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Allooooo~ well to start off...I go by as Dennise and giving advice is what I'm here to do and I plan to provide whatever assistance I can offer to the best of my abilities. I've had my share of ups-and-downs (don't we all) and I'm more than willing enough to help those that ask.
In fair warning: I won't give answers that are "gusshied with sprinkles on top" (or whatever things that that line follows). I will be blunt if the situation calls for it...either you take the honest words or brush it off and go search for a lie~ all in all, it's entirely your choice.
Advice is simply there for people to brood and consider over, not a forceful act.
So feel free to ask me whatever you wish to be answered and the advice shall slide over these keyboards~ ^-^
"If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it, it's counseling;
if you can use either one, it's a miracle."
-Jack Adams-
"If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it,
If you don't ask, the answer is always no.
If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place."
-Anonymous-
advice
I am 24 years old and am currently at a point in my life where I don't think I can be friends with my life-long friend of 19 years.
I have stood by him, even though it was hard, despite all the terrible decisions he's made with his life. He has 2 DWI's, lost his car, lost his band because of his drinking, lost many friends, slept with a friends girlfriend whom he is currently still with. He faces jail time, and could quite possibly lose his job. Needless to say, he's almost lost everything.
The other night my girlfriend and I went out with them, trying to put things behind us. Well, he decided to just disappear and abandon his girlfriend there. She was understandably upset and we took her to his house, where her car was. In the end, he was extremely angry that we helped her, and accused me of telling her lies and badmouthing him. Also saying I'm trying to "get between them."
In a nutshell, 3 people have one account of the evening, and he has his. It's completely wrong. He's desperate, possessive, and not fun to be around anymore. He doesn't want help, and gets defensive claiming people should mind their own business, etc, despite being his best friend.
It only got worse... He actually blindsided me for helping her, punching me in the nose from behind me. It became a physical confrontation and was obviously a act of complete desperation since he claimed we were making the situation worse and were trying to "make him look bad."
I've tried helping but he isn't receptive. I'm not perfect either, and make plenty of mistakes, but every time we hang out it feels like a gamble. I'm tired of it. Is it selfish of me to move on with my life?
Change is sometimes for the better or even for the worse. It happens to all of us and there's nothing selfish about moving on with your own life especially if you believe that you can't handle the rough situation your friend got himself involved in. And if he wants to deal with his own problems without any helping hand then let him be and just focus on your life. Since he's behaving in such a manner that's apparently harming you and your other friends, it's time to let him go because his stubbornness could lead to something more dangerous for you.
Don't worry about your decision. It's yours to decide though. There are limits to what each person can handle and there's no one to blame for if we decide to move on. Don't feel guilty or selfish of what your decisions are, think what would be best for you...and maybe even your friend.
Hope this helped a little! =3
I grew up in a small town and moved to a larger city almost four years ago. I would say I have my ducks in a row, since moving. I want to move back to a close city where I grew up at in a few years. I miss my family horribly. In four years, I still don't consider my new place, home. I am around family I love, but I miss my real family. The only problem is my son's father lives close to their. He lost visitation rights to our son because of drinking and anger-management. I feel living here gives us enough space to where he will not harass me. One of the reasons we moved is to get away from him. I have a nine year old son and I finish college in a year. Should I stay away from where I want to move or move and deal with the static?
Don't let this guy prevent you from moving to a place that you truly believe where your true home is. He's just another small bump on the road that you can just easily pass over it. I also agree with the answer below me, lead this situation to court if this man's intention is going to harm you and your son. Get a lawyer if needed and discuss the reasons of why you wish to keep this man away. Also you don't have to handle this alone, you can ask your friends and even family to aid you into settling this problem.
Nothing is better than a place called home. Do what makes you and your son comfortable and happy. Don't let anything or anyone stop you from finding your happiness!
I hope this advice was of some help to you, and take good care! =3
do wigs need shampooing too?
When you see lot of flies buzzing over it...or lice...or it's just plain dirty then definitely a yes yes!
Yeah~ very funny question by the way! :D
practically all my friends are sexually active and im not, ive never had sex. but i dont feel like i really fit in, unless i change my mind set to their perverted minds. like i have to act and talk like them to fit in. but im against that kind of stuff with my beliefs and stuff. so what do i do, continue being friends with those kind of people or make friends who are a little more pg? but its only adultry that im against and almost everyone in highschool talks about who they did, and im just a virgin :/
Be who YOU want to be without having to change into someone else for another person because of their own opinions or what they do that would make you uncomfortable. I definitely understand how it feels like you're left out on the topic but don't let that bring you down, just follow in what you believe is right for yourself. Yeah it's kind of tough to ignore since you said almost everyone is practically talking about sex, but you can walk away from that conversation if you think you've heard enough. Like just say you gotta go get something from another class or whatever. You can still keep your friends and make new ones at the same time.
Be true to yourself...you may never know, it's possible that since you've made a really wise decision...you could be the influence of many of your friends!
I hope this advice was of some help! =3
I am thirty years old and have never made anything higher than 13 an hour. I am currently going to school and I have also been married for 8 years. My wife is unhappy with her job, and so I am helping her get a better one. I am facing foreclosure, possible job loss, and was recently in an accident where I may be getting sued. Unless I finish school or get a higher paying job, I face divorce and worse. I have been contemplating suicide, and would like to know what would be the most painless, and easiest way to go about doing it. I don't want any religious answers because I am so far from God right now, he couldnt find me if he had a compass. I am tired of struggling, I just want rest.
Relying your answers to suicide is definitely a wrong direction to turn towards to and also a selfish way to cheat your only life. You'd just end up hurting yourself more and most likely you'll feel an endless cycle of guilt and regret.
My advice for you is to talk to your wife about it or to anyone else you know and trust. This is a serious problem and you don't have to deal with this situation by yourself. Just sit down and breathe slowly...collect your thoughts and try to calm your mind, you can even just find a time to go outside and walk around the neighborhood (usually it's pretty relaxing!).
Hey, I agree with you that life itself sucks...but you have to realize that life never goes the way you expect it to be. Nothing is ever perfect but you have to work hard to at least try reaching your life to that point. We all experience dreadful situations that beats us down to the ground many times and we can't avoid them but we try to find ways to get by those problems even if it means taking a fall. Don't give up on what you have now and don't be afraid to talk to someone about it. In a way, it's a relief to know that there's at least someone who wants to help you. It's best to find a solution to your problems rather than running away from it because if you run now, it'll still haunt you no matter what.
This may sound corny but...keep struggling because it's what everyone does best at and it's how we learn about our life. Don't let all your effort go to waste.
If you're facing foreclosure, start finding an apartment or at least some household that's affordable. Look for available jobs online, the newspaper, friends, etc. Take action and face it. You'll never what will happen but it's better to see it through.
I hope this advice was of some help and take care! Never give up! =3
Lately, I've been feeling like I've been wasting my time if I'm not out with friends or something. And for some reason (I think the two may be connected) I also feel empty and miserable after reading. I'm a huge Harry Potter fan, the kinds that spend time on the online forums and all that. But I've been unable to enjoy fanfiction because finishing it makes me feel.. sad. I haven't pinpointed the emotion, or the cause, but I feel kinda down. I just finished the Twilight series, which was pretty good, but now I can't stop moping around the house.
At first I blamed it on the happy ending: I told myself I was sad that such a thing didn't exist. It only seems to happen when I'm not busy, like when I have nothing to do. Any idea what's wrong with me? I want to be able to enjoy Twilight!
I agree with the answer below me...just do your other hobbies to keep your mind occupied or maybe just take a nice walk around the neighborhood, it's a way to feel a little bit relaxed! You can also make plans to do fun activities with your family and friends.
And I definitely understand the feeling you get after reading a good book. Maybe the reason you're feeling depressed after reading is probably because it's a whole new world that separates you from reality. Like, books are filled with all different kinds of adventures that every person wishes they could venture through themselves. Sorry if it sounds confusing, but maybe you just wish your life had something interesting happening like...meeting a vampire (well not really but almost something unbelievable I suppose)! Everyone wants something extraordinary to happen after all.
I hope this advice was of some helpful use to you and I'm sorry if it's a little confusing!
(By the way, Twlight rocks!) =3
This is the day after a disastrous holiday with her and we have come to a mutual decision that we don't want to see each other anymore. We always had a difficult relationship due to her ferocious temper and mood swings and my inability to deal with them. While I did love her I always ended up feeling inadequate around her, because according to her, I seemed to get so many things wrong. This came to a head during this holiday, which we went on after I had been away at uni for a year. I was apprehensive about spending a whole week in her company but went really to keep her happy. She had been sniping at me throughout the holiday, saying that I was ringing my boyfriend too much (once a day, she conveniently forgot the whole trip was based around her wanting to go and meet an ex of hers) We were supposed to go for 6 days and on the 4th we had a huge argument where she acted as though the fact that we couldn't find the hostel we should have been staying at was my fault even though we had been given faulty directions. After ringing home to get the correct phone number, I got correct directions, but she was still annoyed. I asked her what else she wanted me to do and we argued. This culminated in her screaming at me in the middle of the street and stalking off, leaving me in a city I didn't know, alone with no map and no phone (it had broken earlier) I was stuck in a phone box having a panic attack (which i am prone to) and had to ring home for help. I got to the hostel and it turned out she was there. She continued to shout at me, and I told her about how I was scared of her and her temper. I said I would go home the next day (earlier than planned) and she said she didn't want to see me again. Not only did this grate on me, as I felt I had more right to say this to her, I now feel very depressed. I hate her now, and I know that when I stop hating her I will still not want to see her but I can't help feeling sad and everything seems to remind me of her. How do I stop thinking about this awful week.
Hi there! I definitely understand what you're going through. Pretty much I'm going through the same situation right now actually. But anyway, it's kind of hard to accept how things have turned out so far and feeling the pain of losing a best friend is difficult to pass by. It takes a long amount of time to move on but be patient. Take some time to walk around your neighborhood, listen to some calming music, or just do any of your hobbies to keep your mind busy. It's also hard to do these because your mind keeps reverting back to your situation, but once you do these things daily you'll start to find yourself feeling back to normal and starting to accept that you and your best friend are moving on. I hoped this helped you out a little! =3
Remember, in life there will always be some "hellos" and "goodbyes."
My cousin's grandpa just died. :(
I'm really close to my cousin, but I don't really know what to do or say to her cause I've never really had someone close to me die.
I was wondering what I should do?
I don't want to seem like a heartless person and I don't want to say the wrong thing and make her feel bad...
All advice is appreciated.
Thanks
I'm very sorry for your cousin's loss. It's great that you're trying to find ways to bring a smile on her face.
Don't worry too much about what to do or say to her, just give her comfort and laughter! You know, just like an ordinary fun day. This doesn't mean that she'll completely forget her loss but more of a feeling of hope that her grandpa is in a better place now and that he's always with her forever.
I hoped this help and I wish for the best for your cousin! =3
Hey,
Im is yr 9 at an Australian high school, and my best friend gets on my nerves.
She is usually going on about how all these guys like/love her, that all these people that are older than her like her her too and it gets irratating. She also puts down my other best friend, whom she has never met except for online convos. And she usually puts down my ideas, and my crushes, and gets angry at me if i do better than her academically or in sport!
But I find it hard to actuallt tell her thses things beacuse she throws a tantrum and makes me feel bad..:(
Plz, plz help me!!
Thanx heaps!!
~*dj*~
Hi there!
Well to start off, this girl doesn't sound like much of a great friend to you nor she being one. A real friend wouldn't be going on bragging about her "relationships" with older guys neither would she discourage you in everything you do. Don't let her words and actions throw you down, live how you want your life to be and be strong to stand up for it. If she's treating your friendship like it's thrash, then it's best to move on and let her go off in her own little world.
Hoped this was helpful! =3
Okay, this is going to be kinda long. But, I am a 15 year old girl who is going to be a sophmore in high school. turning 16 in december. Both of my parents work. My father leaves for work at 4:30 in the morning, and gets home at about 9 at night. My mother leaves for work at 9 in the morning, and comes home between 5 and 6. Well, you know how it is a mothers job to cook dinner? she hasnt cooked one meal in about 2 years. and im not over exxagerating, im being totally serious. The only time i eat dinner is on sundays and wednesdays, or if i sleep over a friends house. Im quite underweight because of this, becuase of being left home all day. im 5'4 and i weigh about 90-100 pounds. it varies. I complain to my mother that she never cooks, and its unfair that im almost 16 and i dont get fed dinner. i already have to cook myself breakfast and lunch [that is if i dont sleep until about 3:00 in the afternoon]. My mom doesn't understand that im very unhealthy because im a terribal cook and if i put something on the stove it WILL catch on fire, or even in the oven, toaster, or microwave. I understand why my dad doesn't cook, because hes a man and he grew up with a mother cooking for him, and he is quite tired after a days work. So i don't bother him about it. The fact that everyones parents feed them after work, i dont understand why my mother wont cook me dinner. she claims that she is tired, well i know your tired mom, but im starving to death here! i have talked to her about it multipal times, then her other option is delivery. Well, we live in a very small town, that only has chinese and pizza delivery. and as you all know, after a while the same food over and over again gets sickening and tiring. Its embarissing when i have a friend over and they say "what time are we having dinner" and i have to say "i cook my own dinner every night." do you all know how bad that makes my mom look? really bad. My friends also dont understand why my mother doesnt cook dinner. she used to, every night! she hasnt since about sixth grade. she just comes home and sits at the computer, drinks beers [about a 30 pack a night]. It pisses me off. She does nothing but drink and go on her fucking computer at home! and whenever i try to talk to her, she wont talk to me. Because she thinks people at work are watching her.. so she doesnt talk when shes home. Barely, and if she does she like whispers. She thinks peeople are watching her through lightbulbs, our stattelite dish etc.[lmao!]So i dont understand why she wouldnt make herself look liek a good parent and cook for her daughter, my sister who is turning 21 in janurary is in college still. so she cant bring me something home to eat. but im so sick of my dad bringing me home mc donalds at like 9 at night. im so sick of everything really. my parents dont care for me! they just buy me stuff and supply me shelter. how can i tell my mom that she needs to start cooking? i need to like threaten her though, or she wontdo it. helpp pleasee! any suggestions?
That's seriously got to be tough. I know that to gain your own independence at some point means to be able to take care of yourself while your parents are away to work. Even, so being independent has some limits and you rely on your parents for help, especially food at times (hehe). But threatening your mother to cook doesn't leave food on your plate. Show her that you are indeed a mature woman and that you can fend for yourself. Since there's something troubling your mother, talk to your dad about it and maybe he'll set up a doctor's/therapy appointment for her. It's at least a first step to show you are mature because you're concerned about your mother's health and you want to do something for her even if it really pisses you off. Be patient for her.
But yeah, if you want to be able to cook just go through websites with recipes or go to youtube just so you can go along with the video while cooking.
I hoped this helped you a little! =3
ok, this guy asked me out and i think he's pretty cute and i used to have a crush on him. The only thing is he asked me out over myspace and at first i thought it was a sincere question but im starting to doubt it and i think it was someone doing it as a joke...how do i find out if it was really him or just one of his friends playing around?
Find a good time to maybe meet up with him, or talk to him over the phone. Ask him all the questions that you want to know. Don't be afraid of what his answers going to be. I wish you luck! =3
my friend who's name is andee is usually the happy type of person.. she rarely cries. and today, i found out that andee was crying really hard to my other friend. andee is really close to her grandma, and turns out that her grandma has cancer. me and my friend is planning to all hang out and to cheer andee up, but what should i say to be able to comfort her? i'm not very good at comforting people when it comes to something that you can't stop from happening, so what should i say?
please & thank you!
Well the best medicine for a friend who's down is to just be there for them and have a great time! Your friend just needs the love and comfort that you and your other friends can provide for her. Maybe plan an outing with her and just have fun with good laughs, like an ordinary day! It may sound like just to get her mind off the situation that's going on, but it's more of giving her a little hope for her grandma. I wish you luck, and hope for the best for your friend's grandmother!
I hope I was of some help. =3
Alright, well, I know during the summer alot of people are going on vacation and things, but that's usually only been the case with a couple of my friends. My best friends and me always talk during the summer and hang out and keep in contact as much as we can.
Well, this summer seems to be different. Nobody's really been calling me, or asking me to do anything. My one best friend stopped talking to me for three weeks, and only the other day texted me to tell me how her and another friend of mine got backstage passes to this show. That doesn't make me jealous or anything, and she doesn't seem like the type of person to plot something like that, so it just made me wonder: "why text me now? and why tell me that specifically, really?"
My birthday was also a couple weeks ago. Had a couple "happy birthday" comments sent my way, which was nice, but nobody asked if I wanted to do anything. Even if they were busy THAT day, a hang out offer for another day would've sufficed. I know birthday's [ especially a 17th cause nothing too special happens ] isn't a humungous deal, but I'm the type of person that when things happen with/to friends, it affects me inside.
It's just been confusing me and making me angry. Sitting inside my house alot of my summer, spending my whole birthday alone in my room watching movies, just been making me feel really lonely lately and that either I'm the problem, or the people I have friendships with are the problem. I think it's just dawning on me now cause I keep thinking how it's my senior year, I figured everyone'd wanna especially get together now, this maybe being our "final summer" to spend together and final school year to hang and have a great year together, and ignoring me... isn't the best start.
I'm not even sure what advice I'm asking for here, I think I just wanted to see what other people's views on this was. If they've had friends like this as well, if it's just a "phase" that we all go through, everyone goes through a million friends.
I definitely understand what you're going through, and the feeling of loneliness can kind of drive you berserk especially during summer when most of the time there isn't much to do. It's very very difficult to accept the possibilities that you and your friends are just drifting. It's also hard to keep telling yourself that it's normal for friends to drift apart and to move on because you fear that you are losing the people you have known for such a long time. But in time, you'll come to accept the way things are and you'll start moving on as well and make new friends.
Still, you can keep in touch with some of them. Just send your friends an invitation to go somewhere like swimming at a public pool or just hang out at places your familiar with at least. When you have the feeling that no one is making the move, you can be the one to give a nudge and don't hesitate to call or text someone! You'll be surprised at whatever comes.
Remember that in life, there will always be "hellos" and "goodbyes."
I hope I helped a little! =3
17/f. My best friend (16/m) has been through a tough couple of years what with his parents' divorce. Lately he is making bad decisions and I don't know how to tell him that everyone is worried without him getting mad at me and completely shutting me out. He is an incredible musician, and this year he is quitting all music at school. He doesn't take lessons anymore. He broke up with his girlfriend without giving any reason (and she's an amazing girl), and he's pushing his friends away. It's like he's isolating himself from everybody, and I don't know why. He has like zero ambition, which sucks because he's extremely intelligent. Also, he is spending pretty much all of his time with my other friend (she's 16/f, and not a love interest of his), who has become a "bad seed" within the past few years because she started hanging out with the wrong crowd. I'm terribly worried about him, and I need some advice on how to handle this situation. I don't think it would be entirely beneficial to just tell him he's a dumbass (though that would definitely release some of my frustration), so does anyone have any other suggestions?
Finding a good time to just sit down and talk to him would be best. Just let him know of what he's doing at least and that you're worried about him. It's possible that he's also confused after his parents' divorce. Maybe he thinks that he did something wrong to cause the whole divorce or maybe he was very close to one of his parents and just having to see that parent move out must be difficult to cope with. Well anyway, talking to him will hopefully have your best friend realize his bad decisions. And I agree with the previous answer, it's entirely up to him on how he wants to behave. You don't have to force him to make right decisions...just be there to guide him to do the right thing. And honestly, it's great that you sill care about your best friend even through his sudden change. =)
Okay so ive been dating this guy on and off for the past year and 4 months. We have had some pretty bad issues that lead to our break ups but we've worked through them all i guess. I've always felt great wen i was with him and like everything was perfect, excluding when we were fighting.. Except out last break up we spent 5 months apart and we both dated 2 other people before we got back together. Now that we're back together (Mind u this is the 6th time we have got back together) i thought everything would be great again, cuz well i love this kid and this is what ive wanted the whole time we were apart.. Butt i guess i was wrong.. Wen we got back together he just seemed to be more controlling and really distant.. it even feels weird to talk to him on the fone. I tryed to talk to him about it the other day and he told me he kinda thought the same thing but he didnt know wut to do about it and well neither do i. Also lately i found myself starting to get feelings for someone else.. Friends ive asked for advice told me that maybe we shouldnt be together. Im so confused, please help.
I would have to agree with your friends' advice. If you and the guy your dating now feel as if though your feelings for each other aren't as strong as they used to be, then maybe it's better off to just remain as friends at least. And since you both talked about your relationship now (which I think was a great thing to do ) and feel the same way about it, then it's best for the both of you to move on.
Hoped this helped!
Reader,
Well my friend (female) she hates this guy that just asked me to go steady with him. I accepted but then I remembered that my friend and him had been going out 3 years ago and they've hated each other ever since they broke up. She keeps telling me to break up quickly but I really like him. On the other hand I really don't want to lose my friend. What should I do?
Signed,
Confused
Well I understand that your friend is very upset about you dating her ex. But your friend shouldn't tell you who you can or can't be with because it upsets only her.
But if you feel you still want to remain friends with her then you two should find a time to just talk about the situation. You can tell her your love for your boyfriend is something important and special to you, so is the friendship you and your friend have. And honestly, three years is still a bit way back...she shouldn't hold on to a grudge and let the past affect what's happening now.
Don't let her hatred for you boyfriend get in the way of what you truly want.
Hoped this helped you a little! =3
Okay, so I've been a little depressed lately. Pretty much all of my friends have boyfriends or guys like them, and it seems like I'm the only one who doesn't .. and the thing I can't figure out is why no guys like me. Guys always seem to be interested in my friends and act like I'm invisible. I mean, I'm really nice(maybe overly nice at times) and I'm not selfish, unlike half the girls at my school, and alot of people tell me I'm really pretty. But, the thing is, I think I'm too mature for my own good and I'm not into drama or being all ditzy and loud to get a guy to like me .. but it seems like the loud conceited girls have guys. I feel like there's something wrong with me. I don't know, I just feel like no one really notices me and no matter how hard I try, every single guy I like always says, "Sorry, we're just friends." Ugh, should I just give up and not try so hard to find someone, or do something different for some guy to like me? Because it seems like I'm never good enough for anyone. Any advice? Thanks.
Yeah I know what you mean. I've gone through the same situation as you. But you kind of have to realize that the relationships your friends have with those guys would honestly last like a couple of days and it's over... it's just plain stupid cause it's not like a real relationship to start off. You can't really force a guy to like you also. Just be who you truly are and someday someone will love you for just being yourself. Don't try to be something who you aren't because it'll just make you miserable in the end. And hey, if you want to be loved, you should love yourself first. Love your true self and just find confidence in yourself, it's a step.
I hope this advice helped a little at least. =3
my gf just broke up with me and she wants to be really close friends.
my Q is, how do i prove to her that i can be a great boyfriend instead of just a friend
Well since she JUST broke up with you...you'll just have to continue on as being her friend as she asked for. Don't rush the relationship you both have agreed on now and give it some time. I'm sure it's tough for you to hold back your actual feelings for her but be also considerate of how she might feel if you brought up about being a great boyfriend for her. As long as your still her friend who she can still lean on, then it's enough to at least keep that bond you both share now.
My boyfriend and I have only been going out for a week or two. We're pretty good friends, though. He's straight edge. I, however, am not; I drink casually and smoke from time to time. He doesn't know this. I'm pretty sure he'd be mad at me if he ever knew I had tried it. I really enjoy his company and talking to him, so I don't want to break up over something like this, but I don't want to start off our relationships with secrets. What should I do?
It'd be best to tell your boyfriend about the truth. Keeping your secrets silent from the person you care about will hurt you more because you would start feeling a little bit guilty for not saying anything. But when you tell him the truth, he'll come to love you more because you were honest to him and you trusted him. When you're together with someone, you both should be able to trust one another no matter what.
It's hard to pour it out, but think of how it'd be a relief to say it. =3