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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

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Hi there,

I asked a similar question about being mistreated at work and got some great advice. I did some thinking and came up with a different point of view and thought it would be a good idea to ask a question from that side. MY QUESTION IS, WHAT COULD BE CAUSING THIS AND ARE THE POSITIVES WORTH THE NEGATIVES? IS THERE SOMETHING I CAN DO TO HAVE MORE POSITIVES THAN NEGATIVES? ALSO, IS THIS A NEGATIVE THING THAT IS WEIRD, OR IS IT SOMETHING THAT HAPPENS TO A LOT OF PEOPLE BUT I AM JUST NOTICING IT MORE BECAUSE I AM AWARE OF IT.

Here is some backstory
It seems like sometimes I feel hyper visible and overly scrutinized. Not just at work but in my personal life too It seems like no matter what there is always someone noticing something I am doing and taking it out of context, or I am being called out for something mundane that everyone does, simply because I am being watched when I do it. For example...

I was in a video conference at work. We were speaking with about eight other offices on video chat and a handful of people who were on their own computer in the same video chat. It was early in the morning and of the fifteen options to choose from and of the other three people in the room with me the director chose to stop mid conference call... to call me out...for yawning on video. Then a week later on another early morning call a manager does the same thing but this time it was because he thought I looked disinterested because I leaned back in my chair to stretch my back. There are often so many people in the conference video chat they all don't fit on the screen, but somehow I was called out two weeks in a row. Also I had a coworker who arrived ten minutes late and his phone went off twice during the call, Once was an ESPN notification and the other was a text message, both while the director was talking and no one said anything at all.

Another example is when I walked into a movie theater with friends I was telling a story as we came in and the lobby was loud and big so I raised my voice as we were walking in and a police officer immediately shoved me up against the door and reprimanded me for being too rowdy and said that I, "wasn't going to cause trouble while he was there.". I'm fairly new in town and I hadn't been to this particular theater. After I got in line the woman in front of me kept turning around to complain about people from the next town over coming to that theater and causing trouble (I'm from a totally different state) and she just kept accusing me of things and insulting me the whole time we were in line and since I kept ignoring her, she punched me hard in the stomach... Then I yelled at her and the police kicked me out. Out of all of the people in a loud crowded movie theater lobby these two people separately decided to attack me.

Another time I had a particularly difficult assignment assisting a team in Georgia. And as I was waiting in line at a restaurants outdoor window I was talking to coworkers about how difficult "Georgia" was referring to my assignment, and the guy in front of us turned around and got in my face and told me, “ Hey! I’m from Georgia” I responded with an, “Okay?” not understanding right away that he thought I meant the state of Georgia was full of difficult people instead of my assignment in Georgia was difficult.

I had a birthday party at a crowded restaurant and after appetizers and stepping out to have a phone call I tried to go to the bathroom but got followed to the door and kicked out because, "Bathrooms are for customers only" I tried to explain but the guy just kept saying he didn't care.

Generally speaking, I am often approached about minor actions and decisions and have to explain things even if they are very simple things. I've been given the option of having chaperones while shopping at certain stores or being told to leave...the chaperones rush me through the store and are very rude. I've been refused service at countless bars, even while with a group and showing ID.

Once I was passenger in a pretty dramatic car accident and the police and the mother of the lady my friend hit and all of the witnesses all treated me like I was the driver and completely ignored my friend the entire time. All totally ignoring what he and I were saying. All of the witnesses said that I was lying and that I was the one who was driving. No one said anything to my friend, who was actually driving. The insurance company even called me to ask if I was driving.

On a positive note, whenever a performer is looking for volunteers, it’s almost a given I will be selected. When I go to concerts I am usually able to get up close with the performer, or meet them before or after the show. If I’m ever in trouble someone usually shows up immediately (usually to blame me for the trouble but having someone who was following me show up, has saved me a few times). But I’ve gotten to meet a lot of musicians and actors that I am a big fan of. I also get targeted for freebies a lot. Plus I have really cool weird stories like this one.

This one is very weird, one time when I was in college working on my door to door sales job, I went into a religious supply store, and tried to speak to the very sweet woman behind the counter, but she didn’t speak English, so I used my cell phone to translate that I thought she was cool and that I would send an agent who spoke her language next week, and she grabbed my arm tight and I couldn’t get away and she put this oil on my forehead and starting praying loudly, then she smiled big and I said thank you and left.

I tend to dress in a pretty low key way. Lots of grey and blue button down shirts with no pattern. Sometimes I wear a flannel. I usually wear Chinos at work or jeans if I’m out and about. I’m a little over 5’8” and I’m about 200 lbs, but I’ve been told I look like I weigh a lot less. I cut my hair short, and unless I go home right after work I have a pretty smart looking messenger bag.

What I actually need is a date, place and time of birth. This must be accurate, so talking to mom to get actual time of birth. I have someone I talked to as this is quite different and I believe you but I really do not have the expertise. My husband knows of a friend in his past who had the same stuff happen to him all the time. When he did check the friends astrological chart, something in there explained what was going on. I can't know who you are by you sharing this info. You will still be anonymous but he says it must be accurate or it won't work. For place of birth, if its a small town or it happened on the roadside, then you would give us the name of the largest town you were near to. If Mom doesn't remember for sure, ask her questions to job her memory such as 'what were you doing when you first had labor pains. Was it night or day then. How soon did you go to the hospital. Do you have any records with my time of birth on them. Sometimes Hospitals will give out a paper like this. To write back directly to me, go to the tab 'search advice columnists' and look for Dragonflymagic. Click and on my site is a button to ask a question. YOu can give your answer there. He will look it up for you and tell me what to write back to you.

All I can say right now personally is that I have never known anyone to have so much terrible stuff happen as far as being out in society. I can assure you this is not the normal thing for all people, only a few. I will be looking for your reply.

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I am a 30 year old female and I still live at home with my mom , but I am very concerned because my mom is good hearted and willing to do anything for anybody that she can. I am vey concerned because my mom has now decided to take in a homeless man and let him live with us until he gets on his feet . my main concern is she doesn't know him. She just talks to him when she sees him hanging around Wal-Mart with his dog. Another concern of mine is that my 16 year old nephew and 18 year old niece that she has legal custody of lives in the house hold and I am concerned for their safety being that she does not know him . my mom seems to think I have been watching to many murder mysteries on tv. Am I over reacting or do I have valid concerns?

Yes, you do have valid concerns. I can understand wanting to help a homeless person. But there is a limit to what a person should do. We tend to meet lots of homeless people as we are living in a home on wheels (van) by choice. We tend to meet those who seem to be good people, average folk like us, however on getting to know them over a years time, and I am thinking of two people, one male , one female, they are in our age bracket but thats the only similarity. Now that they know us, the woman follows us around in her car like a lost puppy dog. She talks a mile a minute and I thought I was bad. She's ten times worse. Both of us usually say 'oh no' to each other when we see her coming. It is an emotional drain. She wants an audience and someone to listen to her stories, many of which she repeats. The guy thinks he knows more than others, a know it all and he is always telling my husband, on any subject that he should be doing or using what he does. That no matter what brand of item, or plan we have for our future, that we are wrong and his way is better, why do we change and do it his way. So, no axe murderers here, but it is still a bad situation and would be worse to live together under same roof. You would not be able to escape the mental issues and how they act socially which are stressful to us. Neither would be people we choose to just hang with yet we can't seem to shake them off. In a house, even if it is thats worst you had, it would drive you all nuts and rob you of your peace. I have found that most homeless are either mental people not on meds or druggies. The rest are what I say appear normal but only a handful will be someone who fell on hard times. Such a person would be homeless a couple years before they get back on their feet, usually living out of their vehicle. But if someone is homeless much longer, there is a good chance there is a reason why they are. They were unable to find work or keep a job due to whatever mental or social thing that got them laid off. Their personal issues didn't go away, they were just let go. Lots of elderly can't afford and lost their housing and have no family to go stay with and start living on the streets. We know one woman like this, she is a very dependent person, unable to be an adult on her own or make good choices. When her husband died, she ended up in a vehicle for a home. It looks like the inside of a dumpster in her van, she was alcoholic to avoid thinking of her situation and a friend, only normal couple living in their vehicle that we know, knows her and said she just told them she was on hard drugs now. People living on the street who have a secret drinking or drug habit will try to get money any way they can. Usually homes are broken into and they are so far gone, most don't go for money but items they try to sell by walking up to someone on the street to buy drugs, or they steal from friends or from stores. So there is a chance you all could wake up one morning and find him gone along with everything of value that could be sold for money. We see the homeless starting to think less and less normal the longer they have been homeless. We pick up grocery carts for a food store that pays us to retrieve them after people walk their groceries home in them or the homeless grab them at the store and walk away with it putting their junk in it. We tell many people we need to take the cart and they need to remove their stuff. But more often, its a collection of junk, cardboard, rotten food, a pair of old shoes with holes in them, used needles, articles of clothing soaked by rain, a real mish mash and yet we see other homeless going through these trash filled carts, going look their 'new' treasures, pulling out junk to take with them. He could be harmless but there is no way to know. Also, there was no time frame mentioned as to how long to get back up on his feet. If he has no job, he needs to be hooked up with social services, for clothing, getting retrained for a new job, then working and saving up so he can have all the funds for getting into a place of his own. There are lots of dysfunctional people in the world, and some of them have homes as well so its not as obvious. THe first thing I think of is, that a background check should be done. How do you know otherwise that he is not an ex con or rapist in his past. We went once to interview to rent an motherin law apt annexed to a home. The owners vowed they would do a background check with us and from now on because their last tenant had been an ex con with many guns in his possession. In just cleaning them, if one had ammo still in it, he could have shot right through the wall into their residence, possibly hitting someone. I am not making up wild stories. A friend we knew was cleaning his gun when it went off and killed him and his wife called to tell us as they had moved far away. There are 3 females in your house including yourself. I know I would not want a strange man living with me if I was a female, becuase it would make me feel vulnerable. I don't know if he can easily hold back his urges and if he is horny one day, who would he take it out on? Maybe he is a vet and came back with PTSD, never got help for it so he wasn't fit to work or be in a relationship because of it. I have seen my son in law, an injured vet, totally lose his calm one day, get extremely angry as I was over to baby sit and he began to shake from head to toe as his voice rose and got louder. I was ready to panic but something told me to go give him a hug. I do beleive in healing energy like Reiki so I gave him a hug, and held on while praying and sending calming energy to him. He was trembling like a leaf at first but slowly he began to calm down. Some men with PTSD, don'tk even recognize you for the moment, only the scene of something from war and can without meaning to, hurt or kill a partner. He is getting help for it and it shows but such a person can be difficult to have close. If he ever does anything that causes you concern for your well being or anyone elses, you could always call the police. Since MOm invited him in, he isn't trespassing. If you don't like it, I am sure the officer would suggest you move out and get your own place. I know the economy is such that many couples with young kids still can't afford a place of their own and have to share a place with another family. Or singles need to number 3 or 4 to rent an apt sometimes. This is a possibility for you. The 18 yr old is now an adult and your Mom is no longer her legal custodian unless she has mental health problems or is disabled in some way where she will always need to be taken care of the rest of her life. She can also find work and be a possible room mate. The only issue is the nephew who is still a minor. If at any point he felt threatened or scared of this man, or feared for his life in any way, then he would need to call police. Every state has an agency that looks to the welfare of minors who can't legally do so yet themselves. So if they are being mistreated neglected, threatened, attacked, abused, etc... the agency will step in and MOm will have to be tested for competency to continue to be legal guardian. I don't know if there are any clauses to rules in your state as to who is allowed to be in the home if she is raising a minor. They may or may not have concerns about a homeless man living there. On the other hand, if the agency felt he was in danger there, they would do everything to get your Mom to change the situation, meaning make sure the man leaves. Their last choice is removing the 16 yr old from the home and finding foster care. YOu are old enough to do so. Don't know if there is any monetary compensation for doing so. So you might check into all that if the situation seems to become threatening.

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I am 16-year-old from Texas this past week I was on vacation in the Caribbean the first two days were pretty normal just vacation but the second day I was there I was walking along the beach with no shirt and I noticed three girls looking at me while I walk past I never really thought it to be anything as it’s just the beach but later in the day I saw those three girls again at the pool looking at me and whispering to each other as I walked past them to go towards the beach One of them stops me and the other two walk in the other direction she asked me if I spoke English and I said yes she then explained to me that one of her friends was into me and asked if she could have my Snapchat I said yes and I am with my day . About 20 minutes later I received a Snapchat from her saying her name why she’s here and she said that she was here to celebrate her birthday with her friends and she’s from Brazil and the funny thing is that my birthday is four days after hers.One thing led to another and she asked me if I wanted to meet her at Beach at five I said yes and was extremely nervous and met her there and at night after just a couple minutes talking I was extremely surprised of how much we had in common from the foods we like to have a strict her parents were and the sports we like the TV show we liked and even our irrational fears everything seems so weird that she was so similar to me and we’re so far apart it seems like every answer she gave was the same as I would’ve given even though we live in two totally different cultures . I eventually had to go because I do go eat dinner at my family after I finished eating I Snapchat of her and told her that I enjoy talking to her and that I had a good time the funny thing about that conversation is we’re both so shy that we never even took off our sunglasses while talking anyway that night she snapped chatted me if I can meet tomorrow and I said I was busy so she asked we could meet again later that night I met her again at night and we sat on the beach and we just talked and I was still surprised about how many things we had in common seems like we’re almost same person and yet there for two totally different cultures everything about it was just so similar to me . And again we both had to go as her parents didn’t want to have us out late that night that night again I texted her how was funny how similar we were and I would love to see her again sometime during the trip

She said that she felt the same way and that will meet up again the next morning she asked if I was available that night I said yes and I think about Waze meeting with her and talking to her that night . We finally met that night I was leaving the next day so I was going to make a big explanation and tell her how I felt. That night when we met on the beach I told her how much I enjoyed spending time with her and that she gave me a special feeling and she said the same thing to me and we hugged about 30 seconds later I said how much I enjoyed being here with her and I didn’t wanna leave after that we made it we locked eyes and kissed who is the first kiss for both of us after that we spent the rest of the two hours cuddling and kissing on the beach who would walk around holding hands up and down the beach saying how much we enjoy each other‘s company and how special each of us felt toward the other I told her how I never had a feeling that towards anyone else like her I had crushes on girls and others but she was special she gave me a feeling I never had before towards someone. Everything that night she said from the quotes like how she want to spend the rest of your time with me and how she want to spend more time with me at all of the other even ran closest she said felt like I could’ve said to myself I was thinking almost the same thing eventually after about two hours of cuddling and kissing on the beach we had to go we both said how we Snapchat each other if both of us need anything

I think we both realized that I was living over 5000 miles apart and over on two separate hemispheres of the earth this relationship really just didn’t make sense and this is probably the last time we would see each other

She gave me a feeling that no one else has given me and I’ve never felt before when she was in my arms on the beach I just felt like everything was right everything was in its place and that something a special doesn’t come very often

I left the next morning on a flight and we’s we said our goodbyes how sad we were.

It’s now been a few days since then and I can’t stop thinking that we Snapchat it maybe a few times but I think we both realize that it was just a simple vacation thing if anyone has a previous experience to this or similar experience please let me know I just want to know a way to get this out of my head I cannot stop thinking about it and how much I miss her thanks for reading this really long story if you did.

I’ve never felt such an extreme emotional connection like I did with her I felt like I could read her mind, i can’t put it into words, and I’ve never felt anything like it before

Yes, I have actually met someone where as we first talked, it seemed everything each of us said, the other was nodding yes, because we liked the same thing or believed the same things. I was at a potluck at a friends house. They knew and met lots of people and so often there were new people there. It was my 3 or an almost weekly potluck they held in their home. This one day, I introduced myself since I didn't know her. We started talking and felt that closeness. Turns out her birthday was a week after me but she was about 5 years younger. I hadn't seen her before as she goes for chemo, goes into remission and then it starts all over again. So sometimes she doesn't feel good enough to get out.

As it came time to leave and go home, I found myself fighting back tears. It felt like I had just found a long lost friend and I was filled with a fear I might not see her again. This prompted me to get her contact info.

When I got home that night, I prayed and asked God why I had left that party, feeling a friend love for her,(not a romantic love) and asked why I would feel like I might not see her again.

Sorry if you don't believe in the following, but God played a mini scene in my mind. Two girls with long black hair, wearing white Victorian dresses, kneeling in front of a dollhouse, playing together. From what I could tell, from the back which is all I saw, they looked to be duplicates of each other. So I asked, "Why am I seeing this?" God says, "That is you and her as twin sisters in a previous life." I will also tell you that once upon a time, I did not believe in reincarnation.

Next week I told her what I thought I had heard and as I shared, she nodded her head up and down and said, yes, that is correct, we were twins. My eyes popped open large. "HOw do you know?" She, as I found out, was psychic and one of her grandmothers who'd passed over, was the one verifying this info as I spoke. She told me she would speak in more detail with her grandmother and share more with me as she got it. She did not yet know what I had for children but when she came back, she told me that in every past life time, she and I either were twin sisters or we would both meet each other in the life we weren't in the same family. Also that her firstborn child is always a son and mine is always a daughter. As I said, she didn't know I had a firstborn daughter as she told me this. We don't see each other that often as she is often sick, but I saw her a few years ago when she agreed to marry my youngest daughter to her fiancee in a hurried marriage as she had just found out she was pregnant when he was told he could never father children, he was supposedly sterile. I can tell you that I felt much the same way then and we both have different circles we walk in. Hers are mostly involving her psychic skills, and I do not have those skills or go to the meet ups she does. But it certainly makes sense. My mind couldn't know her but my soul did and that is why I felt like I had just met up with someone who felt dear to me like family, though I'd never met her before, at least in this life, and so I was confused as to why I felt this way but if she really had been a sister in past lives, a twin no less, we had been close in many lives. When I read your story, this one of my own came to mind right away before you asked if anyone has such an experience.

So it is possible that you and her were very close in a past life and were allowed as souls to at least meet up once in life for the purpose of now being able to stay in touch. No, you won't be able to spend time with her other than talking on phone or snapchat. I can't say why it is important and happened. But I do understand extreme emotional connection to someone who was a stranger originally. I don't think this happens to too many people and probably why I have never heard of anyone experiencing a similar thing until you.

When I told others of my experience, there were females who told me that perhaps I had a romantic interest, and maybe I was actually bi sexual, since I was married. I know it wasn't that. I do not ever feel sexual desire for a woman, nope, this was something else, like the love for a mother, or sister or grandma. Because the crying I was doing after I went home that first night was as if I lost a family member due to death and was grieving their loss. I hope my story helps you to feel like you have been blessed by a rare event.

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How is sex like dirty words to say during sex

Virgin is a term that came up long ago before there ever was birth control, or ways to determine if a certain man was the father of a child. So in the past, men came up with this term and a rule that a woman they marry must be a virgin, meaning untouched by a man sexually in case she might be pregnant. A man did not want to give his lands and wealth over to someones bastard child after he died. In some countries today, sex with a man is still forbidden before marriage, even though it is an outdated custom.
Before I answer you, I bet you can figure out the answer for yourself if I ask you the following question. Lets use same sex couples for this one. If there are two penis's or two vagina's and being de-virginized meant penis in vagina sex, then at what point is such a couple no longer virgins?

Would you say that if a female never had sex with a male her entire life, only another female partner, that she was still a virgin? There are many parts to sex besides the penis in vagina part.

sexual experience includes masturbating, fingering oneself or for males, rubbing their penis. Sex can also be orally done to ones partner.

Your second question may have been done in a hurry because if you read it now, it does not make sense. The way I see it, you are asking possibly "How can Sex be dirty?" and a third question of "What are dirty words to say during sex."

Before I answer that one, just as I explained how "Virgin" is a misleading word and does not convey the actual situation in todays world, the word "dirty" to my opinion, also does not apply.

"Dirty" words in the past were words one spoke that were cuss words and a parent said if they heard you speak it, they would wash your mouth out with soap. Also, in the past, women were told to e housewives and raise kids and keep up the house instead of go to work. One thing they should not do was talk openly about sex. If I was writing this during your great grandparents days, I would be accused of writing 'dirty stuff' because anything that had to be avoided being spoken was considered dirty. So speaking even just the word 'sex' or 'penis' or vagina was tossed in with cuss words and considered dirty talk. Anything spoken between two mutually consenting adults during sex, is not to be considered dirty at all but part of the whole experience.
If that is the case, then what do we call any sexual speak, any innuendo's spoken to each other during sex? It is actually a use of the imagination as in doing role play only in this the role play is restricted to the words spoken. SO I will give an example.
Lets say my husband wants sex, as do I but he had trouble with our car and it's now in the shop and he will have to take the bus for a while and his mind keeps going back to our trouble so his mind isn't totally on the experience between us. So to engage his mind, (The mind is also part of the sexual experience for humans) I would tell a little story that pulls his mind to take part in the story. I don't mean to sound graphic or offend but I share only to teach you. So I would say something like, "This wench wants her handsome pirate to bury his sword to the hilt inside of her." Any reference to a mans cock, in other words that common ones, using imagination will work. It can even be silly enough to make you both laugh and laughter release feel good hormones which will make the experience even better. I am making up the next one as I have nevered used it. YOu
have likely heard an erection called a boner. So using imagination, if talking about an actual bone, how could that be sexual talk? If the woman
in a sing song voice sang part of the song explaining what bone is attached to what bone in the body, like 'the thigh bone is connected to the hip bone', a sexual version, silly as it is could be, the penis boner is connected to the vagina bone'. The vagina has no bone anymore than the penis has a bone inside. Many males in animals actually have a penis bone and if you think I am making it up, look at this link:

https://mentalfloss.com/article/69282/8-hard-facts-about-penis-bone

The internet is a wealth of information on sex. Since it is not taught in most schools anymore and kids are too embarrassed or the parents likewise to have such a discussion, this means you have to do some self educating on the subject. Do not belive what your friends say, even if you consider them experienced because they may missing some important facts and end up pregnant, as in "he only touched me with his fingers so how can I be pregnant?" If you don't know the answer to how that could happen in some circumstances, then you owe it to yourself to start studying. I know of a gal who started educating herself as a teen and started a blog and shared short videos on any topic you could thing about regarding dating, sex and gender issues. I will post a link to her page. I have seen all her videos and highly recommend this as a way to learn some important facts in an easy way.
It is sex education on line. There are conservatives who do not like her. I'll leave that to you to decide. The actual info is as far as I have seen in other information sites, very correct. Here is one video from her site and you can watch every single one later by bringing up her name Laci Green or putting in Sex Plus in a search and then scrolling through all videos listed below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VdD1eLzEgow


Happy learning and discovering to you

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So there’s this guy that i’m friends with. He lives an hour away but he’s the son of a family friend so he comes over whenever we have parties for holidays. Once, during a new year’s party at his house, we were in the basement with his friends while my parents and his parents were talking. him and his friends were playing on the xbox while me and my friend were just on our phones and talking. while we were in the basement, his parents told my mother that he does drugs and drinks alcohol underage, but they don’t try to stop him anymore. I haven’t seen him do drugs (he’s drank alcohol a lot tho) and he’s really fun to be around. i understand that drugs suck and when we talked about it, he said that he doesn’t do it a lot (i want to see if i can stop him). after my mother found out, she told me to go back upstairs and not to be around him or his friends. I don’t want to stop talking to him or hanging out with him, but my mother told me not to hang out with him on our way home in the car. then, on July 4th, he came over and while everyone else went swimming or ate outside, we were inside hanging out. We started having a pillow fight with the pillows on my couch and just enjoyed each other’s presence for a while. we even cuddled on the couch together. then my mother saw us and pulled me aside to get me away from him and tell me not to hang around him. after that, i still hung around him, but less than usual, and with other people. since we’re friends, he’d follow me when i went somewhere. the day after that, my mother had a long talk with me about how i she didn’t want me to be friends with him. i understand that taking drugs and drinking alcohol underage is unhealthy and illegal, but i want to see if he can change. if not, hes still a really fun person to hang out with and i am confident that his unhealthy habits won’t influence me to do anything i’m not supposed to do. i haven’t been able to talk to my mother privately about it because my sister was in the room when she lectured me and i didn’t want to say that much in front of her. i plan on talking and negotiating, but i don’t see any real possibility that i can convince her to let me even be friends with him. is there any way that i can convince her that he’s not just drugs and alcohol, and that he’s actually a really good person?

Hi Hon. I am glad you wrote about how you feel. Your parents may be only telling you basic reasons of why not to spend any time around him at all, period...and I remember being a teen and not asking why, or do they not trust me. Pretty much they did trust me, but then I had no friends who smoked, used drugs or alcohol. They have valid reasons but it may be something they are reacting to from their own youth or stories of what happened to friends they knew growing up, etc. When a parent restricts you from seeing someone, yes its easy to think they don't trust you. Maybe they dont trust you and then maybe agsin they do trust you but just don't trust him. All I will share now, I learned as an adult and can understand now why on some things, the parents flat out said No.
Please, don't give up on me now because it sounds like I am backing up your parents. I only want to teach you something other than hearing 'you can't and the reasons he drinks and does drugs' Sure nothing may ever happen to you.
But I know of plenty of people who were with someone drinking and some were drinking too. When a person who drinks is drunk, thewy are impaired mentally and unable to make good decisions. This can and will affect others they are around. I would suppose the same goes for those who take drugs. You may never see him out of control or anything other than his usual self until that one time on drugs he is really tripping, doesn't recognize you, maybe hurts you, kills you accidentally, maybe even rape. I have heard from plenty of college students who have experienced this with a drinking friend they saw was in control most times. People lose their inhibitions onces drunk, What ever is deep down inside will come up. So if they are fun and friendly but too shy otherwise, they can become the happy drunk, fun to be around but the majority of stories are of the mean drunk. Though he's young, so far it sounds like he is not a mean drunk but I think and reason as an adult and I have adult children now. I know something scientists have proven about teens and alcohol. I also have studied and read reports about the pre frontal lobe of the brain in humans. So here if what you need to know, in fact what his parents desperately need to know.

The teen brain is not mature and done growing even when the body is looking mature. The body will be at its mature state long before the frontal part of brain. It grows slower and won't be done until on the average, age 25. So even if you are as old as 17, thats 8 years away and a long time to wait until you will be able to make sound decisions for yourself. Until you get there, your parents are looking out for you. So what could go wrong, if you are as mature a person as I was as a teen. I didn't make hardly any bad decisions but there were still a few. It only takes one bad decision to really mess up your life. Luckily even though really bad, my parents were able to fix things after the fact. So don't think that even you can avoid getting into a bad situation. You may never drink or take drugs, but its what could happen to you from someone who is.
If you are 18 or older, yes you are an adult at this point but I instinctively did the right thing and made sure my kids did the same thing, use the parents as a sounding board, this means people you trust to go to and run your ideas or thoughts past them so they can give their perspective, point of view, and maybe give you some information you may not have thought of. The end decision is still your own but the decision as a young adult before youe brain is mature and done growing, needs the extra input to help you make the best decisions. I taught this to my kids, starting when they were little kids and when I had to tell them no, there was always a lengthy explanation with lots of details as if I was talking to an older child. IT is amazing how much a young child actually understands. It is frustrating to simply hear No and the short excuse given if at all without all the info I am trying to impart to you that your parents may not be doing as they are unaware of it. You might sometime ask them to explain all their thoughts and fears about a future issue.

Theuy may not know the things I know but whatever they do and their rules, are out of the parental instinct to protect you, the job they took on when you are born. You had to be protected from getting into poisonous cleaners with child proofing on drawers, told not to touch the oven door because it was hot and could hurt you. A parent with multiple kids will experience different kids, the kids who hear and trust they know what they are talking about and those who are tempted to find out for themselves what happens if they did touch the oven door. I had one like that but after a few boo boos she realized I was only saying this to protect her. You know you wouldn't start down the path of your friend but a parent can never be 100% sure. From my life, here's a surprise I ran into. Long after the teen years, my oldest told me that depression started for her in her teens years and has never gone away. I knew all the signs to look for, no matter how general good my kids were, signs of drugs taken and signs of depression and yet she hid it so well. Most kids are able to hide it well. So where you think your parents are over cautious, they can't read your mind and know what's going on in there for sure. What irks you now, you will feel totally different about once you get to age 25 or older. Mine are older but still thank me all the time for caring and guiding them as well as I did when they were young and teens.
Here's a fact about drinking and teens. Scientists have proven that drinking retards the growth of a teens brain. This means it can remain frozen at the point it has grown to as a teen and never mature like yours does around mid twenties. This means he is most likely to end up being an irresponsible adult, unable to make good decisions, unable to handle tough tasks that most adults have to deal with often in their lives, he just may end up living with his parents til they die and as a grown adult, still be unable to live the life of most normal adults. I would think this news would be enough to scare him or his parents into not allowing him to drink anymore. They could literally be creating a life long son who as an adult is very dependant on them.

I will add one more thing from my life to share a fact that the kind of people you are around very often, you tend to start mimicking and at worse possibility, begin to actively show characteristics like theirs. One is a sister who has a childhood friend she kept in touch with and see's about once a year since she doesn't live close by. But I saw lots of her in childhood, teens and teens and not as often in adult hood but I have seen her enough to have her mannerisms and expressions imprinted on my mind. I know this isn't a bad thing, but when my sister in early adulthood began to move, tilt her head a certain way, use facial expressions, tone of voice she never had before but were exactly those of her friend, it caught me off guard, as if it was that other person standing there, not my sister. It isn't constant but slips out at least once or twice any time I am hanging out with her. I know thats not harmful, but here's another one/
I had a brother, (deceased now) who had schizophrenia and with meds and regular appts. was fine in special housing for adults with mental illness or other special needs. One time he wanted to transfer but had to wait for an opening so he was put in a large mental health hospital were it is more like a prison, for those who don't respond to treatment and are a danger to themselves or others. One day Mom asked If I;d like to go visit and I was able to get away from my kids. So we were put in a waiting room and told to wait as they would bring him to us. A few minutes later, a young woman came in. She was not acting normally, exaggerated movements of her body and babbling so quickly I couldn't make out a word, not making much eye contact with us and generally talking as if to another person who was not with us in the room. I was shocked that they allowed people so bad off to just roam freely. I aked Mom if they allowed people like her to just roam around freely. What if she attacked another patient. I was even more shocked when Mom and my sister who were along both told me that she was my brothers therapist, not a patient there. I accused them of trying to play a joke on me but they were serious This women probably spent more time and long hours doing a job around people that did not act normalj that she picked up their mannerisms and began acting like them. So it may not be a big stretch to start acting like a certain person who is on drugs or drinking, even if you aren't. Its no big deal if its just mannerisms but as I see in my sister, she is now also making choices and decisions more and more that are not like the person she used to be. She had become more like her friend who had had a very sad life due to may bad decisions she's made. My sis is doing the same, one that could possibly end her life much sooner than otherwise as she is simply ignoring her Drs. warnings and going against what he is recommending since she does struggle with an illness, but its not one that is life threatening in itself, only the things one does that make the issues so much worse that it affects quality of life and is slowly wearing her body out. These are no exaggerations and you may not see the relevance but when you hear about people being a bad influence on you, sometimes its not because you do things like take drugs, become alcoholic, but rather a trick the mind does on you. It is natural for you to subconsciously start to become like those you spend more time with, at least those you have a great relationship with and get along with well. This is why couples who are happily married and have been for decades, as they become older, start to becdome more like each other in how they act, what they say, tone of voice. I see it starting with my husband and me. In some cases, as I've seen on internet, older couple began to looks more alike as if they could be brother and sister rather than a married couple of two individuals from separate families. These are the real things I know that your parents might not as to why they don't want you around that guy at all. Yes he may be harmless, but it still may affect you in some way and it is their job until you turn 18 and are an adult, to make some of those decisions for you. I had a daughter who at age 4 would never listen when we told her something, like it was bed time. It was all because she wanted to make her own choices and so I couldn't explain in full to her in a way she'd understand. Another mom with a daughter who was the same at that age, asked if she could share what she did that worked, and I was open for suggestions. I had to give my daughter two options so she could choose for herself. She always chose what I wished for in the end. You will have to trust your parents are not doing this to be mean, its because they love you, only that you don't see it as anything other than pushing you around, not letting you make your own decisions. I felt that way sometimes at your age, but once I was older, I understood completely why my parents had the rules they had me follow. I am glad I had parents who loved me enough to truly be making the best decisions they can. I am sure your friends parents think they are doing the same. Heres a few things off the net:

https://www.sciencenewsforstudents.org/article/alcohol-can-rewire-teenage-brain

https://www.projectknow.com/teen/substance-abuse-and-the-brain/

https://www.nextgenerationvillage.com/blog/the-long-term-effects-of-alcohol-on-teenagers/

Have your parents know about this so they can choose if they hopefully do to the boys parents so they can become aware of how important it is for him not to drink at his age. While at it, look and see if there are any bad effects to a developing teen if drugs are being used.


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I invited my friend to my birthday party. We went to a hotel and now we are spending the night at my house and then we will go see a movie. At the hotel she started crying while we were watching a movie and I tried to comfort her and figure out what was wrong but she just walked up and went to the bathroom. I figured she just wanted to me alone. 20 minutes later I got a text from her telling me to come to the bathroom immediately so I did. She had tried to hang herself. I didn’t know what to do so I just cried and told her that life would get better. We went back to bed. In the morning we left the hotel and she was a little bit on edge. We went home and she was only on her phone. I sat next to her on the bed in my room but she told me to leave the room because she wanted to be alone. Now I am sitting in my parents room while she is doing who knows what in my room. We are both 13 year old girls and she has a history of suicidal thoughts and cutting. I am very worried and upset. I have been kicked out of my own room by my best friend at my birthday party. I feel like she doesn’t want me around or that I make her uncomfortable. Please give me advice. I don’t know if I should tell her to go home. How would I even tell her to leave. I don’t want her to hurt herself because of me. Please answer as soon as possible.

I am not seeing this close to the time you wrote so for all I know, she succeeded in killing herself. If not, read on please.

I have an adult daughter with depression. She hid it well when it started during HS years. It got a zillion times worse after having her first child, with thoughts of killing herself or the baby which she didn't want to have happen and only told me then.

I began to think back on how many teens with depression end up committing suicide. I would have wanted some one who knew of her condition to tell me so that I could intervene and get her help so that would not happen. Until you are a parent you won't understand how devastating it is for a parent to deal with the loss of a child let along even think about it happening. I had a dream once, so real, I thought it was really happening, out on a hike when my middle daughter got too close to a cliff and we weren't near enough to help and seeing her go over. The grief I felt in my dream haunted me for days after and I had to call to make sure she was okay so I could stop worrying. I can tell you that her parents would want to know so they can get her help. Some parents may not be very involved or close to their kids or have the kind of rapport with them where they can discuss anything, like friends on drugs, sex, etc. The topics kids wouldn't want to share with a parent. I was very involved and knowledgeable on the signs to look for if a teen was depressed, or on drugs. I was that involved and yet she was able to hide it from me. I think that most kids are able to hide it from their parents.

So let me give you two stories here so you can make your decision as to which way it wlll go if she's still alive. Even if you are no longer teens, and legally adults, the parents are the closest living relatives and the ones to attempt to get her to willingly go for help.

First story: The suicidal friend tells you to not tell anyone so you don't because she has said she would hate you the rest of her life if you did, and you would lose her as a friend. So you do nothing, eventually she succeeds and dies. And you lose your friend anyways and have to live the rest of your life wondering if things might have gone differently if you'd said something. You might also live with lots of guilt until you yourself go for counseling to deal with it.
At her funeral which you attend, you talk to her parents and by things you say, they figure it out and point blank ask if you knew about this. You could lie or confess but parents radar picks up on that sort of thing. They will know either way and be very upset with you because you knew and didn't say anything. You basically took away their chance to try to get help for their daughter. In a way, you have part responsibility in her death, not the commiting it, but in making it easy for her to do so without someone intervening, its like a form of aiding and abetting which in some police and courst cases are taken very seriously. A person begging for money for food might be a drug addict who doesnt want food but money for drugs. If I just give out money to someone cus I feel badly for them, I might be aiding them in getting their next hit. But if I offer to buy them something, you know pretty quickly if they are really hungry and telling the truth. I had one guy accept my offer of food, and a woman who refused my buying her a meal. I guess she wasn't hungry and now I knew she wasn't actually hungry as I thought her to be.

Story two: Your friend has told you not to tell anyone ever or you would lose her as a friend. But you are confused and thinking, but what if I lose her if she succeeds one time. So you go tell her parents. They are so thankful for the news that they are hugging you and thanking you and a bond is built between you and them right there. They drag her to counseling where she goes unwillingly. THen later at school she confronts you and tells you she hates you for telling the parents and she will never speak to you ever again and never be your friend again. You feel so upset about this, but you did what you did to save her life so you could have her around as a friend, cus she can't be your friend to spend time with after she's dead. You are very sad, even feeling almost depressed yourself at the loss of her friendship. Then times goes on and she gets more counselling, gets the help she needs and begins to see things more clearly, and eventually one day she walks up to you at school or comes to your house and tells you that she would like to be friends again. You are surprised and say, "But I thought you didn't want to be friends ever again and were angry with me." "I was," she says, "But I was saying this out of a mind so depressed I couldn't think straight. I am doing better now and realize I have to thank you for saying something, because my problems that caused my depression in the first place wouldn't have been taken care of if I hadn't got help. So thank you," And then she gives you a big hug.(The only variation here is you telling your parents and begging them to go with you to tell her parents. I was very shy of other adults in my teens and would not have gone straight to her parents. I know I could have told my parents and they would have acted. Naturally, i never had to deal with that, but at one point a friend confessed her parents didn't believe in celebrating birthdays so she'd never had a birthday party. I told my MOm whom was on board with throwing her a surprise party. She still remembers that to this day as I found out at my 40th reunion. So talking to your parents about anything that you can't really fix on your own is a wise thing to do.)

Which story do you want to have be part of your future life? Yes, some points may be a little different but even if she doesn't talk to you again as a teen, give her time, teens brains are still developing long after their bodies have matured and the frontal lobe of brain isn't complete until the average of age 25. It is after this age a person is able to look at things in a different way than when they were younger and able to understand lets say your reasons to talk to someone so she can get help. If both sets of parents are not around much or have proven they dodn't want to be bothered by anything and don't care, then you would have to tell a school counselor and make sure they have all the details you gave me.
The reason your friend kicked you out of your own room is because she was likely trying to figure how to end her life in there and did not want an audience. Imagine if she had succeeded how that event would have affected your parents, her death in their home and her angry parents thinking maybe it wasn't suicide but one of your parents killed her to cover up something she knew and they didn't want her to make known. I know it sounds crazy but it is possible if a parent were having an affair and she saw them out with their date.
So even if nothing I told you makes sense, and you are still scared to act, the best thing you can do at this age, long before you are able to make solid decisions with a mature brain, trust her parents or yours (who have mature brains) to handle what needs to be done.

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My sister and I were talking about our mom, My sister saying mom always agrees with her when we are in arguement if even if shes wrong and says that our mom gives her the benefit of the doubt. and complains about me to my sister and it makes my sister feel like shes in the middle between my mom and I relationship...I'm conflicted about this infomation my sister has told me...I'm starting to grow a bit of resentment towards my mother I feel absolutly horrible for feeling this way... I want to talk to her but then she will say that I always find the bad in her and her actions are justified. that I need to think postive. She is never accountable for her actions... very set in her ways. I getting to a point where I feel a gut feeling of what she does is wrong or just unacceptable... I'm confused on this incident well this has happen multiple times....Is it wrong that my mom complains to my sister about me?

A person who complains too much or too often, is actually a very unhappy person and they may not even realize it. To talk about someone behind their backs is not generally good. If my husband and I decline an invite to dinner from an adult daughter, we would have discussed why we both did not want to go. We have to be at our best, and strongest not tired out, getting over being sick because it will take all our mental energy to stay in control and not get upset about the ways she acts as an adult, mainly her expectations in her mind for us, and how she tries to nicely but persistantly prod you to do what she wanted in the end. This happened recently. We begged off saying we were ill because we were overworked and tired. A dinner invite means she expects us to bring food, and the kind she can eat, gluten free, and for us to prepare the dinner. She has never cooked a meal for me. I am hungry and want to eat and though she was trained otherwise as a child growing up, something went haywire as she became an adult. Every family has someone like this, pleasant enough when you can handle and ignore the not so good stuff. So our talking about her briefly is acknowledging something we both see, and it is different than the regular talking behind someones back. The talk I figure you are mentioning is like a Mother whose husband treats her badly, they divorce or he leaves never to return and then for the rest of the childrens lives, she is constantly complaing to them, telling them horror stories of how bad all men are and not worth being in relationship with and its best to be strong and not need them. If two parents couldn't get along or had problems, that does not reflect on all people. Your mom sounds like she is hoping to convince your sister to start agreeing with her and treat you badly. I am wondering if there is a father at home? If there is, this is something that could be brought up to him in private without Mom to hear, by both of you. ONe he could figure is imagining it but if both come tell the same story, its another issue. If they are divorced, and the two of you are still minors, your Mom needs to see a counselor, nothing major like mental illness but likely just one of the ways that average people do unhealthy thinking and they don't want to keep their thoughts to themselves. Its one thing is she is telling the story to a peer, another Mom and there is a real issue and she is asking for advice, much like you are doing here. I don't have to meet your Mom to know this is not healthy behavior yet there are plenty of people who do this. Just because plenty others do it does not make it right or normal. She is either consciously or subconsciously trying to divide the two of you, pitting you as sisters against each other.
I would tell Dad, even if divorced and he only sees you for visitation rights. I am guessing on Dad so I have to mention a few different options. If Dad is dead or no one knows where he disappeared to, then I suggest both of you talking to a relative who knows Mom well, such as a sister or brother, your aunt or uncle. Let them know what is going on and hopefully they have no mental issues themselves and will be able to give you the best ideas of how to proceed with this. If you are both adults living at home, I still suggest contacting and telling Dad or a relative who is willing to say something, and all of you find a time to sit with MOm and have a talk with her. If people other than her kids are concerned over her behavior, we can hope that will have an impact on her to stop and if she feels she cant, to seek out mental health counseling until she had learned how to have healthier thoughts. I am not talking about medicating. If it comes to this, please remember to look for counselors who advertise they are trained in CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy. Cognitive means thoughts, and our thoughts pretty much lead our behavior. So good thoughts, normal behavior, distorted thoughts, bad behavior. So to answer you, yes it is wrong what Mom is doing. I must add that just the description of not accountable for her actions and set in her ways, sounds like she may never be open to help and getting better. She may be quick to blame any and all of you, including relatives. A relative of mine is like that, won't stick with a CBT counselor for mental health and is now all alone. Any partner they find never stays long as soon as their mental issues become known. I understand how easy it is to feel resentment, been there done that with the relative. A parents role is to prepare you for adulthood. So if a minor, she is not helping by doing this. It is good that both you and sis can see something wrong with this. If you are adults, I would suggest maybe finding another possible room mate and renting a place together, 3 people with incomes should be able to swing it. If you are still minors at home, it depends if you're a year or two from being old enough to move out on your own together at least to start. If you both are much younger, and have 5 years or more of putting up with this, it is unhealthy enough, just think of anything worse than just the resentment and learning to be that way yourself by habit, even if you didn't originally want to. It would not be a good idea to have Mom as your legal guardian if you both find things getting worse than this. Never feel bad to reach out to relatives, and if there are none, your school counselors for help. Mom may need help and this may be the only chance and only way she gets any if she can be swayed to understand the need for help. If you have a church priest or pastor, Ir would be a good thing to at least call and see if he will meet with you and sis, say, after school, sometime when Mom wouldn't know about it. Not saying it has to be a big secret but in my family experience, when the person in question knew of something like this, they became loud, argumentative, unreasonable and very disruptive so the main intent of explaining the situation to find a solution where you are helped and MOm is helped, will happen. The relative I am thinking of, did not want anyone outside of family knowing anything. As it stands right now, I encouraged a niece to talk to me about concerns for my sister who has had multiple illnesses for years and is going downhill fast and I have caught mental lapses. I just figured, over medicated, as that can do it to an older person. However, when speaking to the niece, discovered, she is going against Drs orders, and taking her medicine concoction as before. The Dr. refuses to refill for a month or so but he and pharmacist have to listen to her complaints every day, bitching to get her meds and they finally give in to get her to shut up. She is hooked on her meds and does not want to follow a plan to slowly start using less of certain ones so there will be no drug interaction any more. She is choosing this and everytime I now try to bring things up, she ges upset and cries and asks why everyone is against her. She has stopped talking to another sister. Sometimes, you can't help people who don't want to be helped. In that, she is set in her ways as you describe Mom. Unfortunately, what sis is doing will likely end her life much much sooner than if she had listened to her Dr.. I share my story so you can see that yes, it is not a bad thing for the child to talk to an aunt, like me, or an uncle to advise them of what is actually going on. Hopefully for you, informing a relative will help get things going better for your household

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It's my dad's birthday today and my mom and I had an argument about how to spend my money on him. She wants me to take $20 off my prepaid card and give it to him or buy him a gift card. I only have $141 so I suggested taking $10 off my card and using the $10 I had in cash. Which still would've been $20. I also suggested waiting until I get paid on Friday to buy him a decent gift (Something he would've been totally fine with)I was also going to suggest going to Burlington (Where I work)And buying him a gift since I get a discount. She said she was a little disappointed in me for not wanting to take the $20 off my card but all I was doing was trying to suggest different ways of doing it. I wasn't at all trying to get out of buying my dad a gift or spending money on him. Which is the impression that she apparently got. (Frankly, I think since it's my money from my card and my wallet that I should be able to do it how I want) So my question is there anything wrong with my suggestions?

Your Mom has serious issues. Sounds like someone in my family, who gets am idea or picture of how things should pan out for their day or any situation and when it doesn't, they get upset and maybe even lose it and start yelling and trying to place blame on anyone. The person I know of has mental issues they are not getting treated. Sometimes it is not a serious mental disorder but still an issue of how their thinking has problems and can easily be corrected if they are willing to see a counselor and improve. You do as you have planned and keep holding the line of what you want and never caving in to Moms crazy demands any time, even in the future. There are times I have been broke, loss of job, etc and we warn family that we can't buy a gift right then and always have heard, 'Thats okay. I would prefer simply to have your presence there." This means birthday party or Christmas get together. That would be the healthy persons response. I'll bet this isn't the only time Mom has stubbornily tried to get her way in a situation. But if she is a high functioning person with a mental issue, she could go undiagnosed for a lifetime without anyone but those closest to her seeing it and sometimes family doesn't even get it. It took decades to figure out my relative wasn't just acting uniquely to their own personality but that there was something a bit off balance. Most likely it hasn't given her problems out in the world and probably won't in the future. But close family has to put up with the brunt of it. If you are 18 or over, you are an adult and it is easier to set down the boundaries with Mom and let her know when nothing she says or wants is going to happen. "Thanks for your input but I am an adult and am going to handle things differently than the plan in your mind." If she tries to argue with you, the best thing I have learned is walk away which is hard if living in the same house. YOu can go to your room and shut the door and not answer her when she tries to speak or yell. You know there is nothing wrong with the suggestions you made. You didn't just say no but explained things out in detail of what you plan. You gave a health normal answer. The problem was your answer did not match up with the one she has pictured in her mind so she got upset. A gift is only one way to show love. we show people love by giving them quality time together, building them up with words, compliments and recognizing and praising their talents, doing special deeds they could do themselves but you want to cus you love them, like doing a favor without being asked, and there are many more. If Dad is easy going and understanding, he would be okay with going a month before or after his birthday to allow you to let him choose and using your employee discount, when you had the money. He knows you love him. Don't let MOms misguided thoughts plague you with feeling you have to prove your love by buying a gift, how much you spend on it and whether it is given on the day of the event or another time. Normal people know that its the thought that counts, not the actual gift. If I needed a gift for every little occasion from my husband to prove that he loves me, that would make me a very insecure person with a low self confidence to think that recieving a gift proved something. Then again, maybe there is also a bit of Mom's way of feeling love when you consider 5 acts of 'Love Language' and she may prefer recieving gifts. But just because she prefers to recieve them, it doesn't mean that is also the preferred love language of a partner, any other family member or friends she has. It may be a great help for you whole family including yourself to learn what each others love language is. I am recommending a book that will explain what the heck I am talking about and list the 5 different ones. Usually people have two with one being dominant. THey have the book for married couples, also for parents to understand their children and so on. The author to look for is Gary Chapman. He is a Christian writer but does not bring up religion and so far the only one whose had come up with this concept. The book is 'The 5 Love Languages" Try to see if library has it before ordering it from a book seller, or trying to buy it online. I know there are on line tests you can answer questions to and find out what yours is already now, before getting the book. It will also be a great help with any future dates or marriage partner and kids of your own.

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So it all starts with the ADHD I had when I was a kid, and how I grew up with it I guess. I had not the best childhood as my mom abused me and left me. I was bullied at this time and still have traumas.

I'm now 20 and it was only this year I was diagnosed with social Anxiety and a Cluster B personality Disorder, likely BPD.

I have a history of cutting myself and only this year I picked it up again. I can't move forward in life, I just can't. I have burns and cuts on my arms currently. I went to the ED (Emergency department) three times so far this year, and this was on my own accord. The first time I visited ED I felt normal, or what I perceive as normal. After being assessed I walked out. Second time was an interesting one, after getting off the train I had the urge to just buy a knife at the shops and stab my hand just so I can have a reason to go to the hospital. I stabbed myself decently just as planned in toilets, I would have liked to go deeper though. Got there and told them I stabbed myself. After getting cared for and being questioned by the psychology team, I felt a little crazy and wanted to make a scene cause why not? I actually did have a head ache and unfamiliarization tho :/ The nurse got worried and called for the psychology team again, this time the Psychiatrist. She put me on meds said I couldn't leave. The third time was a few days after cutting my hand rather deep and letting the blood drip on the pathway cause idk. I stopped going to my psychiatrist cause I don't trust him and think he's no good for me. He doesn't understand me at all. I'm now off Quetiapine and Escitalopram. I hate them. Recently I cut almost all remaining friends and acquaintances. Started drinking. I'm isolating myself. Not sleeping enough. Went to the GP today and he prescribed me with some other anxiety meds... whatever, he doesn't understand me either.

Anyway I feel like i'm heading towards a even darker place and don't know what my next action will be. I need advice. Help?

NO one here is a professional. We are just your average students, homemakers, elderly, who share from our own experiences, those of people we know. I am sure you know that already, but I had to share. You have a lot of traumatic history that will have affected your mind. ADHD in itself is not something that can mess up a person mentally. However, lack of love, abuse and abandonment can scar a person mentally and besides, the loving input a child needs for their brain to development normally, was not there for you. I am sure there is still hope but it may be a long road of work with the right Dr.

I can only guess as I have never been in your spot. But I do know that the class clowns in school were kids acting up to get attention. If the attention they got because they were disruptive was negative, well they saw it as good because compared to no attention at all, it was better than nothing. My guess is that you have been doing the self harm and ER thing for a reason close to, similar or the same, to finally have some attention focused on you. This is only emergency help and not the thing that you as a person needs.

If I can get you to believe just one thing for me, it is that until your mind gets better and you can see for yourself that something is working or not, that you are going to have to stick with something for a while to see if in the long run it will help you to get to the point of having a normal life like the rest of us. There is not going to be any quick answers or remedies. So if you are not just looking for attention and really want to work on getting better, then you will need the right kind of psychologist. Since you have the past trauma and think there may be something else like BPD, believe the best thing to find is a Psychologist who specializes in CBD which is Cognitive Behavioral disorder. This simply means that what we say and do are basically guided by our thoughts and if those thoughts are not normal for whatever reason, we will have problems that can range from fears, anxities, depression, phobias, self harm, to mental disorders like bi polar, OCD, BDD and more. What we experience daily is also observed by our Subconcious Mind (SM). The SM works strangly, more like the thinking of a child. It wants to do whatever it can to help you, so what you focus your thoughts on the most, it will assume is most important to you, that you really want it, or more of the same so it will work with you to bring even more of the thoughts you are having and the emotions to go along with it. So if the thoughts are negative ones, it is hard for anyone to break out of that cycle. I am not just talking for fun here to sound like I know something dear, I actually used to have a severe social anxiety, but no more! I know it doesn't compare to what you are suffering but there are ways to deal with and slowly heal anything, even what is going on for you. The issue is getting you in touch with the right people with the experience to do so.

So I would like to point you towards a website that jusst might set you on the right course, a Psychologist turned author and trainer of other Drs wanting to learn his CBT and TEAM methods to helping people instead of doling out medications as he used to do. Medications only help a small amount of the population on meds. The majority can all be helped by the right kind of treatment which involves working with changing how you think. But it takes time, move at a pace you can deal with, and yes, there is fear, I felt it often. But as I learned, its not a leap of faith that gets a person to try something new as I am asking you to do, it is actually a leap of fear. I had my own fear, you will have your own set based on your past, but I was desperate to get better and knew I would not be able to operate in a adult life until I dealt with it in my early 20's. So I found it really involved following the things that the Dr./author recommends to over my issue. The fear was there, with each step I started, but I pushed my way through. It wasn't until the end of a step when the worst I thought of never happened that I gained faith, but only enough to know I could do it to that point. Then came the next step toward healing and it was scarier than the first and I felt fear again and yes, with each step but at the end of all those steps, I no longer had fear. I love and enjoy life now and am so glad I trusted long enough to start the process toward healing.

Here is the website: https://feelinggood.com/ I recommend starting the tab labeled 'Obie' which is his rescued 'originally feral' cat. He was patient, understanding why the cat did not trust easily, but it came back for food and a box to sleep in besides like humans, we all have a need to be loved, nurtured, encouraged, supported and our needs taken care of. If you can see yourself in this cat, then know also that like the Dr and his wife, there are people out there who are that kind and patient to help you. Heck, if they would do this for a cat, there are also many trained by him who are as great as him, who may be available to help you, either locally or via phone.
So I now direct you to the referral website

And for referrals, try: http://www.feelinggoodinstitute.com/

You can contact and ask if there are any referrals they have for your area. If they do not, then your next best choice is to work with one of them. They list the first 15 minutes are free. I haven't used them so I have no idea what the costs are but you need to speak with a live person, either on phone or in person. If by phone, or even if in person and you don't have insurance, it's worth a try to find out what the costs are and then start up a Go Fund Me site where people can donate to help you and list the feeling good institute web address so people can see it's a real thing you are going after. Other than that, he's written books but I wouldn't know what is the best, perhaps you can ask that. There is so much to the original website I gave you that I could spend all day and a few more days reading everything on there, podcasts, questioned asked where the Dr. answers.

I know you did not ask for this next piece directly but a person in your situation will have an overbearing feeling all the time that they are of no worth, unloveable, less than perfect, and so on. I know people personally like this. The following is a piece from a sermon given by a pastor decades ago when I used to attend a church. The story stuck with me as an important bit of truth to remember for myself and also to share with others. Since it addresses whether a person should expect no matter what, they are precious and valueable and deserve to be loved and wanted I want you to read it. I am paraphrasing what I remember. Imagine a pair of parents of a new born. That newborn has nothing to give them, do for them, any way to 'earn love' because it is, well . . . . just a baby. It is helpless and must depend on the parents to care for them. (we are speaking of normal average parents, not the kind you had) The parents love their child from the moment it is born. The child doesn't have to do anything to earn that love. That love is something freely given, unconditional and it was here it was compared to Gods love for us. In case your thoughts are why would God let this all happen to me? I believe every soul has its particular thing to learn in the current life, hardships that could help the person grow through them and become stronger for it, like diamonds that only are formed under tremendous pressure in the earth. People have a need to experience such pressure. Mine pressures came in the form of my fist husband. Though a church goer, he was verbally abusive the entire marriage. The stress didn't mess with my mind but in medical conditions in my body that came from the stress. I was married 30 years before I had the guts to leave. So I do know a lirtle something about not being ready for help and how it really was up to me to make the right moves when I was ready. I should have been loved as a wife unconditionally but that was not the case. It is now. I even went for counseling after leaving him as it was needed. I subconsciously acted in certain way and said things that were part of coping mechanisms but not something healthy for continueing on to a normal life. I aced that and went on to find and marry my second husband. Having gone through the horrible things I did just in my first marriage, I can relate enough to what is going on and what needs to happen. I am probably too far away to be a friendly chat but you can write to me directly by looking for columnists, and finding me, dragonfymagic to write to. My chatting with you will not help you get better though.

I will share some quotes I created from my own experiences.

“As with an Antique, the ravages of life upon an individual create a more precious thing in the end, giving one more character and charm, gaining the status of being precious for simply still being.”

“Since we create that which we focus on, miracles will only begin to happen when you refocus your mental energy from your fears to your dreams.”

“If you live on this planet, it is inevitable you will run into hardships, crisis, personal attack, and disasters; that is a given. What is to be determined is whether you simply survive it or overcome it. A survivor is still alive but due to what they've experienced, has stopped living. An over-comer finds ways to deal with and heal from their hurt, pain, disappointment, devastation, confusion and temporary lack of new direction and continues on with life.”

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16 year old female, going into Junior year. I know it's sort of dumb to worry about the school year when Summer just started, but I figure I need to get this over with early as possible so I can stop stressing.

I'm friends with a lot of people, I tend to get around. I do, however, have a group of people considered my best/closest friends who I mostly hang out with. It's been the same people, really, since Middle School (for some, elementary school) but High School has taken its toll, I guess, because my friends have been getting into fights with each other left and right. I personally am still friends with everybody and haven't been involved with drama which means I should be good, but it's the opposite.

Because I feel like all of my friends are not hanging out with each other anymore, and it seems like they are all moving on to other close friend groups and I'm still their close friends, and a lot of the people they hang out with I also hang out with but I'm not best friends with like they are. So what happens when they all get other close friends and I don't really have a clique anymore-or, it's all gone in a million directions.

TL;DR: close friends are getting into fights and joining other groups as a result, I'm worried about being left without one.

Since I have no idea what is prompting the fighting, the one thing I can share is one thing that may be contributing to it for some of the girls.

I had three daughters so I know how the hormones so periods can effect girls. One thing is being more sad and crying easily for nothing. The other emotional extreme that the flood of hormones can bring is anger, lots of frustration, being mad or upset, and picking fights. The sadness doesn't effect others much but the fighting does.
Females tend to let out their anger for some unknown reason on females they see regularly, so its going to be Mom, sisters, or friends. If you all are 16, that is part of the time frame in which this happens. It doesn't seem to have the effect as much at puberty because hormones are just starting but the hormones increase as the body keeps growing into adulthood and those hormones are what cause this. I got a dose of crying and sadness when I went through it so many years ago. Of my three daughters, there were always two with the issues and I saw them beging to pick on each other, fight and say they hate each other. I had to explain that it isn't that the other is doing something wrong per se but that their hormones are making them extra sensitive emotion wise and they need to realize when this is going on within them, to not lash out at me, sisters or friends but to just say you need some time to yourself. Once the girl has calmed down, she can rejoin her friends. Perhaps you will get a chance to help bring peace and understanding on that one point.

Another reason that a friend group can split up is that as a teen, we are changing and growing character and personality wise. This happens through the college years even more. Friends we used to have much in common with, now don't due to our self, or them changing in some areas. It can be lots of little stuff or big stuff. Like maybe this is the point at which one decides to go Vegan for life and friends don't want to hang with her because she won't go for hotdogs, a Barbeque with hamburgers, or pizza, or whatever. It could be they radically changed some of their belief system this point, so they argue all sorts of things.

Some change is natural such as friends in college years, marrying and living out of state, going to college out of state, more personal change so there is nothing in common anymore. I have such a friend I kept in touch with by letters and later, email and now on FB. She and I are so vastly different now. I have continued to change and grow where she remained in a time warp and is exactly the same person I knew in school, no change. Anything I do share from my life now, she doesn't understand, questions why, and sometimes she is shocked and horrified. I had social anxiety and now will talk to anyone for example. She is still quiet, doesnt reach out and her kids, grandkids and husband are her life, nothing else.

I can not give any easy remedy to your situation as it involves the free will of all your friends, to either mature, learn, grow some tolerance and not react so quickly to others but many people resist change, even if more the better. All you can do hon, is try to be the peace maker. Work with one person at a time and find out if their issues are trivial or if there are more emotional outbursts. They may say something else is the reason why, but you are a good judge and will know if that was worth getting so extremely angry about or not. You could steer conversation to talking of hormones, without pointing out what may be going on for them at first, just mention yourself to start. People seem to listen easier to any piece of advise, insight or teaching I share if it doesnst seem like I am picking on their issue and I am better than them. The way to do so is to either share a true story of your own on the same subject, or make one up that makes you sound like you have gone through this is some way. I would make up a whopper of an untrue story if I had to, to bring peace. If I was young again and sharing about the hormone thing I would say, "YOu probably don't know it because I didn't show it but I had a period of time when my emotions got out of hand. I got angry or irritated over and over for no good reason. My Mom noticed and told me it was about hormones doing this to me. I was still a good person but under the influence of the change of hormones in me. Once I realized that. I was able to take time away to calm down and realize my Mom, sisters or even you guys, didn't really do anything wrong. If this is truly a big issue with your friends, then they may still be feeling it when school starts up again and yes, with their new friends too. The majority of any real issues causing this, are going to be the internal responses or thinking of the girls.

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so im going to make this as brief as i can. my friend and i are really close. he calls me his little sister and i call him my big brother. Brother now has a gf and im scared hes going to throw me away only to be used when he wants to go on a date with her. do i tell him how i feel or keep it a secret?

The question is how long he has had the gf and how much or little time he has had for you during this time. You do not specify much so I can only guess. If he is seeing her often and hasn't had time for you, that scenario is quite common. When ever someone has a special new person to date, all of a sudden, the feeling it creates is something they can't get enough of. Its new relationship energy. Almost everyone does this. Luckily this kind of energy and fascination dies down to a more normal level after a little while. If this is the case, don't worry, you'll see him again.

Lots of people don't understand that there are two kinds of relationships, both have friendship but one has something extra, the chemistry to feel romantic towards each other. YOu can't force it to happen. Two people either both have and feel this chemistry or they don't. If he is dating another girl, I am sure he doesn't feel it for you, just the friendship part. As long as you have not secretly been liking him as more than a friend, it should be okay.
Lastly, if the new gf gets jealous easily and says something when he talks to you or spends time with you, there could be trouble. If he is strong enough to not buckle under a demand to not see you even if he says you're a friend, then it all de pends on what he says and does. If he is afraid of losing her, he will be forced to comply with her demand. This happens earlier in dating when we are just starting out, or are anywhere up through college age. At least that's my best guess of the range. He could also tell her that she is misunderstandng things, that you are a very close friend and he cares about his friends and wouldn't ever think of dropping them for any reason. He might tell her that there is no romance betwsen you two because there isn't that kind of chemistry between you two. He could draw the line and tell her this is the way it's going to be and if she can't handle it, she can break up. That is what a person with more life experience and lots of self confidence and no worries about being liked and accepted would do. However, no matter how wonderful a person is, we all have these fears and worries when younger so there is always a chance he may cave in if the gf makes demands and he wants to keep her. What we learn as we get older is that the right person for us is not going to try to change us, our friendships, our hobbies, etc. We will understand and accept the person just as they are, not secretly planning to try to change them in time. It can't be done anyhow. Change comes from inside a person. Yes, they can witness behavior in someone and want to be more like them. But it isn't the other person changing them, the decision is still theirs to want to change for the better and once they want to, they will carry it out. So if he does stop seeing you for a while, don't worry. Most relationships do not last long and once it is over, he will be hoping to pick up with you where he left off. In this, you are no different than his male buddies who had to wait for him to have time for them again as well. Telling him that you fear losing him, is useless to him. There is nothing he can do but tell you not to worry, that you won't lose him. But our subconscious mind is good as imagincing twisted scenarios and if you do not know how to control your thoughts, then no matter what he says, you will still feel this way. What you need is to stop those thoughts each time they appear, rather than dwell on them. Focusing on them will only make things worse in your head and heart. Sorry but this is all I can tell you.

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My recent boyfriend has been the best person I’ve ever dated , I have never felt so connected to someone . But we are 5 years apart. I’m turning 18 in two months but we’ve been dating for 5 months now. We’ve had our ups and downs but we really love each other. My parents are the only problem. Sadly it unfair for my boyfriend to be treated like a teen even though I am technically still one . I love him but I feel so bad that he has to be treated like a teen and have to sleep in a different bed than me when he comes over or that I can’t just have a dinner at his house cause my parents are strict in that way as my mom fell pregnant with my sister young she doesn’t want me to make the same mistake. I really love him but I see it takes a toll on him ...what should I do?

In two months when you turn 18,, then you can do as you wish and the parents can't tell you what to do any longer as you are an adult.
The only thing they hold over you is that they allow you to live with them, that is once you are legally an adult.
So if they were really mean, they could hold that over you and say if you don't do as they wish, that you can no longer live with them, and threaten to kick you out. Any parent will know that is a good way to coerce an adult child to do as they wish because the economy is such that many adult children can't afford an apt of their own, even with two incomes if married. So they might actually threaten you this way to get you to comply. None of this has anything to do with your bf being treated as a teen. He needs to work on his own self image and self confidence if he thinks that they are targeting him and seeing him as a minor and not a legal adult at 23.

You are writing this on his behalf and yet the issue is all about a fear of you getting pregnant. That is why he has to sleep on a separate bed. So go to a Dr. get on the pill and let them know you are on the now for the ease of their minds, even though you are not having sex . In their house, no matter how old you are, 18 28, 38 48, etc...if they want to be nasty about this, they can legally state their house rules which one may be sleeping in separate beds unless you are married, or worse, even if married, they don't want to hear a daughter having sex so they state no shared beds when you are there. So wait until you are 18, two months and then come up with a plan. They won't stop treating you like some museum art piece that needs to be kept under high security and away from any human being with a penis. I still believe that finding a way to get out from under their roof is going to solve your problems. THis means looking ahead to the future and exactly what options you have. Both of you finding the best paying jobs and getting a place together is one. If his parents allow it once you turn 18, (they can't be in trouble with police because you are no longer a minor. I know its 2 months but it still makes a difference as far as the law goes.) or once 18, start looking for other girlfriends who want to get out on their own and band up with two or three others where all of you work and can pay partial rent and get into an apt together. NOw you are free of what your parents dictate and can really do as you wish.

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I am a 50 year old Mom and I have a 27 year old Daughter. She lives with her abusive and controlling boyfriend. I have noticed a pattern and I do not like it. During Christmas and birthdays she keeps in touch and is very warm, caring and friendly. Other times she does not text and does not want to be bothered. She can be rude. After 3 years of building this pattern I am tired of feeling used and discarded. Every Summer when there are no gifts involved she discards me and wants nothing to do with me. I am tempted to tell her that I no longer wish to exchange any Birthday or Christmas gifts with her and see if she quits visiting and all communication. This way I no if my suspicions are correct that she only uses me for Gifts. Problem is my Mother lives with me and my Mother does not feel the same way as I do. I would hate for my Mother to be punished for my choices and decisions. My Daughter does not text to ask how her Grandmother is doing and did not come to the hospital to sit with her Grandmother while I was in surgery. I am feeling like my Daughter could care less about her Grandmother or I. What should I do?

I come from an abusive marriage. In the beginning before wedding, he had even my parents fooled, and after, became verbally abusive. When my parents saw the pattern and tried to talk to me to leave him, I didn't want to for twisted religious reasons. I eventually left him when I was ready and also thinking differently.

I have known women who had abusive controlling bf or husbands. It may not have anything to do with her not wanting contact with you. He may actually be controlling that. In worst cases, the male will work to separate her from friends, family so she does not have her support network, they do not allow the women to leave the home by themselves, control their phone, read their mail, its very invasive and the threat of harm if not going along with his demands usually keeps a female from reaching out. Eventually all of this kind of abuse creates enough stress that has to go somewhere and it affects either physical health as it did for me, or it affects mental and emotional health. So your daughter may no longer be able to think clearly/straight. Do not cut her off. You are thinking its all about you and her not loving you, needing you or wanting to spend time with family. You are lucky he even lets her get in touch during Christmas and birthdays. He probably thinks that makes her look more normal but I'll bet he is monitoring even those phone calls. You are not used or discarded. Its your daughter who is being used. Unfortunately, we can't force a person to do something that is better for them, like leave him. Just remain open to her. Always waiting for that one time she gets the guts to leave him. She will be needing you then. It doesn't sound like you have any chance to see her in person for visits. If that is the case, I'd find a way to let my daughter know that any time she wants to leave him, that we will do what we can to help that happen. I would establish a safe word or phrase that she could use on phone to let you know if he is listening in or if its private. If he records calls to listen to later, or has his ear up to phone while she talks letting her know to not say certain things, it would be like having a man with a gun to your head, telling you to tell a possible rescuer that all is fine. All she has to do is something simple like use of a phrase before adding the rest, like 'Did I tell you yet that ...." If she ever uses that one, and you pre arranged without his knowledge that when she uses that phrase right at the start, that he is recording or listening in, then you know you can't ask questions and talk freely. I would let the daughter know if there is a way to, that in one of these allowed calls, if she mentions a certain word, that is a secret cry for help, asking you to rescue her and get her away from him. At that point, you call the police, give them the address and have them go rescue her.

I am 60 and when I was 50, my oldest daughter had been off mental health meds for a while, had married a guy who was a sociopath and from stories told by his mom, dad was a psychopath. She said she no longer wanted to talk to me or anyone in the family because she believes she was abused as a child with us. Her siblings were shocked as there never was any such thing. The stories she shared in detail were the exact same stories that her husband told me once on phone of his childhood abuse. I know hers never happened but in her mental state, she is imagining it all to be true. A few years later, CPS got involved and my granddaughter was taken away from her and given to her birth fathers custody. Funny how the child who says she was abused as a kid, which isn't true, was now abusing her own child along with her new husband. That is what I have to live with hon. In my case, it is not my imagining I am being discarded. I was clearly told she wants nothing to do with me or any family, not cousins, or aunts or uncles either. There is no way to know how she is doing, but without meds, it can't be good. I hear nothing at all. But I do not feel unloved, or discarded. In this case, I know she is not in her right mind. I will never close the doors to her. I know there is nothing I can do to help her but love her even if there is currently no relating with each other, and be willing to help if she asks for it. Other than that, I go on with my life and put thoughts of her on a back burner in my mind. It is not the foremost of thoughts as that would derail my own life, and turn me into a basket case. So the choice is yours as to how you will feel. If you feel that your thoughts on this are distracting you from your own life, then you may want to go for counseling. All we can really do as Mothers, is to pray and ask for Gods angels to watch over and protect our children, when they are adults and possibly not in a good situation.

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Wal-Mart Greensburg pa 2 co mangers took me off schedule and said I had a job they won't talk to me theC.E.O and upper management in on their web sight.can I go to another Wal-Mart?

I had this happen to me at a fast food place. The manager stopped putting me on the schedule and I didn't want to bother with talking to a lawyer regarding unfair work practice. I wasn't getting a paycheck and they were waiting for me to quit because they did not have a reason to fire me. So I quit. That is one option, or you could let them know you'd like to go work at another Wal Mart. See if they will help set that up for you. Usually if you want to transfer to another store, the new store is going to want to talk to the old manager to see if you are employable, meaning there are no reasons why they wouldn't hire you back again. I had this happen to me also. I went for a cashier job about a year later at another store of the same chain and when she checked with the old manager, were told not to hire me. Not anything I did. There were others that this manager let go simply because they did not like any of those personalities. It could be something like that but that is not a valid excuse for not putting a person on a schedule or letting them go. So you could try another Wal mart but if the worst happens, they may not hire you depending on what your old managers say. You just might have to look for work elsewhere. But it doesn't hurt to try. Find stores with openings first and then let your manager know you would like to transfer to that particular store for a certain opening. IF they are nice and see this as a way to get rid of you, they might be very cooperative. THeres no way to tell ahead of time since they are already acting like assholes. If your current managers are willing to talk to the manager of the other store, then you have a better chance getting in there with an approved transfer between managers rather than just putting in an applicaton and waiting.

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I’m a female in highschool

A guy I’ve been talking to asked me out to go on a date. I think it will be a dinner and a movie sort of thing. I do not know what to wear. I’m afraid if I overdress or underdress it could make a bad impression. Should I go for a casual look and dress it up or a more formal one and try to dress it down?

One thing to remember, he wants to go out with you, not go out with an outfit. Whatever you are most comfortable wearing should be okay. You don't have to impress him any longer to catch his interest. If he wasn't interested at some level, he would not have asked you out. By stating dinner, I assume this is an evening date, not one during the day on the weekend. If it is daytime, you might want to know if it's going to be a picnic to a park or beach to dress for sun. However if evening, and you normally hardly ever wear dresses, don't dress in ways that you usually wouldn't. He was okay with you as you dress usually. I highly doubt a HS kid can afford to take you out to a very formal black tie restaurant. So if you can't have peace of mind without knowing, then ask him if you need to dress a special way for the date so you aren't overdressed or under dressed.

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I am an only child, age 16, and I have a mother and a father. My mother is amazing but my father… is something else.

He makes my mother do anything he wants and controlls her a lot. He does the same to me. He has for years.

He wants me to be the smartest person in all my classes and wants me to do pretty much anything perfectly. If I don't or get something less than an A+ on any of my classes (whice obviously would have happened a lot) he punishes me in ways I don't want to explain.

I'm lucky that he allows me to have friends and some of them knows about this but I made them swear not to tell anyone else or do anything about it. They stay by my side and I love them for that but is it wrong not to have them do anything? What should I do about this? I'm scared and I desperately need help.

Thank you so much.

It is great you have friends you can confide in. Your friends are not in a position to help you because they are still young, not adults in a profession or with an agency that can help. Your Mother was too scared to reach out for help when she knew he was abusive and controlling. I was with my ex for 30 years before I got the guts to leave him, and by then my kids were grown and the damage to their psyches already done. One choose a partner worse than Dad, one is avoiding marriage and doesnt ever want kids, the last one is married but the partner useless and lazy and they have to be the one and only adult in the relationship and as a result of being the only one carrying the load, plus care of a child, is always worn down and tired. I am afraid it will eventually have an effect on health.

I did what your mother hasn't. I can tell you right now that living like this causes stress. Over time, stress will cause all sorts of issues in your body either mentally or phycially. I had every stress caused illness or medical conditions that could occur, until I left. At 16, you don't have the opportunity to just leave since its your Dad and not a husband as was my situation.

You did ask your friends not to tell and not to do anything. Even if they had, it was up to you whether you want to accept help or not. Since you are writing in, I am guessing you are getting ready to accept help but may not already be there. So I will share from my own family experiences with a very recent CPS case against my oldest child and her husband. Both are mentally ill and untreated by their choice, refusing to take meds or see a Dr. A child in school was found to have bruises and old enough to tell CPS that both beat her with odd objects around the house and that she knew parents shouldn't treat their kids this way. If she could realize that at age 8, surely at 16 you know what Dad does is wrong. Abuse whether physical or verbal is not your fault, there is nothing you can do to warrant a normal person treating you like that. The issue lies with Dad. He needs help. My experience with CPS showed me that they are willing to pull out all the stops to find a way to get a child back with their parents, even if its a parent who is acting badly due to being abusive. Of course, their plan is removing the child(ren) from home into temporary foster care while they put the parent in touch and hooked up with agencies to help them. It may be mental illness, it may be very distorted thinking or that he was raised by an abusive parent himself. So telling your school counselor can get this all started. When official help is offered, even to your Mom is he chooses to not go to a Psychologist, take parenting classes, or do whatever they feel must be part of his treatment, there are people who can help MOm know who to contact to help her build a life without him. Perhaps then when you are an adult and much older and can take care of yourself, you can attempt seeing your Father if he is told by law he can't see you until you are an adult and voluntarily want to meet. Your Dad is not going to be punished or go to jail. Agencies with professionals who deal with this stuff all the time have the same goal, to help the person get better so they can continue to have their family and a happier life. This could have happened years ago if Mom had reached out for help, but it can happen now if you will only tell a person who can really get the help started. Believe me, the counselors at school hear and see much worse than you have to share. My own sister had her daughters friend confide in her that she never went to officials for help but Mom was dead and Dad sexually abused her so she never went home to Dad and started living at friends addresses while finishing HS. It is sad to think what if, what if she had told a counselor, who got a hold of her Dad and got him the help he needed. He may never have grieved properly and the death of wife made him snap or something cus the problem didn't occur until after Mom died.
If you are too scared to talk to a counselor and want to get away from this situation, about the only thing I can say is to find a youth shelter to stay at while you still go to school. Although if they know you have a Mom and only Dad is the problem, I am sure they would be pointing you in other directions for help longterm. If before help gets started Dad becomes violent enough to hit your Mom or you, get out right away, go to a neighbors house and call the police from there. While physically hitting someone is against the law, even if he is taken in for questioning, he will most likely have to be seen by mental health specialists and if he is found to have any mental issues, anger problems, abusive behavior, and he has some kind of illness causing it, he will have to undergo treatment. It is not a crime to have mental illness and they can't lock him away for just that. So please do reach out to a school counselor. Don't hold anything back, share even more details if there are any. They need to know you are not just a grumpy teen but that this is a real issue. If Mom tells them there is nothing wrong, she will likely also have to undergo a mental health checkup. Or she may be so scared for her life, that he could kill her that she would never tell anyone for fear if he found she spoke up, that he would seek revenge by killing. If it is this serious, which I hope it is not, and it usually isn't, then she can get help too.

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Well there is this guy who really loves me we met in February 2019 and we hooked up twice in the same month he did that because it was his first time and me beacuse one and only lust . He fell in love with me after the kiss but i never did . My family is way too strict they wouldnt let me go outside alone even in morning. They'll beat me up if ill hv a boyfriend my dad is dominating and even my grandfather and so since i dont get out much. He has alwyas been that guy who wants to go out and meet people we were different in taht way. Well he loves me way too much and now i realise whenever i meet him its not a good time to me im just way too uncomfortable with him whenever i meet him end up regretting why i took efforts cause its very difficult for me due to family . Now he has always supported me and helped no matter what. He payed my bill he took so many efforts he will do anything for me he brings me gifts but then there am i who doesn't love him . I was scared to loose him because hes the one who got me out of depression due to my family. Im scared to loose him why because maybe ill never find someone who loves me like him. Whenever ill call him he will come up to meet me but just i dont feel anything for him and its just im way too uncomfortable with him i can't kiss him hug him i push him away when he tries the same reason again why . Im not sure what to do?

Your question is whether to date or not. If you are under 18 and a minor, I think that would be your parents decision. What you didn't state was how old you are. If you are 18 or older, but live at home, it doesn't matter what the family says or wants, it is your decision whether you date or not.
If you are not allowed out of the house alone, 'strict' is not an explanation. If you say they would beat you for dating someone, then we need to know whether it has actually been verbally threatened, whether you have been physically beaten, pushed around or they laid hands on you in any way and treated you roughly or if they tend to verbally abuse you, this abuse I suffered and am familiar with, no marks on your skin, just tearing you down, shouting yelling calling you names, the threatening and humiliating you publicly or at home, etc. There is a lot here, just that none of it is kind, loving or supportive and talking in normal tones. Let me know what exactly is going on. ITs bad enough to have made you depressed. The depresssion won't stay away but come back as long as the problem at home isn't taken care of. You mention a dad and grandpa but no Mom, Is there one and how is she treated and what does she say or do to protect you or does she also attack you.

The second problem is much easier to talk about. There is no reason to date someone you do not feel any romantic feelings towards. This is not something you can make happen. You either have this kind of chemistry or you don't. He may feel something and think he loves you. Love is usually not happening with just a kiss. However it can create all sorts of wonderful feelings, and new relationship energy, the exciting of a first time, is very real and strong and mimics the real thing of love but too many marry based on this feeling when there was no such thing between them as a little time goes on and they discover those feelings have vanished. He may be a great friend. But he has to know that you love him only as a friend and do not have romantic love. If a guy is friends with a girl only as a reason to get close to her and let her know he loves her, then such a person isn't as llikely to stay when they know you don't love them back. Seeing you all the time is only a reminder of what he can't have so most friends like this, leave. I understand you are grateful to him for helping you with your depression. You mentioned he paid a bill for you. If you are under 18, I can't imagine you having any bills of your own so it may nor may not be relevant to know what he was paying for you and why he was doing it. There are more questions here for me, than answers I could possibly give. But just based on what you've written, it sounds like your living situation needs top priority and very possibly, help from Professionals in your area. I can't talk you through any fears of repercussions of reaching out to agencies for help but I feel there is a good chance I can make some helpful suggestions if I only knew what exactly was going on here, Religious reasons, maybe mental health issues on their part, lots of misunderstandings, no Mom, etc.

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Please help me, im about to cry i dont know who to talk with i just need great advice like my bestfriend's dad died a month ago and she was a mess and i wanted to support her and be there for her but im not allowed to go out of the house so much so i couldn't be her shoulder to cry on and she doesnt have anybody else but every time she needs me and i want to go to her house something shows up and my mom doesnt let me she's lost hope in me and thinks im a fake friend only there in the good times now her boyfriend broke up with her and i was the only one that could help her she called me crying begging me to go to her house cause she hates talking on the phone and texts she just cant but i couldnt be there for her because of my strict parents and now she's a mess her dad along with her long time boyfriend she has no one but me so she gave me one last chance to prove her wrong and be there for her cause she's falling apart and this is breaking my heart cause i can't go to her, MY CAR BROKE DOWN and i've given her so many "excuses" that weren't excuses cause thet happened and i cant go tomorrow to her house and im going to lose her and i dont know what to do cause she is not going to believe the "excuses" again, she'll think i wont give a crap and i do but i cant take an uber and no onecan take me and my parents are strict as hell... i really dont want to lose her help me

You are frustrated but what you have written doesn't tell me why you are not allowed to leave the house ever under any circumstances as you make it sound. This would mean stuff like you not able to attend public school, being homeschooled instead, the parents leaving you at home when they go to a restaurant to eat, Mom buying all your clothes for you, guessing at how they will fit because you are not allowed out of the house to go to a clothing store to even try on clothes.
I don't know if there are religious beliefs where they have gone overboard, if one or both suffer some phobia's or other mental illness that makes them worry for no reason at all for you, or if one of them was attacked robbed or raped in the past and fear the same for you, or whatever the reason is. They may or may not have ever told you. In that case, you need to ask and get some clear reasons, not flimsy excuses. To every question they answer, do not accept the answer but ask why until you get to the bottom of this.

Here's what it would look like:
You: Why am I not allowed to just go and be with my friend, she needs a should to cry on.
Mom: Because I have decided you can't go. (this is not answering your question. It is evasive and not sharing any info.
You: Then why did you decide so, what valid reason do you have?
Mom: Why are you questioning me, I am your Mother?
You: I want to do be prepared for adulthood some day, sheltering me and keeping me at home doesn't teach me anything so again I ask you to give me some solid reasons why. What are you afriad is going to happen?

I would think at this point MOm feels cornered and will share something. If she is afraid due to something that happened to her, mugged, purse stolen, raped, getting pregnant as a teen, then she is projecting her fears on to you and that is not healthy. There are things to teach you to not take chances and how to stay safe. If lets say this was her reason why she doesnt let you leave, then there is something I can suggest. If it is for religious reasons, I also could make some suggestions. However if you simply say she said its religious reasons, that is still not enough for me to know what to tell you. If you gave specifics such as they believe Christians shouldn't mingle with non believers or you can't have any non Christian friends or even as a Muslim, she fears you being attacked by the regular population for what you wear, all of that is the kind of info for people here to see to really be able to make some helpful suggestions.

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the company is Roseart in 2012 i discovered blanked figures that looked like people by them and i bought them and made celebirties out of them but last year they foolishly did away with them so i would like for them to discontinue all of their products and shut down their company for good how can you get it done ?

If you had a problem with products received, then there is a valid reason to complain. The best thing a person can do is find every place on line that you can put in a review of the company. If enough people put in their bad experiences, it may sway whether a person buys from them or not. If this happens enough, a business could see sales slow down, and either realized they need to change how they operate or keep doing the same and lose enough customers so that they go out of business. This is the only way you can do something, putting in your evaluation.

I can tell you it works. I was considering buying on line from a clothing company until I read the reviews from people like you and me who spelled out exactly what problems they had experienced and how that company didn't fix things right once told. With 9 out of 10 reviews being bad, I decided to never buy from them.

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I want to be able to get back to work the personnel manger is my girlfriend. That's why I need a upper management there so they don't say She play favorites.how about that?

It's still a worth a try, otherwise you would need to look for a job elsewhere.

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