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Don't know if I want to break up with my boyfriend?
Hello!
Lately I have been doing some thinking about my boyfriend. We have been together for almost a year and half and I have had a crush on him for three years and we started dating my sophomore year of high school. We have done so much together. He was my first, he gave me a promise ring, and has even bought me a lot of stuff valued at almost $250 worth. He dumped me two times for two different girls and after both their breakups ended up getting back with me. He keeps saying he wants to marry me and for me to move in with him for my senior year. I love him so much and I see a future with him, but lately I have been unsure about it. I've thought about leaving him several times because we argue over the dumbest things. For example, he hates when I wear lipstick, when we meet up tells me what to wear, and even once he got so mad at me that he said my social media pages were stupid and my favorite singer that helped me through depression was stupid. I just feel like I'm losing feelings for him and it's breaking my heart. Whenever I tell him the truth about how I feel he threatens to kill himself and I end up feeling bad and giving in. I just feel like our relationship isn't what it used to be and it's getting unhealthy. Should I break up with him or not? If yes, how should I do it if he wants to kill himself? Thank you for reading. -t
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As I was reading this, I was thinking: "Okay, he has disrespectful habits... he's controlling... he's belittling her..." then I got to the part where he threatens suicide if you leave him. The other stuff could POSSIBLY be written off as immaturity or just being a jerk, but right there, he crossed the line into emotionally abusive, and that all by itself is reason enough to break up with him.
Because he's not actually going to do it. He's just using a threat to hold you hostage, because you being happy is way the hell down on his priority list. He has revealed that he doesn't give a damn if your needs are being met, or if you're feeling good about your relationship; he just wants to own you.
So, the way you break up with him is to do it very deliberately and with finality. Make it clear that it is over and there is no chance of you ever getting back with him again. If he threatens suicide, you tell him that his pathetic attempt to manipulate you won't work, and that he's a asshole for trying to lay something like that on you.
You may also want to have a friend or two nearby for this conversation, because a guy who gets emotionally abusive can sometimes get physically abusive. Even if he's never hit you before, he might feel like he has nothing to lose by doing so if you're breaking up with him anyway. So, have someone you trust available to have your back if things get ugly.
Definitely break up with him, though, as soon as you can. He's poison.
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Yeah, get rid of him. He won't kill himself. He's already voluntarily "lost" you twice. He's full of crap. He seems like a liar, manipulator and control freak. He doesn't respect what you like. If he doesn't like it, that's one thing. But to say the things you like are stupid, that's not something one would say to the one he supposedly "will die" if she is not with him. You're already halfway out, since you're losing feelings for him. Don't let him buy your affection. This guy is not good for you. If he's this much drama now, think of the drama when you live together or get married. Stop being his back up girl for when other girls get rid of him. Time to let him go.
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