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August 13, 2009Answers:
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I seem to have a way with words that often comfort my friends. I am often asked advice and I have not heard a complaint from anyone who has taken it and as for the ones who didn't i usually hear a "I should have listened to you" sooner or later. If you have any questions I will be glad to hear them but remember my advice is only an opinion from the knowledge that I have and you take my advice at your own risk. I plan to make this my career by majoring in journalism and minoring in psychology and am using this for experience so feel free to give me your feed back. I'm very good at giving advice on family affairs and relationships. I have had my own personal experience and have had friends with very different situations that i was able to help them through. I will always answer your question if you send it to me, so feel free to ask anytime.
advice
Alright, my boyfriend and I love each other a lot and then a few days ago his ex calls him. He doesn't know why she wants to talk to him because he hasn't seen her in ten years. She won't tell him over the phone, so yesterday he went to go meet her for coffee.
He has a daughter. She's almost ten and all she wants for her birthday is to meet her father.
I'm not calling my boyfriend a lier because he never knew about his ex girlfriend being pregnant, and I don't think he's lying to me about that because we've always had a very open and honest relationship. He already told me he wants to stay with me, and that his having a daughter changes nothing between us.
My worry is, what if his daughter wants him and her mom to get back together? I'm freaking out about that. I know he loves me, but I know (even if he never knew about her) that his prioreties put his daughter before me. I'm okay with that, but I don't want to lose him.
I'm afraid to bring it up with him because it's still a sore subject. He went to go meet her today, and honestly I'm just freaked out. Could someone give any advice on how to calm down and maybe stop worrying over this?
You have nothing to worry about. This happens all the time and it doesn't mean he is going to leave you. She just wants to meet her dad, thats all. Even if she wants her mom and her dad to get back together I think she's old enough to realize that can't happen and most likely thats not even on her mind. If he loves you he isn't going to leave you just cause his daughter wants him to. Just be supportive and be there for him, and if you guys are really serious offer to meet her.
okay, well i just recently got a haircut. i usually go to my hair stylist but she was out on vacation so i decided to go somewhere else. well, the lady today messed up my hair and cut my bangs really short. so now i have to wear my bangs up.
you see school is starting. i'm going to be a senior. i have NEVER had my hair up for school. and by never i mean never. i think the last time i put up my hair was in 6th grade. i really don't like having my bangs up...
and another thing, my senior pictures are in two weeks ! i really wanted my hair to be down for them.
my question is...is there anything i can do (other than pray or extensions) to make my hair grow faster in the next two weeks?
I'm sorry to say there is no way to make your hair grow faster in two weeks. If I were you I would go look up different ways to style your short hair on the internet. Look at pictures and see if they give you any ideas for your senior picture.
so, i've noticed that i have never been completely satisfied with any relationship i have ever been in. i always some how end up liking someone else, all the while knowing that the person i am with is great. there perfect, there what i've been waiting for.
so, currently, i am in a relationship.
we've been going out for about five months now.
i know that this person is someone that i could picture myself with for a long while, and this person is really, perfect for me.
but i can't help but like this other person.
we just talk, i've never cheated on my significant other, but i am crazy about this other person. and its all i can do not to just start something with this other person.
all the while, i do know that if i were to break up with my significant other now, to be with this other person, im almost positive that i would find that i want someone else.
this has happend before.
i just cant figure out why im never satisfied with any relationship im in. no matter how perfect the person is for me, and how great they treat me, i always find myself wanting someone else.
Maybe what you find to be perfect behavior isn't the behavior you want. If your happy with someone you have no doubts. I think you have very high standards and no one has been able to full fill them yet. If you are not completely satisfied with someone than you need to keep looking otherwise you find yourself wasting your time with someone you really don't want to be with. Just keep looking.
so everyone is telling me in order to lose weight i have to diet but noone is being specific! what is a good diet like i kno about some fasting my cousins did and it work i jus need to kno specific foods or diet & fasting names or something cause idk what to eat & not too. and how much should i run i need to lose like 10 ta 15 pounds off my belly thanks in advance !!!
You should never fast it is really unhealthy and it can lead to something more dangerous. I have been dieting so i can give you a few good tips that will help you lose weight and its pretty simple.
1. stop drinking any kind of soda that alone can make you drop a lot of weight.
2. Snack about seven times a day instead of eating three meals a day this is healthier for you and better for your metabolism.
3. Eat more fat free foods cause fat is harder to lose than calories.
4. Sugar free items have less carbs.
I wouldn't cut cold turkey. I started off by having one meal a day that was normal so it was easier. Than when you find foods you like that aren't going to make you gain weight than you can change you whole diet. Never use diet pills cause they don't work just cut the fat, sugar and soda and you should drop some weight also drink green tea because it will help boost your metabolism.
f/16 Ontario/Canada
Okay well last night (or should I say this morning at 5am), I went downstairs to get a glass of water and my stairs is nearly in front of my front door (with a lacey curtain in the front) and I saw someone in front of my house. At first I thought it was a random person that was going to ring my doorbell for something but when he didn't, I just stood there on the stairs and I saw him touching our car door.
I didn't want him to see me but I wanted to know what he was doing so I sat down on the stairs to watch him and he was trying to open every door of the car! I was deciding whether or not to go grab my camera to report it to the police or use the video version but I couldn't see his face so it would be no use since the police can't do anything without proof.
Eventually he gave up because the doors were locked and he walked away. I quickly walked to the window and carefully moved a bit of the curtain and he continued to walk but didn't go to my neighbour's car. Which is incredibly freaky. And I couldn't help myself since my mom wakes up 30 mins later for work and I told her to check her car for anything. And at first she thought I had a dream or something (I always have dreams that tell me this and that) but I assured her that it wasn't a dream and I regret telling her about it because she was so scared.
Am I overreacting? Should I talk to the police about it anyways? Our street is RIGHT beside my elementary school so I thought that this would be a safe street but obviously not and I'm scared because there are so many kids that live in this neighbourhood too. Also, Someone broke into our house two years ago and the police told us that they/he broke in at the right time so they were probably watching us from afar, which makes me think that maybe it's the same guy because he came to our house 30 mins before my mom wakes up for work.
What do you think? I need advice. And knowing myself, I'll probably go downstairs since I'll constantly think about this so I'll probably get ready to record a video or take a picture in case he does come again. What do I do if he does come again? Am I overreacting or is this probably a normal thing for car jackers/breakers do at night, only that I didn't know about it? (That's why they tell you to lock your car doors right?)
Thanks in advance! I know this was long!
Yes you need to report this right away the next time that is happening you need to inform the cops immediately he could have been trying to get in the car so he could hurt your mom. If I were you i would ask the cops to drive by in the morning around the hour you saw him do it so you can feel safer and that way they might be able to catch him if he is a repeat offender. If that ever happens again wake your parents and call the cops!
Ok, warning, this will be long.
So I've been with "Dylan" for 9 months. He's really sweet, but there's this other guy, Ryan. That's the short version of the story, and I wish that's all that was happening.
During my relationship with Dylan, there's been good and bad sides. He's really sweet, he cares about me, he'd do anything for me, and he travels like 4 hours (to and from) EVERYDAY to see me. Even Ryan admitted he wouldn't be as dedicated.
However, there are bad sides too. Dylan has done things that have hurt me greatly during our relationship. Things that make me cry almost every night. I won't go into detail, but they were very hurtful (Fact it wasn't cheating, but a few of the things he did may as well have been. And yes it was multiple things) and my family think he's too obsessed with me. I can see their point...
Anyway, Dylan is a lot older than me, and a lot more experienced in life. He's already talking about settling down. He's my first boyfriend, I haven't had ANY experience.
Then there's Ryan. He is sweet too, isn't as 'dedicated' as Dylan, but he told me he didn't want to be as obsessive as Dylan. He also lives closer and has a lot more going for him (financially, good looks, material items etc) and has been waiting for me the whole of my relationship with Dylan. He is also one of my closest friends, and the person I turn to, to talk with the most..
Dylan is the jealous type, and gets VERY jealous if I associate with boys who like me. He made me stop talking to one, tried with another but I told him he was being controlling and I was on the verge of dumping him and he was apologetic and said I didn't have to. Then there was Ryan. He made me stop talking to Ryan out of guilt, and stupid me, I hung out with him in secret for months.
He found out two nights ago. He was hurt, and accused me of cheating and being a liar. After staying up until 4am arguing, he forgave me and we fell asleep.
The next morning I made myself breakfast, and when I went back to my room, he admitted he went through my chat logs with Ryan. He got angry that I went on cam for Ryan, and accused me of going on cam naked for Ryan (even though I didn't) and then got very angry and upset. In that chat I told Ryan I loved him. I know it was a terrible thing to do, but Dylan has hurt me so much, and I think about it everyday.
Dylan said that by saying that to Ryan. I had cheated on him. He said he had to 'think' about whether we could be together or not. He then said he wouldn't dump me, on a few conditions. One was that I was NEVER allowed to talk to Ryan again, and if I did, I would be instantly dumped. Another was that I was not allowed to tell Ryan or ANYONE that my boyfriend "took back a cheater"
Now I feel so confused, and I don't know what to do. I went to Ryan with EVERYTHING, and even Dylan knew that (I was allowed to talk to Ryan but not see him) and Dylan even knew that without talking to Ryan, I can become suicidal.
Dylan is so caring usually, and he seems more caring than Ryan. I can have good conversations with him, they're more flowing, fun and less serious than the ones I have with Ryan. But on the otherside, Ryan is caring too, and I can talk about anything with him, I don't have to watch what I say to him and hope that he doesn't start talking about something that will hurt me. He also isn't as controlling or jealous as Dylan. He has admitted he has had jealous moments, but he never tries to dictate my life.
I think it's obvious which guy I should pick. But which guy should I pick, and what should I tell them both?
Well honestly it sounds like you have already made your choice and i think you chose right. Ryan is the one for you. You never want to have a boyfriend like Dylan cause that can lead to abuse and that is one thing you don't need. I think the question is will it be safe to leave Dylan? Dylan is over obsessive and even your parents told you that if i were you i would get out as soon as possible. From what you said it will be easy to tell Ryan you want to be with him but the hard part is telling Dylan. The only thing i can tell you is be careful with your words and let him know your done. Don't beat around the bush just let him know your leaving him and than get a safe distance away.
I tried hanging out with him tonight. I wanted to talk to him about all of it. Of course, it didn't work out.
Maybe I've overanalyzing, or being over dramatic. But honestly, this week he has been back has been so different. I haven't talked to him in four days. Everytime I DO see if he wants to hang out with me, he either already has plans or can't go out.
I really don't think he could have changed his mind about me in less than a week, but who knows? I care about him so much. And I know you said that since he's texting my sister, he MUST like me...but my sister has told me she hasn't talked to him since last week...since he started acting weird.
Ahhh any idea as to what is going on?
well if your sister isn't talking to him either maybe he is just very busy. If i were you I would just give him a week to get everything in order and give him his space. Don't text or call him. If he likes you he will wonder why your not texting him and will text or call you instead. Let him chase you not the other way around.
Okay so basically,I am 19 & I had a misscarriage almost 2 months ago, suffered rape about 3 years ago and suffer with panic attacks and quite severe depression.
The other day I got into a conversation with a friend as I text him saying, are you awake. This was about midnight, he text back with yeah why, I said I feel down and sad, and just wanted to talk to someone.
He asked me what was up and I just said, I was watching a program on tv called ''Underage & Pregnant'', I knew I didn't wanna watch it but at the same time, I had this urge to, so I did. And it left me feeling low.
He basically said, your not the only one whos been through this, my girlfriend had a miscarriage too and we didnt even know she was pregnant, your always so low and upset and your not the only one, and hes pissed off with it.
I text back saying I have a right to be upset still though :( and he said your still doing it, you know i been through the same thing but your still saying about you being upset.''
At that point I felt utterly crap, I truely feel selfish and almost like I am not allowed to grieve for my unborn child. I dont know what to do, and this has made me feel really bad. Could someone expres their opinion on the matter,
I knew
Well you have been through a lot but you have to realize that other people have problems to. I'm not saying you shouldn't talk about it i'm just saying that sometimes you need to see if the other person your talking to is doing okay as well. I think he was a little insensitive about the whole situation and you had just watched the program so you had a right to be upset. I don't think you should feel guilty about the conversation, but the next time you have a conversation try not to be negative the whole time and make sure you ask how their doing. One more thing from what you told me you sound like you have had a troubled past and i think you might want to consider getting some help so you can try to move on with your life. Don't ever forget what happened but don't let it consume your life.
18/F
I've liked this guy for almost 5 months, and have been waiting for something to happen. He really is one of the sweetest, nicest guys I've ever come to know. He's also a bit shy, and his last few girlfriends were quite aggressive, which I kind of am not Finally, after 5 months of me liking him and flirting he kissed me (just a couple of pecks on the lips). Apparently, he had been texting my sister for advice about me and has been telling her how much he likes me, and he likes how different I am. This was two and half weeks ago.
However, lately I feel like I'm back to square one. While he was away for the first week (he had a family reunion about an hour away) we would text and he would tell me missed me and stuff. But now that he is back, I still have not seen him, and I hardly get any calls. I understand that he is super busy with football (he has practice from 2-8) but I feel like every attempt I try to make with him gets shot down. I know for a fact that some of his friends go out after practice, too.
Some of my guy friends tell me I should give up, while my other guy friends tell me to keep trying. I don't know what I should do. I'm sick of being the person to make all the effort. I WOULD talk to him about this, but since we never actually have had a conversation about "us", I feel like I would come off as the crazy stalker girl.
It seems like he does like you especially if he asked your sister for advice. From what i hear he backed off cause he wasn't sure you were that into him maybe you need to give him more signs. Show him that you want to be with him. Ask him questions that would make him give away that he likes you such as questions about your appearance or you can just straight out tell him your into him. If he has a lot going on than he might be unintentionaly ignoring you so give him some slack. Talk to him sometime during the weekend when he doesn't have a lot going on.
Sunday is my best friend's daughter's birthday party. I'm her daughter's godmother, so she invited me & my boyfriend. I'd love to go, but the only problem is her boyfriend might be there. We used to be good friends with him, but there was a bunch of drama a while back so now me & my boyfriend really don't get along with him.
Do you think we should go to the party, or should we stay home to avoid any possible drama?
Go to the party there is no need to miss events just cause you don't like someone. Just avoid him during the party and if he tries to start something all you have to do is leave your best friend will understand and she will be happy you made an attempt to be there.
okay well. i keep making excuses for a guy that wants to come over.
i think he has a girlfriend.
i dont think he should come over if he has a girlfriend.
but im nervous if he doesnt have one.
help!
i cant keep making up excuses.
its makin me feel really bad.
The next time he asks to come over just playfully say "would your girlfriend be ok with that?" If he says yes tell him you don't feel comfortable having him over and if he says he doesn't have one than invite him over.
Im always deppresed and I want it to stop. I cant aford theropy and I refuse to take pills. Any ideas?
Depression is a serious case that needs to be taking care of but if you don't want to do either of those than the best thing you can do is surround yourself with good things that way you don't think about the negative. Be around friends and family that aren't having problems. Go to places where you know you will have fun anything to keep your mind off of it and than during the night play relaxing uplifting music that will help keep you at ease. If none of those things help you need to go get help or you might do something you will regret.
i am obsessed with twilight and its kind of awesome but i like it so much it drives me nuts because i want to be the people in the book! its just so darn romantic, and its the first romantic book iv'e read. i used to be obsessed with it a long time ago and i would cry because i wanted their life and romance and blah blah blah. this time its not that bad but i hate that it's not real. what can i do? i dont want to get over it but i do? *NOTE: i am only 13.
This answer is common from people who read the book when she wrote that book she did a really good job. Its not uncommon to want something you don't have thats normal there is just no need to cry over it. Right now you are very young and you want love which is why you want to be in the book. again there is nothing wrong with that just be patient and your very own Edward will come into your life and you will forget about the book. Until than it never hurts to fantasize.
okay so my sitiuation is complicated and completely my fault, but im stuck and need advice on how to get out of it.
ok so theres these two guys jason and matt and they are both so incredibly amazing, and thats the problem.
Jason Is a guy I can completely see myself being with and being happy. We have our relationship times and our times when we can just be freinds and have no care in the world. He's the one I cant stop thinking about no matter what Im doing or who Im with.
Matt on the other hand is somewhat of a very big player, but when I see him he always brings me to this place I never knew existed. I could sit and kiss him for the rest of my life. He makes me feel like the prettiest most amazing girl in the world. He tells me the sweetest things and he sings to me. But with matt if we're not all over eachother we're nothing, we are unabled to be "just freinds".
So My problem is Im falling in love with two guys and did I mention they're best freinds? So its not so easy on them either when one of them see's me with there best freind. At first it was jason I wa always with and I never thought of matt like that and now that I've formed relationships with both of them I just cant break myself away from either of them. I dont know what to do they make it impossible for me to breath because they are always asking me which one I like better and the truth is I have no clue. can someone give me some advice that might actually help me? sorry it was so long
I agree with Darby Jason is a better choice if your looking for a realationship. If your looking for a one night stand Matt is your guys cause from the sound of it he will tell you anything to get in your pants
This guy Jason the guy Im currently sleeping with but we're not together. Well anyways when we first started having sex it was honestly boring and just kiss sex done. But lately he's been really mean to me in bed and idk I kinda like it. Its weird though I never let guys talk shit to me the things he says to me in bed are a total turn on but if he said them to me when we were just hanging out id probably slap him. I honestly love him being in so much control in bed and being mean but am I losing his respect outside of the bedroom just because of what I let him do and say when we're in the bedroom?
Its nothing to worry about you like the domination so what? As long as he is respecting you outside of the bedroom and only doing it during the act you have nothing to worry about.
i kinda feel like i complain all of the time!
and it drives people nuts.
how can i stop complaining?
and just be happy with who i am?
and my life?
This is something i can relate to cause i just went through the exact same thing. Everyone was telling me i was negative and that i always complain.
Here is what i did , My main problem was that i was complaining about things that no matter how much i complained it wasn't going to change anything. the first thing you have realize is that you saying something negative isn't going to help the situation and its just going to make people annoy you more. I'm not saying you should cheer about it i am just saying to keep it to yourself and wait to talk to someone you are close to and usually by the time you get to that person you realize you might have overreacted. Its not going to be easy cause its something you always resort to just remember that if you keep it to yourself and deal with it on your own you wont have people making you feel worse by saying your negative.
I have been married going on 25 years. For the last few years, things have been going on a downhill slide. My husband hasn't been interested in "relations" for some time now. When I tried to discuss this with him, he blows his top and tells me to leave him alone and I am feeling like a disease. Things have gotten so bad that I have actually found out he has been on a website for swingers and on line hook ups. I set him up and he actually showed up for the meet n' greet (which I didn't go too...ya im a cowardI even went so far as to have an affair (I still see him on occassion). I really think we are both done with it. What other options do I have to work this out.
Well honestly it sounds like you already made your choice when you cheated on him but there are two options
1. stop with the other people and focus on each other. try something like sex therapy to fire things up again.
2. Or if you completely done just get a divorce.
If this is a recent problem he might just be under stress if its not you might have a more serious problem
is there ANY easy way to tell your parents that you lost your virginity.. i mean its REALLY bothering me i cant tell them but i know i have to what do i do?? i cant have a relation ship with them based on lies.. you know?? cause we're starting out on better terms and were trying not 2 fight but i just dotn know what to do.. so yeah. thanks guys
There really isn't a good way to tell them. No matter how you put it there not going to like it. The best advice i can give you is bring it up medically. By that i think you should start off telling them you need birth control. That shows them you want to protect yourself and gives them the hint that your doing the deed without being so blunt.
He was my boyfriend for the summer and we made the agreement that we would break up at the end. Stupid me, I got too attached and we broke up regardless. He does love me, and I love him too but he strongly doesn't believe in a long distance relationship. I have visited him in college and we hooked up and it was like nothing had even changed when we were together again... until I went home and realized he wasn't there. I asked him to either be mine or just friends because the gray area just killed. Enough to sleep with but not enough for a girlfriend. I'm madly in love with him, but should I just move on? Should I wait it out more? Does a 4 hour drive matter that much? Please... I'm drowning.
What it sounds like to me is he isn't wanting a relationship he only wants one thing and your mistake is giving it to him. If he really cared about you he wouldn't have broken up with you and he would make it work. And ask yourself this are you driving to see him or is he driving to see you?
If the answer is your driving to see him than you need to move on he is just using you and you deserve better.
Drop him.