My favourite quote is 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you'.
Life really is a roller-coaster with it's ups and downs and varying speeds. Yet no matter how hard you try to stay on an even keel, something always comes along to kick you in the teeth and remind you just how fragile life is. We are all trying to live the best we know how and to get along together. So take time to appreciate those around you and tell them how much you love them occasionally. A smile and a kind word speaks volumes.
Gender: Female
Location: Dorset
Occupation: Housewife/Mother/Counsellor/Volunteer
Member Since: April 20, 2006
Answers: 798
Last Update: February 17, 2009
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I have been with my b/f for about a yr and a half now. We have definitely had our ups and downs. Last year i was at a friends house and one of my b/f's good friends showed up. He asked if i wanted to hang out. Went to his house and he put the moves on me. I refused to have sexual contact with him. Even though i had the urge to. He told me that he was sorry and that he couldnt help but wonder why i was with this other guy and that he thought i was pretty.
Ever since that time, he always makes comments to my b/f about how my b/f doesnt treat me right. Or he will joke around about how im his type. We live in a tight-knit town where everyone knows everyone. I see this guy everyday and he always smiles or stares and then looks away.
My major problem is that im finding more and more that im not in-love with my bf anymore as he has become physically violent.
My sister-in-law thinks that i should leave my bf and go with this guy. I am quite tempted as he and i have so much in common and he knows how to treat a lady. I also have a medical condition where i cannot have children. And this guy has full custody of his little girl. Every time i see him with her i melt because he is such a good father.
Am i wrong for wanting to try and have a relationship with this other guy?
And do you think he would be interested in trying to have a relationship? (link)
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It is never a good idea to stay with someone who is violent towards you. If you stay things will probably get worse until some really serious damage has been done. Do you want to end up a statistic? Your sister-in-law is absolutely correct in wanting you to leave your boyfriend but I don't think jumping straight into another relationship is wise.
Why don't you give yourself some time to work out what you really want. If, as you say, your boyfriend is violent, would he physically harm any new boyfriend that you have? It might be better to stay clear of anyone just for a couple of weeks after you break up from your present boyfriend.
If the new guy is still interested in you once you are free and single again, then I suggest taking things very slowly at the beginning without jumping straight into a physical relationship.
I am sorry to hear that you cannot have children but there are always other options open to you.
Take your time, think things through carefully, but please, please leave your violent boyfriend.
I wish you all the very best.
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hey, i was wondering if theres any way i could make my balls smell better, i've washed them and everything but nothing helps, what should i do (link)
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Go see a doctor.
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hey guys!well im really self consious about myself down there. You know the vagina area. Well first because my inner lips come out further then my outer lips. I mean i have a boyfriend and hes never really felt alot down there but hes touched me down there and weve had sex and he never said anything but i mean im not sure if alot of other people have it. People told me it was normal but i mean all my other best friends have it differently like they have a camel toe one(which i think is so much prettier!!!). Im so self consious im even thinking about surgery later on in life i feel like my life sucks now. Man please guys help me out on this. Is it normal? Does anyone else have it and do they still have sex? or get fingered? or eaten out?
help me gurls!!! (link)
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Yes, yes, yes and yes to your last four questions. It is absolutely normal to be different to everyone else and men are just not interested in our hang-ups in that area. I don't suppose it would occur to them that we feel that way, and it is like them having hang-ups about the size of their penis. Don't worry about it and continue to have fun. All the best.
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So i was dating this guy and we were getting pretty serious and I was completley head over heels in love with him, and he claimed he was too. EVerything was perfect. Than out of no where tonight he dumps me because he wants to date around and doesn't want to be in a relationship. What do i do?? Is he lying? i Need advice ahhhh (link)
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Some boys are just afraid of commitment and are not ready to go steady. There is not a lot you can do about it other than ask him to give you a reasonable explanation. I know it's horrible being dumped but it happens to everyone and we all get over it eventually. Just accept it as an experience and get on with your life. Good luck.
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a 6th grader calls me a demon and i need him to stop. help. (link)
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The best thing to do is ignore him totally. It can get really annoying when someone acts like a total jerk. He will only continue to say it if you carry on reacting to it. If you need to answer him back just tell him to grow up and walk away. Good luck.
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Could you bruise the pea-sized organ above the vagina? Because I think I did and hurts when I move. I am not sexually active or anything related to that.
I'll rate a 5 to anyone who tries. (link)
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Yes it is possible to bruise the clitoris - for example by straddling something like a fence. Usually the bruise will be sore for a couple of days and then should start to disappear. If it does not feel any better after that it might be worth having a word with the nurse at school or at your doctors. They will then be able to advise you further. All the best.
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13/f
well im not allowed to wear thongs and im goin on a trip to france next month. All my mates do. Ive got 3 pairs that my mum dosen't no about.. i realli wna take them! does anyone know where i could put them in my suitcase thing so my mum doesnt see? help x (link)
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Has your Mum given you a reason for not wearing thongs? One big reason why thongs are unhygienic is because they rub against your bottom and it can cause a not-so-well cleaned bottom to pass along the panty material to your vagina. This in turn can cause an infection. As long as you keep scrupulously clean I think that they are fine. Give your Mum the chance to explain why she is against them, then ask for the chance to put your case forward. Tell her if you feel more comfortable in them and promise not to wear them under a skirt. Also say that they don't leave you with a visible panty line when you wear jeans. If she really is against them then accept for now she has the final word. If you must hide them and she finds them, be prepared to suffer the consequences. Good luck.
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Ok,beafore u close this , this is a REAL question n im REALLY freaked,ok.i need to know if can u finger a chick too hard?i ask beacuse i was with my g/f and she kept sayng harder so i did and i looked at my hand and it had blood,shes not suppose to start till next week so i wana know is it possible something tore or did she jus start? (link)
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It is quite possible to catch the edge of a finger nail and scratch your girlfriend inside and make her bleed. Being too rough will cause abrasions inside and these could cause a bleed too. As long as you make sure your fingers and nails are clean, if you do make her bleed again she should not pick up an infection. Don't finger her if you have warts or fungal infections on your hands. Perhaps not being quite so hard might help. All the best.
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can u go swimming with your period light.
and not wear a tampon?
i'll rate 5's (link)
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If your period is very light then you may be able to get away with it. However, I would suggest using a minimum absorbency tampon then you can swim without worrying. It is also a good idea to change it when you get out of the water and dressed again. Hope that helps.
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ever since about 3 or 4 years ago [ i am 13] i have been getting discharge. i use to wear pantiliners everyday but that got annoying, so i stopped. this discharge is like white and even a little yellow sometimes. i know that it is normal when i have my period, but i get it all the time. is this normal? can i do anything to stop this?
i'll rate 5's (link)
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The discharge you describe is absolutely normal and yes you can have it every day as well as when you have a period. Wearing panty liners can keep you feeling fresh because they can be changed regularly if needed. You have nothing to worry about because it is actually a healthy thing having a secretion like this. I hope this helps.
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is there any way to tell if you 'popped your cherry' alreay?
also, does it hurt more to 'pop' it in sex or in a different way??
i'll rate 5's for real help (link)
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The only way to really see if the hymen is broken would be through a physical examination by the doctor. It can be broken in many ways from riding a bicycle to doing the splits. You may find that the first time you have sex the hymen could "pop" and you will bleed a little, but it is not overly painful. I hope this puts your mind at rest.
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My parents and I really don't get along because my dad sets double standards between my sister and I.
Well he makes himself impossible to live with. He always says stuff like "I'll smack you in the face if you dont do this.." and the sad part is I'm 18 years old. Yeah I should just move out, but I don't have the financial means to.
It's driving me crazy. I can't seem to do anything right, and he always is quick to point out things I do poorly in rather then see the things I sucueed in.
What should I do? (link)
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Your father sounds like a bully and it should not be tolerated. Is there another adult in the family that could have a word with him? Does he bully your Mum and sister? Might it be possible to rent accommodation with one of your friends or move in with someone in your family? Is your sister older or younger than you? A lot of questions I know but sometimes the answers can help you see how you could approach him in a more adult manner. Yes you are 18 and as such you are also an adult. It might be worth going down to the local police station and asking for advice on where you stand with the threats. Or if that is not possible and you are still at school, ask to see the school counsellor. If he hits you then that takes it into physical assault and should be stopped immediately. I wish you all the very best.
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I cheated on my boyfriend, Trey about a week ago. I am absolutley in love with him but we got into a huge argument and he said some really mean things so I went off and hooked up with this one kid that he totally HATES just to make him mad. Well, he didn't end up finding out and the night before last he called me and apologized and sent me a totally sweet email, and so I felt like I had to tell him the truth so I did and he started crying and then I started crying and I felt soooo bad.
the email said..
"You know that feeling you get when you’re about to do something like go on a big roller coaster and you’re scared out of your mind because its so high up but yet you still can’t wait? Or when you’re on an airplane and you’re going to see someone you haven’t seen in a really long time and you’re about to land and you absolutely can’t wait and you’re so happy and you feel like you could just fly, like if you fell out of the airplane right then it wouldn’t matter because you could do anything… that’s how I feel when I talk to you. Its like, nothing bad could ever happen as long as I’m talking to you and even though we fight constantly I’d rather be arguing with you then doing anything with anyone else. I’m so sorry for what I said and I’d be lost without you." yeah so basically i'm in love with him and I feel like shit for making him upset. He said he forgave me and that he loves me no matter what and I believe him but I still feel absolutley terrible for it and I want to find some way to make it up to him. Does anybody have any ideas??? (link)
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These things happen and once they are done they cannot be undone. You did a horrible thing and now you feel guilty. You are very lucky that your boyfriend has forgiven you and is prepared to give you another chance. All you can really do to prove how sorry you are is to remain faithful to him. He will need constant reassurance and for you to continue to tell him how much you love him. Quite possibly if you have another argument he will throw up the betrayal in your face - you will have to take it because it is true. However, you can only go on apologising for so long before you have had enough. If you are meant to be together then you will know in your heart how you can make him feel secure. I hope that someone can come up with some good, practical ways in which you can prove your fidelity and sorrow. I wish you all the very best and good luck.
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Ok this is mostly for guys to answer...unless girls have good ideas.
Well...my boyfreind(17) is always doing cute things like showing up with my favorite movie, flowers, whatever, doing all these cute romantic things and i always feel bad becuase i never what to do to surprise him.
I not really made of money...so please keep in mind it cant be something to expensive.
Thanks!!! (link)
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How about buying a little notebook and writing down sayings that mean something to both of you. Or even compose a little poem yourself and decorate the page. You could add cartoons and perhaps a photo. What about taping your voice with things he would like to hear and posting it to him secretly? If you are any good at art you could paint a little picture for him with a hidden meaning that only he could decipher. Take him on a walk and surprise him with a little picnic. I hope this has given you some cheap ideas. Good luck.
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Hey, I'm 13/f and I'm concerned about my breasts. When they developed two years ago, they develpoed with lumps. Just one big lump in each, and they hurt badly if anyone hit it by accident. I also have a white discharge coming from my nipple. When I look closely, it looks like skin. Can a 13 year old have breast cancer? Since only moderators can rate, I can't. Atleast not yet. (link)
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At 13 your breasts are still developing and it is normal to have lumps and tenderness. However, I suggest you ask your Mum to make you an appointment with a doctor to check out the discharge. It is highly unusual for a 13 year old to get breast cancer, but only a doctor can completely rule it out. I wish you all the very best and hope that you can have your mind put at rest very quickly.
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Ive been with this guy for a few months over a year now. We have our ups and downs, but lately i dont feel a connection. We will probably get it back and im not too worried. I have problems getting over past boyfriends. I still have feelings for them long after we break up. I have managed to get over all of them but one. And my feelings are building. He was my first serious relationship. We broke up because i didnt feel i was ready for it. However now i am much more comfortable with sex and that and i think we could really make it work. (im 15, my boyfriend is 17, and my ex is 14) Last night i told my ex i missed him and we remminissed about are time together. He asked me out, saying i didnt seem too happy with my current boyfriend. Which i guess is true. I was thinking about telling my boyfriend i wanted to break up for a couple months or so. Just to get some space and if we got back together we would appreciate eachother more. I feel we take eachother for granted. I would make it clear that we could see other people because im not going to make him be single for that long and its up to him if he has another realtionship. I have already suggested this and he said it was up to me and we are talking properly tonight. I would then say yes to my ex so we could try and make things work and if i couldnt then i would probably finally be able to get over him and no it really wasnt meant to be. I need some input. Am i being mean? What do you guys think i should do? Thanks xxxx (link)
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It sounds to me like you are in a very confused state. You are still too young to be having sex (it is illegal at your age) and your ex is even younger. Obviously it is none of my business you are having sex but I believe it is not making life easy for you. You have to be honest with your two guy friends and equally be honest with yourself. You have many years in which to find the right man and shouldn't be too hung up on making it right with either of these guys. Breaking up and making up with these boyfriends constantly leaves everyone feeling confused, including yourself. If you honestly believe you can make it work with the ex then you have to let your current guy go - don't keep him holding on with a "lets see if I can make a go with my ex" situation "and if it doesn't I'll take you back".
You need to see how this is feeling from their point of view as well. You may be undecided in which one you like the most, but how do think they are feeling when you keep dangling yourself out and then hesitating? Maybe it would be a good idea to take some time out from both of these guys and have a good time being single. There is no rush to have a permanent boyfriend and you might definitely appreciate the one you decide to be with more. I know you probably wanted to hear different things but just taking time out to weigh up your options can make things easier. I wish you all the very best.
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I just got my finger web pierced (between my thumb and index finger)
Does anybody know what the healing time is and what is best to clean it with? I completely forgot what the piercer said. I know not to use alcohol or peroxide but does bedadine work? or sea salt dissolved in warm water? (link)
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The average healing time is about six weeks, but because your hands are constantly in use with various chemicals and elements, it may take a little longer. To clean the piercing I suggest you use a saline solution (salt water). Wear a pair of rubber gloves when you wash up and if possible wear some latex gloves doing such activities as gardening. Betadine can also work but saline is easier and cheaper. Good luck.
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This summer my aunt asked me to come by her for a few weeks in my vacation. I really want to go cause 1. they have a new house and 2. I haven't been on a vacation in 3 years.
However my mum told me she's coming back with me on the return trip. This i don't mind but she told my mum she's going to share the jewelry, etc when she comes. My grandma had a stroke and she's alive still. My uncle and aunt had a huge arguement a few months back and I really don't want them to quarel because anything to do with my grandma's my uncle will be angry for.
Did i mention I have to keys for the jewelry...so that's what I'm scared of also...I really don't know if I should go or not? If you were in my position wuld u go for the hollidays and hw wuld u convince my aunt not to do anything to my grandma's things?
Beggin for help!!!! (link)
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I am a little puzzled with the information because I can't understand too well what you are saying. Do you have keys to her jewellery box? If you do she has entrusted you look after her things. Does anyone else have a key? Is it possible to ask your Grandma what she wants to happen with her things? Has she written a will? How many of your family are expecting to inherit things? Talk to your Mum about how wills are set out and how best to act in your Grandmas best interests before you decide whether to go to your Aunts. You haven't said how old you are so I am guessing you are still quite young, and this is quite a responsibility. I think you need to get some answers first before any decision is made. I wish you the very best of luck.
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Theres this girl I like. She looks really sexy but I don't know how to ask her out. What the hell do I do? I need help. Is there anyway I can make it easy on myself?. Thanks alot. (link)
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If you are really shy perhaps writing her a little note would help break the ice. If that sounds too hard try asking her a question about a film, or a book you might like to read. Maybe you could ask her if she would like to go for a coffee sometime. Good luck.
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When ever me and my boyfriend have sex he is never able to get me to orgasm. When we are doing it I really don't feel anything, just the movement of him. But it doesn't make me orgasm. What can I do to become (i guess you could say) more sensitive, so that he would be able to make me orgasm?
Thank you. (link)
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A lot of ladies do not experience orgasm through penetration at all. Your boyfriend needs to spend more time pleasuring you externally for instance on the clitoris with his fingers. (Try doing this for yourself to begin with and then you could show him what you like) You could also buy a vibrator that the two of you could use on your clitoris (but always make sure it is clean before every use). You both sound young and inexperienced so practice will make it better. It is also quite possible that being young, and perhaps a little afraid of your parents finding out, you may not be able to relax enough to let go. Experimentation will help you both to work out ways to make it a very pleasant experience. Good luck.
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