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Confused
I am a 39 year old woman who has been seeing the same man sexually for almost 2 years. What we have is very special. We both admit that. We have made an agrement with each other not to sleep with anyone else except each other. My problem is that I want more out of this relationship. And because it has been sexual, I can't tell if he wants the same. In the past when I asked for a committment, he said he couldn't at that time, because he has goals he needs work towards and needs to focus on them. Even though he said he would like to the timing was off. I am feeling like it will always be sexual, nothing more. Can I be wrong? Should I wait it out? I do have very strong feelings for this man.
Thanks
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I think that you should talk to him about having more in the relationship and if he isn't interested in you for anything other than sexual acts than you should move on. You can do better whether you want to or not and you can have an intimate relationship and so much more with someone that would care for you in other ways. You're 39, find someone that will love you in everway possible. I wish you the best of luck with this man you feel so strongly about, but, if all he wants with you is sexual favors and nothing more, I doubt he's the one.
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Since you have been in a sexual relationship with this man for so long, I'm sure you have developed strong feelings for him. These type of things always start out no strings attacthed, but when sex is involved, eventuually emotions will be involved too. I'm sure after all this time, he has feelings for you as well. You both probably know eachother better than anyone else ever could. It seems like he was honest with you in the past when he told you he would like things to be more but he has goals. You should respect the fact that he has goals, alot of men don't. But, now that time has passed, has he accomplished any of these goals yet? And maybe you should have a talk with him and find out if you fit anywhere in his goals. You know, not that 39 is so old or anything, but you guys aren't getting any younger, maybe its time for a commitment. Talk to him about this and see what he has to say. Send me a note in my inbox and let me know how things go, I'm very intrested in what he has to say. Good Luck! :)
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Well if you have been dating for the past 2 years and you ask him about a bigger comitment, then maybe he isnt really ready for a wife, or he might just want to wait a little bit longer. The best time to ask him agian about a comiment would be when is is realxed, not worrying about work, and just calm. And if you wanted to marry him you shoudl be able to tell him your feelings...so maybe you shoudl just tell how you feel.
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I know that this will be hard because you have deep feelings for this man, but ultimately, I believe you need to walk away. Even if, at one time, you were okay with having a physical relationship without an emotional committment, that has obviously changed for you. Your feelings have developed beyond the reality of your relationship. If your partner is not willing to evolve the relationship to accomodate your feelings, then it is no longer a healthy place for you to be. I don't believe that giving him an ultimatum will work either. I think that you need to explain that although you were initially fine with a physical relationship, that you now need more and that since he is not in a place to provide you that, you have to do right by yourself and move on. And, here is the kicker... you have to mean it. There is the possibility that you walking away from the situation could cause him to realize that he also wants more and doesn't want to lose you, but that has to be his realization and not one that you manipulate him into. Walking away from someone you care about is heartbreaking and difficult, but you are worthy of more than you are currently receiving. When you are willing to do right by yourself, in the long run, you will be amazed by the positive experiences that the universe will put in your path. But, you have to make a committment to yourself first. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
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Two years seems like he will never make a commitment. I would bring up the subject again, and he gives you excuses, then in order to move on you will probably have to end this relationship. It just doesn't work out to try to find someone else when you are attached (even if it is just sexual) to someone else. If you disappear for a while, he could change his mind and decide you are worth a commitment, and then the ball is in your court.
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