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My boyfriend's family
I need help with my boyfriend's family ! I'm black and he's white and we've known each other since 6th grade but didn't start talking till the end of 8th. We really started talking at an end of middle school graduation party at my friend's house (we were 14) and we ended up getting really close really fast and he asked me out and I said yes. We dated for about 6 months without either of our families knowing because they're both overbearing and very controlling but about the middle of ninth grade I told my mom and she was not okay with it but I continued to date him. About the start of 10th grade I asked him why I hadn't met his family and he finally told me that they're against interracial relationship. I was so upset and hurt, but I still wanted him to tell his parents. A few weeks later, he did and they were furious and called him every name in the book. The night he told them, he invited me over because he was so mad and he snuck me in. We talked for a while and that talking led to hugging and kissing and touching and we ended up having sex (both our first times). His parents found out (I don't know how) and now they're even more furious and think I'm a whore now ?! What can I do to make them like me?! We're both 16 and have jobs, so it's not like we're doing anything horrible. We hang out all the time when we aren't working. I go over to his house a lot and his parents just act uncomfortable. They're nice to me, but they just seem not happy about us. What can I do to make them like me ?
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Be your normal sweet self around them. The only way to get people around their prejudices is for them to have an experience that contradicts what they think they know. Work on homework with him out in the dining room so they can see how you interact with their son. Talk to his mom one on one. It might be frightening but you can do things that are hard. Here's what to say, "You have raised a wonderful son whom I love. He treats me with kindness and respect and I know that's because of his parents. I may not be what you expected but love doesn't see color. As long as we're together I will be good to him too" Lastly, get on the pill if you're going to be having sex. You are engaging in adult activities so handle it like an adult. I have a child from my teen years due to the fact that most teenage boys don't know how to use condoms properly.
Now, show this next part to him. Don't just tell him what it says because then you're telling him how to handle his family and that shouldn't come from you so I'll do it.
Hey there guy. It's time to be a man and stick up for your lady and your choice to be with her. Tell your parents that you love them and know that they only have your best interests at heart but your relationship choices will NEVER be open to that kind of derogatory criticism. If they think you are making a mistake tell them that it's your mistake to make and the lessons you learn will be about relationships and about what racist assholes your parents are. It's important to give boundaries to parents as you are becoming an adult so that they don't think they can boss you around all your life. But do it with love toward them not anger. Lastly, always use protection and learn how to use it correctly. Condoms fall off when new users are not properly educated on the placement technique and what size to get.
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I agree with Razhie you can't fix bigotry or stupid. This is the problem in America today we don't look past the person's skin to see the real person. All we see is outer beauty or the color of one's kin and not the beautiful person who is under the skin.
As the saying goes beauty is only skin deep and the same goes for the color of skin. We are all the same color under the skin and we all bleed red. If we ever learn to accept this then we will be able to live in harmony with each other.
I live in a community that is just 45 years old. It was founded to be different and it is. Interracial relationships are normal as is interracial marriages.
There is nothing you can do about bigotry. We are born without bigotry or other racisms these are things that are learned from our parents. Some of us learn this is wrong and work to change others hold to them.
I raised my children to be color blind even though my parents were bigoted for I learned it was wrong to be this way. The best advice I can give you is to be cordial and friendly towards his parents. When you have children of your own raise them to be color blinded. If more people do this then we can end the problem of race relations for all lives matter regardless of the color of their skin.
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If they are being polite and no banning you from seeing one another or kicking you out of the house, then you may need to take a deep breath and accept that that is as good as it gets—for now.
You can't fix stupid bigotry. I wish you could. No matter what you do that will stick around for a while. All you can do is be respectful and polite. No more sneaking in late at night for sex—any parent would be freaked out by that!
Just be on your best behaviour with them, but don't let their racism and bigotry get you down. If you are going to win them over, it's probably going to take a long time. So just do your best.
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Okay i am dating a white boy and i am African American boy. but we have only been dating for a month so i don't think either of our parents know. But i can tell you one thing. African Americans get looked down on and interracaial relationships get looked down on a lot, but if you feel like you and that boy are good,you keep persuing the relationship with the boy because if it comes down to it. If he ever asks you too marry him, his parents will have to live with it. (plus mixed babies are sooo cute) but you just have to be nice and respectful to his parents and you keep doing what your doing. DON'T EVER LET ANYONE TRY AND TAKE YO HAPPINESS
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