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How should I feel about losing my virginity as an adult?
So I've been with my current boyfriend for a little while now, not a super long time but I'm much much closer to him than I've been to anybody else.
We're looking at getting our own place together and he's been talking about how he's looking for the perfect engagement ring. I see him almost every day and we really just fit so perfectly together and I never thought that would happen. I was one of those girls before this that rolled their eyes and thought all of my friends who talked about being in love were just victims of romance books and fantasies.
Anyways before him I'd never even gone further than making out because I never felt hot around any of my couple ex's.
With my current boyfriend something about him woke me up sexually and he drives me crazy and I'm tired of holding back because I'm scared of losing my virginity.
I'm very small and thin and he's much taller than me,athletic and he's large (if you know what I mean). We actually planned it out for Monday but as the day gets closer I get more scared and nervous about it.
I don't want to keep pushing him off of me though because I get so worked up myself. He's totally okay with us waiting but I don't want to anymore, I just want to get it over with so we can move past this point in the relationship. I mean we'll be living together soon but we haven't had sex.
I'm also tired of feeling pain when he tries to stimulate me with his fingers. It's just a horrible feeling for me and I don't want it to be like that and have to keep telling him to stop because I'm not used to it.
The other problem is if it hurts so much with just a finger I know it's going to be so much worse when he's actually inside of me. I thought about maybe having an alcoholic drink first but he's really against drinking and I don't want to make our first time weird if I get a little tipsy since I've only drank twice before (btw we're both adults).
I just don't want it to be this disgusting horrible,terrifying experience for me and I don't want to panic, freak out and throw him off of me or something.
What should I do about this? Should I take a pain killer or something first to numb me a little bit or will that kill the moment?
Any thoughts/advice (other than use protection I know that)?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Virginity?
I'm going to take a slightly different approach to answering your question.
What I have told others about there first time is that for the women there are certain things she has to have not only to make it memorable but to also make it comfortable for her. For a women to loose her virginity it is a major milestone in her life as it physically changes her. For the guy, frankly it is no big deal other than the embarrassment of a possible hair trigger the first time.
Your boyfriend sounds like a nice guy and is willing to make this a memorable time for you and as comfortable for you as possible. Now each women is different and the amount of pain she will feel will be different for two reasons. First is because we all feel pain differently. Second it will depend on how tense you are.
My wife tells me every girl has a fantasy of how, when and where she will loose her virginity. While each are different they have one thing in common which is a setting that is idyllic to them. They all include comfort and security in the surroundings which is very important for the women. For if she cannot be comfortable and feel secure then she cannot relax and the degree of pain she will feel will increase.
What I suggest is this. You and your boyfriend should find someplace to go for a long 3 or 4 day weekend escape. The goal is not to loose your virginity. If it happens, it happens. The goal is to become comfortable together. To be naked together and explore each others bodies by night in extended foreplay. You can even finish each other with oral or masturbation.
During the day the two of you explore wherever you have gone together. Maybe you have a picnic lunch packed and you spread a blanket out next to a stream where its just the two of you, lunch and a bottle of wine and nature taking its course. I'm not suggesting you loose your virginity on a blanket in the woods, but you can have one heck of a make out session for sure.
I believe that once you become comfortable with him and being naked with him in bed and actually sleeping together. Getting to the next level and having sex will come naturally and it will be almost painless if not painless for you.
If your boyfriend is the man you have described I think he will be willing to do this for you. After all you have saved a very precious gift for him.
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YOur title was how should you feel losing your virginity as an adult, i think the other person answering you missed that but was right on in everything said. You should NOT feel bad or awkward for this being your first time. Many of us have been there, I was 20. My 3 daughters did at various ages from 18 on into early 20's.
If tomorrow is the day, I don't think you have had enough time to stretch out your hymen yet. Usually just the use of tampons or vibraters and dildos would have stretched you out. Have you tried your own fingers there? You may not be ready. Does your sweetie know that it causes you pain, just with fingers? Not everyone is that tight but with time can be stretched out but you must be diligent and work on this several times a day. If you wish, use a little olive oil, thats what midwives used to massage me so i wouldnt rip during childbirth. So I know olive oil is okay. Just start with one finger and lubrication is very important for comfort. Don't worry it you need lots of lube even after you've been having sex a while. The reason lubes sell so well is because everyone uses them..so its okay to not produce your own bodily lubricant, besides those might be more watery than creamy and not help much at all. So move your finger side to side and around in circles until you can do so without discomfort, then move on to doing it with two fingers and more. This is all before he uses his fingers which will be slightly larger than yours. So basically, you are not anywhere near ready for full fledged intercourse until you get stretched out to that point where his fingers don;t hurt entering you.
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You gotta chill out. You're way overthinking this.
First, you're an adult. This isn't some high school love affair where you're sneaking around grabbing time where you can. Take things slow, even if your first time starts out awkward doesn't mean it will end awkward.
Second, drop the word "disgusting" from your vocabulary. Seriously, the guy you're with who is being as patient as he is according to you does not find any part of this process disgusting. Neither should you.
Third, buy a vibrator and a couple of dildos. Play with yourself alone and consider getting your own hymen out of the way. That's what alot of this problem is. If you want your time with him to be flawless then think about eliminating that pointless and irritating bit of skin that's causing you so much anxiety.
Fourth, no pain killers and no alcohol. You love this guy. He loves you. You can and will get through this together. You don't need to be high for it. It can absolutely ruin the mood on either side.
Fifth, if you try and fail again, don't get dressed. Hang out naked. Play. See if you can get each other off without penetration. If you're an adult and you're hell bent on having sex then have some sex already, jesus. It just doesn't have to be penetrative sex.
I guarantee you he'll be happier with that then you getting awkward and shy and upset. He's not upset. He just wants to be with you however he can. You will, I guarantee also, figure this out. If it takes a little more time, I don't think it's going to be a big deal.
Sixth, communicate clearly. This boils down to making sure he knows how badly you want him. It feels nice to be wanted even when you can't do anything about it.
And last, it's just sex. Try to remember that.
:Edit:
Condoms are for casual sex and teenaged relationships. If you're worried at all about STDs, get him tested. If you're worried at all about pregnancy, why aren't you already on birth control, exactly?
Use birth control and if you have to be really paranoid about it spermicide. VCF (Vaginal Contraceptive Film) is found on the condom aisle just about everywhere including wal-mart, is easy to use and clean up, and will let you feel extra safe and responsible.
While still getting to feel him skin to skin.
Trust me, it will be worth it doing it this way your first time. Bring a condom and try afterwards just for shits and giggles. They're terrible, and men aren't the only ones who often notice a severe difference.
:Edit2:
If you're a teenager and you dislike what I just said, suck it up. All of us who made it to drinking age without kids and STDs had to.
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nothing wrong with your question at all okay so its gonna hurt the first time but the second time if he knows what his doing its gonna be amazing!!! so relax and make love to your man!:) and id doing think pills are a good idea maybe a drink
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