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which guy to choose?
Ok, warning, this will be long.
So I've been with "Dylan" for 9 months. He's really sweet, but there's this other guy, Ryan. That's the short version of the story, and I wish that's all that was happening.
During my relationship with Dylan, there's been good and bad sides. He's really sweet, he cares about me, he'd do anything for me, and he travels like 4 hours (to and from) EVERYDAY to see me. Even Ryan admitted he wouldn't be as dedicated.
However, there are bad sides too. Dylan has done things that have hurt me greatly during our relationship. Things that make me cry almost every night. I won't go into detail, but they were very hurtful (Fact it wasn't cheating, but a few of the things he did may as well have been. And yes it was multiple things) and my family think he's too obsessed with me. I can see their point...
Anyway, Dylan is a lot older than me, and a lot more experienced in life. He's already talking about settling down. He's my first boyfriend, I haven't had ANY experience.
Then there's Ryan. He is sweet too, isn't as 'dedicated' as Dylan, but he told me he didn't want to be as obsessive as Dylan. He also lives closer and has a lot more going for him (financially, good looks, material items etc) and has been waiting for me the whole of my relationship with Dylan. He is also one of my closest friends, and the person I turn to, to talk with the most..
Dylan is the jealous type, and gets VERY jealous if I associate with boys who like me. He made me stop talking to one, tried with another but I told him he was being controlling and I was on the verge of dumping him and he was apologetic and said I didn't have to. Then there was Ryan. He made me stop talking to Ryan out of guilt, and stupid me, I hung out with him in secret for months.
He found out two nights ago. He was hurt, and accused me of cheating and being a liar. After staying up until 4am arguing, he forgave me and we fell asleep.
The next morning I made myself breakfast, and when I went back to my room, he admitted he went through my chat logs with Ryan. He got angry that I went on cam for Ryan, and accused me of going on cam naked for Ryan (even though I didn't) and then got very angry and upset. In that chat I told Ryan I loved him. I know it was a terrible thing to do, but Dylan has hurt me so much, and I think about it everyday.
Dylan said that by saying that to Ryan. I had cheated on him. He said he had to 'think' about whether we could be together or not. He then said he wouldn't dump me, on a few conditions. One was that I was NEVER allowed to talk to Ryan again, and if I did, I would be instantly dumped. Another was that I was not allowed to tell Ryan or ANYONE that my boyfriend "took back a cheater"
Now I feel so confused, and I don't know what to do. I went to Ryan with EVERYTHING, and even Dylan knew that (I was allowed to talk to Ryan but not see him) and Dylan even knew that without talking to Ryan, I can become suicidal.
Dylan is so caring usually, and he seems more caring than Ryan. I can have good conversations with him, they're more flowing, fun and less serious than the ones I have with Ryan. But on the otherside, Ryan is caring too, and I can talk about anything with him, I don't have to watch what I say to him and hope that he doesn't start talking about something that will hurt me. He also isn't as controlling or jealous as Dylan. He has admitted he has had jealous moments, but he never tries to dictate my life.
I think it's obvious which guy I should pick. But which guy should I pick, and what should I tell them both?
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You shouldn't waste your time with a controlling boyfriend all that does is cause problems for you and can often end in abuse. Honestly you talking to Ryan wasnt wrong however telling him you loved him was...its called emotional cheating. If Dylan is telling you who you can and cannot talk to and see then that isnt fair for you DONT LET ANY GUY CONTROL YOU. If you do choose to stay with Dylan then you should make a deal with him about your guy friends tell him you wont hang out with them alone but your not going to cut them out of your life. However if Dylan has hurt you as much as it seems from reading what you wrote he is not worth the pain he is causeing. If you choose Ryan just explain to Dylan that you do care about him but he is hurting you to much and that you dont want to be with him when you have really strong feelings for someone else because thats not fair for him.
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Well honestly it sounds like you have already made your choice and i think you chose right. Ryan is the one for you. You never want to have a boyfriend like Dylan cause that can lead to abuse and that is one thing you don't need. I think the question is will it be safe to leave Dylan? Dylan is over obsessive and even your parents told you that if i were you i would get out as soon as possible. From what you said it will be easy to tell Ryan you want to be with him but the hard part is telling Dylan. The only thing i can tell you is be careful with your words and let him know your done. Don't beat around the bush just let him know your leaving him and than get a safe distance away.
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