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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
I'm 21 and 4ft 10. My ideal weight according to my general care doctor is between 90 and 115 pounds. For a long while, I was right around 75-78 pounds, but I took the advice of my doctor to gain weight and right now I'm 84 pounds. I'm really not happy with this weight gain though because I feel like it's made a noticeable difference in my body that I don't like.
For example, I used to be able to see my ribs and I was okay with not being able to see them so much, but now I can't see very much of them at all. I also feel like I have a little bit of a pouch now on my stomach instead of it being flat like it was.
I also have B-cups which looked really good with my former weight because I was all proportional, but now I feel like they look smaller, since I've filled out around my stomach and hips more.
Anyways, I want to lose the weight I've gained now, and those close to me are concerned that I have something wrong with me, but I just don't like how I look right now and I never had any health complications when I was 75 pounds so what's the hurt?
I really don't like my current weight at all, every time I change clothes I feel like I look different and I can't stand the little bit of a pouch that I have now. It makes me paranoid all day long.
Is it wrong that I want to be underweight if it wasn't causing any health concerns?
The Answer
I find it a bit odd that you left out any mention of why you were you underweight to begin with... Fundamentally tho, you should listen to your doctors advice.
If it wasn't causing health concerns, then maybe, sure, but just because something is causing immediate issues, doesn't mean it's a healthy thing to do. No one thinks it's okay to smoke just because they don't have asthma or lung cancer right at the moment? We all know smoking is bad for you, even if a person isn't having any health issues at the time.
Being severely underweight can cause long-term problems. It does damage that can't always be fixed later. It's not a good state to leave your body in.
That little pouch you see is healthy and normal. Nearly everyone who is a healthy weight has it. It's one of the first things they photoshop off of models and movie stars, but it's there. They wear special underwear and suck it in on the red carpet, but it's there. That is how the human body is shaped. We have four limbs, two eyes, and a little bit of convex to our stomach area.
If you are really struggling with this, I'd strongly advise you to talk to a therapist who has some experience with people with body image issues, because you don't want your mind's idea of what you 'should look like' turn into behaviours that harm your body.
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The Question
my cousin is engaged to be married, well the bum she is marrying physically abuses her and sadly she had two kids by this bum...well the bridal shower was yesterday and I did go to that and gave a gift, the bum wasn't there, just the family.....and not his family....lmao.... I figure id go to something since I do not want to go to the wedding....I can't bear to witness an abuser marrying his foolish abusee ...what would you do? boycott the wedding and don't go.....or just go....
The Answer
Sometimes isolating and rejecting a victim of abuse is the worst thing you can do to them.
If you want to be someone your cousin can turn too if she needs help, then you should go.
If you can't be respectful of the event, or don't want to be the person your cousin turns too for help about her relationship, then don't go.
But please, don't publicly declare a 'boycott'. You'll simply cause more drama in the family - drama that could further isolate your cousin and limit her ability to seek help from family members if she needs it. If you personally, cannot bare to go, then don't, but also do not pass judgement on those who do. It's a complicated choice and everyone who goes is doing their best to act out of love. Don't be an ass to them just because they have chosen to show love in a different way than you have.
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The Question
I believe that I may have a half sister. I know my father was not the most faithful of partners and I remember seeing a picture of his high school"friend" and her daughter. She shared many traits with my dad, and her mother was unmarried. I'm not certain how to figure out if I really do have a half sibling. Any advice?
The Answer
Ask your Dad?
As awful as it seems, this really is the best possible way to access this information. It's unlikely you can track someone down based on a memory of a photo and a vague sense of resemblance. Your best bet is to ask someone who may know, like your father, or your mother, or an aunt or uncle who might be aware of more details than you are.
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The Question
I've been dating my new boyfriend for a little over three weeks, although we've known each other for about two months (through an old job).
He's really sweet and I think he's a great person, but I have a few hang ups about him that I'm not sure I can get over.
One: He has a house he's mortgaging that has his ex-girlfriends name on it...he also shares her insurance and cell phone plan. I also found many of her things still in his house (entire wardrobe of clothes, shoes, nail polish, girls razor still in the shower, ect). I think this is kind of strange and I worry that he's not over her even if he says he is and wonder why he still has all of her stuff (which I found on accident so I can't really bring up).
Two: I got intimate with him for the first time this past weekend (before I found the ex girlfriends things) and didn't enjoy it at all. He's much smaller than I'm used to and I had to do all the work for him to get off twice, and me not at all. His mannerisms in bed kind of remind me of a flopping fish which is a turn off. He's also not very fluent in any other kind of sexual activity and this is a problem for me because being intimate is something I really enjoy.
Three: When I first started dating him I noticed that he had a lot of scars, but didn't know what they were from so I shrugged them off as something he couldn't control. Now I've found out that they're mostly from him scratching bug bites until they're open sores and in general, picking at his skin. This of course is really gross and also a huge turn off.
He also has pretty bad indigestion that makes him gassy. I talked to him about taking medication for it, but he insists it's not that bad, when it really is. He burps frequently throughout the day, which of course makes his breath fowl and in turn makes kissing him unpleasant.
I'm not sure whether these are good enough reasons though to break things off with him. Otherwise he's been very kind to me, makes me laugh, has been generous, is attractive to me and I enjoy spending time in his company. We even went on a mini vacation out of town for the weekend which was a lot of fun for both of us.
However, I feel like the negatives are pretty big problems too and I'm not sure I can overlook them. I worry if I tolerate them for now that later on I'll become so annoyed with them that I'll just wind up leaving then and having wasted my time and his.
What should I do?
The Answer
There really isn't any such thing as a good or bad reason to break up with someone. There are only your own reasons. Your reasons have to be good enough for you, not anyone else.
Honestly, some of these things you talk about might change: You may find the ex-girlfriend trouble is in the process of being solved. You may find he performs better in bed after the initial stress of a new people wears off.
However, you don't actually owe him anything. You don't have to sit around and wait for things to maybe get better—and honestly, why would you? It's one thing for someone to be nervous, it's another for them not to express any care for your sexual pleasure. It's one thing for someone to still be in the long, complicated process of dividing up a house with an ex—it's another for them not to talk to you, their new girlfriend, about what that means. It's one thing for someone to have annoying habits—it's another for those habits to be major turn offs this early on.
It sounds like this guy is pretty clueless as to how his behaviour reads to others or impacts others. You can choose to spend your time and effort trying to ask him what is up, and explain to him that much of this is not really, not okay, but chances are pretty good that'll be a waste of your time. It's up to you tho.
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The Question
So my gf Is bisexual and she tells people she is 52% gay and 48% straight. I am a guy btw. We have been dating for about 8 months and she has been getting kinda distant lately. she says she loves me too but I'm worried she isn't completely fulfilled in our relationship. I'm worried she feels like she's missing out on that 52% that maybe she prefers that 52% but I don't want her to leave I love her and don't want to lose but I also don't want her to feel like she's missing something or not completely herself. Idk what to do or how to talk to her about this.
The Answer
I know it's confusing, but it worth remembering that EVERYONE in a relationship is missing out on other people. Regardless of their sexual orientation, YOU are currently missing out on other women who may be different, or even more physically attractive to you than your girlfriend.
Being in a relationship means making the promise to not screw around with other people, who you may otherwise want to screw around with!
Being bi, doesn't really change that. Someone who wants to be in their relationship is going to be happy in one. Someone who doesn't want to be in their relationship is going to feel unfulfilled.
If you think your girlfriend is unhappy, ask her if she is, and why. Don't assume she's craving sex with women. That's not really fair. Maybe that is part of what is going on, but you have to ask her, and not assume you know what is going on in her head just because she's bisexual.
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The Question
He fingered me with a yeast infection is this dangerous?
The Answer
Although it's possible for a yeast infection to spread to another person's mouth or skin... It's really, really, really unlikely to actually happen. The yeast that likes to get crazy in a vagina just doesn't survive well in other environments.
However, you should never do anything that makes you uncomfortable... and being fingered during a yeast infection sounds super uncomfortable to me! So please, tell your boyfriend to cool it until you've recovered.
The vast majority of yeast infections can be cured very simply. They are only dangerous if left untreated for a long time.
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The Question
As a Wiccan myself, it annoys me. I haven't told anyone about my religion and because I'm young I'm forced to pretend to be catholic. We pagans are called satanists, evil, demon worshipers, etc but non pagans are edgy if they wear it. I see this one girl who dislikes religion and is an atheist wearing a pentagram. What? I see people who don't know it's true meaning wearing it. It is very meaningful to us! They wear it because they are dumb emo teenagers and will grow out of it when it's not edgy for them anymore. But our faith in the God and Godess won't fade! I'm not a Muslim, so I won't wear a hijab. I'm not a Christian so I won't wear a crucifix. I'm not a hindu so I won't wear a bindi. Why do non pagans do this?
The Answer
Head coverings for women are worn in many cultures, not just by some members the Muslim religion.
Many people do wear bindis, crosses, native religious symbols, Buddhist symbols, etc... without believing them. Just because they think they are pretty or fashionable. Some people even tattoo these sorts of symbols on their bodies without understanding them or believing in what they stand for in the culture or tradition they come from.
You are right: It's offensive and ignorant. It's okay to be upset by it.
But it's not a uniquely pagan issue. This is the kind of crap people pull, usually directed at minority religions or cultures. Pagans aren't being singled out. This happens to nearly everyone's beliefs.
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The Question
I need help with my boyfriend's family ! I'm black and he's white and we've known each other since 6th grade but didn't start talking till the end of 8th. We really started talking at an end of middle school graduation party at my friend's house (we were 14) and we ended up getting really close really fast and he asked me out and I said yes. We dated for about 6 months without either of our families knowing because they're both overbearing and very controlling but about the middle of ninth grade I told my mom and she was not okay with it but I continued to date him. About the start of 10th grade I asked him why I hadn't met his family and he finally told me that they're against interracial relationship. I was so upset and hurt, but I still wanted him to tell his parents. A few weeks later, he did and they were furious and called him every name in the book. The night he told them, he invited me over because he was so mad and he snuck me in. We talked for a while and that talking led to hugging and kissing and touching and we ended up having sex (both our first times). His parents found out (I don't know how) and now they're even more furious and think I'm a whore now ?! What can I do to make them like me?! We're both 16 and have jobs, so it's not like we're doing anything horrible. We hang out all the time when we aren't working. I go over to his house a lot and his parents just act uncomfortable. They're nice to me, but they just seem not happy about us. What can I do to make them like me ?
The Answer
If they are being polite and no banning you from seeing one another or kicking you out of the house, then you may need to take a deep breath and accept that that is as good as it gets—for now.
You can't fix stupid bigotry. I wish you could. No matter what you do that will stick around for a while. All you can do is be respectful and polite. No more sneaking in late at night for sex—any parent would be freaked out by that!
Just be on your best behaviour with them, but don't let their racism and bigotry get you down. If you are going to win them over, it's probably going to take a long time. So just do your best.
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The Question
my close guy friend always gives me short but deep shoulder massages just smiling at me...now he doesn't like me like that, it has been established we are just friends, nothing more...well I asked him why does he do that whenever he sees me, he said I dunno and stared at me with seriousness.....
I liked him as more than a friend and asked him out about a year ago, and he just wanted to stay friends and I agreed and now when we are out and about he gets jealous if other men talk to me or give me any type of attention...I reminded him that he wanted to stay friends and he said that's all we are, i said yes this is what you wanted...and all of a sudden he does the shoulder massages etc....I asked him why does he do that and he said nothing but stared at me with seriousness....can anyone help me out? thanks
The Answer
He's a dick. He might like you, but he doesn't like you enough to stop acting like a dick.
Sorry. You may still like him, but if he's acting possessive of you while also claiming he doesn't want to date or do anything else, then he's acting in a shitty way.
You've done the right thing: You've pointed out the problem, but he hasn't stopped. Perhaps, he hasn't acknowledged that what he is doing is shitty. If someone keeps doing something shitty, after you've pointed it out them, then they are dick, and you should stay away from them.
This guy isn't a great friend if he's going to treat you like this. If he is going to both reject you and flirt with you and be jealous and shitty about others in your life. If he can't get his act togeather, and have his behaviour line up with the things he is saying, then it's best to stay away from him.
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The Question
Before anyone answers, please note that I will ALWAYS be vegan NO MATTER WHAT, so please don't say stuff like "best to go off vegan diet" or any of that. Also, please be well informed on what a vegan lifestyle really is. It differs from being a vegetarian. So I became vegan on January 3 of this year, and since then have not had a period. I used to have them every 2 months. The doctor said that was normal because I don't weigh much and am highly active. I also eat pretty clean (I'm not ortharexic for those who might bring that up). I'm 17 years old (almost 18) and if this just affects childbearing, I'm totally fine with that. I don't plan to have children (at least not biologically). I heard this happens to many and I just want to make sure it's not a vitamin I'm missing that's causing this. I know for some people it can last for over 4 years! Especially if raw. I'm just raw till noon, so it's not like I'm raw a lot of the day really. I can be, just all depending I guess. I also don't weight very much for my height. I'm 5'10 and weight around 130lbs. I also recently started taking a B12 vitamin last week. I may have been low on that, but so are meat eaters. I would eat foods foritfied in it sometimes though, like almond milk or something. Does anyone know if I have anything to worry about? I don't think I do but I want to be sure. Thanks in advance!
The Answer
Get to a doctor.
There are smart, and stupid ways, to be a vegan. Just like there are smart, and stupid ways, to eat meat. So get to a doctor and find out what is happening. It could be totally unrelated to your diet! But it's worth knowing why your very young body has decided to shut down a process that the body doesn't normally shut down for no reason.
A young, healthy woman shouldn't be skipping periods for months or years at time. It can be a sign that your body is not getting what it needs to sustain you—missing your period may be the only sign you currently see, but that doesn't mean it's the only issue going on. So, really, ask a doctor.
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The Question
I met this guy online and we were kinda flirting (not proud of it since I usually don't trust many strangers online) but anyway I thought he was interesting and different because he gives sarcastic and witty remarks like I do but anyway after about 2 days of talking he just stopped. Then I texted him first and idk the way he typed changed-he seemed veeeery bored. Then after a few hours he changed his profile picture into him kissing this girl (it's in the title lmao). I'm not mad that he's kissing a girl, I just found it very rude. Should I just stop talking to him? Idk if I made sense anymore I'm just really weirded out and kinda pissed
The Answer
It's okay to be pissed, but let's talk reality.
The reality is, you met this guy online. You'd been talking for two days—and then he ghosted on you. It was clear he was less interested, and then you saw a picture that made you think he was into someone else.
It might hurt your feelings, but really, he didn't do anything wrong. You barely knew each other. He had a real life that was going on beyond text messages and chats. It doesn't sound like he made you any promises or commitments—you were just talking—and he was probably also talking to other girls. His photo change may have hurt your feelings, but it almost certainly wasn't directed at you, and he had every right to use that photo, or kiss some other girl. He didn't betray you in any way and it's not rude of him to go on living his life.
If you don't want to speak to him anymore, that is fine! You don't have to. You can be pissed at home things went, but you also have to take a deep breath and realize that just because you are pissed and disappointed, doesn't mean either of you did anything wrong. You were chatting with an almost-total-stranger online for two days. It was okay that you got your hopes up, and it's okay it didn't amount to anything.
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The Question
I am 21 yo guy. In the past i have come out of an abusive relationship after i got fed up. I asked many questions which were answered here and have helped me deal with the trauma. However i m trying to build my life back now, And start afresh. I just get very anxious when my ex suddenly calls up asking to patch up. We did meet one last time before i called it quits. It however turned into a bashing session where i was again blamed for not keeping promises, and she was ready to forgive me and want to be with me. I was just so angry. When i flared up she said you hav always been like this,just gettin angry on me. Ironically for the entire relationship she was constantly getting angry and even threw my gifts and threw my ring in the drains just because she was angry. She even said she felt bad about the ring but it was okay because she loved me so she could angry on me too. I was the one always making up to her. Honestly i was a loser. Afraid she was the only one for me and would not be able to deal with it if she leaves me. She broke up 7 times in a year and i always apologized. Once i did not. Then she said i am so useless i cant win her back and i do not love her. She realized my value when i left and called many times. I however said no. Its just i want to start again. Be successful. Be myself. Be friends with girls again which i was stopped in the relationship. She calls me sometimes like wish me luck et al. I say thank you and cut off but it really haunts me for a month. The trauma. I need help !! My exams begin in 10 days
The Answer
Block her number. Stop picking up her calls. Don't talk to her at all if speaking to her for even a moment upsets you like this.
You need to end the contact with her if the contact is this upsetting. There is no potential here for a relationship, or any sort of friendship, with her. It's just over. Why would you keep talking to someone who is not your friend? And never will be?
She's going to go on and have whatever feelings and thoughts she might have. You can't control her thoughts or feelings, but you can choose to end all contact. You have the right to take care of yourself in that way, and simply not speak to her anymore.
Stop picking up the phone. You don't HAVE TO be friendly or polite to an ex. You can just take care of yourself. If taking care of yourself means absolutely zero contact with her, then do that.
If you want to tell her that you won't speak to her anymore, then send her a message that says, very quickly and shortly, without blame of any kind "I’m finding that I need to make a clean break with you in order to fully heal and move on from our past relationship. I must ask you not to contact me anymore. I will contact you if at some point I feel ready."
Then, whatever she says, just don't answer. Anything, at all. Ever.
But honestly, if she is just occasionally calling you to wish you luck, I wouldn't even bother with the email telling her you won't be speaking anymore. I'd just stop speaking to her. You take care of you. You might not be perfect, but that doesn't mean that you owe her any sort of friendship or contact. You can just end contact with her.
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The Question
I'm 14 almost 15 and I love always wanted a pet. When I was 7 I wanted guinea pigs and my parents would not get me one. Thankfully, my aunt brought me two and they were great. My dad would help me change the cage sometimes, but my mom wouldn't even go near them. Eventually they died and now it's need years since I've had a pet and I want a dog. My parents really don't a dog. My dad, again, isn't super against they idea other than the cost, but my mom just hates animals. She says she's not scared of them but I don't know. If she's not scared, do you think there's a way I convince her? Also, do you think it's worth getting a dog if I'm this old, even though I have a 7 year old brother?
The Answer
I know this sucks, but don't get a dog. Your dad won't pay for it, your mom won't love it and you won't live at home for the rest of it's life. That's not the right situation for a dog.
Most dogs will live 12-16 years. In the next 12 to 16 years you will move out of your parents home and probably move at least once more than that if not several times more. It's pretty likely you'll end up living with other people, either roommates or a partner. You'll probably have to rent at some point. You might end up pursuing education or career that will take you to a place where a dog can't follow, or that makes it impossible for you to properly care for a dog.
This isn't the right time in your life to get a dog. You can't give that dog the kind of promises it deserves. You can't make that life-long commitment right now.
Unless the dog is your parent's dog, and stays with them when you move out and move on (like you should at some point in the next decade) then it's not wise to get a dog. It's not fair to the dog, and it may end up being unfair to you too.
I get that this sucks. I was nearly 30 before I had a stable enough life that I could get a pet of my own, but that's part of being a responsible pet owner: Making sure you are able to provide for that pet, for their whole life, no matter what.
At 15 years old, without your parent's complete support, you can't know if you are able to care for a dog 100%, for the rest of their life. There are too many unknowns and limitations in your young teenage future. If you really want a pet, get another small mammal, like the guinea pigs, that have shorter lives, live in cages, less expense and won't make moving or renting so difficult. Right now, those sorts of pets are almost certainly the better fit for your life.
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The Question
Donald Trump is the only one running for Republican. Is he already candidate or is the gop gonna pull another guy out of their ass? I need to know this, because I might need to study Italian so I can live with my cousins in Italy if he is going up against Clinton.
The Answer
It's very unlikely, at this point, that the Republican party will be able to stop Trump from getting the nomination at the convention. Nearly impossible. There are lots of carefully negotiated rules about how that process works, and it's very, very unlikely that Trump can be stopped from getting the Republican nomination.
Perhaps, there will be another candidate from the political right, but they will not be the Republican candidate — even if they identify as a Republican—they will have to run as an independent, third party candidate.
So, although it's not all decided yet, it is more than likely that it will be Trump as the Republican candidate and Clinton as the Democrat. It's possible someone else may run (although personally, I don't think it's that likely) but those are probably your two major party candidates.
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The Question
i had sex with my guy friend on saterday but then on monday i saw my ex boyfriend and had sex with hm also unexpectedly my quiestion is will my ex bf knw or tell that i slept with someone else b4 him coz pEople say a guy can feel when u slept with another guy and the 2nd question is that if i see my guy friend the weekend and we sleep together will he know and can feel i did something..
The Answer
No. There is no physical or spiritual way a person can magically tell you recently had sex with someone else—but that doesn't mean this secret will get kept forever—your feelings of guilt may get noticed, or even more likely, someone will blab.
You should think about what it is you actually want, and how to go about getting it honestly. If you are trying to start a relationship with your friend, to return to a relationship with your ex, try to that honestly.
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The Question
There's a guy I go to school with who used to have a crush on me and flirted with me when we passed each other in the hallway. I just found out that he raped a girl named Ashley who I'm acquainted with, but I was sworn to secrecy by my friend, Allison who told me, not to tell anyone (mainly to protect Ashley, the victim's reputation and safety). The rape has been reported and the department faculty members are aware of it. I am very close with a teacher on that faculty and would like to discuss it with her. Do you think I'd be over-stepping my bounds? I did promise Allison (my friend who told me) that I wouldn't tell anyone about it but this teacher already knows about it anyway. Are there any bases I'm not covering that I need to be aware of before I discuss this with my teacher?
The Answer
Why do you want to speak to this teacher about it? What is it you want to ask, or to say?
That really is the question.
Honestly, you have absolutely zero right to expect this teacher to share any details with you at all. That is 100% an overstep. You may be putting her in a very difficult position even bringing it up. You don't actually know anything here, except that you have heard gossip, and at this point you have no right to know anything at all.
If you are approaching this teacher in the hopes of learning more about the situation - don't. If you are approaching this teacher because you want to talk about her feelings, opinions or beliefs on the situation - don't. If you want to talk to this teacher just because you need someone else to talk about this terribly interesting thing with - don't. All of those are selfish, drama-seeking reasons.
The only possible, acceptable reason for you to speak to this teacher, would be if you had information that investigators may need (and it doesn't seem you do) or if you were need of a trusted adult's support for your own feelings—and honestly, are you in need of support? Are you fearful or anxious or struggling to make sense of this? You don't mention that sort of trouble in your question...
If you need to talk out YOUR feelings about what you heard, then maybe, perhaps, that is sort of a valid reason to bring this up with this teacher. But even then, you'd be better off taking advantage of counselling offered by your school, then you would be putting your teacher in a position that could be uncomfortable and unfair to her, and expose her to possible issues if it even APPEARS she may have shared information with you that she should not.
In short: Unless you have a legitimate reason to bring this up that you didn't mention here. Don't.
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The Question
I am 16 years old and have known my romantic partner (age 17) for about a year, and almost 4 months of that year we have been dating, all the time before then we were close friends who would lowkey flirt with each other from the very beginning. We were immediately extremely compatible in both friendship and then with our romantic relationship, and have both been there for each other through the very best of times and the very worst of times. (And i do mean the very worst; we've each talked the other down from suicide at least once now)
Although we have never had a fight, we've discussed fighting, and how we both are when we fight or argue with someone, and talked about how to handle it when it happens one day, bc we both know and accept that of course one day we are going to fight or argue.
Although 4 months seems so short, i feel like i've known them my whole life, as if there was never a time we weren't dating, and they have expressed the same feelings to me.
Our relationship is extremely open (communication-wise, it is not a polyamory deal) and has always been so healthy, we've made compromises and sacrifices and we know that one day we will get married. We have discussed this on several occasions, that after we are both graduated from high school, sometime after that we'll be getting married. We are both very committed to the relationship and know we are in love, and i know that people change from their teen years throughout their adult years, but we're both so committed and willing to make sacrifices for the other and so open with our feelings that i know it will work out, because we'll both be able to talk things through if/when they start to get rocky in later years.
We currently wear promise rings.
Tonight we discussed engagement, and the fact that there is no age requirement to get engaged, so technically we could get engaged. We've both expressed many times before that we wish we could be engaged, that we both want to propose so badly. They basically implied tonight that they want to pop the question, or vise versa, sometime in the near future.
My question is, is this too fast, is it too soon? I'm perfectly happy with the pace things are moving at, people can meet their true loves and know it at younger ages after all, but a comment a girl made about "Promise rings at 3 months?!!" last month got me worried that maybe it is too early?? I personally feel more than ready and i know they do also, but....I don't know, i'm questioning my feelings now bc of what others might say/think? (Also yeah, i know, i should talk to them about this, i know i should and i will, but i also wanted to hear what others have to say about this) Will add information as needed if there are any questions or misunderstandings, i appreciate any and all advice and opinions!!
The Answer
Everyone thinks their own relationship is special, and nearly everyone thinks the relationship the currently in is the one that is going to last. It's okay to believe those things and to build your life around those beliefs.
But realistically, very, very, very few people go on to build a lifelong partnership with the person they loved at 16. Nearly all of those relationships end, and the people who get engaged and married very young (especially younger than 20) are at much higher risk of divorce, are less likely to pursue higher education, and are at greater risk of experiencing domestic abuse.
Think it's shocking that 36% of all marriages end in divorce within 15 years? That number jumps to 60% for people married before the age of 25. You've avoided gender pronouns, but please don't think if you are queer you can buck that trend—the rates are the same. Although gay marriage is a newer legal phenomenon, couples who commit by living togeather or buying a home together very young have similarly high rates of separation.
Simple fact is, people who meet and bond young can't help themselves: They have unrealistic ideas of what a lifelong commitment actually means. You think suicide attempts are rough? They are, but they are rarely the thing the ends relationships. People tend to pull togeather in emergencies, it's the day-to-day negotiations that rip people apart. Try wallpapering a room, doing your taxes, or buying a house togeather. Those boring couple tasks require a whole lot more patience, skill and self-knowledge than dealing with an acute mental health crisis.
You feel ready. So go for it. There are risks in trying, just like there are risks in waiting. You and your partner have every right to make this decision for yourself.
However, when people tell you it's not a great idea, and you don't know what you are doing, just do yourself a favour and don't get upset. Instead, acknowledge they are COMPLETELY correct. The odds ARE against you two. Statistically, it's more than likely that you won't end up getting married, and even if you do it's more than likely you'll divorce. And you DON'T know what you are doing. You can't possibly know. You're trying to figure it out, and you have every right to choose to do that togeather.
EDIT IN RESPONSE TO FEEDBACK
I used gay 'marriage' in quotes to acknowledge the fact that LGBT people have been forming lasting, life-long partnerships outside of the legal definition of marriage for a very long time and that just because not all of those partnerships were called marriage under the law until more recently, doesn't mean we don't know anything about those partnerships being formed, or dissolving. What we do know is that even when marriage wasn't available to these couples, their relationships ended with pretty much the exact same level of frequency as any heterosexual couples would. I can see why it confused though, so I've taken it out.
Just for the for the record, I've been for marriage equity since before you were born, and we've had marriage equity where I live for over a decade.
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The Question
My tampon is stuck around some skin thing can't get it out at all, I don't think it's my hymen cause I got it in and out easily yesterday. It comes out as far as I can see it then it doesn't go any further cause of the skin restricting it and it hurts so badly when I pull it :((( I am freaking out please help x
The Answer
You need to go to a doctor, or to the ER, to have it taken out.
If it stays in you could get very, very sick. Then you'll need to go the ER. So go now, while you just need someone to take it out carefully, and you don't need serious life-saving drugs. Because you will need serious life saving drugs, if it stays in there too long.
Go. Now. Tell a parent or adult and get medical care to remove it if you can't get it out yourself.
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The Question
Ok so as i said in the last one me and boyfriend have been dating for two months as of tomorrow. But i have kinda been worried that I have low key been cheating. Like there is this one guy at my school who i think is hot, but i don't flirt with him or anything i just think he is cute. So i don't think that is cheating. But another thing is that these two guys in my class like to touch my butt and it doesn't make me uncomfortable, so i don't care if they do it. Is that considered cheating? And lastly before i started dating my boyfriend,he had told me he liked someone else ( unknowing that i liked him ) and i think that i am starting to have feelings for one of the guys who touch my butt all the time. I haven't and wont do anything about liking him ( meaning i wont flirt with him or anything) but i feel really bad because i love my boyfriend and he has told me he loves me. And i would do anything for him. I don't know if i have been cheating but i am trying hard to cover up those feelings for the other guy and focus on my main guy
The Answer
There aren't any hard and fast rules about what defines cheating. Cheating is a betrayal. It's about breaking an agreement.
So let's try and look at this from the perspective of what is reasonable for your boyfriend to expect.
It's reasonable to expect your girlfriend or boyfriend might be attracted to other people—and to expect that your boyfriend or girlfriend won't do anything about that attraction.
So, far you're good. That is exactly what is happening here. You are attracted to someone else, which is totally normal for a human being, but you aren't doing anything about because you are serious about your relationship.
Another thing that can be fairly expected in the vast majority of relationships is that your girlfriend/boyfriend isn't engaging in any sexual touching with others.
And that is where this falls apart a bit. Your guy friends touching your butt, that is definitely sexual touching. Most reasonable boyfriends would expect their girlfriend to avoid, as much as she can, other people to fondling her ass. That is the agreement most boyfriends would assume they have with their girlfriend.
Honestly, if you find yourself worrying that this touching might be cheating on your boyfriend, then it does make you uncomfortable. That worry is a kind of uncomfortable.
Is is cheating? Maybe. More importantly, it's a bad boundary.
Only you can decide of you want to be in a relationship or not, but if you do, try to think about the agreement you have with your boyfriend and what you and he can fairly expect of one another. You can't expect him to never have feelings or attractions to other women, but you probably do expect him to avoid as much as possible other women touching him sexually. You should hold yourself to that same standard.
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The Question
So my boyfriend keeps having dreams about me being pregnant and not like first months. It's the full 9 months im giving birth and we are taking the baby to meet family after that. He Says it's a baby girl. We have been active these past couple of months but i have gotten my monthly cycle every month.
But out of both of us he's always the one talking about becoming a family and having a baby, he always saying we should tell his mom I'm pregnant just to see what she will say
I'm just curious on what it means
The Answer
Your boyfriend is baby-crazy.
Which may be fine, if you are also keen on having a baby with him. But he also needs to check himself a bit, because lying to his mother is a crazy, and even a bit cruel, sort of idea.
He needs to behave respectfully and have real conversations with you about the future. He can't just blame 'the dreams' for his behaviors.
Dreams are just a reflection of ideas that have a hold on us. If you really want a child, you and your boyfriend should talk about that reality—not his dreams.
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