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abusive family..need to move out
Hi,
I am a 17 year old girl.
I am entering college in the fall, where I will be commuting because due to my ocd, I am unable to live on a college campus.
However, I am therefore, stuck living with my abusive, single parent father.
I have no other family or connections in the state.
I already have to pay for college on my own, and I don't know how I can afford to live on my own with that other huge expense.
It is truly my dream to escape my verbally abusive and neglectful father.
However, I don't want to end up in a shelter or foster care.
I feel like a failure.
I can't make it on my own.
His abuse is really getting to me.
It has made me depressed, anxious and it has even made me contemplate suicide numerous times.
I don't know if I should report him to CPS because I don't want to get him in trouble.
I just don't know how I can put up with this life any longer..
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Part of your OCD (maybe all of it) is no doubt due to the abuse, which often creates a kind of perfectionism in people. So I hear where you're coming from.
If you do anything rash your dad will have won the battle. He is a loser and losers love to take people down with them. So stay strong.
The only thing you can do is just act bored by his act. When he starts going off, just go, "yeah yeah yeah dad, I know, i suck. Anything else? Because I have studying to do." If he starts accusing you of anything, just answer, "look dad, say what you want, but I really have more important things to do than listen to your ravings."
You also have to realize that your father is mentally ill and not take anything he says to heart. In other words, consider the source.
If he strikes you, though, he needs to go to prison.
Anyway, I worked my way through college. Yeah, it took longer than usual, but it can be done. So get a job, find a roommate, take however many classes you can ably handle at a time and get on with your life. Good luck. It sucks you have to put up with such dire circumstances. You didn't deserve it.
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I want to tell you first off, that you are not alone in this. And you can get help.I know all to well about verbal abuse. My mom married a man for 11 years who destroyed my self esteem so i thought. He would call me fat and relentless other names that he would know trigger right at my heart, at 10 years old you have no way of knowing how to cope with that. Because of him i had an eating disorder and tons of other crap. I thought that in the end taking my life was the only way to get out of this hell hole. But then i realized i would give him the satisfaction he wanted, yeah he may not have admitted it but i know all he wanted was for me not to be in the picture and everything would be perfect. But you see you cant, you just cant let your dad win. You have to be strong, i know you can. There is so much mess in this thing we call life. But you can only come out of this as a better person. There is a happy ending to my story, my mom divorced him not to long ago and we live in a nice little happy home. Me my mom and my sister. All i did was pray, thats what you have to do. Pray to god. And the kind of bible you need to go out and buy is called "True Images" in it has tons of stories with girls going through the same stuff. You wil love it and trust me it will help you. Also a great thing to do is if your not in church is to join one and become in a small group or youth something like that to help you and be there for you. You need to talk to someone, before you become more suffocated.Just dont give up hope ok. Heres some quotes on being strong for you to remember and look back on.
"Being silent isnt being strong, its being a victim."
You must do the things you think you cannot do.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.
- Joseph Campbell
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
- Marianne Williamson
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If you have family out of state I would try to contact them explaining your situation and see if they can make living arrangement's. If this is not possible then I would try looking in the paper for a room mate. I'm not sure how bad the OCD is but I do know that there are places out there that will provide medications to help with you cope. If you do not have medical insurance you can try to find a place that would be willing to put you on a sliding scale so you can make little payments as you go. One places that offers this service is Thunder Mist, You can google to see if they have one in your location. If it can wait, I would put college on hold until you are in a better situation. YOU come first, If you aren't in a healthy place then you shouldn't go to school at this time.
1, Find a center that will put you on a sliding scale
You stated that you have to pay for your schooling, I'm assuming that you have some sort of income. I would try filing for low income housing and see if you qualify, If this isn't an option you could try to see if anyone would be willing to rent out a room too you. If you file for the low income housing you can also apply for food stamps until you are steady on your feet. Once you get out of your environment and are steady then you can look into going to school.
When you do, Try and see if you can apply for a grant or financial aide to help with schooling. Where there's a will, There's a way but you need to put yourself first.
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do you have family elsewhere? Is it possible to move out of state with them? The thing you need to concentrate on is getting out. Then you can worry about school. If you have the opportunity to move out with other family members, take it. Work on getting a job and saving for college. I don't get this idea,anyway, that parents are supposed to pay for college. I paid my own way through college by working and saving and working all through my college years. It wasn't easy, but I did it. So its possible. But if you can't go right away, that might be the sacrifice you need to make to get out of that house. What good is an education if you're so miserable you can't take advantage of it? Another option is to do some research about getting on Medicaid after you turn 18. I'm not sure how bad your OCD is, but you may be eligible for some type of disability payments, which could help you with rent or a place to live. Look into it. You are going to have to make some hard decsions, no matter what you decide to do. Your solution may not be perfect, but its better than staying in that situation one moment longer than you have to. good luck.
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