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20 years old. Pregnant. A Big Mess...
Hey Guys-- Things are a mess right now and I could really use some advise.
My long-term boyfriend and I (of almost 4 years) seperated in early june and just started seeing eachother again last week. During that seperation, I began seeing another guy who was really wonderful, but I just couldn't get over my ex.
Now that me and my boyfriend are back together things are going extremely well and we're falling in love with eachother all over again...
But here's where it gets interesting...I just found out that I'm pregnant...and it MUST belong to the guy I was seeing when my BF and I were seperated. I have no idea what to do...I can't have an abortion (well, I won't have an abortion) but I don't know if my boyfriend would stay with me knowing that I'm carrying another man's child.
Any advise (ANY AT ALL) is appreciated. Thanks in advance.
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It is what it is. You have a choice and it sounds like you have made it. You will not have an abortion, so you will have to deal with those consequences. I know you love your boyfriend, but you've done nothing wrong. you weren't together when you got pregnant, so if he can't handle it he can't. You have new responsibilities now. The baby needs you to be healthy and strong. The mess is not as big as you think. The hurdle is telling him about the baby what follows after, you'll be able to deal with. If this guy is for you he will stay. He might be terribly hurt and may blame you, but he's yours. And if he's not then there's nothing you can do about it. You can't make someone love you or be with you. If the two of you love each other, trust in that love to help make your decision.
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You don't have a choice but to tell him about it.
Pretty soon it will be obvious. :)
If there is any chance it could be his you will
want to get a DNA test done at some point.
Just be honest with him about the whole thing.
You have a long history together and it may not
go as badly as you think. He may be willing to
help you raise the baby. You just won't know
until you tell him about it.
Don't put it off. I know it will be difficult
to do, but waiting isn't going to make it any
easier. Just get it done and over with. You
don't need any stress.
Good luck. :)
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First, you need to find out if it belongs to the other guy you were seeing.
Second, tell your boyfriend, if he really loves you then he should understand. If he doesn't then tell him to let you have the baby and maybe you could give it up for adoption. Sorry i am not much help.
AlyssaBT4T
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Ok, so we have to bring this problem down to it's lowest common denominator. That you won't have an abortion. So bottom line, you are going to have this baby. and you are prepared to deal with loosing your current boyfriend, that you have just gotten back together with. And just to be sure, you are certain that loosing him would be less traumatic and less haunting to you for the rest of your life, than if you had an abortion. And that is fine. I am not judging you, I am just being practical at this point.
And listen, your reverance for life may be one of the reasons that your boyfriend cares about you so much.
So here is the next question. Do you plan to keep the baby? Because if you do, then you need to notify the boy who could be the father. Because if you need help supporting the child, he is required by laws in every state that I can think of, to help you out financially. (Don't feel sorry for him, this is something all guys (and girls) are supposed to learn long before they turn 20)
If you plan to give the baby up for adoption, then you most likely still should tell the father, but that will probably be OK with him too. You would both sign away your parental rights. And hey adoption is a great option. And I am sure that a great home can be found for the child.
If you plan to give the baby up for adoption, your boyfriend maybe OK with that. And God bless him if he sticks with you through out the whole 9 months. Then he is a keeper. A kind and generous soul that any girl would be lucky to have.
Well, you know him better than anyone, you must have some kind of idea how he may react to this.
I hope he will be kind.
If you decide to keep the baby, you have to be prepared for the other man who may want to be involved in the childs life. He may even want you back. Wow, this could get very complicated.
It is time to dive in, and say hey, this is my body, this is my kid, and I am going to make the decisions about what is going to happen, and either you are with me, or your not.
This is not time to think about "what if" on your part or the boyfriend, or the father. YOu do hold all the cards. Everything that happens from this point on is up to you. Except that you cannot control how the others will react, you can maintain control over what happens to you and the baby. So keep that in mind, and stand your ground. If you are not looking to the "guys" to make the decision, and have signed on to the fact that this is not going to be easy, and you are up for it......your positive and take charge attitude will help them deal with it. Deal with it the right way, in being supportive. And hey, say that is all I want: "your support....not your blessings, or your agreement, or your advice. Just your support."
You are doing the right thing honey. Good luck to you.
Michele
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tell him now the longer you keep it a secret the more he is going to feel used and like your a total lier.
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