So I have a tricky situation I will try to explain.
26/F
I am in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend is a great person but he does get insecure because I get a lot of attention from other men, including some "friends" that I've only ever seen as friends but that have crushes on me. Although he would never dare to ask me to cut off contact, I can tell he gets really down and sad when I hang out with these "friends" that always end up hitting on me because he is far away. Also, I personally feel uncomfortable putting myself in that kind of situation when my partner isn't there and a friend thinks its OK to flirt and try to get somewhere EVEN THOUGH THEY ALL KNOW I AM DATING SOMEONE.
So, I decided that for the guy friends that have shown me that they don't want to respect the fact that I'm in a relationship, I would take distance, at least for a time, to give myself peace of mind and my boyfriend too. However, I don't want to hurt the feelings of these friends so my question is:
How can I FIRMLY but POLITELY let them know that I do not want to see them because I am in a relationship and they cannot seem to respect that?
My dilemma is that none of them blatantly ask me out they just ask to hang out and then when we are in the social situation they will make advances. So I cant be honest and say its because they don't respect my relationship because they will take offence and deny it. These are more nuances and subtleties of flirting so they will deny the existence of it even though I can feel it.
For a more realistic example, one of these "friends" who I hung out with before and had tried to make advances, is always asking me to hang out and what my plans are and I'm always telling him I cant or I'm busy or mentioning my boyfriend. Nevertheless, he still writes and insists and asks me out he just doesn't seem to get the point. Just now he asked me what my plans for Friday night were and I want to FIRMLY and STRONGLY tell him I don't want to hang out with him so he gets the point but without being rude about it. How can I do this???
Thanks again for the help.
Say things like that you love your boyfriend very much and it makes you uncomfortable when other men make advances towards you. If you like the person as a friend, you can tell him, you're cool with being friends, but hanging out alone together is inappropriate and you will not do that to your boyfriend. Like you wouldn't like your boyfriend going out alone with another woman. You will not do that to him. Ask him, "You can respect that right? So please, stop asking. I like you as a friend and your advances make me uncomfortable." Also, talking about your boyfriend and how much you love him bla bla, so he hears it and reinforces the friend zone.
I think that is a lot nicer way of going about it, rather than just telling them you're not interested in them what-so-ever.
You could put on a ring and say its a promise ring or whatever to solidify the relationship in the eyes of others and discourage advances. When any guys try to make advances towards you, point at the ring.
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I'm in a horrible situation and need help fast. I'm 22 and he is 22, slightly younger than me. I have no one to talk to because I'm not supposed to be talking to him. I met this guy a year ago through a friend when he moved here from another state. He was staying with his friend who lived with my friend. I was also moving into an apartment at the same time. It's my first apartment and I got it all on my own. Me, jumping into adult life quickly, I let this guy stay at my apartment and then lived there and we were dating. Things got real ugly. Long story shot, I've called the cops on him 3 times, had him sent to a mental help place for saying he was going to kill himself, and he's punched a hole through my door and stolen hundreds from me, both cash from my wallet and items that were sold. He's broken 2 or 3 of his phones, smashed electronics I bought, screamed at me making me hyperventilate and lock myself in the bathroom to call the cops.
At one point, I told my parents what happened and my dad came down from another state to stay with me and change my locks because I didn't feel safe. He also pushed me into going to the police station to start the process of a restraining order against this guy.
We had a court date set. To give you an idea of how careless this guy is, he brought over flowers when he knew my dad was here staying with me after all of this. He does NOT think things through or think of consequences.
I didn't know where he was at this time. The court date was probably a week away and I was having second thoughts about a restraining order. I even went to a center for women who are abused to talk to them and get some insight on whether I should go through with it. I was torn. He was my best friend. One night when I was home alone, I started to think a lot and cry and I called him.
He was staying at a friend's apartment not far from me. I told him to just not go to the court date and I wouldn't either. I mostly just felt that he was my best friend and I couldn't do it. I was so close to him. We related a lot. Soon after, the restraining order case was dropped, and the lease was ending at the apartment he was staying at.
I, unfortunately, allowed him in. I told him it was temporary, and that I didn't want to date. But I couldn't let him live on the street or at a shelter. But, he sleeps with me and we act like a couple in secret.
Now, he's gone through MANY jobs and can't keep one. Constantly asks for money and things that I believe he'll pay me back for. He smokes marijuana outside of my apartment (I do NOT smoke). He does not pay rent. I have to watch what I say. I can't bring any friends over. I can't talk to anyone about it. I measure how mad he is by how hard he slams the door. I am CONSTANTLY STRESSED. I work so much and he just stays here.
Out of fear, I can't say too much how I don't want to be kissing him or talking sweet to him because he gets extremely upset and cries and will scream. So I live, just, carefully and it's the same stuff every day.
I'm so sorry this is long. I really, really need help. I am SO stuck.
My dad is moving down here and he cannot be here. But he has no where to go. So I told him a month ago he needed to be out. It's now that time and only now he is messaging people for somewhere to live and no one is answering. Do I just stand my ground and say he needs to be out by tomorrow night regardless? He's saying he'll live in his car, but he doesn't realize what that all entails. His parents won't even take him back. No friends. I can't do this anymore. I want to be free. What would you do?
If your dad is moving there. Then you got a good way out without seeming like the badguy. You can tell him that your dad is moving there and is going to stay with you and he can't be there. Its not open to discussion. Your dad IS definitely moving there and the guy cannot be there. Its gonna happen. Make it very clear to him. You can give him another week or whatever amount of time to get his ass in gear and find a place to stay. But your dad is coming on said date and he has to be out whether he found a place or not. Its out of your control and there is nothing you can do about it. That way he doesn't think it was your decision to kick him out to the street.
I had to deal with an ex that wouldn't leave. It was my apartment and my name on the lease. Not hers and she refused to leave. She was also unstable and prone to fits and sometimes violent, manic and has also threatened to kill herself. (she has threatened with suicide a lot of times, never did it) So, I think this is a good way to get rid off him and get yourself off the hook for being the bad guy. There'll be less drama if he thinks it was out of your hands. Or something else that he can't blame you directly. Like that the apartment management found out he's there and is not on the lease and that they demand that he sign up for the lease (which they need a credit check, paycheck stubs, etc. Which he doesn't have.) So he can't apply. You can tell him that they said either he leaves, or you both leave, as you are breaking the lease agreement. So, he's gonna have to go. You can even make it official looking, like you received a paper from the management saying that. Things on paper have more of an impact then just saying it. Have it signed "management" with some signature and everything. Make it look legit. So he is convinced by the piece of paper, without you having to say anything. You can even put on the paper that they will be conducting an inspection (by whenever you want him and his stuff out) to make sure that you're the only one living there. I don't know if apartments do this, but you could even put that since you violated the agreement, you're on probation and will be subject to random inspections, for a period of time. This would just be a little extra insurance, so he doesn't get his stuff out by the date of the first inspection, then comes back after that date. You would act upset as you hand him the paper. He is getting you in trouble at the apartments. Milk the being upset by this letter. Maybe he'll realize me might mess things up for you and get you kicked out too. And maybe will try harder to find a place, so as to not get you in trouble.
With someone like that, you should pass the blame to "a higher power" (something that is out of your control). So he can't blame you and his shenanigans won't work this time cause you're not the one making the decision. Your hands are tied.
As for feeling bad, you're going to feel bad probably. But its not your fault. He is taking advantage of your kindness and will continue to do so. He's not your responsibility and you should not feel responsible for him. You did more than enough and I'm surprised he's still there considering he stole from you and all that other stuff.
He's at least got a car, he's not gonna be sleeping on the sidewalk. There's food stamps, so he won't starve, and government job placement stuff. He doesn't try hard because he knows he can just keep milking you and throw a tantrum and threaten to kill himself to get sympathy to get his way. Don't let him keep playing you. He is toxic and will continue to take advantage of you. Again, redirect blame to a power outside of yourself, something out of your control, so he doesn't retaliate with hating you, or violence, or threats, etc.
Don't feel bad, you're a good person and you did a lot for him already. Living how you're living is no way to live. Gotta cut those toxic people out even if it hurts at first. It'll be worth it in the long run. Good luck!
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17/f
Been having headaches basically everyday and its worse when i have coffee. Its really bad and medication doesnt even work Ive been having blurred vision and dizziness, even when lying down i feel dizzy and ive been nuaseas basically everyday. I also get ear aches but not everyday. I also run out of breath quite quickly. i do have high stress levels but ive had bad anxiety before and i know its not that. Im also really pale - i never tan if i do tan i go red then back to white. But its been like this for years. I just feel really terrible and i wanna know whats wrong and how to fix this. My parents dont listen to me so i cant go to the doctors right now. there are other symptoms but i dont remember all of it.
Health background :
I have a really bad immune system.
My dad is diabetic.
3 out of 4 of my grandparents died of different cancers (breast,colon,brain).
I eat a lot of salt and sugar. My bmi is 20 (normal) so im not near overweight.
Checked my blood pressure 3 months ao and it was really low but checked it yesterday and it was normal.
Ive had colon problems and my doctor thought i had ibs.
Call 211. Its sorta like 911 but not emergencies. Its for health services. Tell them your situation and I'm sure they'll help you. Even if you're 17. Your parents are neglectful and you shouldn't have to suffer for it. Hope you get better.
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So I have literally dealt with depression and anxiety my whole life. I can remember being in first grade and not being able to do much of anything because I was so anxious. And I can remember faking my happiness since I was a very young child.
It just gets worse and worse every year, and I swear I've spent all my life trying to overcome them, but I just continue getting worse... continue getting weaker...
I've tried literally everything for years and years - different therapies, different medications, different meditations, different exercising, different diets, different religions/spiritualities, therapy animals, subliminal messaging, binaural beats, hypnosis, different hobbies, talking to people more, taking better care of myself, "faking it until I make it", getting out of the house more, making myself do things, mental hospitals - I've tried this constantly for years and years and im just so tired.
I'm exhausted. All I ever do now is fake who I am. Every single person other than my parents and my fiance think I'm this genuinely super happy and enthusiastic person because thats who I reveal to everyone. I never show my crippling, severe, torturing depression and anxiety to anyone. everyone just thinks im perfectly fine and super fucking happy.
Please don't tell me to try more. There's nothing else I can try. I've tried all therapies, too many meds to count - just everything any psychiatrist or therapist or psychologist could think of.
my life is pointless. I just get worse everyday. I cry everyday. I can't sleep.
The only thing that keeps me alive is I don't want to go to hell from killing myself, even though I feel like I've given up on God, yet I still try to show my love for Him. I don't want to give up on Him, so I try to still think He loves me somehow.
I don't think there's any hope for me. I've tried everything... I've dealt with this all my life... I can't do anything. I'm meaningless. I can't work or drive because I'm too sick. Nothing's ever even lessened my issues even the slightest...
Seriously, are some people just meant to suffer? Was I just destined to live like this?
How can I accept that this is my fate and just accept that I'll have to fake my happiness to everyone for the rest of my life?
We are what we think. If you think you're destined to suffer your whole life, then that's what you're gonna get. We get what we think about whether we want it or not. What you harbor in your mind will manifest in your body. Like the placebo effect.
One thing you can do to lift your spirits is the practice of gratitude. Sounds like you do have some things to be thankful for. A fiance, parents still alive, a place to live, internet etc. Gotta focus on the little things that you are grateful for. Even if we take most things for granted. Like having working arms and legs, eyes, ears etc.
Its all a matter of perspective. One time I was feeling sorry for myself. "I suck, my life sucks, fuck this." I went to the store to get myself something to drink my sorrows away. On the parking lot a guy that seemed perfectly normal and happy approached me and asked for my help to zoom out his phone (you know, using 2 fingers). He asked for help because he didn't have arms. That was like a slap in the face to me. How dare I be this selfish and feeling sorry for myself when there's people who REALLY have a reason to not be happy. And it made me look at all I have going for me that I choose to be blind to. We're free, we eat every day, enjoy comforts that we take for granted that other people would die for.
I know there's always the "yeah but..." That comes to our mind to protect our belief that our life sucks or we suck. But we really create those excuses ourselves. Suffering and feeling sorry for ourselves has become a part of our identity. Our minds don't like stepping out of who we've been. So it makes it uncomfortable to be different. Even if its to improve our lives. We'd rather keep suffering because its more comfortable and familiar, even though you're miserable in it. Which makes sense because you've felt depression and anxiety since you were young. You've had a lot of practice. So feeling this way is the most familiar and comfortable for you. Its what you're used to.
Nothing is good or bad, right or wrong, but thinking makes it so. You probably have a lot of good things going for you. But you choose to focus on the bad. Happiness is a choice. We can find reasons to be happy or we can find reasons to be unhappy. The choice is ours. Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
I strongly recommend the book "the power of now". Not only does it help put things in perspective, but it also talks about how and why we keep ourselves in a state of suffering. Its perfect for you.
In the book "as a man thinketh" (which I also recommend) It talks about your mind being like a fertile patch of land. We can plant seeds (thoughts) that we want and will benefit us to hold those beliefs. Good feelings about ourselves and life. But you have to plant them yourself and take care of them. Most people don't tend the garden, so weeds (whatever crap lands in your mind) grow and they take over the garden.
There's been lots of famous people who were depressed and suicidal at one point but managed to turn their lives around 180 degrees and now they're rich and or famous. That includes the author of "the power of now." Now he wrote the book, is rich and has helped millions with his book. He was homeless, living on the street. If that hadn't happened to him, he wouldn't have written the book. Sometimes, we only see the way out and not road ahead.
About killing yourself... We don't know what's on the other side. Most religions advise against it. And if there is no hell and there is reincarnation, who is to say your next life will be any better? Maybe you gotta atone for killing yourself last time. What if I kill myself and next time, I'll be the guy with no arms. Naw, better make the most of this life.
I've read some research conducted with magic mushrooms. The results are that for the majority of people, it was extremely spiritual and profound. It cured depression for those who had depression. It puts things in perspective and kind of "resets" our mind. There might be places where you can go do a ritual of psychodelics. Typically ayuasca, or maybe san pedro. There's places in the US. Of course also in south america. I met a rich white guy that lost most of his $ so he was extremely depressed and he went and it changed his life. If you're suicidal, what could it hurt to go and possibly save your life if nothing seems to work?
"the power of now" and "as a man thinketh" can probably be found online as an audiobook. Probably even on youtube.
Good luck! I hope this helps.
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So I pretty much want to forget about my dad he hurt me a lot and I even searched the internet for help but nothing helped me My dad was abusive and he cheated on my mom a lot. He also sexually assaulted me when I was little. Pretty much my mother had me at a young age around 15. And my 'father' was fine and all as I can recall. But when my mother left to work he would bring me with him and he would pick up a woman and bring them over to our house and well you know have sex with them. What was worse is that I had to be in the room with them when they were doing that, I remember when he did that and he turned all the lights off cuz u suppose he didn't want me to see I dont know and when he did I would cry silenty. He left me when I was 5 and I never knew he was abusive towards my mother till the day he hit her in front of me and my brother and I tried defending her and when she called the police he left and I heard he is in mexico now I always try forgetting him but its hard and he pretty much affected my life. Please give me some advice......
I can only tell you from my personal experience. One time, I had luck with a guided meditation to help me put something from my past, in my past and leave it there. I had been holding on to guilt for years and the meditation basically made the guilt fade away and I forgave myself and it totally worked. I had my doubts, but it worked.
Yours is not guilt, but resentment. But maybe it'll work just the same. I know he doesn't deserve forgiveness, but try to forgive him. Not for him, but for you. Since the resentment is only affecting you. You don't do him any harm whatsoever by resenting him. You only hurt yourself. Its like swallowing poison and hoping the other person dies.
The meditative state will also help you cause your conscious mind will not be as ready to defend why you shouldn't forgive him. Who knows, maybe he feels guilty about it now and he can never fix it and is wrought with guilt. But I think forgiveness will relieve you of some of the stress, even though its difficult.
Maybe it'll help justify forgiving him if you give him another story. Maybe he was like that because he grew up with abusers himself and he became one himself and he couldn't help it. Maybe he was depressed and he did bad things as an escape from his pain. Like a bully who acts how he acts because there's something wrong inside them and really has nothing to do with the victim. They're just in the wrong place at the wrong time. If you give him a story where he is a victim of his own past, maybe it'll help you forgive him? Just for you, so you can get some piece of mind. Maybe it'll help you look at him, not so much as a scumbag, but as the end result of his own shitty childhood, experiences and bad choices. And now he's paying for it, with his guilt and by being alone.
You can probably find meditations on youtube. The meditation I did involved imagining a picture of the person, very detailed. Then making it black and white, then having it slowly fade away into the dark background until you can't see it. Sounds weird, but it worked for me. You probably have to be in a meditative state though. I don't think it'll work if you just imagine it real quick.
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Hello!
Lately I have been doing some thinking about my boyfriend. We have been together for almost a year and half and I have had a crush on him for three years and we started dating my sophomore year of high school. We have done so much together. He was my first, he gave me a promise ring, and has even bought me a lot of stuff valued at almost $250 worth. He dumped me two times for two different girls and after both their breakups ended up getting back with me. He keeps saying he wants to marry me and for me to move in with him for my senior year. I love him so much and I see a future with him, but lately I have been unsure about it. I've thought about leaving him several times because we argue over the dumbest things. For example, he hates when I wear lipstick, when we meet up tells me what to wear, and even once he got so mad at me that he said my social media pages were stupid and my favorite singer that helped me through depression was stupid. I just feel like I'm losing feelings for him and it's breaking my heart. Whenever I tell him the truth about how I feel he threatens to kill himself and I end up feeling bad and giving in. I just feel like our relationship isn't what it used to be and it's getting unhealthy. Should I break up with him or not? If yes, how should I do it if he wants to kill himself? Thank you for reading. -t
Yeah, get rid of him. He won't kill himself. He's already voluntarily "lost" you twice. He's full of crap. He seems like a liar, manipulator and control freak. He doesn't respect what you like. If he doesn't like it, that's one thing. But to say the things you like are stupid, that's not something one would say to the one he supposedly "will die" if she is not with him. You're already halfway out, since you're losing feelings for him. Don't let him buy your affection. This guy is not good for you. If he's this much drama now, think of the drama when you live together or get married. Stop being his back up girl for when other girls get rid of him. Time to let him go.
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thankyou for reading this and
idk from where i should start...
i'm just gonna tell you everything that has happened with me over the last couple of years..
i lost my dad when i was 12
he was a very good person he took such good care of us...he died of cancer even though he never smoke or did drinking or any such sort of bad habits
and i lost "ME" the day i lost my dad and i am realizing it now as i start to think...
and after that we had to move to my grandfather's place as we had no one to take care of us
we had money though not like huge but it was enough my dad had worked very hard for every penny
and my grandfather helped my mom to build an apartment with the money we had and he also helped her a lot by lending money to my mother
and just 2 years ago our apartment got finished and also my Grandfather passed away in 2015
i can't take all of this really it is hurts me a lot alll these stuff i loved my Grandfather so much he was a very good person
and all my mother also cries everynight just thinking about what happened to my dad and grandfather
and my after i lost my grandpa i almost lost every family member as they started to show their true nature
the whole family and everyone was ...i don't even feel like talking about them
they were acting as if they are very nice and sweet when my grandpa was there and now that he's gone everyone is just yeah showing what they truly are....
i really don't know how to tell all the little stuff that cause the most pain....
that they all do.
i let all these things into my head and yeah i lost it ...
i didn't write my exam last year and i wasted an year and now i am at home everyday
sad ..and feeling lonely
but i took the re-exam december and i know i am not gonna pass because i don't like studying
i feel all these stuff is made by us
Go to school...
Study hard...
get good marks...
get a job at a place that gives you boat load of money...
marry a girl...
have kids....
i mean i am just tired of all these stuff
i don't know what to do with my life
and yeah i am also in love with a 21 year old girl(long distance)
met her online she is really very sweet
i have never met anyone like her till now
and i really just love her a lot
but ....
i told my mom about this thinking that she would help me to get together with this girl
( yah i'm an idiot i know )
but my mom denied(obiviously)
recently things haven't been good
it never has been good in my case
the girl i love also hasn't texted me back in couple of weeks and i am just Holding on
just Holding On...
i really don't know when i am gonna loose the Grip...
i really feel like dying
but..
yeah i also don't wanna Give up
people are usually like think about your mother and all the pain she's been through...
i really feel her pain
but..
they wouldn't say the same thing if they saw the world they way i see it
and wouldn't say these things if i saw the world the way they see it !
i am such an idiot !
i hate ME
i don't like me at all...
i just don't wanna live
but..
Hope is all i Got !
Given what you said, I don't see a reason for you to hate yourself. All these things happened to you and you had nothing to do with them. We're our own worst critics. Nobody is perfect. Be easy on yourself. Have some compassion for yourself.
I also used to hate myself sometimes. I think everyone does at one point or another. Then I really examined why I thought that. It turns out I'm actually a pretty good human being. Not perfect, but nobody is.
Are you really a bad person that deserves to be hated? Really think about it. If you met someone that was exactly like you, would you hate them? Probably not.
Yeah life is hard sometimes. But things pass. There's been many times in my life and probably in a lot of people's lives, where they felt similar to you. Things just suck. But, it passes. So its good that you have hope, because this too shall pass. You should practice the phrase "this too shall pass". Because the overwhelming majority of the time, it does. And a lot of the time, its not that the situation changes, its your mentality towards it that changes. Really, most of "what is" is just in your mind. The situation itself doesn't need to change. Its your mentality that needs to change. You're still very young so you don't have enough experience with that yet. But you will.
Accepting "what is" is very important in order for you to move forward. If you keep fighting what is, you will doom yourself to being unhappy. Your mind can't "be here" and always wanting to "be there". It tears you apart inside with anxiety, depression and make you just wanna give up cause you see no end.
Yes the death of loved ones hurts and there is a period of grief. Have a good cry and let them go. This is not what they would have wanted for you. They want you to be happy and prosper. But you have to move on and let them go and accept what is. Honor their memory by exhibiting the good qualities about them.
Yeah, some of your family are jerks. Some people are jerks. Its a fact of life. These people are likely miserable so they try to make others as miserable as they are. Accept that they're jerks and move on. Don't let their poison affect you. Fuck em. Forget about em. You don't need people like that in your life.
Getting back to accepting "what is". Imagine how it would be if your life situation didn't bother you? That's what acceptance feels like. Your current life situation is just that, your current life situation. Its not your life and its not you. Accepting "what is" and developing the mentality of "this too shall pass" when things get rough, will take a huge weight off your shoulders and give you peace of mind. The world doesn't need to change, its your perception of it that needs to change. Keep in mind that just because you accept what is, it doesn't mean that you have to stay there. Its for peace of mind to make it easier to move to better things. But you don't have to. There was a time when my life was destroyed. Everything I worked for for years. Gone. I also wanted to just die. But I changed my perception. I accepted what is and stopped dwelling on how things "should" be. I also accepted that the path I was led to was part of a bigger "plan" I didn't know about. And that I was exactly where I was supposed to be for that new and better path to come into fruition.
You don't have to go the path that others go: Job, wife, kids, work, die. I didn't. I know many who are doing that and they're miserable. That's what they chose. You gotta choose what you want. You don't wanna do that? Don't. Its that simple. You can choose your own path.
I'd like to point out that constantly entertaining negative thoughts about how much things suck or how much you suck or how much people suck will just bring you more of the same. Its poison for your mind and wellbeing. Try to find reasons why things don't suck. I'm sure you do have things to be thankful for. You have your mom, you are a place to live, eat every day, have internet, you're not sick or in constant pain. Not everyone can make these claims and we tend to take it for granted. Its easy to focus on the bad and overlook the good. Cause we've had so much practice. Imagine you have a piece of paper and you drew a spot on it. The paper represents you and the dot represents everything that's wrong with you and everything negative about your situation and shitty people. People spent a lot of time holding the piece of paper right up to their eyeball, focusing on the dot, so that they only see the dot and don't see the rest of the paper. But if you pull the paper away from your face, (I.E. look at it from a different perspective) You'll see that there's a lot more good than bad. You gotta change your perspective, the way you think about "what is".
I wanna recommend 2 books which brought me great peace of mind. One is "the four agreements" and the other "the power of now". Which are also available in audio and you can probably find it for free if you dig around online. Youtube probably has snippets or people summarizing. The book "as a man thinketh" is also good.
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I am 25 yr old gay male. I have been in a relationship for 7 years now with someone who is 44. I find that I am not really happy anymore and I cannot just take off and break up w/him because my parents house has no room/ and I haven't been able to keep a job the past 5 years I went through 20+ jobs!!! I am in therapy and taking meds for anxiety/adhd and even thought several times I am bi polar but doctors said I do not display enough signs..I am truly just staying here for financial reasons and it feels everyday is a rut.. I do work 2x a week but that is not enough money to move out!! I also fear he will just move on very quickly and forget about me for the rest of his life.. I do respect him and appreciate everything he does for me but I have become so dependent on him... A lot of the chemistry is gone too..Any advice would be appreciated...
Hate to tell ya, but it sounds like you're gonna have to grow up and learn to be independent. Its tough I know, but you should use this time to really look at what you'd have to do to be on your own. Right now he's not kicking you out, but eventually he will get tired of it and move on, especially if you're not together anymore. Use this time wisely, otherwise you might end up in you parent's couch.
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Hi,
I might be a bit old for this site. I don't know. I use to come here in my childhood.
I have a personal question and need advice.
I grew up a foster child and from a dysfunctional family.
From the three families, I think I was raised well over all and turned out pretty decent. I'm an introvert so I'd say I'm good at reading people and have a good gauge for what people think.
Throughout my years since childhood I've made friends and lost those friends. Not entire loss for some; some just have grown apart.
I had in my opinion some very close connections. Some of those people wouldn't as much have me as a Facebook friend now.
How could I have been so close at one point in my life and they not care or wonder about me now?
How do you have close connections with people and not want to maintain them later on like family?
Was their interpretation of the friendship lacking love?
I sincerely don't get it.
I loved my friends. Genuinely did and do. My heart doesn't change in that regard. I don't believe in superficial relationships.
Maybe I don't do friendship right?
Sometimes I feel it could be my reputation.
Not that I'm into anything bad, albeit I have had some bad roads at one time.
I see some of those friends with only attractive people as their Facebook friends. I have scars and less wealth. My lip is sort of disfiguring, although some say I only notice it. I can't afford the masks they put on their faces or the adornments they put on their bodies.
Maybe my way of thinking is it like as that last sentence?
Could it be my lack of family or friends that makes people not want to add anything to my low status of relationships? Or in my culture popular psychology is presented with false truths about people when it comes to their lack of relationships? For example, she has no friends therefore something is wrong with her?
For the record, I do have somewhat friends. We'd be closer if I had transportation. I some friends that hold lower status. I guess maybe people have bias to that so I don't take pictures with my lower status friends. I know that sounds bad and it is. There's a secondary reason. I don't want the whole reflection that I'm like them because some of them are sort of into something I don't do. Like I said, I don't really do anything bad.
Am I right? People only care about people if they first meet their standards when it comes to the surface?
Is the world like a rating system like on the show Dark Mirror season 3?
Is maybe my score too low so people wouldn't even considering engaging with me?
I have always had rejection issues. Maybe that, too, has something to do with it.
What should I do? What should I change?
Those who judge you and refuse to be your friend because you are "lower status" than they are, don't deserve your time. But it seems you judge others for being "lower status" too. What goes around comes around...
Looking at facebook to judge yourself is a terrible idea. Facebook should just be called "fakebook". People just put what they want others to see. Their perfectly fake lives. I've also had friends that rejected being my FB friend, eventhough we had been working together for years and got along fine. At first I was offended, then I remembered the 2nd agreement (from the 4 agreements) and it says "Don't take anything personally." I just decided to not give a damn. Then all its power to make me feel bad went away. I also recommend that you stop following people that make you feel bad because of their supposed perfect lives.
I'm guessing you're still young because you mention that whole "status" thing so much. That's not a healthy way to look at yourself or other people. Looking at someone with "higher status" with envy will just make you feel bad and resent them. I'm guessing that's already happening with your facebook "friends" that only hang out with attractive people. Don't compare yourself to others. Because someone will always be higher or lower than you. One will give you envy, the other will make you a shitty person for looking down on people. Makes it sound like you're no better than your friends you judge for leaving you out of things because of your "status". Then you turn around and judge others who are "lower status" probably similarly to how you are judged by those who are "higher status".
Also, if you concentrate on rejection and have the mentality that you have "rejection issues" will only give you more of the same. The subconscious mind will look to re-enforce the beliefs you hold and will seek evidence and point it out to you if you come across it. Re-enforcing those things. Which just make you feel worse and more rejected.
Studies show that social media can have a negative impact on your self esteem if you resent your friends for having better lives than you (at least that's what they show). So you might wanna take a break from it or at least unfollow those people that make you feel bad.
Friendships fade away sometimes. That's just a part of life. No need to get bent out of shape because of it. Nurture the relationships you do have. But don't be too distraught if eventually some of those fade too. Its just a part of life. People and their interests change. You worry way too much about what other people think. The less you care about what people think, the less these questions about 'whether you are "worthy" or if your "social status" is good enough' will come up. Because who cares what they think? They're just a bunch of Aholes anyway.
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How to remove my childs youtube channel
You'll have to dig around youtube to see how you can contact them. There might be terms and conditions that say you have to be over 18 to have a channel. or at least over 13. Then you can have it flagged because I don't know if you can prove that you're the parent of said child. Even if you cancel it, they can probably just create another one. Perhaps you can report all his videos and say that you're the parent and they are under age. You could block youtube on the kid's computer or device, but that would be pretty devastating. But if he keeps up with his channel after you told them not to, you can at least threaten to block youtube if they don't stop.
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I'm writing greeting cards for extra money. But I need to know how I can spark higher creativity and motivation for writing them? I'm already a pretty creative person when it comes to writing, but I want to know some tips and advice on how to be even more creative and motivated for writing greeting cards.
Meditation. I've heard this from success authors like napoleon hill and brian tracy. Dunno how much it'll help for the cards, but its just creativity in general.
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I was in a relationship on 15th Oct/2015 that it lasted only two month, it began with difficulties because of our mutual friends were in love with us, but somehow we got through it I sorted things out with my best friend but he didn’t and they fought and didn’t talk for a while anyways….I know it’s a short time to fall in love and still feel broken inside but it is the truth that till now I’m suffering from heartache, maybe it was because I lived so much details with him and the feelings were real.. I still miss him and the pain is still there like it was the first day.
ps. We were friends for a year before the relation..
I thought maybe if I get away for a little while some time by myself will sort my thoughts and finally be in peace with the reality, but it’s getting worse I feel like someone is squeezing my heart the pain is all there and somehow I was just escaping to face it and now I have no choice but to face them, he’s far away and maybe I won’t see him ever again but I still don’t know what happened I still have questions that I don’t know their answers and answers that I’m afraid what their actual questions would be..
I think if I know the answers to my questions then maybe somehow I’ll be finally be in peace and begin to accept the reality but how??? Talking to mutual friends? I don’t think so ,,talking to him? I think he got over me long ago and I don’t have the guts to talk to him.. it’s just after all we’ve been through to hold on to each other all the sacrifices we’ve made all the difficulties we’ve been through I couldn’t imagine the end would be like this, I’ll be a liar if I say that I don’t want him back but the reality is so bitter that I can’t even change it.
I just want to be OK I want to be in peace..HOW??
Write a letter to him (without sending it) explaining all of your feelings, questions and concerns. Then write another letter "from him" in response to your letter and make it as you would like it to be. Full of understanding and love. (but of course, he won't say that he'll come back to you if that was one of your questions.) But instead, say that he said something that would be satisfactory to you as to why he can't be with you. Make it as perfect response to your original letter as possible, so that you feel good and are satisfied with it. It would also provide closure.
I know it sounds weird, but the mind works in strange ways. If you read that response as if its really from him, the mind will believe it. At least to the point where you might be satisfied with how things ended and you no longer have to dwell on what could have been. Hope this helps.
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I have been dating an amazing man for a little over a year now. We are both in college and this past semester has been difficult for us. He had to do a fifth year which he was really unhappy about and has felt really lonely and like he doesn't really have a purpose here on campus. It is my senior year and he is adamant about not interfering with all of the fun he wants me to have. You would think that he would be overbearing and want to see me all of the time because he doesn't have any friends of his own here, but its the complete opposite.
He is frustrated with me because I always want more. I want more time with him, I want more of him... I feel like I'm not getting enough. He doesn't really take initiative to ask to hang out or ask to go on dates and he says its because I never give him the chance but I feel like if I don't ask, he never will... We have had a lot of fights about this. They go the same way: I express that I feel like he doesn't want to put in effort and he assures me that he loves me and wants to spend his life with me but that he just feels down all of the time at school. I have noticed that when we go off campus either for a date or to visit our families everything is amazing. He immediately perks up and it feels like he is a different person. I want to be understanding and stick it out with him like he's asked but I hate feeling so low most of the time. When he is down all he wants to do is be alone and play video games. He gets angry when I suggest we do anything else. He says if I'm bored I can leave. It's hurtful.
The other night I went a little crazy... I was drunk to the point where I did not remember doing this but I left the bar and was trying to find him. I texted him a dozen times, called him literally 25 times, and showed up at his apartment and then the only other place I knew he would be, which is his only friend still left on campus's apartment. He took me outside and said I was acting cray and he wasn't answering because he didn't want to deal with it. We fought for a few minutes and he finally just hugged me and said he loved me and we'd figure it out. I went home and fell asleep. I saw him the next morning and apologized profusely and he said he was already over it. I have done this a few times though. Never to that level, but I have a tendency of texting him numerous times in a row when I have felt like he was ignoring me. I'm not proud of it. But I feel so desperate in those times. It's not who I am. I have never been a crazy girlfriend.
I'm just stuck. I want more than anything to be with this person. I want to make it work. But last night we got into another fight and he started going off on me saying he was still mad about the night I showed up at his friend's. That he had pent up frustration and needed to think about our relationship. Today he told me he didn't mean that. That he didn't need to think about it, but now he isn't responding to me. I'm so tired of this and I don't know what to do. I know I deserve better and I know that he can give it to me... we only have one semester left and our plans after college leave us about a six hour drive apart. I want more than anything to work through this but I can't be the only one working. How do you know when its time to give up???
I HIGHLY recommend "men are from mars, women are from venus." (by john gray) You can probably find the audiobook on youtube or just google it. It explains pretty much everything that you are doing wrong.
In a nutshell, men are turned off by needyness and you are being very needy. The more you try to be with him all the time, the more he will try to get away. Men also like alone time and guy time. By you always needing to be with him, you are preventing that. On top of that you are throwing in drama when he doesn't comply to your constant wanting to be together. I think in general, guys don't want to be with their girlfriends 24/7. Even if they love them. You're kind of giving him an ultimatum "be with me all the time, or there will be drama." But he likes his alone time and doesn't want drama. So what should be do? Be with you all the time eventhough he doesn't want to be with you all the time? That'll just make him sick of you.
I've experienced this very thing in my own relationships. Which just made me resent her and I couldn't wait for moments when she was finally gone, so I could be alone for a while. After we broke up, I saw her do this to her next boyfriend and he told me what I thought myself when I was with her. She is extremely needy and it just made him want to get away from her even more. Eventhough we both loved her and liked hanging out with her, but when she was needy, we just wanted to get away.
What you need to do is give him some space, let him have his alone time and guy time. He will come back to you. It explains all of this in the book. That women's needyness push the guy away and the more she wants, the more the guy wants to get away. But if she lets off and lets him have his alone time, he will come back much more willing and wanting to spend time with you. This also happened to me when my ex left me alone to do my thing, I would come back. Same thing with her next bf. She was needy, he pulled away. I told her to leave him alone and then HE was the one wanting to spend time.
I highly recommend you listen to the book together. I listened to it with my girl and we were surprised how much we were behaving like it says in the book, but of course, we were oblivious to it. Until now.
If you give him some space 1 of 2 things will happen. He will come back to you even more eager and happy to spend time with you. Or you will have your answer on whether the relationship is worth fighting for or not. But if what you say is true, he will most likely come back.
Also, maybe try to take an interest in his interests.
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Hi there! So I am dealing with a crazy insecurity with my outer appearance. Truthfully, I want advice on how to see myself as beautiful or how to focus wholly on my personality (because I think my personality is nearly flawless, but I will admit I could always improve).
Everyone says I don't look "average beautiful," instead I look "uniquely and weirdly beautiful."
Is that a compliment, or should I be offended?
I mean, I like the idea of being "uniquely beautiful," but I still don't know what's better - "uniquely" or "average?"
I'm so sorry, I must sound conceited because I probably sound overly obsessed with how I look. But everywhere I go, it seems everyone only cares about how someone looks on the outside, which is most likely why I care about mine so much.
Anyone have any advice, please?
I have to say, your presentation and analysis of the situation was awesome. No real emotions, just facts and information. Then inquiry. That's kinda how I operate.
My advice to you (based on books I've read) is that worrying about what others think about us, is something one shouldn't do. Its just speculation on your part.
And that's the point. Its really about what YOU believe. And what YOU think about yourself. I'd take "uniquely handsome" any day. I absolutely should not take that as an insult. My outer appearance is not brad pitt, but I've always known that. What's nice is that someone appreciates my true self. Without having to be hotter or whatever.
In life, you'll learn to appreciate genuine people and appreciate them even if they're not the most "suave". I'm 36 and the people who stuck around, the ones I like the most are the ones I can be myself with. In my opinion, that's how life should be. People judged based on their character and personality not their looks. Imagine that!
In conclusion: The more you think about something, the more it's power grows. If, like you said "have a major insecurity problem" if you keep thinking and thinking the thoughts that make you feel insecure "too skinny, too fat, too this, too that" and the big one. "Not good enough" in "this department" or "that department." Its all in our heads. Life is school and sometimes its Effed up. We must learn from our experiences and surmount our self indulged insecurities. That's part of the lesson. (and yes lessons sometimes suck.)
Who are your heroes? I bet they're not models. We gotta be who we gotta be. Those are my heroes at least. People who surmounted their self-perceived shortcomings are heroes and pretty amazing.
Anyway, I gotta go to sleep. I hope I helped you in some way. Looks aren't everything and that's a really shallow perspective to have in life. Be happy with what you got and appreciate it. Nobody is perfect. We're just human.
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im a 24 yr old female and i am very close to my gran who is 89 (very few health issues, asthma and vertigo)
recently i keep having the same nightmare its very vivid and i either wake up crying or screaming or both. here is a little about what happens in the dream:
im at her house and i take her food shopping as usual on saturday as normal everything is fine and i leave her and she is fine. tuesday morning coming around and im at work and i receive a phone call from her life line to say the button has been pressed but they have no response and an ambulance is on the way. i arrive at the house and the paramedics have pronounced her dead at the seen, at that point i drop to the floor in shock and im devastated. i finally find the strength to call my mother to let her know whats happened. thats when i wake up.
the dream is so life like, i have had dreams like this in the past 3 or 4 months months before i was in a car accident several years ago which the exact this happened.
im so scared...scared that its going to happen scared that im going to loose the only person i can turn to when i need help with anything.
I dont know what i will do with out my gran.
does this mean anything or not? please advise me im so scared
If we're constantly thinking and worrying about something; then it may show up in our dreams. Probably in a different way. I've had this happen. I've had many dreams where I die. As for me, its just the brain doing its thing while we sleep. It doesn't judge, it just sorts.
We can't know when someone will die, that includes ourselves. Even if we dream of it. I've died many many times in dreams. Clearly, I didn't actually die.
If you love her, tell her how much you love and appreciate her, her companionship, her love and her advice. I'm sure that will mean the world to her. I know it would mean the world to me hearing it from someone I love. And it would be extra special hearing it from my nieces and nephews. ( don't have grandchildren.) Especially if I think I influenced them into being a better person. That's the greatest gift you can give her and make her feel appreciated and special.
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My alcoholic mother neglected my education from age 5 by "unschooling" me (it's code for lazy parents who are too prideful to admit their failure in homeschooling) I'm going to be 18 next year and I've never been so depressed and hopeless.
I tried to motivate myself to catch up academically years ago, but it just made me too upset to even open a text book.
I have no idea what to do. I feel like I have no future.
Are you trying to get into college or get a job? I doubt an employer who is hiring people your age would take the time to make sure you really graduated or actually have a GED. In the job world, your grades don't matter. They only care about if you can do your job and be reliable. People your age generally don't have work applicable skills, so they get whatever unskilled job they can get. People who hire teenagers know this and will hire and train. You might have to do some basic math as a cashier, but that's pretty much it for an entry level job.
If its to get into college, you can pass the GED, then go to community college, then transfer.
I think you're taking the education up to this point a little too serious. After high school, grades don't matter unless you're keeping up your GPA to meet college requirements. As far as job, nope. So if you're just gonna get a job, don't trip.
Just in case you were thinking that: because you didn't go to school "normally" doesn't mean you're stupid, you have the ability to learn and retain information just like anyone else.
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Okay, so after watching the fundamentals of caring, (a movie about a boy with muscular dystrophy who is wheelchair bound, and a caregiver to watch over him who also takes him to the world's lamest attractions around different states) I was genuinely curious if a caregiver would work with me as well. I, thankfully, am not wheelchair bound, but I do suffer from hypermobility syndrome, also known as Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (type 3).
I deal with daily dislocations, and I was wondering if I could potentially hire someone to help me out on days that are particularly not easy on my 16 y/o body.
(No, I am not asking for someone to take me across the country)
Does anyone know if this could be possible?
You could probably find information on caretakers on sites about disability and such. Or maybe a hospital or clinic could point you in the right direction of where to look for them. There you might find people with experience and references instead of just trying to hire someone through craigslist or something.
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I cry all the time, and it's really embarrassing when I'm around other people. For example, if I get even a slightly bad grade on a test (like 85%), then I'll barely be able to hold back tears. The same thing happens when someone makes any sort of negative comment toward me. Is there something I can do about this? I don't think I'm really 'insecure' or anything, I'm just really emotional and I don't know why. Any advice..?
A lot of times, we get emotional about things because we subconsciously believe something. For example: if you are skinny and you believe you're skinny; Then someone calls you fat, you're not gonna get upset about that because you consciously and unconsciously hold the belief that you are skinny. So their words don't affect you. So if something bothers you, its because subconsciously you agree with them and that makes you feel bad. Take anorexics, they're skinny but believe they're fat. So anything towards them related to them being fat will make them feel bad. Even if its not true, but their belief makes it so. Although in their case, its not just subconscious.
So yes, you are insecure about some things. We all are. Nobody is perfect. Don't be so hard on yourself for getting a less than perfect test result. Going through puberty would also make you more emotional.
You need to learn to not take the opinions of others personally. That's just their opinion. You might have the same opinion about them. There's a really good book called "the 4 agreements". I think it will help you immensely with you becoming too emotional.
In the book, it talks about that words are like magic. You can use your words to bless someone or curse someone. Negative words towards you (or others) are like black magic and can affect you negatively IF YOU LET THEM. 2 of the agreements are "don't take anything personally" and "don't assume". You can see how different things would be if we didn't take anything personally. Be it the negative opinions of others or some kind of failure on our part. Assuming things can also be very bad. As in assuming this person thinks this or that. Then we get upset over something that may or may not be true. So don't assume either. I'm sure you can find the audiobook online, maybe even youtube.
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My boyfriend and I have been together for a while. He's basically the most perfect human being to me. He's smart, he's handsome, he's sweet, and he treats me like royalty! He says all of the right things to me and he makes me feel good. I couldn't ask for anything better. The only issue is...HE SMOKES WEED OCCSSIONALLY! I am one who has morals- I am a virgin, I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't party, etc. I'm not trying to be judgmental, but I don't know how to handle it! It really bothers me and I don't know what to do. Any advice?
Weed has gotten a bad rap from people who don't know what they're talking about or haven't ever smoked. Its legal in many states and countries. Its also not dangerous like alcohol. Someone stoned is usually mellow and relaxed, that's it. Some people get paranoid though. That's about it. People don't get aggressive like with alcohol or lose all inhibition and do stupid things that will hurt themselves or others.
Weed isn't bad, its just that people are brainwashed to think so. Don't hate on him because of it. He sounds like a great guy, don't lose him cause he smokes occasionally. Its not really a bad thing.
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I admire the thought of being the calmest person ever. Like whatever usually makes a person angry, I could be absolutely, totally calm about. And when I talk to people, I want to always be calm. When things go wrong, I want to always be calm. When someone insults or yells at me, I want to always be calm.
I already do subliminals and they're helping a lot, but I want to know more on how to be super calm. I want to be known as the girl who's always super calm.
Meditate, detoxify your body, read the power of now and the 4 agreements.
One time I had to be super zen and something that would normally upset me was subsided by telling myself "If I couldn't think these thoughts (the thoughts that were upsetting to me), I couldn't feel these feelings." And that really let me step out of just reacting instead of just observing.
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