sex. If it is to the point where his habit is affecting your relationship then you may want to talk to him about seeing a therapist or even couples counseling. In order for this to get better, He needs to want to help himself. If he refuses to save the relationship by getting help then you may be in for a long haul
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