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(long question(please answer!) My Mothers sex opinion
I am 13, and sexually active. DONT tell me off, becuase its MY life. I do use condoms, and I have only had sex with my current boyfriend, whom i have no intention of breaking up with. We love eachother very much, have a very healthy relationship (my mom agrees!), and sex was a wanted mutual agreement. I would like to tell my mom, because she thinks I tell her everything, but she says she would sign custody of me over to my strict Aunt if I lost my virginity (she would like me to wait until im married!!). She also says that its my life and one way or another, im going to do what I want, i just have to deal with the consequences, one of which being the Aunt issue (technically, thats saying i DONT have a choice). I dont know what I should do, because 1) I feel like I should tell her (but dont think i can) 2) I would like birth control but 3) I dont want to lose my boyfriend... Any advice??
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Every parent wants their children to wait till there married but hiding this from your mother could hurt your relationship with her tell her that you have an ask her notto get mad. Tell her about the precautions you take an ask to be put on birth control.
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I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.
I agree with much of what wittyusernamehere has written. What was not said although you stated you did not want to hear about it was having sex at your age. Based on what you have written I am going to offer some psychology 101 here.
Think about what you have written; in one line you write that your mom thinks you tell her everything which alludes to the two of you having a close relationship. In another line you write that mom will ship you off to a strict Aunt if she finds you are having sex before marriage. This says she does not trust you, is not well nurturing towards you and has made you fearful of confiding in her. This being said is it possible that you are confusing sex with your boyfriend for the love you are not getting from your mother?
At 13 years old you are really way too young to be having full intercourse. You should be movie dating and group dating. This is not your fault; this is your mothers fault for not setting stricter boundaries. Your body is fully capable of having sex, but neither you nor your body is fully mature enough to understand all the feeling and ramifications of intercourse. It’s complicated and I do not expect you to fully understand what I am saying. By having sex now you are also missing out on some of the best parts of teenage life.
In a sense you are an abused child having to live under the threat of being thrown out of your home to live with a strict Aunt. This is a kin to a boy being told to shape up or it off to a Military school. Talk to the people at the Planned Parenthood center about seeing a councilor who could help you. Talk to your school guidance councilor for help. Most importantly think about why you are engaging in sex. Are you substituting sex for the love and affection you do not see yourself getting at home?
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well if i were you i would go to planed parent hood or any free clinic and get birth control from them its free. and personally if you dont want to be sent away and never see your boyfriend again i would not tell your mom. maybe one day when your old.
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For birth control, go to planned parenthood's website and look up the closest office. Regardless of other opinions, it might well be possible for you to get affordable birth control through them and you should check that out asap, because a broken condom will screw up your life.
In the mean time, use spermicide in addition to condoms. VCF (vaginal contraceptive film) is sold in the same aisle as condoms. Use both, and if a condom breaks you've got a second line of defense.
As to the rest...
Your mother has issued ultimatums. I cannot in good conscience advise you to confide in her when she's threatened to send you away for a choice you would not take back and do not regret. There is no compromise to be had there that I can see, and having no other perspective on the situation I have to trust your judgement that the Aunt situation is likely.
I have some experience with parents who send their kids away to "stricter" relatives. In every case I have personally encountered, such actions have bordered on or fit the description of child abuse. Your mother will likely not see it that way, or will not care.
Stay safe. Use two forms of birth control at all all times if at all possible. Visit planned parenthood. When you visit planned parenthood, see if there is some counseling available, because while your mother is not stepping up into the role I do think that at 13 you need a mature adult whom you can bounce your life off of and get feedback whom you know and who has a chance to get to know you. Perhaps another family member would be an option, just make sure you pick one who's past college.
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Well , I think either way if you tell her or not , she will find out , and that is just how life is. I think if your mom really loves you she will not put any custody , BUT she will be dissapointed in you ,and that is normal because no one wants anyone being hurt either way. It is sin , but just do not sell yourself when you are older. I think it is your choice if you want to take birth control or not , either way , you will not use your boyfriend if you guys are being stable and sufficient. My advice to you is please if you think it is right to tell her now , tell her so she knows and she should be satisified that you told her , but you need to know that there will be consequences. I think it is your choice if you want birth control or not. The world is yours.
Good luck girl : )
- Do not let yourself down!
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