I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 173036
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Hi guys,
The reason that I named the subject "my guy =(" is because the name of the man whom I love is Guy. I went out with him shortly before Christmas break and broke up with him the same day because my friends told me repeatedly that he was gay. He is now going out with a girl named Angela, and I'm realizing that everything my friends said was untrue, and that I made a huge mistake. I am mourning my loss right now, and he really loved me, and I don't know if I'm ever going to get him back. Could someone please help me?
-just call me BLUE (link)
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You have two options: tell Guy how you feel, or don't. If you do, you risk heartache if he likes he new girlfriend - or you might get lucky and end up with him.
If you don't tell him, then you're in an uncomfortable and sad place - but actually you've learned a lesson that takes many people years to understand.
It is simply this: don't allow other people to tell you who to date. You are the only accurate expert on how you feel and what you want from a relationship.
Best of luck.
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I used a tampon for the first time tonight. I began to feel a little discomfort afterabout 30minutes to I took it out. However it hurt to take it out; I had to pull pretty hard. Is this normal? (link)
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If a tampon is inserted correctly, you shouldn't be able to feel a thing. If this happens again, try gently pushing the tampon in further with a finger.
Pulling a tampon out after such a short period can be uncomfortable because the dry cotton is tugging on your vagina. Be sure to read about TSS; it should be included in the directions in your tampon box. It's safest for your body to leave the tampon in long enough to do it's job and avoid the risk of leaving microscopic bits of cotton inside of you.
Still, you don't have anything to worry about. To make things easier next time, try a smaller tampon.
Best of luck.
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my husband takes seroqueal at night to help sleep & 4 bipolar. he used to want sex alot but for last 1 1/2 yrs. only 1 or 2x a mo. i never used to want it but now i always want it. i need to know what i can take that will reduce my sex drive? we are both 38 yrs. i don't know if theres something otc i can take or if i need to ask the dr. 4 somethin spasific or even if there's a food that i can use. please help me. i don't know what else to do. it's definately not a lack of luv on his part he blames the meds. and all other aspects r fine thanx... (link)
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Your husband is right; medication can definitely affect the sex drive. However, some medications affect it more than others. If he speaks to his doctor, he might be able to change to a different type of med with the same results, or possibly tweak the time of day he takes the medication as to allow you to regain some of your normalicy.
As for your sex drive, you are who you are. If your husband loves you, you might want to ask him to touch you - this can be sexually fulfilling, bring you emotionally closer, and might also reignite his passion when he sees how excited you are.
You can also masturbate; many marriages have one partner who wants sex more than the other, and there's nothing wrong with helping yourself out.
While it's admirable that you would like to adapt to your husband's new needs, and you clearly love him a lot, it's not feasible to deny yourself pleasure and companionship. There's plenty a man can do to please his wife without needing satisfaction himself - and there is always the hope that his meds can be adjusted.
Best of luck to you.
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I recently found out that one of my best friends has eye cancer. If it spreads to her brain, which it probably will within the next year, she'll die. She refuses to do anything about it, surgery or chemo, and is just giving up. I've tried to convince her to do something, and she won't listen. What should I do? (link)
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Unfortunately, you can't force her to get medical help. If she's only just found out about the cancer, she could be going through a normal depressed, angry state - many people emerge from this and seek medical help. If your friend is a minor, she will most likely not have control of her medical options, anyway - whatever her doctor recommends and her parents decide will have to happen.
The best, and only, thing for you to do is to be her friend. This means doing normal things if she's up for it, but also holding her hand, offering to talk, and just generally being there. Love can be an amazing healer of the soul, and a healthy soul is more likely to seek medical attention.
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Ok, I am 17 and I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years. We lost our virginity to each other, and its wonderful because we love each other. However, my mom asked me to wait until after I graduated from high school and I told her I would, but I didn't. Now she wants to take me to the gynocologist, which is fine. I want to go and I want to make sure I'm healthy and start on birth control pills. But I don't want her to know I am sexually active. Will my doctor tell her? I am under 18, so does she have to tell my mom everything that happens because I am a minor? And how can I make it confidential without my mom being suspicious? I want her in the exam with me, because I know I will be scared, but I don't want the doctor to tell my mom. Will the doctor have a question and answer session with me alone before the physical exam so I can tell her? (link)
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While the idea of having your first gyno exam alone can be scary, it seems to be your best option. You can simply tell your mother you want some privacy - she's not likely to question that, since your vagina will be on view, and many girls wouldn't feel comfortable with their mother there.
Prior to saying anything to your doctor, I would ask him/her about their policy regarding confidentiality. Chances are they would not tell your mother anything, but it's best to check beforehand both to know what will/will not happen, and also to set your mind at rest.
The exam itself could have questions regarding sex during it, which is why it might be best to be alone. It's also best to be completely open and honest with your doctor, so that she/he has the most information about you - this way she can make sur you're healthy, offer advice, and also see if the pill is the most appropriate birth control method for you.
The exam will include talking, a speculum being inserted (this does not hurt), the doctor sliding a finger or two inside you while pushing down on your tummy from the outside, and also a breast exam. None of the exam is painful, though it will probably feel weird. A good doctor will explain what they are doing as they go, and they'll also use lubrication to help things be even more comfortable.
Of course, your other option is to tell your mom that you've had sex. If she's making an appointment for you to go to the gyno, she's probably thinking that you may have already of had sex. And even if she's not, she still would have to be pretty clued up and positive about your choices and body to accompany you to this appointment.
Best of luck, whatever you decide.
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im lesbian,but i dont know how to tell all my family. (link)
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You say you don't know how to tell ALL of your family; do you know how to tell any of them? If you feel it's time to let people know you're a lesbian, then congrats. It's a big, empowering step - but it can also cause some negative reactions.
It might be best to think of one specific (or more, if you've got them) person in your family who you feel very close to and know they would be okay with you being gay. Tell them about yourself, and then ask their opinion on how to tell the other people. It can really help to have another family member backing you up.
Remember that it will probably take your family some time to get used to - after all, it's taken you until now to know for sure who you are and want to share that info with other people. Just stay positive, have a few people that love and support you, and you'll be fine.
Best of luck.
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My 15-year-old niece is having a birthday soonish and I'd like to get her a present. She likes reading so I figured a book would be good. What's a book that is of literary quality that a 15-year-old would like, but does not contain any sex or swear words (her mom wouldn't let her read it then)? And don't say the Princess Diaries series, I think she has all those already. (link)
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A gift certificate to an online (or not!) bookstore is always the best choice for booklovers. This gives her the opportunity to pick the book that she would be most interested in, and shopping is always fun.
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15/f i really need some help! this is my first time ever using a tampon and i read all the directions and everything. i was using the regular size. anyways, i did what the directions said and all and there was this big chunk of the white part that would still stick out. it hurt really bad!! i tried 2 times and it happened both times. please help me. is there something wrong with me? or why wont it go in normally? what do i need to do? thank you!!!! (link)
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The first favour you can do for yourself if get smaller tampons - ones designed for younger women. Make sure they have a rounded tip and smooth applicator.
Next, you could try using your finger to make sure you know the angle the tampon needs to be at. Usually, you need to aim towards your lower back - your vagina is at a slight angle.
Hold the applicator at the bottom, where the ridges are. When you insert the tampon, continue gently pushing until your fingers bump into your body. Once the applicator is all the way in, you push in the bottom to move the tampon into position. If it's in the right place, you won't be able to see or feel anything but the string.
Using a tampon is like riding a bike. It can take some practice to figure out how, but once you learn you'll never forget.
Best of luck.
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ok so does anyone have any good questions i can ask my bf? like even if they are uncomfortable ones, you know? because im trying to think of some good ones and he said he wants me to ask some uncomfortable ones lol
we have been friends for like a year and we have been going out for a month if that helps. so questions like whats your favorite food wont help me much
thanks 5's for everyone (link)
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There are tons of cool question books on the market. A classic is 'The Book of Questions.'
It has questions on all sorts of topics, and they are really conversation inspiring!
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i am 15 years old, i am a virgin but i have done every thing else, i have a few questions 1. i have dis charge i know that is normal and it is always clear but some times it smells like right after my period is there somthing wrong?
2. when im not on my period i stick a lil bit of toilet paper there.. will that hurt me?
3. is sperm dead when air contacts it? idunno random quetsion but my friend said that but i wasnt sure
thanx i rate 5's (link)
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1. Your discharge is unique to you. Generally if it is clear and does not smell bad, everything's fine. If you notice a pattern - like having some smell right after your period - then that's just how your body works.
2. Your vagina needs to breathe. The more you try to cover things up, the more you are encouraging odors and bacteria. If you are using toilet paper because of discharge, note that most women don't have enough dicharge to ruin their underwear. If you do, or just feel uncomfortable, buy some panty liners! This is healthier and will make your vagina happier. It's also less messy.
3. No. Sperm doesn't die right away. That's why if someone has sperm on their fingers (out in the air), pregnancy can still happen if those fingers are in the right vagina at the right time. Sperm can also live inside your body for up to seven days.
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There's a slight chance that I could be pregnant. First of all, I'm only 15 years old. I recently had sex for the first time (a little over a week ago). We used no protection, and I'm currently not on birth control. Apperently, there's certain days after your period that you can get pregnant. Well, these were one of the days. He didn't cum, but my sister told me about "pre-cum", and apperently..that can get you pregnant too. I'm terrified. I should be starting my period again in about a week, and I'm usually never late. So if I am, should I tell my mom? My mom is a very God-like lady, and when she found out my brother, 19 years old, had sex she was VERY dissappointed in him. I'm 4 years younger..and a baby? hmm. What do i do! Abortion clinics tell your parents, and there's no way I would have the baby.
p.s. I'm not certain if I'm pregnant or not, so please don't respond with anything to make me regret my experience. (link)
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The first piece of advice anyone could give you would be to wait and see if oyu get your period. Sex can make people obsessed with the idea of being pregnant (using at least two forms of birth control - condom and pill/patch/ring/etc - can help you relax more in the future).
I'd also like to point out that high levels of stress or anxiety can make your period be late.
So wait, see if it comes. Give yourself some extra days if it does not to account for the stress and worry.
If your period still doesn't come, go to a drugstore and read some home pregnancy tests. Some need you to be a few weeks late for your period, while other can check for pregnancy much earlier. Buy the test that seems accurate, follow the instructions to the letter, and wait for the result.
I'd also consider phoning your local sexual health clinic to see what options they have for young people. I can think of one national agency that will offer you confidential and free information - including birth control.
Best of luck.
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ive been dateing this guy for 3 months now and he doesnt know im a vrirgin! he thinks i am! i told him i wasnt because i felt he wouldnt want me if he knew i was a virgin! ive leid to him so much about my sex life its not even funny! do u think its possible to have sex with him and he not know that im a virgin?
(link)
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Sex is best when shared between two people who both want it, can protect themselves, and are in a considerate and caring relationship. Losing your virginity is often an experience people will remember their whole lives - either as a big regret, or as a really good memory.
Before you consider the sex, maybe you should think about whether or not you would want to take this big step with someone who you thought would reject you for being a virgin. If you decide yes, then you need to think about whether or not you want to tell him the truth before you do it.
The truth can never turn around and bite you in the butt. Lies, however, can.
It would be fairly obvious to anyone who has had some experience that you are a virgin. Sex is likely to be anything from a bit uncomfortable to quite painful for the first few minutes. There is also the possibility you will bleed.
These things generally do not happen with someone who is not a virgin.
Best of luck.
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I wear makeup to hide ugly scars on my face. With my makeup on no one ever knows that I have them. Only my family has ever seen me without my makeup. My boyfriend of one year is getting fed up with me. He cant accept the fact that he cant see me as sporadically as he'd like. When he comes over unannounced I make him wait 10 or 20 mins while I fix myself up. He says that he loves me no matter what.. and yet he is always saying the best thing about me is my beauty. Should I reveal to him how I truly look and risk losing him? Or save face and let him be upset? (link)
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If you really want to be loved for who you are, it might be time to take off the protective mask - your makeup.
Love isn't about flawless skin OR scars. It's about accepting someone for who they are, caring deeply for them, and helping them reach your true potential.
Maybe the beauty your boyfriend is referring to is your inner beauty. Maybe he'd think you were gorous no matter what.
Try. If he leaves you, then that's a fairly shallow relationship. If not, you'll know he really cares...and you'll probably also build your confidence up.
Best of luck.
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Hi
I am a very confused 22 year old woman.I have never been in a lesbian realtionship before, but i have fantasized about making love to a woman. I recently just started an online relationship with a woman who is 14 yrs older than me and she has already told me that she has deep feelings for me and that she is in love with me an we have only been talking for 3 months. I do know for sure that i love her, but i want to make sure that i feel the same way cause i don't want to string her along SO HOW CAN I TELL.I can't imagine my life without her and i feel physically ill when i think of her loving someone else. PLEASE HELP.
(link)
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Lesbian or not, online relationships are tricky. It's much easier to open up to people online rather than face-to-face, and when someone accepts your thoughts, it can lead to intense feelings of acceptance and warmth.
But only when you meet someone in person can you tell if there is a basic compatibility, and I'm not just talking about physically. Is there a way the two of you can meet?
You would feel less confusion if you had more reality to base your choices on, rather than just words on screen and speculation. And if you feel so strongly towards this woman, it would only make sense that the next step would be to have a genuine, personal relationship with her.
While the internet can help us open up to people, it can also act as a safety zone or buffer where we can protect ourselves from actually connecting intimately with people in real life.
I wish you the best.
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well I know this sounds dumb but I just dont know...well what are the symtoms of feeling horny. I dont know if ive ever felt that way before but i really want to know becuz i want to masturbate. please help! (link)
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If you want to masturbate because you feel an urge to, then that's feeling horny. Being horny just means that you feel sexy or excited.
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well i get really depressed and at school everbody thinks im fine because i front this fake smile and this happy person but deep down inside i really hate myself, my life, my family and everything!!! i act fake for my family too! does anybody have and ideas to help me?? > ( i dont want my family to find out)
also i cut, pop pills and write poemss about sucide and death!
PLZ PLZ PLZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (link)
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Regardless of your age, you should be able to get confidential counselling. You can see what your school offers, make an appointment with your doctor, or see if there are any local practices.
Your school might have an obligation to let your parents know you are attending counselling, but they will not pass on the information you share with a counsellor. A counsellor you access independent of the school will be completely confidential.
And why not consider finding a few people you don't have to always be smiling with? It's part of human nature to smile, but it's also part of human nature to be angry, cry, or feel anxious. It's okay to feel the way you feel, but constantly keeping part of yourself hidden away can only make things worse.
A way to heal yourself is to share yourself with other people; this can best be managed with professional help, but you can also start by writing more poetry, keeping a journal, etc.
Life is more than feeling depressed, and if you are willing to reach out to other people it's the first step towards being able to express all that you are.
Talking to your parents might not be a bad idea - when you are ready - because they may be able to support you in emotional and practical ways. You deserve to recognize the good in yourself, your life, and your relationships with other people.
I wish you the best.
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I am writing this because I don't know what to do. I am really scared that my use of alcohol is out of control. I feel pressured by my friends to be part of the drinking scene. I see people in the media using drugs for pleasure. When I'm drunk, I forget alll my problems and school is unimportant. I've dropped out of sports and I o what I can to get money for my alcohol. I bring little bottles of it to school because I can't going the day without it. Can you help me? (link)
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I can't help you, but you CAN help yourself.
You obviously feel your drinking is causing a significant problem in your life, since you've posted a question. That's good. Recognizing things that are causing more hurt than help in your life is the first step in trying to overcome them.
Suggestions:
- find a local AA meeting, or an ALA-teen meeting
- ask your doctor for info on local services
- see if your school offers a counselling service
- make a list of everything you miss about your pre-drinking life
- consider leaving behind the friends who are slowly allowing you to ruin your life
- reconnect with a positive friend
- talk with your parents
- call a national helpline
- look online for info about alcholism
Best of luck.
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Heres my proble im female and im 16 I hope you can help,so to make a long story short i fell for my best guy friend and he lead me on for like 6 months im crazy about him it got to the point where he has become me security blanket. i've been going through a really tough time in my life right now and hes been there for me i'd tell him i loved him and hed say i love too but he wouldnt date me and i asked if him it was okay that im so dependant on him, and he told me yes its fine im here for you etc. and just recently out of the blue he was like you call me too much, I cant be your security balnket anymore plus he met someone and basically he was like here ill give you some space get over me and like now we dont really talk hes ina erlationship with this new girl of his , im so hurt cause he just like left and he promise he'd always be there for me and he promised me alot of things but he did lead me ona nd now hes basically doesnt want anything to do with me and he told me left like he did because he got sick of being my friend and i know that, thats not really the main reason why its because of this new girl and i dont know im still in love with hima nd hes my best guy friend and im so confused and hes said oh im sorry a million times but i just cant forgive him a part of me wants to hate him so much but i jsut cant because i love him and he was the first guy ive ever fallen for and ive cried so much overhim and i just cant let go of him and accpet that he did what he did out of all the people i truey care about he walked out me just like my parents did, How can I get over him i need to so bad all he does is hurt me (link)
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I think you're right - a big part of why he has left is because of his new girlfriend. Many girls would feel uncomfortable (rightly or wrongly) with their new boyfriend having a close female friend; his having a friend AS close as you would probably bother her even more.
The thing about life is that other people can't be our security blankets, no matter how safe or loved they make us feel. But if you take a step out of the pain and look at how he's treated you, it doesn't seem he's offering you a lot of love or safety right now.
To be fair to him, he never said he wanted to date you. He doesn't seem to have wanted a relationship. But to be fair to YOU, you did ask him if he was comfortable with the level of your needs - and he said he was.
Either way, he's behaved in a hurtful way. And because you love him, you'll go through the same levels of pain as a girlfriend would.
How to deal?
Well, first you have to understand that you're worthy of people who WILL stick around and be there for you. People who will love you for you, people who will stay there through the thick and thin. Those types of friends and relationships will come if you allow them to.
It sounds like this guy's leaving you reminds you of your parents leaving - and so in many ways, you have two big problems to deal with at the same time.
Open yourself to that pain. Don't block it off. Cry, punch a pillow, talk with other friends, write in a journal, rip pictures of out magazines and glue them onto a collage, go see a counsellor, spend some time alone outside, watch movies, hang out with other friends.
Basically, you'll have to find the way that allows you to best deal with everything. People are stronger than they think they can be, and this experience might just show you how incredible you really are.
I wish you the very best in life and love.
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im 16 yrs old and im a female...ok well me nd my boyfriend have sex like twice a week it used to be more but we cut down alot on it!! anyways we never use a condom because the first time we used one i had this bump on the inside of me so i think i am allergic or somthing but im not sure,, so we just never used one again.. now we have had sex only twice this month i was supposed to start my period a sometime this month its usually at the end of the month tommorow is the last day of the month and im worried im not goin to start could it just be stress or should i consider taking a pregnancy test??
PLz help me!!! (link)
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First of all, a bump inside of you could be a sexually transmitted infection. By not wearing condoms, you risk exposing yourself to more infection - and to exposing your boyfriend to it as well. A bump could also be a harmless skin irritation that is unrelated to condom use.
Latex allergies usually cause redness, swelling, and extreme irritation. One bump probably does not mean you are allergic.
If your period is more than a few days late, a pregnancy test could be an option. Be aware that if it comes up negative, it could be a false reading as it can take time for your body to build up enough pregnancy hormones to register on the test.
If your period does not come within two weeks, you'll need to see a doctor. It could be due to pregnancy, and the sooner you find out, the better. You have more options available to you earlier in a pregnancy than later.
If you have no period and the doctor determines you are not pregnant, it could be due to other medical factors - including stress.
Right now, try to relax and breathe. Stress can mess with your period, and being worried you might be pregnant is significantly stressful.
If you end up to not be pregnant, please consider getting an allergy test done to see if you are allergic to latex. Also be aware that there are non-latex condoms available on the market - both male and female condoms.
There are also a host of other birth control options, including the pill, patch, shot, IUD, etc. A qualified professional should be able to help you pick what's best for you - to protect yourself from an unplanned pregnancy, and also all the worry that goes along with it.
Best of luck.
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Okay,well I was wondering what Scene meant.
People at my school are like, "Thats so scene" and like, I was wondering what it meant? (link)
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'Scene' can mean a lot of different specific things, but in general it means something that is trendy, popular, out in the open.
An example is the gay scene - things that are called 'scene' would be those that are popular: clubs, pubs, and places to be. It can also be shared attitudes and beliefs.
Sorry if this isn't much help, but it might be a good idea to ask a friend what's meant. Usually, when people call something 'scene', they're doing it in a mocking way...people outside of the group scene making fun of it.
Best of luck.
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