Whatever your problem is, chances are I have dealt with it- either directly of indirectly- at some point in my life. I've worked as a Social Worker (with issues like mental illness, addiction, disabilities, eating disorders, etc.)
I've also taught school (to teens!)and have experience mentoring them.
In addition to that, I've lived in 4 different countries, many different cities, and worked jobs in all different fields from Software Sales to Fashion Designer.
This diverse life experience has given me knowledge on a wide variety of topics- which I hope I can put to good use here. :-)
So go ahead- ask away!
PS- I do not judge people or speak to them in a condescending way. However, I will be honest and tell you what you NEED to hear, not what you WANT to hear.
Gender: Female
Location: New York
Age: 34
Member Since: July 15, 2007
Answers: 181
Last Update: June 24, 2009
Visitors: 12810
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DangerNerd
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hello. I know that how i see myself and think of myself is never great. I want to feel better about myself, because i feel like whatever i have on the inside isnt ever good enough. Why do i think like this?? How can i feel more confidant about who i am? Or feel better about myself? You get what i mean right? i think i have low self esteem or low confidence.. and i dont want to look in the mirror anymore and feel this anymore. I want to be a better person. i know that im not ugly, i know that im a pretty girl.. but its whos underneath thats all broken i think and just lost. (link)
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It's hard to say because there can be many reasons for feeling like this. Some reasons include: 1. you have too high standards or too high expectations of yourself 2. You have negative or overly critical people around you and you are internalizing some of what they say. 3. You have a history of physical / mental / emotional abuse. 4. You are just going through a transitional phase and trying to find your place, where you shine.
There are other reasons, but these are some of the most common. Ask yourself if any of these fit you. As I'm sure you know, it usually easier to solve the problem if you know the CAUSE. But you can still help yourself even if you don't know the cause.
One way is to treat yourself as you would someone else. Sometimes we are harder on ourselves then we are on others. What would you tell a friend who wrote you the same post that you're writing here? My guess is that you would be easier on them then you are on yourself. So treat yourself as you do others. In other words, learn to be a friend to YOURSELF.
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Ok heres the thing I am almost eighteen and Im so shy that I can hardly or never have been able to talk to a guy without hittin a beamer basically. This is due to embarrassment for them incase anyone sees them talkin to a girl that looks like me.
To describe me I have a button nose, I am big boned my hair never stays straight long and I hate myself infact the only thing I like about myself is my eyes but guys dont fall for eyes do they?
I know this will prob sound sad to most but I need tips any tips you can give on how to be a little less shy and insecure.
Thanks for any help you can give.
soz its long.
lxx (link)
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see my answer that I just gave for the question above you. same thing works here. =)
If you can't find it contact me.
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how do i act like im over my ex when i see him at school? because i always look down when i see him and stuff so how do i act around my ex boyfriend and how? and im not over him yet and i dont want him to know that im not over him yet please help? (link)
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If you're having problems faking it, then think of someone like in a movie or something that acts the way you want to act and imitate them.
Sometimes it's hard to separate yourself from your feelings, but if you're acting (pretending) to be someone else for a few moments, then you're no longer you, are you? You're someone else!
PS_ I wouldn't recommend this ALL THE TIME, but everyone once in a while, it won't do any harm. And it works!
=)
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do you need a prescription for the morning after pill? (link)
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contact your nearest planned parenthood center.
www.plannedparenthood.org
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My friend is really eager to have sex with her boyfriend, but I am worried that she will get pregnant because she doesn't have any form of birth control (other than condoms, but they don't always work). Her mom would never allow her to get on the pill, so is there some way she could get it without her mother knowing? She is fifteen, if that helps at all. (link)
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www.plannedparenthood.org
find your nearest location or get a referral from them. or look in your phone book if you're afraid to use the net. free or sliding scale. they won't tell parents.
:-)
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I'm not gonna be your average 14 year old girl and ask why my life sucks. I know why. It's my fault I pushed people away and made them mad. I talked shit. That's why he doesn't like me that's why everyone hates. I'm a loser and I know it. I was just gonna ask should I end it all so I won't have to deal? I really need help. I'm not trying anymore. I can't even get an ugly guy to talk to me because I"m ugly and stupid and I basically don't fit in with just about anyone. (link)
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Please go and re-read your post, but pretend that it's a post that someone ELSE wrote.
What would you say to that person?
I think you're being way OVERLY CRITICAL of yourself. And you need to starting caring about yourself or no one else will. How do you do that? Do what I suggested. Read your post and see how awful you are treating yourself. Then maybe you will take some pity on this poor person who's beating herself up and learn to be your own friend. Then other friends will come too.
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Yeah. So I'm over life if I don't get a boyfriend by the time I'm 16 because everyone I know got a boyfriend by the time they were 16. I want to find my true love. i want a guy to stay with me forever not just while we're having sex. Forever! So, am I ever going to find my true love??? or is this just not real. I really need to know.. (link)
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You can't summon love or command it to come or even put a deadline on it, as much as we would all like to at times.
I feel your longing, but the best thing you can do if you really do want love is to focus on being a confidant, happy, person who is pleasant to be around. That's what attracts people more than anything else. Then it will come, I promise.
And don't worry yourself about the forever thing yet, forever at your age is one in a zillion. If you want a serious, loving and committed relationship, then good, but forever is hard to find even for adults who are going through all the transitions people go through at your age.
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What are some ways you can relax yourself from being too stressed out? (link)
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When you really get to the root of the stress you will usually find out that what you're stressed about is not near as big as you built it up to be.
So ask yourself what am I stressed about? And why? What am I afraid will happen? How likely is this to ACTUALLY happen? Keep asking questions like this until you get to the bottom of it. Of course, there are some real reasons to be stressed and some stress is healthy, it's what keeps us going. But if you're OVER stressed then find out why and if all this stress is needed. If you conclude that the world is NOT going to end if this doesn't get done or that doesn't happen, then simply decide not to worry about this or that. Part of de-stressing is making a CONSCIOUS DECISION to do so. Tell yourself (of course, if it's not an urgent matter) 'I refuse to be stressed about this"
If that doesn't work, take a hot bubble bath with candles lit. =)
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why is it that after i masturbate i feel like i am a slut? i hate that feeling. is there anything i can do to not feel like a slut? (link)
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That's because there is and always has been a double standard for women. You would never hear a guy saying that would you?!
No, beause guys are taught from the time they are young that it's normal, even great, for them to have big sex drives and be very sexual beings. Guys talk about masturbating openly, it's accepted everywhere that it's a big part of their life, etc. For girls, it's different. That's why some girls will feel some shame for feeling sexual urges or acting on them.
Things have changed a lot over the years but we women still have a long way to go to be seen on the same level as men without being called names like 'slut' just for doing what's natural.
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if you think your pregnant but you have a period , is their still a possibility ? because everyone is saying you can still have your first period and be pregnant .
what are the symptoms and everything ?
i had my period this month , but it was way shorter than usual . normally it is 7 to 8 days , this time it was 5 . (link)
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you can still have it, even for months, but this is rare. usually if you get your period then you're ok. But you can always take another test just to ease your mind.
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17/f
I was dating my boyfriend for about a year and half when he cheated on me. He didn't just kiss another girl or hang out with her but he had sex with her at a party after we had had a fight. He didn't even tell me and i had to find out from the girl herself. She didn't even know i was hius girlfriend and she asked me to give him his ring back.( the ring was a promise ring we gave to eachother awhile ago) up until this happened i thought i could spend the rest of my life with him. I haven't talked to him since but he is always with my brothers. I just don't know if he went so far that i should throw away everything we had. Where is the line of going to far to be forgiven? Do i just give up and say let's be friends? (link)
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You poor thing, you must really love him a lot if you're even considering forgiving him (especially after the promise ring he gave away). I mean, he might try to deny having sex with her, but the fact that she had the ring says that there was SOMETHING definitely going on.
I'm going to tell you something of what I learned from my girlfriends in college. There were some who let guys get away with a lot of crap and you know what? They then would keep attracting the SAME KIND OF GUY over and over again. Once they stopped respecting themselves and setting limits of what they found acceptable in a relationship then the guys picked up on this and that's all they could attract.
They'd ask me all the time 'how do you always get such good guys and we get jerks?" and I said it's because I make it known from day 1 what's ok and what's not. And they know that if they screw up they are out the door! No ifs, ands or buts! I'ts like once guys think you're easy then they just come to you for sex. Well, this is the same type of thing.
As hard as it is sometimes, you have to SET A STANDARD. If you don't then other people will do it for you.
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I'm so stressed out. School just started and I'm already not understanding any of it. I'm trying to get everything turned in and be all perfect but it's not working out. Does anybody know how to deal with stuff that pisses you off and stresses you out to the point where you don't want to get out of bed and face the day? (link)
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You sound very stressed and maybe even a little depressed. These things affect your concentration, memory and other things.
So no wonder you're having trouble at school!
I also noticed that you mentioned being 'all perfect', could this part of the cause of the stress? Are you putting too high expectations on yourself? Don't aim to be perfect, just aim to be your best. Sometimes if you try TOO hard it ends up backfiring on you! So lighten up a bit, don't be so hard on yourself.
If you're having problems doing this talk to your school counselor. He / she should have some good techniques / suggestions for you.
=)
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How do you learn not to care? Like..I try not to..yet in the end I care about things I really don't want to. How do I let go friends I don't want anymore and make my life hell....I'm really confused. Can someone help me?! (link)
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I've struggled with this before myself so I know how you feel. This answer is not to NOT care at all though. That will just make you a cold, hard, self-centered, and unpleasant person to be around- which I don't think you want to do!
So here's the trick, do things in MODERATION. It's not just a black or white issue, like you care too much or you don't care at all. Find a comfortable middle ground. Set limits! Otherwise you will just burn yourself out.
And second, make sure that you are caring for yourself first. That's #1, then you take care of other people.
Third, these things should be a give and take. It sounds like you're doing much more giving than taking. If your friends don't help you out when you're in need but always call for your help when they need it then that's not a great friendship. It should be a two-way street.
hope this helps. =)
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I just got married a month ago and I'm a virgin. My husband and I have been trying to have sex, but we can't. I think I might have vaginismus, maybe.
What I do know for sure is that I want to have sex, I want to consummate my marriage..I just can't.
we'll be lying together, hugging, kissing, and cuddling and then when it comes to him trying to go in, i tense up. i get really nervous and i can feel my muscles tensing up...but no matter how much i try to relax them i can't. and the idea of it hurting the first time is not helping. and i just need help and suggestions on what i should do.
has anyone else had this problem?? (link)
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Have you tried a sex therapist? There are people who specialize in this (some marriage counselors as well might be able to help).
They could probably give you much more helpful advice then we can since they deal with things like this all the time. They can give you specific pointers on how to relax, what to expect, deal with any fears you may have, etc.
I don't know what your financial situation is or if you have insurance that would cover it, but it's definitely worth looking into.
Meanwhile, do you have any girls close to you that know you well and can talk to at all? Friends? A cool aunt? Cousin?
Wish you the best, sorry that's all I can think of.
=)
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Lately I've just been feeling terrible. I don't even know - lost and miserable and like I can't turn to anyone with any of this. There's nothing really wrong with my life. I just can't stop crying. (link)
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When that happens it's usually one of three things: 1. Depression 2.Hormones 3.Drugs
You didn't give your age, so I don't know if the hormones are coming into play or if you are near your menstral cycle, which can also play a part. I have had some friends that get EXTREMELY depressed around this time and often have crying spells, even for no reason.
If you are not doing any drugs (even prescription meds which can have different effects on different people) then I'm guessing that your problem is either #1 or #2, or a combination of both.
So, now that you know what it most likely is, I suggest going to your family doctor if you can. If not, start with a therapist or school counselor. www.nami.org has a hotline where you can talk to people and get referrals for services related to mental health. They also have a lot of helpful information.
If you're of school age, keep in mind too that everyone is experiencing a lot of anxiety about going back to school and that can play a part too. So it may not be 'clinical depression', it may just be a result of current circumstances- if that's the case, it will get better. You don't necessarily need meds or anything just to get past the circumstances that are causing it.
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so i know this is weird but like what does everything mean...
like i have done 4 hits
i call back door
what are the types of weed and how strong are they?
and how much can i do and wont be considered a pot head.. haha i am a fourteen year old girl by the way. (link)
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There is one thing you should know about pot, this is not a lecture by the way, but you should know what you're getting into.
Pot tody is not anything like it was back in the hippy days of the 60's. It's big business and it's all about making as much dough as possible. So if they get some weak weed they will 'add some extra kick to it' by lacing it with things like rat poision, embalming fluid (which they get through the back door from funeral homes), etc. They can get a BETTER PRICE for stronger weed- so they will add things to it-like poison without giving 2 sh##s what might happen to the person taking it.
I'M NOT BS'ing YOU! I know people that it's happened to. I just think if you're going to do it, you should at least know the truth and the risks you are running. Everyone says 'that wouldn't happpen to me' they say that they've known their supplier a long time and he/she can be trusted, etc. You can't trust that either because the pot changes hands many times before it gets to the buyer. So even if you can trust the supplier, you don't know who had it before them.
So I'm not going to tell you not to do it because that's not my place, but please at least give what I said some thought. I would hate for anything to happen to you at such a young age.
=)
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To start off with, we are a tight knit circle of friends who've known each other for years. Some are single, some are coupled. We regularly get together, have BBQ's, brunches, picnics, etc...A really fun group of folks! We live in a small city (San Francisco) so it's really easy to become a tight knit group of friends.
In a nutshell, a close friend has fallen completely head over heels with Mr. Wonderful. However, Mr. Wonderful really isn't that wonderful. He's managed in one year of them dating to start fights with almost every single one of her friends, he's done jealous and nutty acts, I believe him to be bipolar, he checks her voice messages and emails. He's jealous to the extreme and cocky. He brags and only talks about his money -which I honestly don't believe he even has!
The problem? My friend is crazy in love with this ass. He's fought with all her friends and instead of seeing that there's a pattern, she chalks it up to individual circumstances.
For one year now, I've been gracious and respectful out of support for my friend and her love of this guy. However, I can't stand it anymore! This guy is an extreme jerk. People have stopped inviting her to their parties and social gatherings on account of not wanting her to bring her boyfriend.
A month ago, she realized that he was being kind of a jerk and threatened to break up with him if he doesn't shape up his act. Since then, he's been an absolute angel --but I don't believe it to be sincere. The problem is, nobody especially wants to be-friend him again after all he's done. Just because he's being "nice" all of a sudden, he takes no responsibility of apologizing to anyone. Instead, he just wants to pretend like everything terrible (and I mean, TERRIBLE) that he's done to many individuals in the group, just has never happened.
Now, he's trying to be an angel at social gatherings and just expects people to "like him" all of a sudden. When people shun him or try to not engage with him, he pulls on her heart strings and says "see, your friends are mean and won't talk to me". Frankly, after all he's done, it would take a while to rebuild trust. An apology would be ideal, but we'll NEVER see anything of the sort. He believes he's done no wrong...
How do we all gracefully deal with this? Already, I feel like she's hurt most of her closest friendships by choosing to continue dating this guy. All I can think of is to be supportive but distant with my friend. It's affecting our formerly close friendship (as well as many of her formerly close friendships).
This guy is a master manipulator that really has her suckered! Advice?
(link)
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You know the old saying "love is blind"? From what you describe of your friend and her 'Mr. Wonderful" that seems to be the case.
So what can you do about it? Unfortunately, not much. If your friend is in love with this guy then she will just resent anything negative you have to say about him, putting even more strain on your relationship.
I went through this with one of my friends in college who was one of the best people you could meet but was blind when it came to guys. She ended up staying with this guy that we all DESPISED for nearly four years. They even lived together and had plans for marriage and she refused to listen to any of our warnings that this guy was a jerk. The thing that finally woke her up from her lover's daydream was discovering that she had an STD (from him cheating on her).
If he's physically harming her you can call the police. There's not much you can do otherwise though, I'm sorry to say. I know it's painful to see a friend in a bad situation. Hopefully something will help her to realize that he's not so wonderful after all (and it won't take something serious to teach her that).
I hope for her sake that she is in counseling to help her with making some better choices in her life. But again, you can't force someone to do that either.
You are in a tough spot. Hang in there to the point that you can. My guess is that sooner or later she's going to wake up and see him for who he is- hopefully sooner rather than later.
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i had sex last night and we agreed that he would pull out, but i dont know if he actually did. i was wondering if you would be able to feel it? he wasnt wearing a condom, and im scared that he may not have pulled out. thank you. (link)
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Sometimes you can feel it when they come sometimes not. But please, for your own sake and his, don't let a guy talk you into doing it without a condom- ever. Even if they pull out there's a good chance of getting pregnant.
Guys- especially at this age- can be very convincing, but you have to be strong and stand your ground. Please don't get upset and take this as a lecture, I'm just trying to help. I knew way too many friends in h.s. and college that ended up getting pregnant. OF course, each one thought that it WOULD NEVER HAPPEN TO THEM, but it did.
take care =)
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what are other ways to get pleassure and give pleassure with out him sticking it in ?
- Bre 14/f (link)
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You can masturbate together, either do each other or do yourselves but together. You can practice cumming at the same time. You will also learn about how you each like to be pleasured by watching the other person do it themselves.
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hi, im 14 and a month i haven'tstarted my period so im worried how can i make it come and i lied to my best friend saying i just started it i feel scared she may find out please help and i masturebate with random stuff in the toilet and i think i scratched myself in there when i fingered myself does this affect periods when you atart?
thanks in advance (link)
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clouded-blue is right, as soon as you DO get it, you will wish you hadn't!
As for your friend, no big deal. When a lot of girls first get it it's very sporadic. You might be it once and then not get it again for a few months or more. So don't worry about her finding out. And of course, you could also always just say that you made a mistake and thought you had it. So don't worry about it.
=)
Update:
sporadic means not predictable, as in there is no consistent, reliable pattern. Ex: someone who does side jobs but never knows when they'll get their next job could say that their jobs (and paychecks) are sporadic.
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