DefinedEyes's advice column

Okay, I'm 16yrs old and my ex-boyfriend moved about 3 hours away from me about a year and a half ago. I just can't seem to let go I still have a lot of feelings for him, and according to him he still has feelings for me to. He is coming for a week in July and i'm not sure if I should see him or not, i'm trying to let go, and everytime he comes here i fall head over heals for him again and when he leaves im sad. It's sooo hard not to see him, because I want to soo bad. Do you think that I should see him or not? & are there any ways to get over someone you really care about?

In my opinion sweets, I wouldnt see him,
I mean its not fair to yourself, if it hurts you that badly. Its taking a big hard toll on your emotions as well, huh? Well the thing about break ups, is that time really is they key. Time well spent that is. You need to spend your time with people you love and care about and not think about him, I mean trust me I know how you feel. You cant stop thinking about him can you? I mean the best thing that worked for me , is meet new people, go out , enjoy life!

That has worked so extreamley well for me :)
I hope it works for you too!

If you have any other questions, please feel free to send them to me!

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I JUST got my permit the other day--and so today, I BEGGED my mom to let me drive out of our parkway---yeaaaah didn't turn out so well because I had NO FRICKIN' clue what I was doing. She kept yelling at me--and it scared me! I know this sounds incredibly hilarious because I'm laughing about it now--but I was REALLY scared. Anyway, tomorrow I'm driving around tomorrow at driver's ed and I don't want the instructor to think I'm an idiot. I have NO EXPERIENCE whatsoever. Today (with my mom) was the FIRST time in my life I have sat in the driver's seat and put the keys in. I didn't even know how to put the key in until my mom told me. I NOW realize that BRAKES are the most important thing EVEEEEEER. Does anyone have any tips for me tomorrow..so I don't look stupid? PS. I'm 16! :) Thanks!!

Well you're supposed to take drivers ed, so you learn all the responsibiltys of driving, before you get your permit. I dont know where you're from, but there isnt any tips we can give you on here, if you didnt take the drivers ed class, to learn how to drive, you shouldnt be driving.
I guess the only thing I suggest is taking the class, it will help. They teach you everything about driving and being safe.

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Hi! i am from India. my baby is 2 yrs old and since me and my husband are both working i have arranged for a babysitter for her for 8-9 hours. my question is : how does baby sitting help her and how does it harm her? i am very confused and require advice on babysitting and what should i look in a good babysitter?

Babysitting will help her, beacuse she will have someone to care and nurture her, when you arent able to be there for her.
I think the only thing that would harm her is, that she wont get to spend as much time with you as she needs, or as you would like.
To find a good babysitter, you need to have someone that you trust, and is reliable, and kind friendly, and fun!

:)

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My parents and I really don't get along because my dad sets double standards between my sister and I.
Well he makes himself impossible to live with. He always says stuff like "I'll smack you in the face if you dont do this.." and the sad part is I'm 18 years old. Yeah I should just move out, but I don't have the financial means to.
It's driving me crazy. I can't seem to do anything right, and he always is quick to point out things I do poorly in rather then see the things I sucueed in.
What should I do?

I think maybe you should get a job, if you dont already have one, and start saving, cut things in life you dont need out, and start saving, saving, saving! But for the time being, maybe go live with a friend? See if they will let you, explain your situation to them, I'm sure they would take you in until you can afford your own place!

And about your dad,
some people are just like that,
they feel the need to have control of situations and stuff, to make themselves feel like an authority figure. But really they arent.
They are just being jerks.

I wish you the best of luck in this situation.

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I feel like lately i've lost a lot of friends for the main point that I don't really care for the things they do... I've always felt older than I actualy am and I can't really get along with most people my age... But I have trouble making friends with older people because they don't take me seriously or give me a chance because I look like i'm a 15 year old "hooligan" i suppose ((i'm 18))... Actualy, I have trouble making friends in general. Anyway, It seems like most of my "friends" have abandoned me and that has kinda made me feel a bit down lately, but the few times i've hung out with them, I just don't feel like I belong anymore. I feel left out. Everytime I feel like I actualy belong somewhere or I feel like I fit in with a group of people, it always turns out that I don't... And it's not like I start a fight or anything of that sort... I just never feel like I belong.
Personaly, and not to sound cockey, but I like my personality and the way I am and i'm not the type to change just so I can fit in with a bunch of kids... But a part of my personality is that I like people and I just get down easily when I'm alone.
There's no direct question, Just want some opinions on any of this or advice.
Thanks.
peAce
18/f

Aww I know how that feels, people change, and they lose touch, its normal.
I think that you will find some people who will accept you for who you are, and you probably are more mature than most people your age.
Try getting to know people at a job you like, or go to a coffee shop, or a local show of music that interests you, you are bound to find people there :)

I just really like how you wrote this, it was personal, without asking a specific question :)

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My mom & I are really close. She loves my dad and they've been together over 20 years. Her very first love has recently passed away. They had a serious relationship when she was 17. (She's 48 now) She saw his last name in the death notices and she's been severely depressed for awhile now. She had a very involved connection with this man and I feel so bad for my mom. They hadn't talked in years & she doesn't know what he died from either. She really wants closure, but I don't know how to help her. What am I supposed to do in this situation?

Theres not a lot you can do in these kinds of situations, unfortunetly.
The thing I suggest you do is just be there for her, comfort her, because theres not a lot you can actually say or do for someone who has lost something they have loved.
It does take time, to realize what has happened, why and how, and then acceptance of the situation.
I think is very thoughtful of you to ask a question like this, and its great to hear about a mother daughter relationship, because I have lots of friends who say they "hate" their mother, and I think thats horrible, its true, mothers are our best friends.

take care

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I don't know what exactly is wrong with me.

I've gotten 'There is no point in anything' stuck in my head. It gives me a sick feeling.

I can't trust many people nor do I believe what they say. I can't even really believe that my boyfriend cares for me.

And then I felt really bad one day because I felt like I would stop caring for him... like he said he wouldn't to me. But I know I don't think I would but I'm still too afraid of getting too attached to anyone as well.

I think my last relationship really affected me. But I'm pretty sure I'm over it.

But I feel depressed. And I know it's not the every day mood kind of term.

Since at times, I have no idea why I feel like shit.

What could I do about this?

Your right it could be depression,
and if you are really worried about yourself, you should talk to an adult, I know thats easier said than done, trust me, its hard to tell someone you have a problem, but you really need to get help.
Lots of things like deaths, bad relationships, can throw your chemical balances off and that can cause depression.
I havent ever been depressed, but I have friends who really are, and its so hard for them to explain to people how they are feeling, because its so terrible. So much unbearable pain.
But please get some help, for yourself!

Take care, I hope things start to look up for you :)

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I wasn't sure where to put this, because it's kind of a weird question. Bear it with me.

I'm a thirteen year-old girl and I'm bringing one of my friends with me on a three week long trip to Europe. She's very nice, low-key, and low-maintinence (sp?), so I'm not really worried about getting sick of her. My problem is, I'm afraid SHE'LL get sick of ME. I guess I tend to complain a lot, and stuff like that, but I really want to get better about that. Does anyone have any tips for becoming more self-aware and complaining less?

If you realize your complaining a lot, just stop and quickly apologize! I used to do that too, and I realized that no one has fun when your whining all the time, and it totally drags the fun right out of things.

I suggest that everytime you catch yourself complaining, you fine yourself a dollar or some amount of money and put it in a jar, and at the end of the month donate the money to a charity, or reward yourself for not thinking negativly and complaining alot anymore!

Also look at life with a positive attitude, it helps A LOT! Because if your happy about things and seeing the bright side of things, you'll just feel better about yourself, and there wont be anything to complain about :)

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I hate my dad..I'm not joking. I honestly do and not just for some stupid reason.
My dad always is threatening my mom with a divorce and stuff she starts crying. I hate seeing her cry when she never even did anything to deserve this. He always is calling her horrible names and cussing at her and me. He hits her sometimes too..she almost called the police. He even hit me once..
I'm so scared of him and so is my mom and my brother. I haven't talked to any of them yet about this. Whenever I hear him yelling or something I'm usually in my room and I start crying because it really is starting to upset me. I can't even TALK to my own dad..whenever he says something to me all the horrible things that he has done to my mom and I in the past just flash back in my mind and I can't speak and I have tears in my eyes. Everytime I hear him screaming at my mom I just want to go down there and tell him to calm down and leave her alone but, I just can't..I'm too scared. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't talk to anyone in my family about this.
How do I help my mom and get my dad to stop yelling all the time?

Oh, I know how you feel. I really do, my dad divorced my mom when I was really young, then he got married again, and divorced, then he got married again. And he's currently married, but he was really abusive to his last wife, and it was horrible to listen to them exchange words so cruel and harsh and painful. I talked to a counsular about this, even if its hard, I think you should talk to an adult other than your parents, that can you help you.

As you know, this is a serious situation, and things need to be done, before things get even more out of hand than they already are.

Sometimes there isnt really anything you need to do to get your parents to stop bickering, because this has nothing to do withyou, it has to do with their relationship, somethings wrong obviously with it, and they need help.

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iight I'm a guy and I have this bestfriend which is a girl. And in this friendship is like no other friendship. She gets jealous when I talk to girls and vice versa. We have arguments everyday like we're a real couple. I'm confused, are there hidden feelings or what is going on?

She could like you, but she's probably afraid if you get a girlfriend, that you wont have enough time for her anymore, for you guys to hang out.
Just reassure her, that no one can take her place as being your best friend :)

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Im just going to get down to the point. What could be a creative way of asking her out face to face? What do girls like to be complimented on? What really really turns a girl on?
I want this from a females perspective mostly. Thanks. I rate 5's.
15/m

I would love it if a guy came up to me and gave me a card he had made himself, or a something he painted or drew, I'm an artistic creative girl, and I love things like that. You could bring her flowers, and make some meaning for each of the flowers you got. Girls really like it when a guy takes time to pick something out for them, personally. To show that he really does care about them :)

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ive been really depressed as of late. i mean its summer so why right? one thing is that for some reason all of my friends have kind of drifted away & the only person i hang w. is my bf.. ive tried to chill w. my friends but they never call back or make any comitment to try to hang. every time i do go out my curfue makes me come home early.. i feel really alone & i cant talk to anyone really & my bf doesnt understand what im going through. also i feel really ugly. i feel fat all of the time & want to change almost everything about myself .. although i probably am not that bad (17/f 5'2 120lbs.) i cant really lift my selfesteme althou i try & i feel bad tellin my bf how i feel because i dont want to b one of those gf's that whyne all the time about their weight. i no he loves me no matter what.. but i dont love my self.. what can i do to make myself feel better? what can i do to not me so alone?

Well surround yourself with your family and people who do care about you! Forget the friends who wont make time for you, they arent worth it.
If you think your situation with depression is getting really serious, I suggest you go talk to a counsular, I know you might not like the sound of it, but they shine a whole new light on things, and its exciting to learn more about yourself. Well something I would do, is start looking at things through the positive side, not the negative, if you get involved into a situation that sounds like it could be boring, always think posotive about it, that maybe it could be fun, that changes the mood of whats going to happen! And raising your confidence will take time, its a process where you take it step by step, everytime you can accept something about yourself, helps :)

We just need to realize that no one is perfect, and that we all have imperfections, and we arent all alone in feeling this way. We are all insecure at times, and we have our moments.
We're all human beings, and we make mistakes.

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so my face is kinda pimply..so i wash it nighly and which dries it out, gets rid of the pimples but i'm left with a dried out face that peels a lot..can anyone recocomend a great face moisturizer that wont make my face oily and bring back pimples? I tried that dual action moistrizer by clean and clear

I use clinique astrigent, but I'm guessing that would make your face really dried out fast.
So theres also another thing from clinique called daily facial wipes, that takes off makeup, and fights acne and pimples. It worked for me, but everyone's face is different, so go ahead and try it if you want! And if your face is really bad, go to your face doctor, & they can find something that works for your skin :)

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Yeah i am a 20/m i am a isolated iceberg of a human being, i only respond to certain personalities. I am easy going, ethical and loyal type of person but i seem to have difficulty finding people that have the same interests as me. I like lots of things and all i ask is any friend of mine does not talk about sexual crap with me or make insulting comments. I dont care about age or gender i will be friends with pretty much anyone except have to be younger than 25. Plus where does one go to make friends there are no clubs where i live no hang out spots that interest me. Anyone got any creative ideas on how to make new friends? I roll like this, you got my back i got yours. Your problem is my problem that sort of thing, and if anyone on here wants to try being my friend i am open to the idea. You know penpals or maybe real life friends i am not particular.

Well first of all, the fact that you admit to only responding to "certain personalities" is maybe why you cant find people. In this world, we need to learn to deal and love the people who arent like us. If you want to make friends, go to a coffee shop? Go to local shows, indie music? Get a job somewhere that interests you, and in that job there is sure to be people with similar interests. Making friends online, is good, but you need to be careful, and I'm sure you know that, since you are twenty. But try looking at your approach to people, dont isolate yourself from other people's views, even if you dont agree with them because you learn alot about yourself and them, and realize its okay to be friends withsomeone outside your comfort zone you know? If you open your eyes to the many other types of people out there, you could be making more friends :)

Take care

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First question is: Aren't oppinions the same as advice? Is an opinion just an indirect way of giving advice?

Second question:
I am considering a career in law as a defense attorney. My Xgirlfriend (XGF) said that defense attorneys cannot ethically do their job in the event that their client is in fact guilty if they know that their client is guilty.

She then said that it is incorrect for me, as a personal trainer, to give unsolicited advice to someone who is performing an exercise improperly(assuming that I know the correct exercise).

My XGF says that advice should only be given when asked for.

But she seems to think that a proactive approach is the only ethical solution to an obvious injustice.

My XGF thinks that the attorney example is somehow different from the exercise example. Is she right?

I feel like she has to be wrong since it is not possible to be proactive and wait for a solicitation for advice.

I would say opinions are somewhat like advice, because its what someone says personally, in their opinion they are trying to help you, what they would do in situations. So I guess your right an opinion is just an indirect way of giving advice, but its still personal.

I agree with you about your exgirlfriend being wrong because you're right, if you know that the exercise may be doing them some harm, than your imput on correcting it, is helpful to them. Its also their choice to them, wether they follow through or not, but if theres any harm to them, of course you will help them. Right?

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In the past 2 weeks this guy who used to like me last year had starting iming and calling me. He went to a different school this year and we kinda lost touch. When he said he was coming to my house this friday, I was beyond excited since I haven`t seen him in so long. Well he came home with two friends, and they came over and we were all hanging out. It was soo good to see him again. He told me that tomorrow he was leaving for the beach for 3 weeks. I really wanna stay in touch with him this summer and hang out and stuff, but this isn`t helping much, especially since he has no cell phone. Any ideas of what to do?

You can write him! Letters are always thoughtful and always personal! If he takes time to write you back, you should feel really special aww :) Or you can talk to him online, send him emails!
:)

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I asked my friend Erica to hold my camera the other day, cause I didn't have a purse. She claims she gave it back to me, but I don't remember her doing so. Now its lost, I've searched all the places we went that day twice, and my house several times. My other friend who was with us, [ Erica stayed at her house for the week cause she was visiting us from another state] has said that she hasn't seen the camera at all, and that she thinks Erica took it because she always complained about her crappy camera. I'm starting to believe she did take it, because Erica is known for lying, and had my camera last. I've tried confronting her about it, but she just keeps denying it. Idk what to do, I'm in huge trouble if I don't find it by the end of summer.

Aww well I'm so sorry that someone stole your camera! I mean, I love my digital cam, er well its my mothers, but i use it all the time, if I lost it I'd be in big trouble as well.
So I suggest if your ABSOLUTELY positive that your friend has it, than you tell your parents to talk to her parents, because then more stuff can be done. But another thing is, if your not absolutely positive you dont want to make acusations if your not 100% sure you know?

If you have any more questions, send them to my inbox sweetie :)

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If i don't wear makeup and wash my face with acne products.. would my face be clean/clear?
Doesn't makeup/acne products/SOAP irritate the skin?

Everyone's face is different,
so it depends, it could make your face irritated or it could not.
If you dont have make up on and your using an acne product, I woudlnt use like astrigent, because its really strong and it drys out your face really fast, I would use like clinique face towelets those are really good, and it takes off makeup or just refreshse your face and fights acne.

:)

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i am looking to get a short hair cut [a little shorter than shoulder length] with a lot of layers and side bangs. my problem is that i need pictures to show my stylist! please help mee.

i'll rate 5 for 5 pictures.

I'm not sure if this is what you mean but here are some pictures!:
http://www.short-hair-style.com/images/tiffani_amber_thiessen_01.jpg
http://hairstyles.free-beauty-tips.com/sh4.shtml
http://hairstyles.free-beauty-tips.com/sh9.shtml
http://beauty.about.com/od/hairstylephotogalleries/ss/hairgallery_2.htm
http://www.catwalk-queen.net/prom_06.jpg

hope they were helpful!

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