I am an advice hound. I love to give advice, get advice, read advice columns. I love telling people what to do ; D
Truly, I have a love for people and an honest desire to see every individual excel and succeed in their personal lives, to shed themselves of as many burdens as possible and enjoy this strange and terrible and wonderful gift that is LIFE
Location: Los Angeles
Occupation: advice guru and life coach
Member Since: June 9, 2009
Answers: 900
Last Update: February 5, 2012
Visitors: 32792
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My boyfriend of six months broke up with me, and of course I was upset about it. I'm still upset, but now I'm more angry because he told me he just woke up a few days before school started and decided he didn't love me.
We have a lot of mutual friends and they think I'm wrong for avoiding him right now. I think it's the best choice for me at the moment and maybe in a few more weeks I can stand to look at him without a disgusted look on my face (Seriously, I feel sorry for the next girl who dates him. This is the second time he's dumped a girl for no reason.).
Am I doing the right thing for me, or are my friends right by saying that I need to just throw myself back into the group of mutual friends that he's always with? (link)
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You know what's right for you. If you feel it is too hard for you right now, then that's fine. But just be careful not to let your bitterness toward your ex destroy your other good friendships. Of course you are hurt, but your friends are your friends. They don't want to have to choose between you two, so don't make them. Start out with a few little hangouts here and there. You may find that its not so bad hanging in the same circles as him as you thought it would be.
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I'm 16 and I've never been kissed. I'm in an all girls school, looking for a way to get a bf??
All my class have had bfs apart from me and two others.
What do I do????!!
Whats a normal age to start kissing???!! (link)
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I didn't even have a boyfriend until I was 19. I know it seems weird, but its fine. Trust me, you'll have plenty of opportunities in the very near future. Be patient and try not to compare yourself to other people. No one else can walk your journey except for you.
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I am afraid to tell my mom the truth about me not doing my home work I am scared. Help!!! (link)
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It may not be as bad as you think. But the longer you wait the worse her reaction will be. I can tell you that it will also be much worse if she finds out on her own. telling her yourself may help soften the blow a little for her. Summon up some courage and find her during a calm time and just tell her. Be sure to let her know that you know it was wrong and you want to do better. Us moms like to hear that kind of stuff! I know its so hard to admit when you mess up, but its those times that make us stronger and help us grow. I hope your mom will be able to see that you are growing into a mature person who is brave enough to admit when they are wrong. good luck!
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I am 42 and been married three years to a 57 year old man!My concern is this i gound a jump drive laying on floor put it into my computer and it had 57,000 pics of naked women and porn clips!Is this normal behavior or is he obssessed?Most were young girls about 20,he is very conservitive with me so this really surprised and hurt me at the same time!He also goes on this nude hikes!I dint really have a problem with some porn but i am hurt that this is what he does when im not around!As he has been married three times before and discusses sexual past at times also!Im having a hard time even looking at him,he doesnt know i even have jump drive as i havnt decided what to do!
(link)
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No. A little surfing the porn sites and magazines is a normal. 57,000 views is not normal. Let me say that again...it is not normal. What else would you do 57,000 times that wouldn't make you think you had a problem? Would you worry if he took 57,000 drinks in that time? 57,000 cigarettes? 57,000 times cutting himself? 57,000 visits to the ice cream shop? Anything! Just think about that. You married a man that has three previous marriages. That should have been a red flag right away that he has issues maintaining intimate relationships. Porn addiction is a very real problem (google it if you don't believe me). It affects many men, many many men, so your husband is not alone in that sense. Go to marriage therapy/counseling right away. There is a deeper problem here and you need to have a safe place where you can explore that problem together. His addiction to porn isn't about having a "sexual appetite", it is much more serious than that. If you want your marriage to survive, you both need to find help right away. Before you worry about the price, keep in mind that a divorce is much more expensive. If he won't go with you, go by yourself. You need to figure out how to handle the situation, how you got there in the first place, and what to do next. You need help to that. Good luck.
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Hey, I'm 23/f. Current guy (Jeff) is also 23.
So, way long story short, I left an abusive man with my life, most of my health, and my cat, back in October. I've gotten all sorts of help, including a therapist, a psychiatrist, and an incredible support system that includes my immediate family, all of my close friends, and my work family. I've even blogged about what happened and have started trying to use my experience to help other people. Basically, everything positive. (Except working out - I need to get back to that.)
Now I've reconnected with an old friend from high school (Jeff), and he's kind of an incredible guy. We've been seeing each other - no titles (no pressure) for awhile, and have known each other for years. We got a little carried away last night and got into some "heavy petting," you might say. At some point, and I don't remember what point precisely, I wound up in tears.
He stopped immediately and started apologizing over and over again, and I kept saying "it's okay, it's not you, you didn't do anything wrong," and I meant it.
This is my first time getting physically intimate with another man since leaving the abusive one back in October. I know it's normal to be a little apprehensive, but - really? This long?
Jeff has been really understanding. I even avoided him for a good four months after the first couple times we saw each other, and he just kept messaging me - eventually I started messaging back again, and I'm so glad I did. I really like him...I'm just terrified I'm going to push him away, or cause him to run away, with all this baggage. What guy wants to deal with a girl who cries every time they try to get intimate?
I'm not this weak, vulnerable person, and I'm disgusted with myself right now.
More than anything, I'm angry that I feel like my ex is still ruining my life, even while he's not in it.
But, I'm not sure I can blame it on him. I'm scared, and that's the reality of it.
A friend told me it's normal for my body to remember that intimacy = my ex, but how do I disassociate the two? Just keep going with tears rolling down my cheeks? That doesn't sound right. Do I stop and succumb to the fear? That doesn't sound right either.
Does anyone have any idea what to do in a situation like this? Any suggestions would be much appreciated.
Thanks. (link)
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You need to take this to your therapist. You need some reassurance. It hasn't even been a year yet. YOu may feel that is long enough, but really, it isn't that long at all. I'm sure you've done a lot of work with your therapist about what got you to that terrible low point in the first place. It most certainly did not happen overnight. Recovery will not happen overnight either. Give yourself permission to feel a little confused over it all and try to remind yourself that you are in a process. Definitely go see your therapist, even if its just for an extra one or two sessions. You need a bit of extra help to navigate through this. One day it will all seem normal but for now, you are healing. The scars are gonna itch for a while. That's just the way it goes. Good luck.
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I start college in 2 days and I've been doing a lot of thinking.. I really want to change my attitude. High school wasn't great for me because I am really shy and I didn't have many friends. I really want to change that for college. I'll be a freshman in college and I am a little nervous but kind of excited too. How do I change from being the shy girl to becoming more outgoing and meeting new people and making new friends? I have difficulty starting a conversation with strangers, and I also have difficulty becoming friends with someone. It just seems awkward whenever I ask for their number and ask to hang out.. and if I ever do hang out with them, it just seems so awkward. Please help! (link)
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You are going to find it a lot easier to make friends in college than you did in high school. There will a more diverse group of people and you'll find more people that you have things in common with. Try not to stress about it much in the beginning. Don't worry about changing or fitting in, just think about adjusting to the new life and learning the ins and outs of college life. You'll just meet people naturally along the way. But if after a few weeks you still find it difficult to meet friends, start looking at a club or clubs to join. Whatever your interests are. Find a group and join. I always think that's a great way to meet people because you'll already have a common interest, so its easier to connect and talk with people. Do as much as you can. Get out there. Don't stay at home on the computer. Go to events, concerts, performances, groups, whatever is happening on campus. As you become more comfortable in front of strangers, they will become more comfortable around you, and someone else is bound to break the ice eventually. you are going to be fine. I know it. There's nothing wrong with being shy. But don't hide your light. You have things about you that other people need, and vice versa. Have fun and good luck!
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(i think i lost the first post) maybe he led me on but i liked the feeling because i am super conservative 33 yr old girl and now i fell inlove with him... do guys tell the truth? should i trust him or my gut feeling because i feel that i love him more than i do and i find it unfair.i thik he still sees other girls but he denies it.
so many mixed signals and i have committment and trust issues. how do i know what do i like? or do i just like the feeling of being in love ...? will this relationship go anywhere or am i just hanging on to the feeling? so confused! (link)
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It really depends on the guy. You certainly do sound confused. I think your best and most sane option is to talk to a friend you trust who knows the both of you. Tell your friend how you're feeling, what your concerns are, and explain it just like you did here. Perhaps a trustworthy friend who knows you both can give you a better, more honest perspective on where you stand with him and what kind of guy he is - if you are being crazy or if your instincts are right. The key is to let it be someone you trust. And then don't ignore what they say just because it may be something you don't want to hear. Good luck.
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well I'm in college now I'm almost 22 and my teacher is 28.he is really shy and very gentle.well he used to be my teacher for 2 semesters.now im still at the university studying but I won't be seeing him anymore cause I don't have any classes with him.I only have 1 semester left to finish college.This guy never gives his phone number to his students but after the semester ended I wrote him a message and told him that i have bought him a gift as a thank you.he gave me his phone number and when i called him he invited me to his own office (he works at a company)so i met him there.we talked I know that he was a little stressed out because the books fell down of his hands.but when i was leaving he said that give me a call sometime.that's it.I was thinking maybe i could tell him that i like him.I don't know how he would respond.i really need help i wanna know if I should tell about my feelings or not!help me please!! (link)
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You don't have anymore classes with him and you are almost finished with school. Go for it! Call him and tell him since you are finished with his classes you were wondering if it is finally appropriate for the two of you to go out together sometime. See what he says. You'll never know if you don't try. Good luck.
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I don't usually tell people I'm a christian because I don't go to church, I tend to swear a lot, I end up doing things I don't want to do like lie. I accepted God into my life when I was 4, I pray as much as I can or remember to, but I'm scared the He would see me as a hypocrite or something that He doesn't approve of and I wouldn't go to heaven and be with Him. Not just that I feel bad so much because I feel I've let my loved ones down and I don't know how to forgive myself, and I just feel like I messed up my life, and I don't know how to change. I'm scared to cry in front of others because I don't want to burden them. I'm just so scared. I don't know how to change and I pray things will get better. I always wanted to be the person people looked up to and loved but I'm the opposite and I can't help people I need God, I need help, I hurt so bad I don't know what to do (link)
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The wonderful thing about God is that you don't have to be perfect before you come to Him. As a matter of fact, He loves it when we come to Him, mess and all and just ask for love and forgiveness. God doesn't see you as a hypocrite. You're just like the rest of us... a sinner and a human being, looking for love and acceptance. He accepts you just as you are, flaws and all... EVEN the cussing! LOL. Its not what you fail at, its what's in your heart that you are judged on. Its good that you pray. God wants to hear from you, but you need to be sure you can hear from God too. He speaks to us in many ways - through prayer time, sermons, Scripture, and other people. If you want to be different, start surrounding yourself with people who seem to live the way you want to live. Find a church you feel comfortable in (if you don't have one already) and start going regularly. Read your Bible - there's actually a LOT of encouraging stuff in there. If you need a little help with reading, go to Biblegateway . com They have free reading plans and studies and you can even get your daily reading passages emailed to you. I use it. I'm really lazy about reading my Bible, so it helps me a lot to stay on track. Don't worry about your eternal soul. When you said 'yes' to God He put your name in the book of Life. That's a done deal. Worry about your life here on earth, and what you can do to make it better for yourself and others. I have a feeling you are going to be somebody whom others can look up very soon, simply by being honest about who you are, and Who you love. You are going to be fine, I promise. But get connected! YOu need other people around you to help you grow. God doesn't tell us to be alone, He commands us to fellowship and share with others, so don't be afraid. Reach out. I promise it won't be as bad as you fear.
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im falling for a boy but i think to him our relationship is all about sex should i tell him that i want a relationship? (link)
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Gosh, why would he think that? Could it be because it really is all about sex? If you don't want him to think that, stop having sex with him... until you know you are in an actual relationship, just the two of you. Easy.
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Well, I'm 14 and I'm not really sure how to go about this so please bear with me. My mom is thinking about getting an abortion. For awhile she was really sick so we went to the hospital and found out that she's pregnant with twin. I was SHOCKED but happy nonetheless. I already love those two as much as I love my little brother (he's one). I honestly thought my mom was happy too but I guess not because she dropped the bomb today that she was thinking about abortion. Now, my mom has A LOT of medical issues going on, most of which I don't even really know. However I do know that she has fibromyalgia (a type of arthiritis) and she had to have surgery on her stomach more than once :\ Both of her pregnancies (mine and my brother's) were high risk, but we came out pretty healthy (despite our asthma). She's no longer with the man that gave birth to my brother. But she's got me, and the rest of our family for emotional support. So, I guess what I'm trying to ask is: how can I get her to say no to abortion? Thanks :) (link)
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I think its really important for your mom to know how you feel about this. You must understand that you can't make her do anything, she'll have to make the decision herself. But you can tell her how you feel and that her decision will affect you and your brother also. She'll be dealing with a lot of emotional issues from an abortion and that won't be good for your family either. Write her a letter if you feel it will help you express your feelings easier. But just be honest. You seem like an excellent child and sibling and your mom is lucky to have you, and she'll be just as blessed (even though it will be hard) with her new children as well. good luck.
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I'm not racist by any means, but the area we live in is very much a white place. My daughter, 18, has begun to see a young man who I believe is in his early 20's. He seem's nice enough, he works and treats her well but he is an immigrant from the Caribbean, and we all have heard the stories about these types of men, I don't mind her being friends with him but I think she should not be seeing him on an intimate level, how can I tell her to not be with him without her resenting me? I am currently the only person she has told within the family about their relationship and if others find out I'm afraid they will disown her. (link)
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You can't. If you do anything of the sort it will only result in her being more determined to stay with him. Swallow your pride and your prejudices and support her for as long as she needs it. If your racial biases turn out to be true, she'll need her family for support. If they turn out to be untrue, you'll have learned an important lesson in life and also will have made a new friend from a different culture. You say he seems nice and treats her well and works. All you have to go on is what you know of him so far... and so far it all sounds good. I know its hard to change, but maybe this is a good time in your life to take this as an opportunity to learn something. Don't brush the guy off just because of his race. I know you say you're not racist, but I'm afraid that is actually the very definition of racism. If you don't want to be a racist, sit back and let this one go. Observe, support, but do you best not to judge. Try to look at him more as an individual than a representative of an entire race of people. Whatever happens after that, you'll always have the luxury of knowing you gave the guy a fair shake.
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ok, my mom has been totally addicted to facebook for about 2 or 3 years now. at first, she only went on a few times a day, but before i knew it, it became an addiction. she used to go on facebook on the computer, but ever since she got a blackberry, she goes on facebook on there. once my dad tried to tell her that she was becoming too addicted and that she was tearing apart the family relationship, she completely flipped and cried and screamed and cursed... so that was the last time anything was said about her addiction. it still really bothers me though. i cant talk to her about it cuz anytime i try to talk to her about someting i dont like, it ends up with either her pullingmy hair and screaming in my face and/or her cursing me out. so talking about it is out of he question. i need help on what to do. please. she doesnt do anything with me or my sister anymore. she just tells us to shut up and go away and make our own fun. and she always complains about how we are ungrateful brats cuz she gets us stuff all the time. honestly, i just want her love and company. she just doesnt get that. when i try to talk to her about it, she just calls me a whiny, overreacting b***h. hate it. i just hate it. please help me. thanks in advance. kisses! (link)
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Wow. It sounds to me like your mom's real problem isn't Facebook. It sounds like she is depressed. Facebook is just a distraction, an escape. Clearly her behavior is hurting your family and she is not thinking rationally anymore. I think this is something that you and your sister and dad need to sit down together and talk about. You need to tell each other what you've seen and how your mom has changed. Then you need to come up with a plan to confront her, as a family, and ask her to get help. Maybe if you all sit down as a team and explain how her behavior has affected all of you, she will realize that its not just people complaining - she is hurting her family. She needs to see a doctor and find out what is wrong and how she can change it. The doctor is the right place to start. Also, I know you're not saying she's a drug addict or anything, but watch the show "Intervention", you can find it online if you want. Its about families meeting to try to force addicted family members to get help. Your mom might not be addicted to anything besides Facebook, but she does have a problem and she needs help. That show may give you ideas of how to approach her, and you may even see things you recognize in her situation. Sit down with the family and watch.
Good luck. This is an awful situation, but if your mother can get help, it can work out.
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I honestly feel like my step brother has hooked up a hidden camera in my room. His friends will come over and they have this name that they call me, and i'm pretty sure it involves what I do in the privacy of my room. I have looked up how to detect a hidden camera but I don't even know where to begin looking. Like the internet says they can be hidden in tvs and vcrs but how the heck are you supposed to open a vcr or tv to find a camera? I want to confront my mom about it but she'll just think im crazy, and she'll ask me why I think theres a hidden camera in my room and I really dont want to explain the meaning behind their joke.. What do I do? How do I know if theres a camera in my room? I mean, the internet also says "look for any red or green dots" well my tv has a red light on it but it came like that and so does my dvd player, and dvr. Please someone help. I am at a loss and I just want to get to the end of this and find out if there really is a camera in my room. Oh and how long does it take to even hook up a hidden camera? (link)
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Can you look in HIS room? Because he must have something that he is watching it on/getting the feed on. If possible, can u check his computer while he's out one day? See if you find some video of you on there. Also look places that would have a good angle to see you from, imagine you are looking down into the room. What's the best angle to see the whole room from? Look in stuffed animals, in between books, on shelves. Is anything moved in there? Anything look different. Even if you can't find it you really do need to tell your mother. I know it will be embarrassing - perhaps you can think of a lie to cover the REAL reason for the name - but if your stepbrother has a camera in there, that's kind of scary and really gross. And he's showing friends? That is such dangerous behavior. People get arrested for that kind of stuff. If you are underage it counts as child pornography, and I don't need to tell you that is really, really dangerous. You have to tell someone. Your privacy is being violated. You can't feel safe or respected in your own home. I know its hard, but tell someone, anyone, even if its not your mom first. Tell a trusted adult. Maybe they can go with you to approach your mom. She'll take you more seriously if she sees you were worried enough to talk to someone. This is a terrible situation. You don't deserve this. Oh, also, try taking the tv & vcr out of your room for a while, see what happens. If stepbrother asks too many questions, you can be sure it was in there. But if he did it once, he'll do it again, so really you do have to tell someone.
Sorry, I meant to add that hidden cameras are super cheap and easy to come by these days, so you are not crazy for wondering. I found some "spy pens" w/ cameras online for $40. Here's the link to check it out http://www.lightinthebox.com/c/spy-pen-cameras_2550
don't second guess yourself. Trust your instincts.
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18/f
My boyfriend is soo focused on school and work right now, he admitted the fact that he doesn't think about me as much. Only about school, work, and medicine. Especially since he's been so stressed out... He also seems to take me for granted since he sometimes gets annoyed at everything I do or whatnot. How can I have him gain his feelings back and have him relax whenever he's around me?? (link)
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You can't make him do anything. Did some one "make" you like your boyfriend? feelings come and go and you can't control how somebody else feels. What you can do is ask him if he wants to continue this relationship. You need to feel confident that he still wants you as his girlfriend. If he does, great... it means its just a stressful time and you just need to give him some space while he deals with what's on his plate. If he doesn't want a girlfriend right now, it will hurt, but you don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you anyway. whatever the case, you need to know what the deal is. You deserve that much, so ask.
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Hi,
I am a 17 year old girl.
I am entering college in the fall, where I will be commuting because due to my ocd, I am unable to live on a college campus.
However, I am therefore, stuck living with my abusive, single parent father.
I have no other family or connections in the state.
I already have to pay for college on my own, and I don't know how I can afford to live on my own with that other huge expense.
It is truly my dream to escape my verbally abusive and neglectful father.
However, I don't want to end up in a shelter or foster care.
I feel like a failure.
I can't make it on my own.
His abuse is really getting to me.
It has made me depressed, anxious and it has even made me contemplate suicide numerous times.
I don't know if I should report him to CPS because I don't want to get him in trouble.
I just don't know how I can put up with this life any longer..
(link)
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do you have family elsewhere? Is it possible to move out of state with them? The thing you need to concentrate on is getting out. Then you can worry about school. If you have the opportunity to move out with other family members, take it. Work on getting a job and saving for college. I don't get this idea,anyway, that parents are supposed to pay for college. I paid my own way through college by working and saving and working all through my college years. It wasn't easy, but I did it. So its possible. But if you can't go right away, that might be the sacrifice you need to make to get out of that house. What good is an education if you're so miserable you can't take advantage of it? Another option is to do some research about getting on Medicaid after you turn 18. I'm not sure how bad your OCD is, but you may be eligible for some type of disability payments, which could help you with rent or a place to live. Look into it. You are going to have to make some hard decsions, no matter what you decide to do. Your solution may not be perfect, but its better than staying in that situation one moment longer than you have to. good luck.
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I've been going up and down with psychological problems. I have an eating disorder, which is more than likely endos. But lately, I've been restricting for the past 2 weeks, basically fasting on water, and purging the bits I eat on days I choose to. So my mind's been a bit foggy. I'm trying to fix that, but what has been bothering me lately is. I can't seem to make any sense of the reason I'm doing this. I just know apart from wanting to be thin, it's not so I can be a pretty thin girl, but to try to look like a thin boy? It really makes me feel stupid and crazy. I'm not sure what my sexuality is and I don't really care. I just wish I was or at least looked like a boy. But it's a specific type of boy. You know, those scrawny, tall, dorky, cute looking boys. I don't really know what I'm asking. I'm sorry, but it's starting to really agitate me. I see myself and I try to change but fall back, why do I wish to look like that. I think I'm just psychotic. (link)
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You are dealing with a lot. Its quite obvious from this letter that your mind is foggy, but I give you credit for reaching out. You need to see a professional right away. You admit it, you are not in any condition to understand what's happening or what you need to do to fix it. Start with your doctor. Make an appointment, lie about why if anyone asks an you don't want to tell. Just get there. When you tell your doctor what you said here, he/she will be able to help you with the next steps. What you're doing is dangerous. You seem to recognize that, so that's good. But there's no way you'll be able to figure this out alone. Go find help. Do it now before you do permanent damage to yourself. I promise, you'll never regret reaching out for help. Summon the strength and get to the doctor right away. Good luck.
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im 15 years old and last year on thanksgiving my family got together and my 56 year old aunt brought her bf who is 26 and every family thing he is always there with my aunt and i hang around with them because i think they are really cool. Anyways I know that he's been in jail a lot of times and he has tattoos all over his body and I know he smokes weed. He txts me and he recently told me he broke up with my aunt and that he really likes me. I really like him but it kinda scares me. He said he wants to have sex with me but i told him im only 15 and he says he will wait until i turn 18 to do anything...He knows where i live but I don't wanna stop talking to him cuz i like him. (My mom and dad have told me to stay away from him but I can't help it...They know he has txted me before but I told them we stopped txting) Everytime he txts me i get this nervous feeling in my stomach...i just dont know what to do cuz i dont wanna stop talking to him...I can't say goodbye to him... (link)
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Do you know what he's been in jail for? Look him up on the internet - sex offender's registry. I bet he pops up. You're playing a dangerous game. It may feel good and special right now, but trust me, it will spiral out of control with a quickness, and end in heartache, physical trouble or pregnancy for you and more jail time for him.
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How can I feel less jealous of my husband and have more fun?
I'm 34 and love my husband. I work 7AM-4PM. My husband works as a clerk at a store from 11AM to 7PM. We have two kids, ages 3yrs and 6 months. Our kids go to a babysitter from 9AM to 4:30PM.
I am constantly jealous of my husband. He uses the 9AM-11AM period of his day to have independent fun. And he gets to socialize all day with his friends and have a pretty casual job.
I love my kids, but taking care of them by myself after work has taxed me all day is a challenge. Taking them with me to socialize or run errands is difficult. (link)
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Oh girl! You have just spoken the words every young mother thinks at some point! You are not crazy. Of course it seems quite uneven right now. You feel your husband gets more "free time", and as a mother, "free time" is the Holy Grail. First thing's first - you are not horrible for thinking this way! It is very common. I've been a mom for 10 years now, so I'll just give you my take on it.
-Try not to think of your husband's job in terms of him getting to "have more fun than you"; when you start to feel resentful, remind yourself that you are grateful your husband and partner can make money at a job he doesn't hate going to. Would you feel better if he hated it?Probably not, and chances are he would make life around the house a lot worse if he did hate his job.
-Two hours alone in the morning is nice, but keep in mind he's working into the evening, and he probably doesn't look at it as "fun time", more like personal time to run errands, get things done or just relax before work.
Understandably you are stressed. Work plus 2 small kids is enough to beat even the best mother. But you can take steps to help yourself right now. This is the time in your marriage where you and your husband need to sit down and have an honest conversation about the issues that come with being parents. Tell him how you are feeling. Do this at a time of peace, maybe when kids are in bed or napping. The point is, don't fight about it. This is simply a talk. Write down your points if it will help keep you calm and rational. Try to see if you and he can find a way to build in some "alone time" for you into the schedule. I have a fitness class I attend during the week and I also participate in a Mom's club which meets bi-monthly (MOPS if you are interested;they're International, just look it up) and is a great place to vent and relax with other moms, and we also plan once a month girl's night out. My husband knows these things are important for me to keep my sanity. He doesn't mind adjusting his social schedule to make sure he is here to care for the kids because he knows I feel happier and more rested when I do it. So find something for yourself, and then (and here's the hard part) DO IT. Don't let the guilt of leaving home overwhelm you. In the end you'll find its better for everyone.
Also, talk to him about what he can do to help you with the kids in the evenings and on weekends. He's a guy. Chances are he isn't being mean, he just really doesn't know what needs to be done, and what he can do. If you need him to help more at bedtime or meal time, let him know. If you would like to do more errands w/o the kids, work out a time when he's home from work where you can do your errands in peace, even if it means a late night trip to the grocery store. When you start discussing your frustrations calmly and rationaly I think you'll be surprised at what he is actually willing to do.
Look, the truth is that at this point in your kids' lives they ARE more dependent on you. That's just how it is, so yes, you will be doing more for them than daddy. The good news is that it is only for a season. As they get older he will be able to do more with them and for them and you will find you have more freedom. I promise. Don't forget that you are partners, not enemies. Treat him as your partner. You can get through this together, and the more you work together, the more memories you'll make. Good luck.
Oh yeah, find a babysitter and schedule some date nights. You're not the free and young singles anymore. You have to make time for romance, as unromantic as that sounds. Once a month, every other month, whatever... I promise, it will make a huge difference.
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what if you are having second thoughts about getting married. (link)
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Then postpone the wedding until you are sure. Its easier to cancel a wedding than get a divorce.
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