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Love and relationships
Im a 18/m who has or had a 18/f. She recently told me about 2 things she had lied to me about. What they are doesnt matter, what does is that we could have worked past them. So after she told me these things i broke up with her, because she had already started telling me that she loves me.
This is my second serious relationship and thats why im asking this question. Can someone love you and still lie to you about fairly big things? She is perfect for me, she loves me more than i love myself, and i always saw her as the most caring loving person that i've met. So the reason i broke up with her is that she tells me that she loves me and i always thought that when you love someone you don't lie to them like that. I love her too and i would never lie to her. And that can be because i've been lied to in the past over and over again by the same girl who i loved.
Those are my questions and i'd like the people who answer to have more experience than myself, thank you
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What it was really does matter, because there are big issues to you and big issues in general.
It takes two people to make a relationship, and if two women lie to you I'd be asking myself what they lied about and why.
Was it self serving to get away with something? Was she trying to avoid a fight? Lying is a breakdown in communication, and whether you break up or stay together you need to figure out why the breakdown happened in the first place.
From you question I have no idea, but again depending on the lies you could be completely justified in ending it or you could be breaking up with a girl who didn't know how to talk to you about some things/didn't trust you enough to share, which is a problem caused by both people in the relationship.
I really, honestly, feel like if these things were truly big deals you'd have brought them up. I feel like you want confirmation that you made the right decision because you're insecure and the trust has been damaged.
I'm not going to tell you that. You want to know if you made the right decision, be honest and tell your audience what exactly went down. Relationships are not something that can be generalized as much as you're trying, there are always extenuating circumstances, fault on both sides, etc.
The exceptions are abuse and such, where there is no justification, reason, or issue that can be worked out.
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Of course someone who loves you can lie to you.
They can also hit you, abuse you and be generally horrid towards you. Does the father who hits his children not love them? Some might not, but many abusive parents love their children very, very much. Their behavoir is just wrong, for reasons that have little to do with love.
A lover who lies to you might be a lousy lover. That makes them people who are horrid at honestly expressing love. But it's unfair to say they are not capable of love or to say they weren't being honest.
Being in love doesn't make us perfect.
We still make mistakes. We still say nasty things. We loose our patience. Sometimes, we do worse and make even bigger mistakes.
If you go through the world thinking that 'true love' will never lie to you, never make a mistake, never betray you in even the smallest ways, never get angry with you, never storm out, never tell you half the truth, never call you names... You will never find lasting love.
Love doesn't make us perfect. It only makes us want to be better.
Of course it's important to have standards for the behavoir of those around us, and some mistakes will and should end relationships. But we also have to have compassion and forgive others, and ourselves, when we fuck up.
I would argue, that by confessing her mistakes to you, she probably did love on some level, because her feelings for you made her take the dangerous step of trying to better herself.
That doesn't mean you have to forgive her, but that does mean she felt enough for you to want to be a better person with you.
Never making mistakes is impossible. Being brave enough to admit them, and try and fix them, is remarkable.
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