A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Last Update: April 13, 2014
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i'm really interested in criminalogy and working for the FBI or being like an investigator and stuff but i was wondering isn't it like almost impossible to get in?:/ thats like a dream of mine. is there anything i can do with a degree in crimanalogy that isn't teaching or a police? i don't want to do anything dangerous really i just like to investigate and figure out crimes. (link)
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I remember quite a while back I read a long series on applying to the FBI. If you google "FBI jobs" they've got somewhere you can actually apply. I'm sure there's plenty of information there that could let you know what exactly they're looking for in an applicant.
I will say that the one thing I remember is the screening descriptions. They will interview people who've known you for years, your family, etc etc. They check every set of known records they can get their hands on (and being the FBI, that's alot) and they run an extensive drug screen.
They get tons of applicants yearly. In addition to standing out in the positives a clean past is pretty much a prerequisite.
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I am a 26 year old black male and I've been married for almost 2 years. My wife has 3 kids. I love our children but I don't have any biological children and we can't have kids together because she has had an hysterectomy. I take care of my house hole, wife and kids. My wife is a stay home mom. She gets every thing she wants and need. All I want is a biological child. We can't afford a surrogate mother and last night she told me that I can sleep with another woman so I can have a child. What should I do and where can I find a woman just for that reason? (link)
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Since they killed the erotic services section of Craigslist I really don't know where to send you.
I will say that having a kid with some random woman could easily be handing her 18 years of child support payments or a joint custody arrangement when she attaches and doesn't want to let go.
What the hell is going on in your marriage that you feel the need to knock something up and your wife says you should just knock up someone else? This is not normal rational behavior or thinking.
I'm married. I'm your age. My wife and I are waiting until school ends, and we're both more than capable. It's not easy, but that's what adults do. They wait, when waiting, saving, and planning are better than doing something really fucking stupid so you can feel like a father because hormones say it's time.
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I been dating this girl for about 4 months now and we've been having sex all the time. I'm 22 and she told me she just turned 18 when we hooked up at first. Last night she stayed at my house and was like she needed to tell me something and told me she's really 15. I dont know what to do because that's illegal and I dont want to be put in jail for this. I'm getting paranoid she's going to tell her folks and her parents are going to press charges since she's underage / a minor. What do I do? (link)
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I'd suggest getting a lawyer. There's a pretty significant possibility that you'll need one soon.
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*Answers from sexually active and experienced individuals would benefit greatly!!
I had condoms stashed in my closet for my boyfriend and me. There were two sets of two that were connected to each other. The first time we used them (August 25th), I broke off one from the other. When I saw where I stashed them to make sure everything was okay and nothing was touching them, I saw that the other condom that the one we used was attached to was ripped a little on the top. The wrapper was square obviously and on one side it was opened on half of the side. It stayed in my closet laying (cool, dry place, etc.). We used it tonight (September 1st). He opened it from another side carefully and the right way and I remembered afterwards that one of the sides of the wrapper had been ripped. He came inside of me. We pulled out carefully as we always do and the fluids were on the top of the condom in that little area that is loose as they should be. I asked him afterwards out of being nervous anyway if guys could tell if it broke and he said yes (he is 22 and experienced and I am 20, not so experienced). He goes to the bathroom and takes it off and wraps it up to throw away. But I guess you can't see if there is a little hole, only a break? Would the rip have caused a hole or anything? The cum packed up in the condom area on top of the penis because I remember looking at it after. It was white on the tip and all kept up in there. I read online that a rip n the condom can cause the condom lubricant to dry and cause breakage but would we have seen that? There seemed to be good lubricant and it was a spermicidal lubricant condom from Trojan by the way. I am extremely nervous. We just had sex tonight and he will check the wrapper tomorrow. We will get the morning after pill immediately if we fear anything. If it helps, I'm due for my period September 13th and today is the 1st. (link)
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The below is absolutely not true. Many condom rips can be small tears, condoms do not tear all the way every time they get a rip in them.
I'd get the pill, just to be safe. If your period is due in less than two weeks you'll be ovulating sometime soon. And semen can survive up to seven days.
Get spermicide. They sell multiple types in the condom aisle. 2nd line of protection in case of condom breakage. Get on birth control, at 20 and sexually active you should have already looked into hormonal contraceptives.
Next time, if the condom package is ripped toss it. They're not that expensive.
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18, Female.
This is SO weird, but I'm not complaining :) Just curious.
I've only been fingered twice, nothing else has been in my vagina. Well I get wet really easily, and it's a lot. The first time I had sex, I was SO scared it was going to hurt and it didn't hurt ONE BIT, NOTHING. I was shocked, is this normal? I'm scared if I do it again or something it's going to hurt, but I don't know if it will since it didn't the first time??
And, the guy I had sex with didn't believe I was a virgin. Long story, no I don't regret having sex with him we're friends. But what I'm asking is ..is this a good or bad thing? He knew I was before, told him to be careful with me and he said he would but I know he still didn't believe me. After we had sex and were laying in bed, I said you took my virginity you know that? I was a virgin. He smiled and looked at me and said "No you weren't ;)"
I don't know if I was loose or something, or if I was just good at it? Haha I was wondering, why he still didn't think I was a virgin before I had sex with him. What do you guys think? (link)
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Not everyone experiences pain when losing their virginity. Specifically, it's entirely common for women who make it as far as 18 to have broken their hymen before sex ever happens. Close friend of mine was into horses, and she broke her hymen when she was 13 on a particularly rough ride. Things like that happen. Sometimes you just have less hymen than other girls and there's not much to tear.
Seriously though, even if it hurts the pain is momentary and generally goes away pretty quickly. Every woman who's ever had sex has risked it and come out fine one way or another, it's nothing to get yourself worked up over.
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What exactly happens if you have sex during your period? Is there a chance you can get pregnant? Also, dont guys thing its gross for having sex while your bleeding? I would like girl and guy replies please(: its urgent. (link)
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Yeah, it's honestly kind of gross. I'm a guy, and my wife and I refrain during that time of the month. Mutual decision.
Pregnancy is still possible during your period, because until it's over you don't know that the egg has been flushed. Usually once your period is over you're past the fertile time, but every woman is different and there are a ton of factors that can affect whether or not there's still an egg waiting and it can be fertilized and implant.
Guys who are used to regular sex (like me in a young marriage) won't miss it during the monthly break too much. Teenagers who treat every session of sex like something that may never come again might be a bit more flexible.
If you want to suggest it, just be prepared to not be offended by an "Ummm, no" response.
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i got my wisdom teeth out on monday the 23 and i got my stiches out yesterday the 30th. is it okay if i can smoke weed now? does anyone know because i heard you cant after you get your wisdom teeth out because of blood clots? (link)
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In addition to what Peeps said (all of which is true) you should also be aware that smoke itself is somewhat rough on tissue just from inhaling it, before it's absorbed by the lungs. Fresh wounds means smoking anything, including cigarettes, can irritate or otherwise hurt the healing tissue.
Stay away from all smokeables, probably for the four weeks Peeps said (I don't know exactly what that timetable would be myself, so I'll go with his answer)
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14/f
I am wondering how i can get birth control without my family knowing. Also obviously I can not drive yet. I want birth control for two reasons, one to reduce my period because I have to change a super tampon every 2-1/2 hours and also, if I might want to lose my virginity at some point. I just wanna be extra safe against stds and pregnancy. can you please help me? Its urgent. (link)
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I agree with the below. A super every 2.5 hours is absolutely ridiculous, and a perfect justification for what you want.
Planned parenthood is a second option, but your mother should be easier to convince than you think. The trick here is to be dismissive of the sex idea. If she brings it up "Mom, I'm not having sex, I have no plans to have sex, sex isn't what we're talking about, so if you want to bring it up later you can but for right now we're talking about dealing with my absolutely horrid period."
Just redirect conversation back to your justification and stress "Every 2.5 HOURS!" every chance you get. Tell her how embarrassing it is to feel like you either have to run out of class or bleed a little bit because your body is grouchy one week a month.
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So I was going to finally get help on my depression. I was looking up my doctor's phone number online when a familiar site showed up again. Each doctor has their own page and people post comments and rate their doctor on various things.
There's only one good comment of course and 6 bad ones about him and look at the most recent one:
I found the man arrogant, opinionated and judgmental. I went to him for help with depression over a 2 year period and felt worse about myself than I ever did. It turns out he misdiagnosed me and had me on medication that I was barely able to get through each day. When I said anything he didn't like to hear he had temper tantrums that scared the hell out of me. Calls himself a Christian ... churches are full of people like him .... denial isn't just a river in Egypt!
And I know that I shouldn’t make judgments based on comment on the internet because angry people probably go on searching for places to type these things and the happy people maybe are outside doing other things, but still!
And this comment was posted one month ago in July! And it's true, he does have a temper! I'm not going anywhere near the church stuff because that's a crazy subject to discuss and has nothing to do with medical care as of now. But I always get advice that if my doctor isn't good and isn't helping you, go to another one. Well, I'm not allowed. That’s the first thing he yelled at us for when we went to the walk-in-clinic while he was on vacation and couldn’t wait for him to come back! What do I do? And should I even call him now? (link)
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Find a new doctor, then go speak to a lawyer.
Misdiagnosis and the treatment you've received break the Hippocratic Oath to Do No Harm. As in every profession there are good and bad doctors. Find a new doctor, and speak to a lawyer about a malpractice suit. You very well could have a case, and if you do you should pursue it.
Your doctor has no control over who you see. Your insurance company does, so you should speak to them about changing physicians. Do this _after_ you speak to an attorney if you choose to do so.
Ninjaneer is correct in that a family doctor has no business diagnosing depression and medicating you for it, he should have referred you to a specialist (like a counselor or psychiatrist) instead of attempting to keep the billing for himself.
I want you to add up in your head the money you've paid him to diagnose and treat this issue. I want you to think about what you've paid for medicine. These are damages. The emotional rigors of having depression and being given the wrong medication for a year are damages. In legal terms, this asshole deserves a lawsuit, because that's the only way you have to try to impact his ability to do something else.
Speak to a lawyer asap. I don't usually advocate stuff like this, but medical malpractice suits exist for a reason, and your situation is a perfect example of that reason.
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Iv been with my common law wife for 6 years and we had a good sex life up untill the last past year and now no sex no cuddling no nothing and its driving me crazzy I asked her what was wrong she told me it hurts for her to have sex yet she won't go see a doctor .so now I think about having sex with someone eles but not haven't done that yet .I love her to death but without sex I cannot do .I'm very high sex drivven think about it all the time but with her it just doesn't happen and I won't go on withou it .I don't consider myself selfish but I do have needs to be filled .so what do I do in this situation I have no clue but its making me deppresed and angery at the same time and masterbation is getting old its not the same as beeing close to that specal someone .but what do I do if I cheat that's not good either and don't realy want to do that and throw away 6 years of what we have together (link)
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You need relationship counseling.
My wife had a similar issue brought on by birth control. The hormones killed her sex drive and made her sensitive to the point that sex was often painful and unenjoyable. Finding alternate forms of birth control which removed the high doses of artificial hormones fixed our problem, and our sex life has flourished again.
There are many things including diet, exercise, sleep, medications, stress, etc which can have this effect on someone.
But you are not wrong in desiring intimacy. Especially for those of us with high sex drives, a lack of sexual intimacy is destructive to daily peace of mind and to the relationship itself. It is a psychological fact that men use sex as a way to open up and be vulnerable, and that the loss of sexual intimacy is damaging to our ability to connect to those we choose to date and be with.
You need to sit her down. You need to tell her that the lack of sexual intimacy has caused you to disconnect emotionally from her to the point that you know that the relationship cannot and will not continue as is. Bring up counseling, tell her that you want to be with her, but you know that the time has come for outside input into the relationship and for her to see a doctor.
If she refuses, try a few more times. If she won't go to counseling, you've got your answer, and it's time for a divorce, because you will not be happy in this relationship.
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I am going for another job interview tomorrow. I was laid off last month and things got tough so I had to come back and stay with my mom until I can get another job. Anyway, I had my outfit laid out and asked my mom what she thought of it. She said it looked very professional for the job and that I'd look great. Then she said I should take my nail polish off before the interview to look more serious about the job. My nail polish is pink right now. Is it inappropriate to have painted nails with nailpolish when showing up for an interview? (link)
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Clear nail polish is never, ever unprofessional. Just do your nails that day with something colorless, than revert when the interview is done.
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I am 13, and sexually active. DONT tell me off, becuase its MY life. I do use condoms, and I have only had sex with my current boyfriend, whom i have no intention of breaking up with. We love eachother very much, have a very healthy relationship (my mom agrees!), and sex was a wanted mutual agreement. I would like to tell my mom, because she thinks I tell her everything, but she says she would sign custody of me over to my strict Aunt if I lost my virginity (she would like me to wait until im married!!). She also says that its my life and one way or another, im going to do what I want, i just have to deal with the consequences, one of which being the Aunt issue (technically, thats saying i DONT have a choice). I dont know what I should do, because 1) I feel like I should tell her (but dont think i can) 2) I would like birth control but 3) I dont want to lose my boyfriend... Any advice?? (link)
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For birth control, go to planned parenthood's website and look up the closest office. Regardless of other opinions, it might well be possible for you to get affordable birth control through them and you should check that out asap, because a broken condom will screw up your life.
In the mean time, use spermicide in addition to condoms. VCF (vaginal contraceptive film) is sold in the same aisle as condoms. Use both, and if a condom breaks you've got a second line of defense.
As to the rest...
Your mother has issued ultimatums. I cannot in good conscience advise you to confide in her when she's threatened to send you away for a choice you would not take back and do not regret. There is no compromise to be had there that I can see, and having no other perspective on the situation I have to trust your judgement that the Aunt situation is likely.
I have some experience with parents who send their kids away to "stricter" relatives. In every case I have personally encountered, such actions have bordered on or fit the description of child abuse. Your mother will likely not see it that way, or will not care.
Stay safe. Use two forms of birth control at all all times if at all possible. Visit planned parenthood. When you visit planned parenthood, see if there is some counseling available, because while your mother is not stepping up into the role I do think that at 13 you need a mature adult whom you can bounce your life off of and get feedback whom you know and who has a chance to get to know you. Perhaps another family member would be an option, just make sure you pick one who's past college.
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If you give head to a guy at a party while your boyfriend is not there does that mean you cheated on your boyfriend? Yeah, the guy was really hot but it's not like we had sex or anything. I didn't even let him finger me! My boyfriend is really pissed and won't talk to me now but I really can't see his reasoning or point of view. I've done this a few times before but I haven't told him about it and regret telling him this time. Do you think giving a blow job is REALLY cheating? I mean, come on...it's like...kissing...sort of...I don't see a problem. (link)
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There are very, very few people in the world who would not consider oral sex cheating.
You can cheat emotionally without ever touching someone. Blowjobs are intimate, there are plenty of women who will more quickly have sex than give oral because of the intimacy and trust implied by the act.
Giving out free oral to a hot guy shows a lack of self control and loyalty, as well as a lack of respect for your boyfriend and the relationship you share.
Cheating isn't what you think it is, cheating is what your partner thinks it is, and what you agree on. Since there's no agreement he is firmly in the right and you're entirely in the wrong.
He has every right to not want to risk getting herpes or something similar because you went to a party and blew someone.
It's nothing like kissing, relationships are not built on lies and "I think it's ok but he doesn't so I won't tell him" and if/when he finds out that you've not told him all you did I'd not be surprised if he never spoke to you again. Then again, from what you've said it may have already reached that point.
Worse, your complete lack of realization that you crossed a ton of lines and betrayed his trust is going to drive him more insane.
You regret telling him, not doing it. I hope you actually expressed that to him, so he can leave you and you can hopefully learn a lesson that cheating is not something you get to define for yourself and keep a relationship even when you do things your partner is not willing to accept.
And blowing random "hot" guys at a party is, quite frankly, slutty. It shows that you don't respect yourself any more than you respect your boyfriend.
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I'm a chick that feels like I was placed in the wrong body (I'm 15). At school it bothers me when I'm called by my real name and gender, but I don't know what to tell people because it would most likely be awkward for them (I'm also the quiet one). It obvious because of how I dress and act. I just don't know what to do. What should I do in this situation? (link)
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I was in agreement with adviceman right up until the point where he posted "Gender Identity Disorder" from webMD.
Everyone is a little bit different, and while most people feel natural in the gender roles and persona they were born with, it's not universal. Transgender people very much exist and many people have feelings which they cannot deny or suppress similar to yours which must be dealt with in some way.
What I can tell you, is that right now at 15 is not the point in time to assert yourself in this way in your life.
You're 15 years old. There are more important things for you to accomplish and learn than your sexual identity right now. And I know that you've got puberty and hormones to fight with making you feel as if you do in fact have to address it right this very second.
Don't.
You will have plenty of time when you reach adulthood to establish yourself as a person, to feel your way through this. The best suggestion right now is counseling of some kind. Preferably with a focus on teaching you coping skills for handling stress and relaxing yourself and making yourself happy with all the other aspects of your life.
There are many people who will tell you that there is something wrong with you.
Flat out, that's not their judgment to make. It's yours. But at 15, making such judgments are difficult. Between the lack of life experience, the hormones and irrationality of puberty, and the things you have to accomplish, I would not in any way suggest that trying to assert yourself in the world is a good thing right now.
Teens are finicky. Teachers kinda have rules about what they can and can't do. Instead of pushing those boundaries, table this for a later time and focus on the rest of your life. Come back to it when you're more of an adult, more capable of running your own life and more confident in your own abilities to determine what you want and where you want to go.
If you try to handle this now, it'll likely be a far, far rockier road than it has to be.
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Hi, I am 18f and I have a boyfriend the same age. He has one type of music that is his favorite, which is metal... and so that is all he listens to. My dilemma is that I don't really like metal (I can listen to it, but I don't care for it) and the music I listen to (pop,rock,country,almost anything but metal ironically), he doesn't really like. How can we make it so that we both like eachothers kind of music so that we are both happy in a vehicle or at a party? I would really love for him to listen to some of my music that has good lyrics, soul, and a catchy beat rather than head banging stuff all the time, you know? Cuz I believe we could connect on another level if we have music that sets the mood for both of us (hard to have a romatic setting with metal music). I do know that if you play your music alot, the other person may eventually like it too... but any other ideas would be appreciated, thanks!
(link)
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Personally I'd break up with him, anyone who picks one specific genre of music to hold above all others as the "best" and will only enjoy that type of music has no taste or sense. Plus like half of what comprises Metal isn't even passably decent music and the only decent metal in the last five years came from Cartoon Network.
You can't change an idiot, but you can hope he grows out of it. Have fun waiting for him to grow up and hoping, cause not everyone does.
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alright i am a 16 year old girl turning 17 next month going into my senior year, i feel like everyone in my grade has had sex, i feel a lot of girls feel so nonchalant about it all. I have had a boyfriend and i personally don't think i am ugly, i have never had sex before and i haven't met the right guy i feel i could do that with but i feel kind of insecure i feel that i should of had sex already considering im almost going to college i feel kind of like a loser i don't know i just wanna hear your thoughts on this & what i should do? please no hateful comments :) (link)
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Once you've had sex, you will never regret all the times you didn't have it. Only people who treat sex like a numbers game and count every missed opportunity as a missed "score" regret it.
Also, more people lie about not being virgins than you think.
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my lower left quadrant hurts very badly and i lost my voice. i think that i might have mono because some girls on my cheering squad has it, and my best guy friend had sex with someone who two days later caught deadly mono, and he was all over me and did not mention til later that he might be carrying mono. but i did not kiss him or sip off of his cup, yes he breathed on me, and so did one of the cheerleaders that has it. i'm scared that i have it and school is starting up tomorrow and i don't want to be absent the first few weeks of school. when i was little, my twin sister had mono and so did my older sister and i shared a roo with my twin and i still never got it. do you think i am immuned to it? or do you think i caught it when i was little and showed no symptoms? is the pain in my left quadrant all in my head? my throat kinda hurt too, but not badlyyyyyy. i haven't got a fever; i don't think. and people who have mono, do they feel their spleen enlarge or ache? my sister said that she didn't. do you think i am okay? I also have bad anxiety. and go see the dr's isn't an excuse for right now, because my dr isn't working this week.. sorry... EASY 5 POINTS! love you and thanks, any answer will help me please. (link)
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Get to a hospital. Mono isn't something to screw with, if you have it you need to know so you can start working on it and quarrantine yourself from others so they don't get it.
If you have medical insurance get to a hospital asap. If you don't, talk to family and figure out how to get you to see a doctor. Today, if possible.
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22/f. Not that any of you can read my mind, but any kind of insight would be wonderful. I apologize for the length here, but I need help.
Okay.
When I was 18, my boyfriend at the time had just broken up with me. He had been emotionally abusive, and quite good at convincing me that I was unattractive. Even so, as the vicious cycle goes, I thought I loved him. So these friends of mine said, "You're hot, who cares what he says? Let's do a photoshoot and we'll show you, and you can show him what he's throwing away."
So we did. But, uh, it got carried away, pretty much, and turned kind of pornographic. Like, straight up shots of my *ahem*, and things...I didn't even remember it getting that carried away. I was depressed at the time, and I swear I wasn't even mentally present.
A couple of years later, I did yet ANOTHER nude shoot, modeling for a guy friend of mine. We did more artistic shots, but a couple of them were kinda raunchy. I thought I was doing him a favor, modeling for him so he could work on his portfolio, and I thought it'd be fun to see myself looking hot. It never occurred to me that he was just trying to see me naked, but that's what my current boyfriend says.
Now I'm 22, I've found the man with whom I envision myself having a future, and we're ridiculously happy and in love, but he is absolutely HORRIFIED and disgusted by these indiscretions. He finds them immoral, and he gets panicky when he thinks of my naked pictures being out there. I do, too, don't get me wrong...but the first pair of friends let me search every computer in their house (they're a couple; they live together) and delete ALL pictures of me. My guy was mad at me for not getting copies of them before I deleted them, because he wanted to know what he was dealing with...and he has a right to know, it's true. I just wanted them gone, you know? Even so, my guy's convinced they have copies of them hidden somewhere.
Anyway, I digress.
My boyfriend wants SO BADLY to understand what the hell I was thinking. Why the draw? Why did I want these people to see me naked? Why the hell did I let them KEEP the pictures? Why was I so open about my body and sexuality when I'm really very self-conscious and shy about it?
It drives him crazy to hear me say I don't know, but I really don't! I don't know why I did those things, and I hate myself for doing them. It's disgusting and slutty, and...just...UGH!!
Anyone have any ideas? ANY insight? Any thoughts? Comments? Something?
Thanks for your help...:'( (link)
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Ahahaha and you bought it.
He's pissed off that he didn't get to see them. I'm not even kidding. He's got a territorial issue with the fact that "his girl" got naked around "other guys" even if it was before he ever got with you, but "I want to know what I'm dealing with" really means "I want to see the pictures of the more sexual less restrained you that someone else got to see and I haven't".
Trust me. I'm a guy, and we're all pervs. Every single fucking one of us. He's mad he didn't get to see the pictures.
You did something stupid. Yeah, people do stupid stuff. You said you were depressed? Depressed people can very, very easily behave irrationally.
You wanted to feel good. You wanted to feel sexy and desirable. Having nude shots taken seemed like an easy way to do it. Do you have any idea how common it is for girls around your age to allow a few nudes to be taken by some random friend that they regret? We've got "sexting crisis" in the news because underagers are even doing it with their camera phones.
He has no right to be disgusted and you really have no business. It's something you did in the past, it's something you wouldn't choose to do again, but that doesn't make it "disgusting" it just makes it a mistake.
You're going to have to accept this. You've labeled yourself "shy and not sexually open" but clearly your actual personality and the degree to which you're self conscious are not in sync. Basically, you stepped out of the self conscious shoes for a second and just said fuck it.
All in all, when judgment is used, that's not a bad thing. But depression and abuse removed your judgment and trying to help a photographer friend is not something that's disgusting, immoral, etc.
Your boyfriend is a mite controlling here. He's trying to convince you that your decisions were bad because he's uncomfortable with them. If you're uncomfortable about them, that's one thing. He really should not get a say in the matter, considering that it's past and you obviously have no desire to repeat.
I've had nude shots taken (abeit, ones that didn't show my dick) for the purpose of art. I was part of a photography major's senior project, and I'd guess probably about five hundred people saw me naked.
That's not a bad thing. The human body is natural, it's beautiful, and it's natural both to want to see and to want to show.
We've been taught that it's immoral, it's not. That's just the trappings of religion which has spent 2 millennia demonizing sex and sexuality so that people feel guilty for natural urges.
You need to stop with the self hate. Somehow I think that your boyfriend has generated these feelings in you, that you've only felt slutty since he found out and took issue, that you've only felt depraved since the guy you love felt threatened.
That's a problem. I feel like rather than deciding how you want to feel about it yourself you're letting the guy you care about make that decision for you. You need to stop taking everyone else's opinions as your own and stop hating yourself for young stupidity and errors in judgement that happened when you were in a compromised state of mind.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to feel beautiful after some jackass spends time trying to break you down and convince you you aren't. You made decisions, now decide to live with them, forgive yourself, and move on.
If your boyfriend keeps pressing the issue, tell him to drop it. If he doesn't, drop him. You're 22, there are plenty of other guys out there who will encourage your sexuality and encourage you to explore it in healthy ways for _you_ rather than tell you you're disgusting.
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I'm 20/f, my boyfriend is 18. We've been together for 3 years. We've had our ups and downs, but we've always worked out. Basically, he's done a lot of crap to me that I just put up with.Anyway, I found out that he cheated on me a couple of weeks ago. (He had sex with another girl;I don't know her) And now I can't figure out what to do. I know it seems obvious..I have always said I would dump somebody in a minnesota minute if they cheated on me, but I never expected this. Like I said, we've been together for 3 years. He is the only guy I've ever slept with, and I love him.
But I keep going back and forth about what to do, because I still love him and want to be with him, but at the same time, I can't get over him betraying me like that. All I can think about is how he was intimate with someone else, and it's driving me insane!
Plus, I don't trust a word he says now. I found out on my own about him cheating, and he denied,denied,denied until I finally drug it out of him cause he knew I knew. So now even if he just says he's going to walmart my mind starts spinning..
anyway, advice please!
is 'once a cheater,always a cheater' true?
should I even be trying to work this out?
help! (link)
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It's not about being a cheater. It's about the fact that up until this you've eaten every bit of shit and still loved him for it. Even if he doesn't cheat again (he will if the thinks he can get away with it) he's going to be a douchebag who treats you like shit and lies even when caught.
There is only one solution. Walk. Now.
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Im a 18/m who has or had a 18/f. She recently told me about 2 things she had lied to me about. What they are doesnt matter, what does is that we could have worked past them. So after she told me these things i broke up with her, because she had already started telling me that she loves me.
This is my second serious relationship and thats why im asking this question. Can someone love you and still lie to you about fairly big things? She is perfect for me, she loves me more than i love myself, and i always saw her as the most caring loving person that i've met. So the reason i broke up with her is that she tells me that she loves me and i always thought that when you love someone you don't lie to them like that. I love her too and i would never lie to her. And that can be because i've been lied to in the past over and over again by the same girl who i loved.
Those are my questions and i'd like the people who answer to have more experience than myself, thank you (link)
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What it was really does matter, because there are big issues to you and big issues in general.
It takes two people to make a relationship, and if two women lie to you I'd be asking myself what they lied about and why.
Was it self serving to get away with something? Was she trying to avoid a fight? Lying is a breakdown in communication, and whether you break up or stay together you need to figure out why the breakdown happened in the first place.
From you question I have no idea, but again depending on the lies you could be completely justified in ending it or you could be breaking up with a girl who didn't know how to talk to you about some things/didn't trust you enough to share, which is a problem caused by both people in the relationship.
I really, honestly, feel like if these things were truly big deals you'd have brought them up. I feel like you want confirmation that you made the right decision because you're insecure and the trust has been damaged.
I'm not going to tell you that. You want to know if you made the right decision, be honest and tell your audience what exactly went down. Relationships are not something that can be generalized as much as you're trying, there are always extenuating circumstances, fault on both sides, etc.
The exceptions are abuse and such, where there is no justification, reason, or issue that can be worked out.
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