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Are these bad reasons to break up with my boyfriend?
I've been dating my new boyfriend for a little over three weeks, although we've known each other for about two months (through an old job).
He's really sweet and I think he's a great person, but I have a few hang ups about him that I'm not sure I can get over.
One: He has a house he's mortgaging that has his ex-girlfriends name on it...he also shares her insurance and cell phone plan. I also found many of her things still in his house (entire wardrobe of clothes, shoes, nail polish, girls razor still in the shower, ect). I think this is kind of strange and I worry that he's not over her even if he says he is and wonder why he still has all of her stuff (which I found on accident so I can't really bring up).
Two: I got intimate with him for the first time this past weekend (before I found the ex girlfriends things) and didn't enjoy it at all. He's much smaller than I'm used to and I had to do all the work for him to get off twice, and me not at all. His mannerisms in bed kind of remind me of a flopping fish which is a turn off. He's also not very fluent in any other kind of sexual activity and this is a problem for me because being intimate is something I really enjoy.
Three: When I first started dating him I noticed that he had a lot of scars, but didn't know what they were from so I shrugged them off as something he couldn't control. Now I've found out that they're mostly from him scratching bug bites until they're open sores and in general, picking at his skin. This of course is really gross and also a huge turn off.
He also has pretty bad indigestion that makes him gassy. I talked to him about taking medication for it, but he insists it's not that bad, when it really is. He burps frequently throughout the day, which of course makes his breath fowl and in turn makes kissing him unpleasant.
I'm not sure whether these are good enough reasons though to break things off with him. Otherwise he's been very kind to me, makes me laugh, has been generous, is attractive to me and I enjoy spending time in his company. We even went on a mini vacation out of town for the weekend which was a lot of fun for both of us.
However, I feel like the negatives are pretty big problems too and I'm not sure I can overlook them. I worry if I tolerate them for now that later on I'll become so annoyed with them that I'll just wind up leaving then and having wasted my time and his.
What should I do?
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Hey!
Your first reason may be an acceptable reason to break up with him. If you think, or if he tells you he's still not over his ex you should take a break to give him some breathing space. The second reason sort of concerns me because it sounds like you're only dating guys to get into their pants (this could just be a misconception). Love/dating someone shouldn't be about how good they are in the bed. Your third reason is kind of "eh" Bug bites aren't something you can control it happens to everyone! It might not be a good idea to scratch them because it will make it worse, but people can't help it. I get a lot of bug bites over the summer, I always scratch them, pretty much until I bleed, but my boyfriend hasn't broken up with me yet. He actually cares and tries to help me stop scratching. I'm not even going to continue with burping. I think your motive is to find that perfect ideal guy, that (news flash) doesn't exist. No matter where you look even to the ends of this earth there is no guy in this world that is perfect. This might seem cheesy, but no one's perfect. Anyways I hope this helps in some way.
-Swimmer133
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There really isn't any such thing as a good or bad reason to break up with someone. There are only your own reasons. Your reasons have to be good enough for you, not anyone else.
Honestly, some of these things you talk about might change: You may find the ex-girlfriend trouble is in the process of being solved. You may find he performs better in bed after the initial stress of a new people wears off.
However, you don't actually owe him anything. You don't have to sit around and wait for things to maybe get better—and honestly, why would you? It's one thing for someone to be nervous, it's another for them not to express any care for your sexual pleasure. It's one thing for someone to still be in the long, complicated process of dividing up a house with an ex—it's another for them not to talk to you, their new girlfriend, about what that means. It's one thing for someone to have annoying habits—it's another for those habits to be major turn offs this early on.
It sounds like this guy is pretty clueless as to how his behaviour reads to others or impacts others. You can choose to spend your time and effort trying to ask him what is up, and explain to him that much of this is not really, not okay, but chances are pretty good that'll be a waste of your time. It's up to you tho.
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