freshcutroses's advice column

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Q: does anyone have any tips for shopping at secondhand shops like what kind of neighborhood to aim for, etc?

in my experience, if you go to nicer, and by nicer i mean richer, upper-class neighborhoods, you can somtimes get like realllllly nice stuff. thats if you are heading to like the goodwill or salvation army store. but then there are used clothing stores, and even better, used clothing stores that are selective about what they take. just look in your area's yellow pages for "used-clothing stores" or "vintage stores." thats what i do! (and i consider myself an expert at thrifting, actually! hehe)

Q: I found a lump in the middle of my breasts about a year ago. Since then it has been getting bigger and bigger. I have been to the doctor for it twice, but they kind of blew me off since I get free health care because of low income. I want it removed because it scares me but I don't think the doctor would do it since they pretty much ignore me. Does anyone know how to tell the difference between cysts and tumors or what else it could possibly be? Thanks

you need to get a mammogram. there are places you can get them very affordably or cheap because there are like prevention campaigns that promote yearly mammograms. don't worry, the mammogram people will DEFINATELY take you seriously when they see it.

Q: and bacne scars? how do you get rid of it?

(acne on back)

i second the neutorgena. i tried clean and clear products for a bit. they worked so-so. i switched to neutogena which is pricy but it works well for me. all products work different for everybody though.

yes, the body clenser works well for the acne i have on my shoulders/chest, so i assume it will work well for the stuff on your back.

Q: are you supposed to shave before you have sex?

exuse me bulldog,

but maybe the person who asked this question is a virgin, and about to have sex with her fiance for the first time.

do not lecture her for not being wise about sex. it is a GOOD thing that she dosn't know. you know, the most morally accepted thing to do is only have sex with ONE PERSON your entire life. sorry shes obviously not as experienced as you are.

oh and honey, about your question:
do whatever you like. you can ask your partner, but you should actually do what you want, because its not like the man should have a preference...
asking him what he likes better is like asking him to list off all his previous sexual partners, whether they were shaved or not, what were they on a scale of one to ten. so yeah. he shouldn't have a preference and he shouldn't know the difference.

Q: by accident, i clossed my tabs down and when i opened a new screen they weren't there!! Now i am freaking out....i need them, they made my life more easier. I had this happen before but idk why i can't get it back now.. plzz help!!! i tryed everything, and i will still try anything, i just don't want to hurt my computer!

did you look through your web browsers history?

Q: my hair was probably down to the middle of/almost under my boobs. and it was getting split ends so i went to this really nice haircutting place and they took so much off. it probably has atleast an inch off when i asked for a half. i have really wavy hair & they layered it too, so it looks even more shorter. i hate it when my hairs short.
how much does hair grow in a month!? :(

my friends mom is a hair stylist, and she once told me caucasian hair grows a half inch a month. i dont know what kind of hair type you have though. just google it.

Q: ok. im the one who has the ex bf issues. -lol- but n e ways.....i have a new bf. I like him ALOT, but 2 days after we started goin out, he had to go on spring break early to wisconsin. Im okay with it, but it goes to our situation.lol

Ok. Thursday night, 2 nights after we started goin out,I was bored and asked him, if you could say one thing to me right now, what would it be?" And he said, I can't tell you right now, but you tell me what you would say. I said I would say 3 things. 1) I miss him. Cause it's a longer story. ( we've been friends for a year, and just now started goin out.) Ok. So then he tells me what he'd say. and he said that if he could tell me one thing right now, what would it be? And he said , " I love you". Now realize, I said that we had been friends for a year in the making, so my mouth dropped. ( But in a good way.) Cause I kinda knew he was ganna say that. So then I told him my other 2 things. 2) I was xstatic to be his gf. And 3) I think I love you. He said sweet, then we had to get off the phone. Now I've talked to him since, and he seems like any happy bf would. But he aks like it never happend. And I mean, as the obnoxisious friend Allen, he would be a jerk, and purposlly forget. But as a bf, he's a COMPLETELLY diff. person. and I don't know what he thinks. But was hoping you guys could help me out.-lol- i just think it's cute cause, i've liked this guy for the longest time, and he asked me out. And he likes all the things I do. It's like he's perfect. But in the majority of ways, the " i love you feels right, and i could love him, " but in another way, I don't wanna say it to soon. And I think he's the same way. But if so, then WHY DID HE SAY IT FIRST? -lol-

well, he said "i love you" once, in a very special way. maybe he dosn't want to flood you with "i love yous" all the time, he just wants to do it when it feels right. maybe he'll say it next time you go on a romantic date, but he wont be slipping it out durring every passing period at school. (uhh, i assume you are in highschool?) my point is, just because he said it first, dosn't mean hes going to say it again every time he talks to you. he could just want to say it when he gets the feeling to, which is good. you dont want him saying it all the time if he dosn't feel it.

and the same with you. dont say it if you dont feel it. if you think you love him, tell him that you think you love him. you're lucky; he seems very understanding, and not like hes going to pressure you to respond the same to him when he tells you he loves you.

Q: Hey

Well the thing is im 15/f/uk i have long dark brown hair that sits at like my bra strap on my back. i want it cut but i want to keep it the same length. i am into rock music and my style really resolves around that. my hair is really thick, middle shed and full fringe. i want it to be cut choppy but with my layers not too long. has anyone got any websites/advice/photos that they could show me to give me ideas ??

much love from There.is.a.hole.in.your.logic xx

i have really long thick hair like you, and i just got my bangs cut straight across my forhead. i really like them, and i think you would like them too because i have a rock-music sorta style just like you.

where i got the idea to do it was in the march issue of teen vogue. i dont know if you read it, but in the "view A-Z" section it had "B is for bangs." there were a couple of pictures of really cute styles of bangs and thats what i showed the hairdresser when she cut it.

Q: I'm a 16 year-old girl and my 15 year old (first) boyfriend says that I should change myself COMPLETELY just for him. And when I asked him why he's still with me and why he doesn't go to someone else he says it's because of all the sexual things he wants to do with me. I'm like..wtf..You don't respect me. You want me to change for YOUR sick pleasures...Well, I'm not going to change. It upsets me...because everything I seem to do, he's not happy with. The way I dress, act...He LOVES the way I look. And that's about it.
I'm on the verge of breaking up with him. We've been together for a month and 2 weeks. Do you think I should give him another chance?

what the heck? this is NOT a healthy relationship! he dosn't even respect you as a person! respect for eachother is like the bare minimum you need for something to even be called a relationship. break up asap.

p.s. way to go for insisting not to change. thats really good. lots of girls aren't that strong.

Q: im on the jv squad at my school. for varsity next year i have to have my back handspring and working my back tuck. i currently have my back handspring with a spot, and i can do it by myself on the tumble track (trampoline). i am deciding to discontinue the tumbling classes provided for my squad, and am starting private lessons once a week at a different gym, because i am not learning anything at my current tumbling gym. my question is, which tryouts like 2 or 3 months away, do you HONESTLY think it is possible to get my back handspring and mostly get my back tuck by the time of tryouts? if i work hard, and stuff, like i know everyone is different but..is it even possible?! thanks so much =D

its definately possible to get your backhandspring in 2-3 months.(on a gym floor you want, i assume) in a private lesson, it should take you no time. back tuck could be tricky, but is still definately possible.

if you have your back handspring with a spot, youve really got to get confident and do it without one. thats really one of the hardest things to do. getting rid of a spot is scary, but its what youve gotta do.

also, youve got a huge advantage with a private instructor. work hard and you will be able to get the tuck no problem by tryouts.

Q: *16 female

i've been going out with this one guy for about 5 months now. well hes a virgin and i'm not. we've been close to having sex a few times but he never has a condom. then one day we were talking about doing it and then he kind of chickened out. well i agreed with him we should wait a while. but then i got scared cause all my friends were having sex and they were all saying how they thought they might get pregnant. i didn't want that to happen if me and my boyfriend had sex so i told him i wanted to wait till college or maybe even out of college. and he was more then happy with that decision. but now i want to have sex with him and i've told him that. i want to have sex but i'm scared. he just says okay. i want to have sex with him soo bad. how can i get him in the mood for it again? please help

you are confusing! but thats ok. love is confusing. ok, well, you are scared you are going to get pregnant, but you want to have sex because all your friends are doing it? i dont see any good reason to do it then... and your guy seems not really to care either way. my advice to you is not to do it. i know this sounds crazy, but you're sort of supposed to wait untill you're MARRIED to have sex. yeah, i know, this is a very bizzare concept that most young people like ourselves are not familiar with. yeah, if i were you i wouldnt do it. its not worth getting pregnant.

but ok. if you really MUST do it....
ok, now, i dont have a boyfriend or anything, but if i did, AND i was planning on having sex with him, WHILE IM STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL... you know, while im still completely dependant on my parents to provide me with food, a place to live and various other luxuries like air conditioning and cable television... and i'm PRACTICALLY STILL A CHILD... ok, but if i was planning on you know, doing it, ive already decided i would use "natural family planning." research it. use it. yes it involves looking very carefully at the mucus that comes out of your vag... and measuring the temperature of it.... all very strange but it works.

also one other perspective:
your V-card is gone for good. maybe its easier then, for you to do it again. your man is not in the same situation, honey. he may beleive pre-marital sex is sinful. he may think hes too young. he may be embarrased/self concious of his body/instruments. come on now. be a nice person and consider his feelings instead of just your own.

Q: Alright, so basically my style in clothes sucks. I just wear jeans and sweatshirts all of the time. I really want to change my style into a more fashionable trend I guess. I'm not the kind of person who wears the hollister short skirts and uggs kind of person either so please don't reccomend any kind of those clothes that are skanky. How can I ease into a new style with out just changing really quick, so people don't think that i'm crazy. Also, what are some really good outfits and stuff? Pictures would be nice too! I'm a sophomore in high school (16). Again, I really don't like the preppy, uggs stlye, but not really the grungy types of clothes either. thanks!

jeans are a basic, so they're a good start, but next time you go shopping, switch it up a bit by trying on some super skinnys, or some wide legs. theres not that many types of pants really. or, get a pair of courderoys, khakis, cargo pants, colored denim... oh and dont forget longer skirts try about knee length, (not denim mini skirts, those are boring and unflattering. plus you said you dont like that style.) none of these things are TOO radical, but they'll make the outfit a little more interesting. ok, so slowly you're adding some trendy pants to you're wardrobe... its time to add some tops. woah there. there are TONS of types of tops out there. lets start with some staples. 1) a good sweater. these are warm, comfortable, but look really nice. they are super versitile. wear it with courdorys and flats and its dressed-up and put together. with jeans and tennis shoes, its actually a bit punky. 2) ok. how about trying a blouse or tunic? they're cute and again, even though they seem fancy, can really be dressed down. 3) try a cute tee. a t-shirt with a graphic print of somthing you identify with. i dont mean a shirt you got from playing on a high school sports team. im talking like a fitted tee.

Im with you on the hollister and ugg thing. its gotten so old and has no individuality anymore. one of my favorite stores has become Delias, because they actually have some interesting peices that can jazz up your wardrobe without looking like a preppy conformist.

Q: 13/f

RAWR! I have a big question. Well, first, here's the situation. I'm dating this guy... Here's what we said when he asked me kinda:
Me: So, about that note you gave me after school...
Him: Oh... So? Will you?
Me: Yes.
Him: Really?!
Me: You bet.
Him: Okay! Cool...
Me: So, we're going out now?
Him: Yea...
Me: What do we do?!
Him: *laughs* to tell ya the truth, I don't know how to be a boyfriend...
Me: That's funny because... I don't know how to be a girlfriend.
Him: Wow... This is awkward.
Me: *laughs* Well, let's wing it or ask somebody.
Him: Ask somebody?
Me: Ask somebody to tell us.
Him: Good idea.
Me: Yup. So...
Him: When do I get to see you down? (means naked)
Me: *laughs head off* (it's a joke we say)
Him: What? Is that bad?! *laughs*
Me: Nah, not really...

See? We just don't get it. Don't comment about the perverted stuff because it's funny and I like it. *pouts* So anyway... I would like how do you be a girlfriend and how do you be boyfriend?!
thankies so muchies! :3

p.s no rude comments or I'll be sad. *sniffles* :3

wow! it sounds like you guys are super compatible. you've already made it through your first extremely akward moment, and you were both able to laugh it off like no problem! i say you wing it, because theres no "official" way to be somones girlfriend. hang out with him, get to know him, and do whatever comes naturally to you guys! some people think that "dating" and "boyfriend/girlfriend" are different things, some people think its the same thing. do whatever feels right, and dont worry about the labels.

Q: okay, well i have pretty dark brown hair. not black but dark brown. for some reason i reallllly want to dye it blonde, like not bleach but light yellowy blonde. but i also don't want to spend 45 $ to get it professionally done. i've dyed my hair myself before, but it was just like brown and stuff. for this, should i buy two boxes of the same color and then dye it once one night, and then the next night use the other one and dye it again? or should i just get like a reaalllllly light blonde and hope that it cancells out and comes out not as light? hellllp

When you use hair dye, it baiscly puts a layer of color on top of your hair. But, in order to get your hair lighter, there is no alternitive to using bleach. Any product that makes your hair lighter contains bleach. That said, I think that self-bleaching kits are extremely risky. your hair could turn out a huge variety of colors between your dark brown and the dark blonde you want. Plus, with a bleaching kit, its going to be pretty difficult to get all your hair. the hair on the bottom dosnt have to be as dark as on top, (thats how natural blonds look) but you dont just want one thin layer of blonde on top. I think you should definately not use a beaching kit. They seem to not work more than they do work.

I suggest you get if professionally done, but the problem is, i think that may cost you a bit more than 45 bucks, depending on how long and thick your hair is. Whether you get it done professionally or do it your self, remember that your roots will also grow out and need re-dying, and frequently if you want it to look good. I think a good plan would be to get it done by a professional, then try doing your roots by yourself once they need to be done.

Q: Like I always wondred what goes on in the girls locker room...like i know the guys like are in their boxers and no shirt...but are the girls like freaken in their thongs and training bras?....like i know us guys like wanna be in there when they are getting changed and stuff...but what really happens in "THE GIRLS LOCKER ROOM" (with a voiceover announcer)

haha, really, i think its safe to say that MOST girls dont even wear thongs. like out of 30 girls in a locker room, one or two will be wearing a thong! thats a common misconception that all girls wear thongs all the time. most girls just wear normal undies!

Q: This is just a random question but how do amateur bloggers (when I say amateur I mean people who don't get payed to blog, people who go to school or have a job and just blog on the side..) stay ahead of the curve when it comes to fashion news?

I mean if you're being payed to blog about this stuff, you have contacts and people you can rely on to keep you informed and maybe spill some inside information but what about bloggers that just do it as a hobby? Where do they get their information from before anyone else?

haha, i used to wonder this myself. but then i realized that there are predictable patterns, just like the person below me said. like for instnace, for spring, pastels are always in color. so is nautical themed clothing. i can already predict the spring vogue headlines- it'll be somthing like- "what are the hot new colors for spring? PASTELLS!" well no duh! its spring! you see what im saying? and last year, i told my mom that nauticals were in for spring. she said, "nauticals have been in for spring every year since the 1980s." for winter- of course thick knit sweaters, hats, gloves, boots, always in.

and this patent leather craze lately- leather gloves, boots, bags, whatever- are classics! a leather bag is always fashionable of course! its a fashion staple! leather is a quality material that will always be popular in the upper classes. look at it this way, and you'll never be surprised at new "trends".

Q: Alright...
So there's this guy I saw on myspace he was one of my friends friends and he lives in the same city I do and he looked like a realy cool person so I decided to add him. Well he accepted my friend request and now I want to talk to him. I talked to my friend...he's real and not physcotic either. So I want to snd a message. What should I say. What's a good myspace conversation starter?

16/F

what do you see about him that makes him a "really cool person"? does he do any sports or have similar tastes in music as you? those are always good conversation starters!

Q: I am a girl and i am 13 years old. I am only in 6th grade though because i was held back. Like no one in my class has a boyfriend and its the really spoiled people who do, but i really like this guy and he likes me. BUt hes really shy. Only guys have asked girl out so what do I do? I need advice.

Come on, be the first girl in your grade to be the one to ask the boy out! trust me, everyone will admire you for your courage and individuality! women can ask guys out too!

Q: Are there any songs about loving someone else, when you already are with someone?
Thanks sooo much.

if you are familiar with the beatles music, theres TONS of songs like that!

Q: I loved Vogue's "My Funny Valentine" ensembles. I especially liked this outfit: http://www.teenvogue.com/style/market/feature/2008/01/valentine_20080103?slide=3

Could anyone find me some of the kind of clothes featured in that spread (from any of the sets, not just that one) but for cheaper? I so can't afford $250 sweaters. Thanks. : )

first of all, i totally loved this spread also. the models and clothes were so beautiful. but yeah, look at used-clothing stores. theres not really a "vintage" store in my town, so i go to this used clothing store that is selective about what it takes. it has alot of out-of-style, old people clothes, but i can find awesome basics, like sweaters, like you mentioned, at a good price, and they are somtimes really good quality like wool and cashmere and stuff.

bio

HELLO OUT THERE!
I am...
a lover
an artist
a reader
a nature lover
a learner
a musician
a friend
an activist
a cat owner
a sixteen year old
an observer
a movie-goer
a feminist
a pack-rat
a singer
a song-writer
a girl.

and I'll try my hardest to give you my very best advice.