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Boyfriend and my Best Friend
I am a college student and engaged. I have been with my fiancé for over a year and a half. Because of a scholarship I have to wait over four years to marry him.
I can tell that he has lost sexual interest in me. It is not at the same level as it used to be. That is though to be expected and I understand that. He does occasionally look at pornography, and I am ok because it is not an obsession.
We played truth or dare one night, and from this I learned that he is extremely sexually attracted to my best friend. He proceeded to ask me questions as whether I would have a "threesome" with her or let him have sex with her. (He has never done anything sexual with another woman, and vise versa... so I somewhat understand the curiosity). During the game he dared me to ask her if she would be ok with that.... It tore me a part.
It was never spoken of again. Today I was looking through his history, and found that he was staring at a picture of her in a bikini. I confronted him; he admitted he was looking at her. I feel horrible, ugly, ignored, and most importantly emotionally abused.
How am I supposed to marry a man who will be lustfully looking at the bridesmaid more than the bride?
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I dont think its going to work.
I am in college. I am not officially engaged, mostly because its going to be about 4 years before we could get married, so we are just living together and everything.
We've been together a few months past two and a half years. The sexual interest is definitely not gone.
Now, she and I have had talks about... diversity. She knows I find other women physically and sexually attractive. Shes fine with it because she knows that in no way is it an escape from her. We are a very sexually active couple even more than two years later, and the sex still has a huge range. Anywhere from sweet to extremely hot and sensual. She knows she just has to look at me the right way to get me in the mood.
If after a year and a half the interest is gone, then hes not the one for you.
I know thats not what you want to hear. But I think that its the truth. He is not bothering to be aware of how you are feeling, and there is not enough communication in the relationship for it to come up. He is secretly fantasizing about her. And you are making excuses for him.
But I will tell you, no, its not normal for sexual interest to just dissapear. Especially not after a year and a half. When they talk about it in marriages, they are usually talking about marriages that are 5-10 years old where the magic is waning. Usually with kids and jobs and such getting in the way to hurt the sex life.
There needs to be a long frank talk. You need to find out what his level of interest is, because I dont think you want to end up married to a guy and making excuses as to why he has to cheat on you or force you into threesomes because he isnt into you anymore.
The final word I have. Yeah, if you are each other's firsts... He is going to be curious. He is going to want to have sex with other people. If he had been with others before you this would not be as much of a problem, and it may be something he needs to do for himself.
If this is the case, you should not feel obligated to allow him and to make sure you are ok with it. If you arent OK with it, that may be what YOU need to be ok. And if you cant be there waiting for him when he is done to see if he is still interested, that may be what you need to do to be OK too.
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As we women favor touching and emotion, guys favor looking. However, in my opinion, there is a big difference between ogling a woman on TV and ogling your best friend. (Not to say he is ogling, but you understand what I mean.)
If you are planning to marry this guy, you need to, right now, sit down and talk to him about your feelings about his attraction to your friend.
And I agree with the person who told you that you should consider a break from each other. When you give yourself the "outside the box" look at the situation, you can better decide weather or not he is the right man for you to spend the rest of your life with.
Personally? No way would I marry a man who had such a profound interest in my best friend that he would be asking me such things as having a threesome, allowing him to have sex with her, and wanting me to ask her if she wanted to have sex with him. In my opinion, that is crossing way into the realm of disrespect.
I think you deserve a man who will treat you far better.
ygs-29/f
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i dont think you just marry him...at least not anytime soon. mabye take a break and he can go experience with other girls while you do the same. mabye youll find out your not as attracted to him as you used to be or mabye youll relize you two were meant for each other. hope i helped.
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From what I hear, you should not marry him I am sorry to say, you aren't even married and he is pretty much cheating on you. You have my best wishes.
Let me know how it goes.
hope this helps,
AlyssaBT4T
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