|
I am 21 yo guy. In the past i have come out of an abusive relationship after i got fed up. I asked many questions which were answered here and have helped me deal with the trauma. However i m trying to build my life back now, And start afresh. I just get very anxious when my ex suddenly calls up asking to patch up. We did meet one last time before i called it quits. It however turned into a bashing session where i was again blamed for not keeping promises, and she was ready to forgive me and want to be with me. I was just so angry. When i flared up she said you hav always been like this,just gettin angry on me. Ironically for the entire relationship she was constantly getting angry and even threw my gifts and threw my ring in the drains just because she was angry. She even said she felt bad about the ring but it was okay because she loved me so she could angry on me too. I was the one always making up to her. Honestly i was a loser. Afraid she was the only one for me and would not be able to deal with it if she leaves me. She broke up 7 times in a year and i always apologized. Once i did not. Then she said i am so useless i cant win her back and i do not love her. She realized my value when i left and called many times. I however said no. Its just i want to start again. Be successful. Be myself. Be friends with girls again which i was stopped in the relationship. She calls me sometimes like wish me luck et al. I say thank you and cut off but it really haunts me for a month. The trauma. I need help !! My exams begin in 10 days
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Abusive Relationships?
The first step is absolutely block her number or facebook or anything that will remind you of her. i have been through this twice now 22 F. It is definitely not easy, but its the only way. I find relationships are just like a passing. You need to grieve for a while depends how long and serious your relationship was, but it will help. you need to get out there and once you do you will realize how much better off you are. get new girl friends that you can hang out with and they will definitely help you feel better about your self and be able to put the past behind you. I dated my last boyfriend for 4 years and it was the hardest part to just forget about them, but once you make your peace ad realize that you are young and wonderful it will be easier. look to friends and family for help as well, surround yourself with people who will pick you up and delete the girl, be the bigger person and let it go.
]
You absolutely do not need to be friends with her anymore. Change her name in your contacts to "Do not answer" so it will remind you not to talk to her anymore. If she leaves a voice mail delete it without listening to it. Don't read or respond to her texts. The only way to rid yourself of an energy vampire is to quit being their food source. These kind of people will s say you are being mean because you won't talk to them anymore. This is a lie to keep your energy accessible to them. You are not mean, you are saving your own life.
When you're not appreciated in a relationship it's very seductive to think that the abuser somehow, miraculously realized how great you are. You'll be vindicated and validated.....right? NOPE! They're just trying to suck you back in so they can keep stomping all over you. No attention to her anymore. All thoughts to your exams and good luck.
]
Block her number. Stop picking up her calls. Don't talk to her at all if speaking to her for even a moment upsets you like this.
You need to end the contact with her if the contact is this upsetting. There is no potential here for a relationship, or any sort of friendship, with her. It's just over. Why would you keep talking to someone who is not your friend? And never will be?
She's going to go on and have whatever feelings and thoughts she might have. You can't control her thoughts or feelings, but you can choose to end all contact. You have the right to take care of yourself in that way, and simply not speak to her anymore.
Stop picking up the phone. You don't HAVE TO be friendly or polite to an ex. You can just take care of yourself. If taking care of yourself means absolutely zero contact with her, then do that.
If you want to tell her that you won't speak to her anymore, then send her a message that says, very quickly and shortly, without blame of any kind "I’m finding that I need to make a clean break with you in order to fully heal and move on from our past relationship. I must ask you not to contact me anymore. I will contact you if at some point I feel ready."
Then, whatever she says, just don't answer. Anything, at all. Ever.
But honestly, if she is just occasionally calling you to wish you luck, I wouldn't even bother with the email telling her you won't be speaking anymore. I'd just stop speaking to her. You take care of you. You might not be perfect, but that doesn't mean that you owe her any sort of friendship or contact. You can just end contact with her.
]
More Questions: |