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Am i cheating?
Ok so as i said in the last one me and boyfriend have been dating for two months as of tomorrow. But i have kinda been worried that I have low key been cheating. Like there is this one guy at my school who i think is hot, but i don't flirt with him or anything i just think he is cute. So i don't think that is cheating. But another thing is that these two guys in my class like to touch my butt and it doesn't make me uncomfortable, so i don't care if they do it. Is that considered cheating? And lastly before i started dating my boyfriend,he had told me he liked someone else ( unknowing that i liked him ) and i think that i am starting to have feelings for one of the guys who touch my butt all the time. I haven't and wont do anything about liking him ( meaning i wont flirt with him or anything) but i feel really bad because i love my boyfriend and he has told me he loves me. And i would do anything for him. I don't know if i have been cheating but i am trying hard to cover up those feelings for the other guy and focus on my main guy
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Absolutely. I strongly believe that if you are allowing men to touch you in ways only a boyfriend should. then you should consider how serious you are about your boyfriend. I strongly believe that if you are finding comfort from other men's touches other then your boyfriend then that is not okay. By allowing these two guys to touch you, it is telling them that you don't respect the foundation of a relationship. and you are telling these men that it is okay to touch you inappropriately even if you are in a relationship.
I would advice putting space between you and these two men. and absolutely no touching! at lease until you figure out who you really want to be with.
If you really love your boyfriend, you would not let others touch you in the way that you are allowing them too.
It is extremely unfair to your boyfriend to keep leading him on when you are not sure that you want to be with him.
Another thing to consider is that you may be interested in this other guy, because he is off limits. and is mysterious. What does this guy have that your boyfriend doesn't? Is it because your bf is not doing something that you wish he would.. (Cuddle more, talk more.. etc)
Think over all your feelings and think over all of the pros and cons before doing anything.
Good luck!
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I'll start with the boys who touch your butt. As Razhie stated, that is considered sexual touching and will fall into the lines of sexual harassment.
I know you don't see it that way but let me explain the two things happening here. Females going through puberty and in their teens or even early twenties, have a built in natural desire to have attention paid to them to verify that they are beautiful females and no longer a child. Most girls will hopefully get positive input from their Dads to take care of this natural need in the process of growing up. Its as simple as Dad making comments that you are growing up so fast you look like your Mom did that that age, very pretty and that soon he'll have to be chasing away guys at the door coming to see you. Those kinds of comments are needed. I remember even asking Dads opinion not just on my new earrings or shoes but some art piece I did. Girls who dont get this or enough of it growing up, will turn to negative attention. Any attention being better than none. So its likely that the reason you haven't said anything, complained or asked them to stop is because you have a need deep down on a subconscious level you're not aware of that is possibly why you've found yourself enjoying that kind of attention. Logically it makes sense, these boys are showing you that they find you desireable and sexy...but its not necessarily in a fully positive way. For one thing, guys allowed to get away with this kind of thing become the bosses who allow sexual harassment in the office and do so themselves, threatening to fire you if you don't sleep with them. Without repercussions, the boys will just become worse in how they treat females as sex objects and use girls, pretending to love them only to get sex and ocne tired of them, dump them. I highly doubt that is the kind of guy you want. No rational girl wants that but inadvertantly, we take part in training them either by commission or omission.
So I've mentioned the need for positive male appreciation for your femaleness and also the problem of young men getting away with something that will escalate. The feelings you are having for the guy touching your butt is probably tied in to the need for male verification and since he's giving it, you find yourself responding inside. But to get together with him would be a big mistake. You've sent a message already that it is okay to use you as a sex object so if in a relationship with him, you won't amount to anything more with him and itll all be about his gratification and not an equal relationship of loving each other and the male loving all of you not just your sexual side.
So is it cheating? No. Your reason for doing it is out of a real female need we all go thru some more than others. I know some who'd disagree cus they never really felt much obvious like that as a young lady. But now that I've told you what is going on, if you continue to allow other men to touch you and you enjoy it, then you are on the cusp of cheating cus its not long before you are seeking not only this kind of emotional satisfaction but more emotional support and the sexual gratification. The difference I hope you are seeing is in whether you dislike their touching you or whether you like it. It makes the difference between having a case to report to police of sexual harassment if they are warned and it doesnt stop cus you are totally blameless. We live in an unfair society as far as law and a female not complaining against such treatment is the same in the minds of many males in law, as the female liking the treatment, condoning it, accepting it happily. So you need to make up your mind now that you know. If you need more verification and building up as a female, let your boyfriend know you need to hear his compliments, his thoughts spoken out loud to you of how much he likes how you look, even the sexual comments...because between 2 lovers it is appropriate.
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There aren't any hard and fast rules about what defines cheating. Cheating is a betrayal. It's about breaking an agreement.
So let's try and look at this from the perspective of what is reasonable for your boyfriend to expect.
It's reasonable to expect your girlfriend or boyfriend might be attracted to other people—and to expect that your boyfriend or girlfriend won't do anything about that attraction.
So, far you're good. That is exactly what is happening here. You are attracted to someone else, which is totally normal for a human being, but you aren't doing anything about because you are serious about your relationship.
Another thing that can be fairly expected in the vast majority of relationships is that your girlfriend/boyfriend isn't engaging in any sexual touching with others.
And that is where this falls apart a bit. Your guy friends touching your butt, that is definitely sexual touching. Most reasonable boyfriends would expect their girlfriend to avoid, as much as she can, other people to fondling her ass. That is the agreement most boyfriends would assume they have with their girlfriend.
Honestly, if you find yourself worrying that this touching might be cheating on your boyfriend, then it does make you uncomfortable. That worry is a kind of uncomfortable.
Is is cheating? Maybe. More importantly, it's a bad boundary.
Only you can decide of you want to be in a relationship or not, but if you do, try to think about the agreement you have with your boyfriend and what you and he can fairly expect of one another. You can't expect him to never have feelings or attractions to other women, but you probably do expect him to avoid as much as possible other women touching him sexually. You should hold yourself to that same standard.
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