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My advice motto is LISTEN-CARE-RESPOND! BELIEVE IN YOURSELF - we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for!
advice
I'm a 17 year old manle, and I have my mood changes just like every1 else, but it seems when i get depressed...it really hits me. LAtely it's hit be pretty hard becos it just appears the everything i do or everyone i come in contact with i just screw up, and i often have this feeling like i just want to get away from it all, just...go somewhere and leave my problems. Are these just normal feelings? and does anyone have any ideas for getting out of these moods? I have no thoughts of suicide or anything, I'm not like that, but i just have these terrible feelings and i just want to get away. someone please give me adive.
P.S. Not sure if i put this in the right catergory.
Granted, I'm a girl, not a boy, but when I was your age (which seems like a lifetime ago) I had the same kind of feelings off and on for many years. Not a lot of people talked about depression then, so unfortately I had the fear that I was the only one going through it.
The first thing I want to tell you is that while not absolutely everyone is going through it, a remarkable number of people are. You are not a freak and you are not alone. Second, although I'm not suggesting that you wallow in your depression, I think it is important to honor how you are feeling. Your emotional and physical bodies are going through a process (think of it as being at the bottom of the well). It's dark and quiet and you are internally sorting through things, but because you may not consciously recognize that, you just feel alone and miserable. When you start to feel this way, be patient with yourself and give it a little time. Find some things that you can do on your own (watching movies, listening to music, writing or reading). Soon, you will hopefully start coming back around, feeling better about your life and everyone in it. You may even have new insights into what causes you to head into a depressed state to begin with which is a good thing because knowledge is power.
However, now that you are aware that you are in a depression, it's important to know when it's getting worse or has gone on too long. If that starts to happen and your thoughts at any time do turn suicidal, then it's time to talk to someone and get some help. Sometimes, a state of depression is too strong and we can't get back up out of it without assistance. There is no shame in it and it takes a lot of courage to reach out. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
I wake up every morning at least two hours earlier than my first class. I get up, take my dog for a walk, take a shower and get ready. You would think that all of that would wake me up enough to stay awake during my classes wouldn't you?
No luck for me. My hardest class is at 9 mondays and 9:30 wednesdays - Mammalian Anatomy and Physiology- and I am constantly falling asleep durring it. I try to take notes and sit next to the open windows, but it doesn't work. Coffee never seems to help me stay awake, and it gives me an upset stomach even if it did. Does anyone know of anything else that I could do to get myself awake and alert during this class? I don't want to just get a good grade, I actually want to learn everything and remember it all for my job in the future And this means actually paying attention in class.
You mentioned that you get up two hours before your class starts which I agree should be enough time to wake up in the morning. But, I'm wondering if you are going to bed early enough. Perhaps you aren't getting enough sleep. Everybody is different with how much sleep they need to operate day-to-day effectively, but generally you should be aiming for eight hours a night.
Also, if coffee is too harsh on your stomach, you could try hot tea. I've started drinking a caffeineted green tea called "Kambucha" tea. It tastes great, gives me a lift and sometimes, I swear it helps me think more clearly. Hope you find the right answer for you. Best of luck.
Kind wishes,
I am a cutter and my friends all say i should stop and blah blah blah... BUT I DONT WANT TO!!! And i think someone told my Guidance Couselor and i dont know what to do...? Should i deny all or what?
~Help me out!~
If someone told your Guidance Counselor and you are approached, I think you should look at it as the universe intervening and sending you a solution to a problem that you haven't even admitted to yourself that you have.
I'm not sure why you don't want to stop, but hopefully you can see that cutting is something that a person does in response to problems. Problems can be worked on and worked out. It seems to me that cutting is not a solution, it's merely an unhelpful outlet when someone doesn't know how to deal with their feelings or problems in an appropriate way that doesn't involve causing bodily harm.
Please take this opportunity to come clean about your cutting and be open to receiving help. There is no shame in not knowing how to deal with something on your own. Everyone needs outside help sometimes. Everyone. Good luck to you.
Kind wishes,
Hey...you give good advice. I was wondering...do you shave your Pubic hair down there? Like are girls supposed to?
Whether or not to shave your pubic hair is a personal decision. It's really just a matter of preference. Some women remain completely natural, some women shave completely (or get waxed) and some women just shave a little to maintain a more groomed look. There is no right or wrong (just be careful if you decide to shave - if you've ever cut yourself shaving your legs - well just realize that can happen shaving other places too).
Whatever you decide to do, be sure that it's what you want to do and not because a guy is telling you that girls are supposed to do it. There is no such thing as "girls are supposed to" when it comes to the issue of pubic hair. If you aren't sure what YOU want, then I think you should stay natural.
I hope this helps.
Kind wishes,
My semi formal is the same night as my Dad's dinner for winning employee of the year. I didnt go to my semi formal last year and a boy that I really like might ask me to the semi.. What do you guys think I should do? ( They're at the same times too!!)
Explain to the guy that asked you to the semi formal the importance of the evening for your Dad and then ask the guy if he would be okay with attending both events with you. Your Dad should be very pleased that you understand the need to be there for him and show him your support. Besides, who cares if you get to the semi late. Nothing that you can't miss hardly ever happens at the beginning of an event.
So, you make an appearance with your family at your Dad's dinner and maybe you eat there too (which saves your date some $$) and then you head off to the dance from there. I hope it works out for you. Best of luck.
Kind wishes,
Recently, i found my dad constantly going to chatrooms and talking to random ppl like he likes them better than my mom. every day he would be doing this but once my mom got home, he would close out of them. i dont know what to do. my brother knows about it too, but i dont know if i should tell my mom. please help....:(
Well, you are certainly in a tough spot. My suggestion is to talk with your Dad directly. Tell him that you know that he is spending lots of time in the chat rooms and that it makes you uncomfortable and you feel it's disrespectful to your Mom. Perhaps this is just the wake up call that your Dad needs to see that what he is doing is having a negative effect on his family whether he meant it to or not.
As far as whether to tell your Mom, I suggest you tell your Dad that you don't feel right knowing something about your Dad that your Mom doesn't know. Ask him to be honest with her about it so that you don't have to be put in the position to be truthful with one parent and feel like you're betraying the other.
Remember, however, that parents are people too and he might first react defensively and try to pull an "I'm the parent here, not you. You don't tell me what I can and cannot do." If this is his reaction, just reiterate to him that you wanted him to know how it makes you feel and that you are worried about your family. Then, let him have some time to sort through how he should handle things on his own.
Hopefully, your Dad will step up and do the right thing. Helping your Dad realize that his actions are having a negative impact on you and the rest of the family is, in my opinion, your best option. Good luck to you.
Kind wishes,
Okay, well for my Life Management class, I have to work 10 hours of Community Service for free. I'm not sure what to do, I'm really interested in basketball. She told us that cleaning for a basketball team would be considered community service. I was going to ask the local WNBA/NBA arena if I could maybe clean the locker rooms or clean SOMETHING for them maybe 2 hours a day, but I don't know how to do that [ask them]. And they would probably reject that idea. Can you help me think of Community Service Jobs i could do that would interest me? I enjoy basketball, volleyball, and shopping. I also like music.
Thanks SO much in advance for any help!
I think that one great contribution you could make considering your interest in basketball would be to volunteer your time teaching younger kids how to play or how to play better.
You could contact your local YMCA, the Boys/Girls Club of America or a local community center that has afterschool and weekend programs for school aged kids.
I hope you find something that works for you. Best of luck.
Kind wishes,
omg , ok . hi , ok im 14yrs. old and i hav a frend whos 18 named mike . ok he's not in school nemoa and he graduated and he's goin to miami tomorow and invited me to go and a few othr ppl , but im so scared cuz what if i get caught skipping and if my parents find out . i dono what to do . it sounds so much fun tho . help!!!!!
My gut reaction is to say that this sounds like a bad idea, however, I will make a suggestion to you that should be helpful for any decision you need to make.
You must always look at the worse case scenario. Let's assume that nothing big and horrific happens (like getting into an accident or getting arrested). What are the consequences of getting caught? Are you already on shaky ground at home? Do you have trust built with your parents that would be broken and extremely hard to get back? How about school - if you get suspended for skipping how will that effect your grades or participation in any extracurricular activities that you might participate in?
You are a young adult and you need to be really clear on the consequences and repercussions of your actions. Once you've thought it out, then you can make a decision. But, if you decide to take a risk and it ultimately backfires on you, you already know what to expect and you will have to take responsibility.
Now for a little lecturing: I know it sounds like fun, but trust me there will be lots of opportunities for you to have fun within parameters that your parents approve of. And once you are old enough to be out on your own, (which I know seems like a hundred years from now but it's really not that far off) then you can pick up and go on road trips to your hearts content.
If you do decide to go, please be careful and be safe. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
alot of people think that i'm bi polar. i get mood swings like you would not believe... for instance today i was having a great time in algebra and then i walked out of the classroom so pissed off and i was like biting everyones head off. i had major depression for 2 years but then i got over it and i was okay up until about maybe a month or 2 ago when people started saying that i had moodswings and within the last month alot of people said that i might be bipolar. could this be possible? should i see a doctor? i don't want to worry my mom again because when i had major depression that was like a really bad time for my entire family. what should i do?
Although I understand the hesitancy to talk to your Mom because of your prior episodic depression that heavily impacted your entire family, I think it is important that you communicate how you have been feeling lately. Dealing with mental health issues is difficult and draining and you may need to rely on the support of those who care about you. You know youself best and if it seems to you that your moods and reactions lately are all over the place and you have a history of mental illness, then it would be better to talk to someone or get some help now before things get more out of control.
I think it shows great maturity and courage that you are taking a hard look at your behavior and are able to have the insight that something isn't right and that you might need help. You are far ahead of a lot of teens (and even adults) who don't recognize the signs of an onset of a mental health issue. It might be as simple as a minor hormonal change or shift that is causing your moods to be erratic.
My suggestion is to talk to your Mom or someone else in your family that you trust. Please remember that you are a strong person going through a tough time. You can get through this and come out of it a wiser and more understanding person. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
Im in the army, been with my girlfriend 5 years. Im leaving again for iraq for the 2nd, should i ask her to marry me before i ago, just incase i dont come back. i love her with all my heart, i would give my life for her. but do you guys ever have the feeling how do you know if they are the one. its just so mind boggling to me. and advice would help.
thanks
josh
Marriage is a lifelong committment and one that shouldn't be entered into until you know that you are ready to share the rest of your life with someone through thick and thin. I understand your desire to make a strong statement about your love for your girlfriend since you are going away and there is the thought in the back of your head that you might not return.
The best way to get clarity on the situation might be to think about whether you would be asking her to marry you if you weren't going away. If the answer is no, then I suggest you resist the urge to propose before you head out. There are other ways to show how much you love your girlfriend. Just simply sharing with her what she means to you and how much you care about her will make her feel special and loved.
I say save the proposal for a time when you are truly ready to become a husband. If you've thought about it and decided that that time is now - then I say go for it! Best of luck to you overseas - my thoughts are with you for a safe return.
Kind wishes,
I am a 39 year old woman who has been seeing the same man sexually for almost 2 years. What we have is very special. We both admit that. We have made an agrement with each other not to sleep with anyone else except each other. My problem is that I want more out of this relationship. And because it has been sexual, I can't tell if he wants the same. In the past when I asked for a committment, he said he couldn't at that time, because he has goals he needs work towards and needs to focus on them. Even though he said he would like to the timing was off. I am feeling like it will always be sexual, nothing more. Can I be wrong? Should I wait it out? I do have very strong feelings for this man.
Thanks
I know that this will be hard because you have deep feelings for this man, but ultimately, I believe you need to walk away. Even if, at one time, you were okay with having a physical relationship without an emotional committment, that has obviously changed for you. Your feelings have developed beyond the reality of your relationship. If your partner is not willing to evolve the relationship to accomodate your feelings, then it is no longer a healthy place for you to be. I don't believe that giving him an ultimatum will work either. I think that you need to explain that although you were initially fine with a physical relationship, that you now need more and that since he is not in a place to provide you that, you have to do right by yourself and move on. And, here is the kicker... you have to mean it. There is the possibility that you walking away from the situation could cause him to realize that he also wants more and doesn't want to lose you, but that has to be his realization and not one that you manipulate him into. Walking away from someone you care about is heartbreaking and difficult, but you are worthy of more than you are currently receiving. When you are willing to do right by yourself, in the long run, you will be amazed by the positive experiences that the universe will put in your path. But, you have to make a committment to yourself first. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
I need help. I need to look for an article about something that's going on in the world (the war in iraq, etc) So I can write a summary and present it to my class. Thing is I just dont know what article to use. I was going to do Iraq, but I already know thats what everyone's gonna do. Do you guys know any good online articles maybe from CNN.com or something else that are intresting and have to do with a country besides the U.S.? Thanks! (oo and articles can be up to 3 months old) I rate:)
I checked out the other answers and there are some really good ideas there. If you are looking for something a little "out there", here is a link to an on-line news article titled "Bird Flu Infects Cats Too, Study Finds". It has to do with the bird flu that is currently wiping out tons of birds in Asia. I just thought you might want to consider something obscure and strange.
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/nm/20040902/sc_nm/birdflu_cats_dc_2
Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
i used to b kinda average looking and then i became prettier (not trying to b conceited) and now alot of guys like me. i guess im also taking attention away from other girls who are used to getting attention. now all these bitches are starting rumors and calling me a slut and saying allll this other shit. what should i do
Jealous peers starting rumours and gossip about you can be a very terrible and hurtful thing to go through. The best advice I can give is to surround yourself with true friends who want good things for you, are happy when good things happen to you and are by your side supporting and standing up for you when "haters" try to bring you down. Also, it is best to take the high road and not seek retribution against those who are spreading rumors. It doesn't help to "get them back". Be the best person you can be and surround yourself with good people and eventually when the nasty people realize that they have no negative effect on you and that you are immune to their b.s., they will move on and leave you alone. It's not easy to resist the temptation to give someone a dose of their own medicine, but then you would be no better than them. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
Okay here's my problem...I slept with my best friend, but he doesn't remember, and now I might be pregnant. Maybe I should explain...About a month & a half ago, my best friend/roommate and I went to a party and when we got home we kinda started making out (we had both been drinking). When he said he something that he really needed to tell me, and said that he was in love with me. It was so sweet and we ended up sleeping together. The next morning I woke up before him and cooked breakfast for him. But when he woke up, he was really confused, and he said he couldn't remember how he got home, and he really didn't remember anything since the beginning of the party the night before. I was freaking out and I didn't say anything about what happened between us. We later found out that someone had put something in the drinks at the party and a bunch of people couldn't remember stuff. I had decided that I wasn't going to tell him about out night together because it would be to weird. Then I didn't get my period this month, so now I'm really freaking out. I know I need to tell him but I don't know how. Then to make matters worse, I was trying to tell him yesterday, and he said that he wanted to tell me something (I thought he was gonna say he loved me) and he said that he was still a virgin and he was saving himself for the person that he was gonna spend the rest of his life with. I didn't think it was possible to feel any worse. I'm 22 and he's 20.
Can anyone help me please? I don't know what to do...
Well, since both tests came back positive, I think you have no choice but to tell him the truth. You shouldn't have to go through finding out for sure about the pregnancy all alone anyway. If you two are true friends, then you can lean on each other and get through this very complex and scary time together. I also understand that you feel bad about him saving himself, but remember that you didn't do anything wrong. You were both under the influence of something you didn't know you were taking and although he will most likely be disappointed and upset about losing his virginity and not remembering it, he has no reason to be angry with you about it. On the bright side, if something this freaky had to happen to you, I suppose it's better that it happened with someone you know and trust and even if he doesn't love you in a romantic way, you know that he cares about you as a person. Baby or no baby, I think it's best to come clean with your friend and tell him everything you remember. It's what a best friend would do for another best friend. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
my boyfriend and i broke up in july, right when my 22 year old cousin died, and he had his friend break up with me. i had experiance 4 deaths that month, and he crushed me. i was on anti-depressants for the rest of the summer. i was truely in love with him and we we're engaged (like, 4 real, not that whole crappy, "omg we are like sooo gunna get married") but i dunno if i can ever forgive him for wut he did. therez another guy at school i just met and we really like each other, but my old bf wants me back and so does this new guy, and i dunno who to go with. HELP PLZ!!!!
Ultimately, you will have to decide which is the best guy for you right now. But, I urge you to consider that having a friend break up with you during a time of family crisis and grief is clearly cowardly and shows a lack of common decency. This from a guy who you had emotional plans to spend the rest of your life with. I assure you that as much hapiness and joy that this life will show you, it will also occasionally throw you nasty curveballs and the partner you choose to walk through life with should be committed to stand at your side through EVERYTHING. Now, it is possible that he made a bad error in judgment and that he feels terrible about what he did and truly does deserve a second chance, but if I were you, I wouldn't take a blanket "I'm sorry" apology. Ask him to explain what he is sorry for and be listening during his explanation to make sure that he really does "get it". If he doesn't really comprehend how he hurt you and the extent of the severity of his abandonment, then there is no sense in trying to explain it to him. In addition, if he doesn't "get it" now, I fear he will repeat the same kind of behavior at another crucial time when you need him to lean on. Best of luck to you with your decision.
Kind wishes,
I just got kicked out of my moms house and i am starting off fresh at my dads. He doesnt trust me and neither does my grandma. I can t talk on the phone without them listening or i cant get on the computer with out them reading my stuff. I cant go anywhere without them spying on me. They dont let me go any where to begin with. I have to sneak on the phoen and the com at night. I ask if they can just ftrust me and they are like no. They dont even know me. My grandma thinks buying me things is going to keep me out of trouble and my dad thinks keeping me from the world is going to keep me out of trouble as well. I need some advice .
I understand your frustration with not being trusted in your new living situation. It's no fun to be treated like it's a given that you are planning to do something wrong. However, don't forget that trust is something that is earned. You mentioned that you were kicked out of your Mom's recently and I am wondering if the events surrounding your removal from your Mom's could be leading your Dad and Grandma to worry about your trustworthiness. If you feel that their distrust is unfounded, then take some time to prove them wrong. Once you have established a pattern of good behavior, hopefully they will recognize your efforts and start to give you a bit more freedom. If they don't recognize your efforts on their own, you could have a calm and rational conversation with them detailing all that you have done to gain their trust and respect and ask them to cut you some slack and give you some space. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
Ok..all my friends have either madeout or done more with there boyfriends. But i havent done nething not even madeout yet. Ive been pressured to do it by my friends but i really dont want to. Im 14..is that bad?
Please don't get caught up in the idea of doing stuff just so you can say you've done it. When you find someone you are into and who is into you, then it will be fun and exciting to make-out for the first time. It's hard not to measure ourselves against what all of our friends have already done, but you will have so much more fun if you are comfortable with someone who you start to "play around with", instead of finding just anybody to makeout with to get it over with. Be patient -- your time will come. When your friends pressure you about being inexperienced, just assure them that you are very picky and are waiting for the right person to learn with. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
Besides identifiable sexual attraction, how can one tell the difference between a crush and great love for a friend? If a friend really wants physical contact with another friend, but not necessarily sex, what is that?
Please answer. I really will rate.
My belief is that "great loves" are not born, they are bred. What do I mean by that? Well, in the beginning of any relationship that turns out to be great love, is an initial crush. Some crushes fade into nothingness and some crushes turn into relationships that eventually turn into "great loves". If you are finding yourself physically attracted to a close friend (who, as a friend, you are obviously already emotionally attracted to)then your feelings have probably developed beyond just friendship. The biggest pitfall in this situation is usually reciprocation. My suggestion is to find out if the feelings are mutual. If they are, proceed slowly and cautiously. If your situation turns out not to be "great love" material, you will still want to preserve the friendship. True friends are a rare commodity. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
Hi my name is Jess i have this really really close guy friend who has been my friend since 1st grade now he has a g/f and i dont like him but for some reason i feel jealous. Could anyone tell me y im jealous?
It's a natural response to feel jealous of your friend's new relationship, even if you are not romantically interested. If you have been friends since first grade, then you undoubtedly have a close connection with this guy. On some level, his new relationship is a potential threat to your friendship with him (the time you spend together, the amount of attention he is able to give you, etc.) However, you should strongly resist the temptation to sabatoge things with this new girl. You may have influence over him, but if he feels like you are abusing his friendship or manipulating him, you may end of losing your friend altogether. The best you can do is be supportive of him and try to find ways to stay in his day-to-day life without intruding on his new relationship. There will come a time when you have a new love in your life and will want to focus all your time and attention on your boyfriend, but ultimately, you will want your "friend since first grade" to be there for you when you need him. So, show him that same respect now. Your feelings of jealousy are natural but you can control whether or not they get the best of you. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
I want to start telling people that I'm Bi but everytime I've told someone I can't seem to think of a better way to say it than just to say, really bluntly-'I'm Bi'.
Can anyone thing of a more subtle way of telling people?
When the topic of relationships comes up amongst people who you would like to share your sexual orientation with, you could say something like "If a person is attractive to me and has a pure heart, I am comfortable accepting love and affection from them and offering love and affection to them regardless of their gender". Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,