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Hi there! My name is Alyssa, and I'm a teen adviser who would like to help answer any questions that you may have about teen life and beyond.If you need help with anything, please feel free to ask me, or visit my friend's website at www.freewebs.com/bt4t You'll receive lots of support there. Also, feel free to join the site. Visitors are always welcome.
Please note that I am not a professional adviser but I will do my best to answer any of your questions.
Thank you
-Alyssa-
advice
14/f
SORRY THiS MiGHT BE LONG, BUT THiS iS A MAJOR PROBLEM.
Facts you need to know; I have a boyfriend, let's call him "Billy". (we've been together for 4 months now). And I have a best friend, let's call him "Bobby". Bobby's liked me for almost a year now. I just haven't noticed the things Bobby has done for me, until now.
The Story;
Me & Billy has been going GREAT! But, we have our ups & downs, but what relationships hasn't? My friends don't like Billy, because they say that what he seems to do is make me cry & mad all the time. But then, they don't see him as I do, he isn't all that bad of a person. And Bobby, my friend's seem to like him more, they say he appreciates me more than Billy does. So I'm going to get STRAiGHT to the point. I like Bobby now, but then yet I also like Billy. My friend's says I have to make a decision. Ever since Bobby comment myspace out of notice saying, "You're more adorable, sweeter, and I love you more! I love you hunny bunny." (Billy reads my comments). Billy doesn't know about Bobby, because I know trouble will be on it's way if he finds out. Billy said that I needed to tell "my little boyfriend down there" to ease the fuck off. Yes, those were his exact words. My choices are very complicated, it's hard for me to make the decision myself, so I don't want to make the wrong decision either, but yet, I don't want to regret it. Billy, yes he makes me cry & fustrated, that's true, but we get through it.. which makes our relationship stronger too. Bobby, he hasn't done me wrong at all, and he's always there for me. When he said "Whatever happens between us, you'll always be in my heart." WAS SOO TRUE. Billy's complicated because the way he treats me, I know him VERY well too. But then, he doesn't know me well, because he doesn't even know my favorite color. Or my birthday, he got the month wrong too. Bobby, he knows how to treat a girl, and he knows me well, and yes.. he knows when's my birthday & favorite color. Billy, he's more opened... so if something is bothering him, he'd probably talk to me about it. Bobby, he's kind of closed, so if something was bothering him, he'd probably keep it in, and not talk about it. So it's kind of hard for me to figure him out, because I heard some things about him in the past, but he hasn't told me about it. That's what makes him complicated. I get to see Billy more than I get to see Bobby. Because Bobby works, but he'll be going to the same school as me next year. Billy, will be moving kind of far from me, when he goes to the same school for ONLY two or three months, but I'll be able to see him on the weekends (if i have no homework, of course). I can't really trust Billy when he's with girls, especially if his only bestfriend is MY ENEMY. AKA also his last girlfriend before he and I started going out with me. But I can trust Bobby about hanging out with girls and stuff, because I'm already the only girl he's talking to. But then yet, if i do have to break up with Billy, it would be hard for me, because I still like him, but it wouldn't be fair to Bobbly. And because, I don't want to throw away the things we've been through. But not just that, I'm scared he'll find someone else, someone else that's better then me. Because the thing is, I'm his longest relationship, his second longest relationship would probably be a month and two weeks. I'm the first on everything to him, you know, first kiss, first to celebrate anniversaries, etc. He tells me that I'm the best girlfriend he's ever had, but I want to be his BEST out of all the girls he would be seeing, or meeting. Plus, Billy says that he's going to try to be the best boyfriend he can be. And he's actually improving, not that many problems, and he's actually taking care of me. But it still bothers me he's bestfriends with my enemy, and yes I talked to him about it, I understand. But yet, it still bothers me.
SOOO HELP?!
Ok its clear that bobby and billy both like you.
With Billy:
IF you don't feel like you can trust him, with his ex, or with any other girl while he is away, then you shouldn't go out with him. It shouldn't matter about best whatevers. He doesn't know you.
With Bobby:
He likes you, he knows you, and you lie him. is there really any choice?
Just re-read you question and write all the pros and cons that are in your question for each guy.
Hope this helps,
AlyssaBT4T
i like this kid and he likes me too. he makes it pretty obvious that he likes me and all of our friends are well aware of it. the thing is that i've told more than a few people that i DON'T like him (including him) just to get him to back off. he has a little bit, but now that i think i'm ready for a relationship, i want to tell him. what's the easiest way to admit that i like him?
Just explain to him that you do like him and that you want a relationship, its just that before you weren't sure of anything.
Hope this helps,
AlyssaBT4T
Ok, well my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We love each other very much, but there's always been this one problem. He's really cute and funny, so he constantly has girls hanging all over him. Even right in front of me. And he's always telling me about different girls calling him, or flirting with him, or saying they like him. I don't think he's telling me this to make me jealous... he's just telling me to tell me. And I guess I'm glad he's honest about it, but it still always makes me mad. Because I'm not always so sure that he isn't instigating it somehow, or flirting back a bit.
There have been times that guys have flirted with me, or said I was hot or whatever, but never in front of my boyfriend. And I've never mentioned it to him, because I know how bad it feels and why should I upset him? So I've just kept it to myself.
Well anyway... the other day we were at this party and these two guys were hitting on me big time, right in front of him. At first he was really mad... then he got kinda insecure, and kept asking if I still love him. And he said now he knows how I feel when girls flirt with him. And then he started acting REALLY nice, telling me how much he loves me and never wants to lose me, bringing me flowers, etc. It was awesome!! It was like suddenly he realized that other guys might want to go out with me, so he better keep on his toes!
Well, school's about to start again, and I want him to remember this! So I'm wondering... if guys ever flirt with me, should I tell my boyfriend? Should I encourage guys to flirt with me a little bit in front of my boyfriend, and if so, how can I do that without acting like a slut? Because my only goal here is to remind my boyfriend how it feels, so he'll be more thoughtful of my feelings when girls start flirting with him.
Don't do anything that you know will hurt him. He knows how you feel now, so don't make it any worse. If he tells you that there are girls flirting with him then just remind him by telling him how much its hurts you.
Hope this helps,
AlyssaBT4T
I m a 15 year old guy........
i love a girl....but i want to talk to her but i dont nnow how can i talk to her.......she hadn't even smiled at me once......but i don't know.....i love her very much.....so how can i talk to her.......how can i get attached to her........pl pls help me
Ok, you cna first start by just saying hi to her when you see her, that will get her to notice you.
After you do that a few times go up and start a conversation. If she looks like she is having a good time talking to you then ask her out, but don't be afaried of rejection.
Hope this helps,
AlyssaBT4T
I have been dating my girlfriend Caitlyn for two years in October. She is the most amazing girl i have ever met and about 7 months ago i gave her a promise ring and i know Cait is the girl i want to spend the rest of my life with. Sometimes we get into little fights and blow them way out of proportion. About a month ago we had one of these fights and she wouldn't come to a party with me that night. At that party, i got pretty drunk and slept with a girl from another school. I didn't tell her about it and everything seemed like it was fine until this girl i slept with showed up at my baseball game and just so happens to sit down next to Cait and her best friend without knowing it was them. They start talking and pretty soon Becca, the girl from the party, has to go so she asks my girl friend if she could give me a ring back that i had left at her house (the promise rings we gave each other. i guess i left it there that night) of course my girlfriend gets curious why this girl has my ring and so she asks becca about it and she told her the whole thing. After the game Cait brought the ring up to me and said that my "little friend Becca" thought i would want it back and asked her to give it to me. I was totallly shocked and had no idea even what to say. Cait broke it off right then and there. I need to find some way to make it up to her. She is the love of my life and i totally regret what i did but she won't even talk to me which is really awkward since i am at her house all the time since her brothers are my best friends and her dad is my football coach. How can i get her back?
Ok, you really like this girl it is so obviouse.
First write her a letter, make about three that say the same thing (incase she rips them up) then when you go hang out with her brothers, tell one of them to give it to her when you are gone and for them to make sure she reads it. Then the next day call her and tell her you love her and made a big mistake, and you would do anything to hve her back.
Let me know how it goes,
Good luck,
Alyssa
I need some help. I am a 13 year-old guy who has never had a girlfreind. It seems that none of the girls in my grade like me. I found this one girl who i have liked for two years that i got so attached to
that i actualy found her parents names and phone numbers and was basicly a stalker. I am way past that girl and am worried if because of that my rep is ruined for ever. I realy like some other girls, but they don't seem to like me back. I am so scared of rejection that i ask them to the movies by passing a note so i don't have to deal with the rejection by mouth. PLEASE HELP
Hey,
Your in luck, cause I am a girl so I know a thing or two. Lol.
Ok, First, just relax.
Second, there is no rush, you don't need a Gf right now.
Third, here are some tips,
Try to get close to a girl you like but don't ask her out, just talk to her like your talking to a buddy. Get to know her. Find out her intrests, but becareful, if you become too much of a best freind to her she might not want to go out.
Say hi to her in the hall and let her getto know you.
After a few weeks then ask her out by MOUTH not Note, show her your strong and can handle anything!
If you are rejected then say thats cool and talk about something else, don't walk away just yet.
Hope this helps,
let me know how it goes,
AlyssaBT4T
im goin on my first date with this guy i got to know online and im MAD NERVOUS....we only talked like a couple of times and hes really sweet and we know a bit bout eachother...my problem is im shy to the extreemist extent anyone can imagine...goin red when talkin to guys...i really need help cuz when i go on this date im nervous that i might not say anything or talk at all!i have an outstanding personality among my freinds but infront of this guy...ill totally mute...what do i do...what do i say to start convos...im so nervous what do i ask him...or talk bout:(((((((((((
Ok, take a deep breath! Good.
Now, you say that he is sweet even though you only talk to him a few times, so joke about it and say that you are super shy and if he sweet enough then he'll understand. After the date starts then you'll find that it is getting eaiser to talk to him without getting red. If you can't find anything to say then ask him to tell about himself.
Hope this helps and GOOD luck!
Let me know how it goes!
AlyssaBT4T
14/f
well ok, my bf and i have been going out for 10-11 months. Neither of us know what day it was when he asked me out. he thought it was november 5, but i know it wasnt b/c that was a sunday and he asked me out at school. i Know that it was in october. well anyway, we dont kiss much, and we've really only held hands once. so anyway, im going to start holding his hand and kissing him more this school year. (school starts this thursday). well anyway, hes not good at getting me presents... like my christmas present was from the dollar store, so was my easter and valentines presents. my b-day was just a week ago, and he said hes going to get me something, and i guess he will give it to me when school starts, (we dont see each other much in the summer, but we talk on the phone.) well anyway most of that is off subject, what should i get or make him for our year anniversary? and b/c i dont know the exact date, when should i give it to him? like the middle, beggining or end of october??? and i know its a bit early, but i like to plan ahead of everything!
please tell me what you think, and thanks in advance!
Well even thought he is wrong, give him his present on November 5th, just to make him happy into thinking he was right. Maybe since you don't know when the real date was just say it was November 5th. Lol
Hope this helps,
AlyssaBT4T
how do you feel about going on a double date w/ someone you just met.but that double date is w/ you and your best friend and her boyfriend
I think that might be a good idea, this way if the date turns out bad you'll have your best friend at your side.
Hope this helps,
AlyssaBT4T
I am a college student and engaged. I have been with my fiancé for over a year and a half. Because of a scholarship I have to wait over four years to marry him.
I can tell that he has lost sexual interest in me. It is not at the same level as it used to be. That is though to be expected and I understand that. He does occasionally look at pornography, and I am ok because it is not an obsession.
We played truth or dare one night, and from this I learned that he is extremely sexually attracted to my best friend. He proceeded to ask me questions as whether I would have a "threesome" with her or let him have sex with her. (He has never done anything sexual with another woman, and vise versa... so I somewhat understand the curiosity). During the game he dared me to ask her if she would be ok with that.... It tore me a part.
It was never spoken of again. Today I was looking through his history, and found that he was staring at a picture of her in a bikini. I confronted him; he admitted he was looking at her. I feel horrible, ugly, ignored, and most importantly emotionally abused.
How am I supposed to marry a man who will be lustfully looking at the bridesmaid more than the bride?
From what I hear, you should not marry him I am sorry to say, you aren't even married and he is pretty much cheating on you. You have my best wishes.
Let me know how it goes.
hope this helps,
AlyssaBT4T
I'm going to write a letter to my friend, and the only thing it'll say is "I like you." My issue is deciding which language to write it in. English? Spanish? French? Swedish? Portuguese? Haha, help me out. What would you think would be most "romantic"/ "cute"/ "whatever" if you got it?
I would wrire it in the language they know first then wirte down the others after it
AlyssaBT4T
so theres this guy who lives next to me and we talk all the time and he said i was pretty and he always trys to impress me but idk if he likes me. what do you think?
Ok if he is telling you, you are pretty and is trying to impress you, I would say he likes you, but if you are still unsure, try going along with it and see if you get a clearer answer.
Hope this helps,
AlyssaBT4T
wen my boyfriend asked me out i said yes thinking nothing of it. i really liked him, but wen he started going out with me he started acting different. I lovd the way he acted b4 we started goingg out. How can i get my old lover back?
f/12
Tell him how you are feeling about him changing, now please note he may deniey it, but then what you have to do is tell him everything that has changed about him since you started going out.
Hope this helps,
AlyssaBT4T
15/m
Ok so heres the thing, there is this guy who likes the same girl I do. The girl is 14 and this other guy is 18. This girl happens to be a bit shy, and mysterious...goth/loner like. She is friendly and playfull at times. She can seem a bit flirty, and a certain innocence. This other guy likes her for the same reasons I do. The other guy also just broke up with his ex. If I try anything I am just worried that I would be hated by the group, and my secrets i trusted them with would be told, or that i'd be kicked out of the group. He is also a good friend. Please help... im not sure what to do
Ok, first you told me that the girl is shy, so, sometimes when a guy is like four years older then her, she might not be ready for it like shes ready for you, but that not promising anything.
Second there are two things, you can do.
1. you ca talk to the other guy and tell him how you feel about this girl and how you would really appricate if he steped down you could give it a try, and if you crash and burn then she his for a try.
2. You can ask her out first and see where that goes.
Please don't do anything stupid if you do get this girl, let her keep her innocence.
Hope this helps,
AlyssaBT4T
i'm 16/f, and he's 18
This guy and I hooked up at a party and I didn't think it'd be anything more because he's kind of got a repuation as being a... manwhore... But it turns out that he likes me which is cool... Except he doesn't hit on girls. They hit on him. And I'm the same way. I just don't hit on guys, they've always had to come to me. The only reason we had enough courage to get with each other in the 1st place was because we were drunk. So how do I initiate something with him SOBER? lol. Because I really do like him and when we see each other there's like this crazy sexual tension but we're both not the type to hit on each other! should i just pull him aside and start making out with him!? what do i do?! haha thanks
Let him know how you feel. There is always a first for evey thing. And you could try pulling him to the side and just peck him on the lips/cheek, but that might be coming on to strong.
Let me know how it goes.
Hope this helps, and GOOD LUCK!
AlyssaBT4T
my boyfriend kisses me on the lips a lot; just a peck. its usually spontaneous and I don't mind, I think its sweet. but I'm usually caught off guard so I end up missing his lips or something, and then I feel like an idiot. I've made out and I know I'm not bad but I get clumsy when it comes to that simple peck. any advice for me?
That is sweet.
If you are ever off gaurd, just let him kiss you, dokn't try to kiss back. Then when he is done give him a smile and then kiss him, so your ready for it.
Hope this help, and GOOD LUCK!
AlyssaBT4T
okay all of my friends and so many people tell me how gorgeous and beautiful i am. but i cant find myself to believe it. and no guy has ever told me i was pretty. and ive never had a boyfriend. i feel so ugly.....
Okay, first off, guys can be such weniers,lol.
They aren't going to come up to you and say your beautiful, because they just don't know how. Look for the signs, if you have any friends that are guys, do they look at you a lot, do they talk to you a lot? This can mean that they can't take their eyes off you, and probley do like you, just don't know how to say it.
And I am the same way with my looks, even though my friends tell me I am pretty, I never believe them, all you have to do is trust them, their your friends and you should trust them with something like this.
Hope this helps,
AlyssaBT4T
ive been with my boyfriend for about 9 months and in the beggining i really didnt tell my paretns cause i didnt know how they were going to react to it. Now they found out and give me nothnig but a hard time about it. They like him and all and let me see him when i want but i hate hearing bout it afterwards. I really dont know what to do. i love him but im so sick of hearing it from my parents =\
Tell your parents that it is buggin you. BUT also tell them that you won't do anything stupid, and that if you were ever unsure about something then you will go to them, and every now and then as a surprise update them on how things are going between you two.
Hope this helps,
AlyssaBT4T
Hey Guys-- Things are a mess right now and I could really use some advise.
My long-term boyfriend and I (of almost 4 years) seperated in early june and just started seeing eachother again last week. During that seperation, I began seeing another guy who was really wonderful, but I just couldn't get over my ex.
Now that me and my boyfriend are back together things are going extremely well and we're falling in love with eachother all over again...
But here's where it gets interesting...I just found out that I'm pregnant...and it MUST belong to the guy I was seeing when my BF and I were seperated. I have no idea what to do...I can't have an abortion (well, I won't have an abortion) but I don't know if my boyfriend would stay with me knowing that I'm carrying another man's child.
Any advise (ANY AT ALL) is appreciated. Thanks in advance.
First, you need to find out if it belongs to the other guy you were seeing.
Second, tell your boyfriend, if he really loves you then he should understand. If he doesn't then tell him to let you have the baby and maybe you could give it up for adoption. Sorry i am not much help.
AlyssaBT4T
Yeah well my absolute best friend since the 1st grade just got a new boyfriend. It has recently come to my attention that he has been talking really bad about me and my boyfriend (my boyfriend and my friend were also really good friends before she met her boyfriend). I told me friend and she didn't care in the least bit and he keeps on doing it. Let me also say that she doesn't even like her boyfriend that much and theyve only been together for like 2 weeks. Should I feel like betrayed or something? If my boyfriend said one bad thing about my friend he'd be gone in a minute.
Talk to her again and again and again until she listens, tell her everything.
Also I have heard this before, if your friend hasn't had many boyfriends, then she might do anything to keep this one.
Hope this helps,
AlyssaBT4T