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boyfriend cheated
I'm 20/f, my boyfriend is 18. We've been together for 3 years. We've had our ups and downs, but we've always worked out. Basically, he's done a lot of crap to me that I just put up with.Anyway, I found out that he cheated on me a couple of weeks ago. (He had sex with another girl;I don't know her) And now I can't figure out what to do. I know it seems obvious..I have always said I would dump somebody in a minnesota minute if they cheated on me, but I never expected this. Like I said, we've been together for 3 years. He is the only guy I've ever slept with, and I love him.
But I keep going back and forth about what to do, because I still love him and want to be with him, but at the same time, I can't get over him betraying me like that. All I can think about is how he was intimate with someone else, and it's driving me insane!
Plus, I don't trust a word he says now. I found out on my own about him cheating, and he denied,denied,denied until I finally drug it out of him cause he knew I knew. So now even if he just says he's going to walmart my mind starts spinning..
anyway, advice please!
is 'once a cheater,always a cheater' true?
should I even be trying to work this out?
help!
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If you hadn't forced a confession out of him, your boyfriend is highly unlikely to have confessed. On top of that, getting away with something is always motivation to do it again.
Sometimes people do cheat, feel terrible about it and never do it again. We all make mistakes. This doesn't sound like your boyfriend.
Even if you could forgive this guy his betrayal and his lies, as cliche as it is, trust is crucial to a relationship. Once the trust is gone, the relationship collapses. You've admitted yourself that you don't even trust him to go to Walmart so how on Earth is that going to work in the long term?
Of course it's not as easy as just leaving him. Three years is a long time to invest in someone and it's incredibly hard when you realise you've wasted your time. Ultimately, it's your decision as to whether or not you stay with him but you don't deserve to be with someone who treats you like this.
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It's not about being a cheater. It's about the fact that up until this you've eaten every bit of shit and still loved him for it. Even if he doesn't cheat again (he will if the thinks he can get away with it) he's going to be a douchebag who treats you like shit and lies even when caught.
There is only one solution. Walk. Now.
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Not only did he cheat on you, but he repeatedly lied to you. If you had not persisted, he would have gladly let you believe the lie. Making a fool of you.
You know what you need to do.
Think highly enough of yourself to not let yourself
be treated this way.
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well itll be hard to trust him ever agian i mean he didnt tell you he cheated you had to find out on your own so what makes you think that hes going to tell you other things you know and it is hard you wouldnt expect him to do that to you and now that he has you have no clue if you should dump him beacuase he is a liar and cheated on you or stay with him because oh it was one mistake and you love him. is it fair to you that you have to keep thinking that hes going to talk to another girl behind your back thinking hes going to do it again you need a serious talk with him a calm one saying you cheated on me that hurt and not telling me hurt more i want to know what drove you to want to do that to me we have three years of history and i dont know if i can trust you at this point i love you and i want to make this work i need to know if you want it to work and go from there bottom line is if you cant trust someone call it a day take a break maybe thats what you both need to figure out if you want eachother or not.
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You've been with him for a long time, but if he's cheated on you, especially going all the way with someone else, then that means that he's not committed to you, and no wonder you can't trust him anymore. A relationship without commitment and trust is destined for failure. No matter what he says, he cheated on you, and that is WRONG. It's pretty hard to take something like that back - Especially since he lied to you about it until he had no choice but to tell the truth because he knew that you knew.
Has he come to you on his hands and knees begging you for forgiveness? It doesn't sound like it, and even if he did, I think you deserve even more than him begging for your forgiveness. You deserve for him to show you how much he loves you and for him to show you how he wants to be with you and ONLY you. And apparently the way that he shows he loves you is by sleeping with someone else, which means that he's doing a pretty bad job in showing you that he truly loves you and that he's committed to you. If you want this relationship to last, and you said that you do, you will have to work WITH him to work it out. You're going to have to communicate with him, and tell him how you feel about what he did. He's going to need to learn that he needs to earn your trust back if he expects you to be even remotely at peace with your relationship.
I think that the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" can be true or false. It depends on a lot of things - but if he cheated on you, it means that his heart is not with you 100%. It means that he's not committed to his relationship with you. Ask yourself - Is this the kind of relationship that I want? Is this the kind of person I want to spend the rest of my life with, or any more of my life with, for that matter? Do I really want to be with a guy that I don't trust that feels like he can go off and have sex with another girl and think that he can get away with it?
I think you need to end things with him and eventually aspire to find a guy that you CAN trust. I know that it will be one of the most difficult things that you've ever had to do, but remember that respect for yourself comes first. I know that this guy was special to you and that you have a long history with him in your life, but is this relationship with him really worth sacrificing your self respect?
I wish you the best of luck and hope to hear how your situation turns out.
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