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July 7, 2005

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September 21, 2006

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Hi. I left and came back. But I don't like this column anymore. Check out my new column.

http://www.advicenators.com/column.php?u=thefish

advice

What exactly does this mean?

And does tampons and ''pleasureing'' break this?

please hlep asap!

Thanks

It technically means breaking the hymen. But it's usually used as slang for losing your virginity. When people say, "I popped my cherry." it means they have had sex for the first time, not that they broke their hymen (guys can 'pop their cherries' as well, you see). But having sex is only one way to break the hymen. Riding a bicycle, falling out of a tree, putting a tampon in, and not being born with one are a few other ways. Putting a tampon in does not make you lose your virginity. Masturbating doesn't either, unless you think it does. Basically, nobody else can tell you when you've lost your virginity. It depends on how you see yourself.

i know this sounds weird, but can a girl have sex when she has her period?

Yes, she can. But it's gross. Really gross.

Just curious, can birth control pills give you cancer? My mom keeps telling me its true and I actually think that they prevent cancer...

I don't think so, but they can give you heart disease and sometimes complicate future pregnancies. Also, they don't 100% prevent pregnancy.

Hi there
iv gotten myself in quite a bind. Iv never been so confused before..well here it goes.
Im 16 years old and live in toronto, now i have this family friend whom iv known for 10-12 years, we recently became reaquainted in May; since than wev talked alot, wev seen eachother at various occassions, at these occasions we always hang out or dance together...he says sweet things to me, and hes just a great guy.
Just after christmas he asked me to go see a movie with him, he said him his sister and her bf were going to see a movie and he wanted to knw if i wanted to come, (i accpeted of course) so he came and picked me up and we all ended up spliting up and we had a great time. So than we went to the same new years party together, at this new years party his family seemed very intrested in me;like always smiling at me etc. He asked me to dance a few times and we did,but at one point i was dancing with another guy and he was staring alot, but we overall had a blast together (i also ended up taking him home). Wev talked a bit after that. Hes a great guy but the only problem is hes 20, and he goes to skool in london (which is about 2.5 hours away). so i guess im in denial! like why wud he be intrested in me?! but i like him soo much and i just dont wanna make a fool out of myself and i dont wanna get hurt! so does he like me? is he intrested? wat shud i do?
HELP!!!!

Personally, I don't think that age difference is such a big deal. You are almost an adult, after all. When you're 18 he will be 22. That is a perfectly acceptable age difference. And your families know each other. You know he's not sleazy or anything. I think he does like you, and you should go for it. Don't worry about making a fool out of yourself. If you never try, you never know. Would you rather embarass yourself once now and laugh about it later when you've been married to this guy for 50 years (you never know, it could happen), or never say anything to him and see him end up with another woman? You should ask him. Say that you ask because you noticed he was acting odd lately. As for the location, well, that's not such a big deal either. I live in the US and I know a guy who rides the bus up to Canada every weekend to be with his girlfriend. And with all the great communication tools we have these days, you can always talk to him.

blessed be,
tasuki

Me and my boyfriend had sex 4 or 5 days ago, he didn't cum but wen he pulled out to check if everything was ok the condom was broken. Im worried that i may be pregnant due to pre-ejaculation, even though we don't think he ejaculated at all. There was a white liquid in the condom and i am debating on what it was, lubrication or pre-ejaculation??....I have no symptoms and was due yesterday. My period isnt regular but has only been REALLY late once. What do you think I should do? Are we over reacting? PLEASE REPLY IM WORRIED!!!!!

I think you're reacting exactly the way most people would. You can get pregnant from pre-cum, but if the condom wasn't broken I don't think you're at risk. Maybe you don't have your period because of stress. You might have worked yourself up about being pregnant and that's why you haven't had it. Try to relax, and get a pregnancy test. Then go to a doctor to double check because those things can be way off.

I have a curious question. I know that there are different ways to get an abortion but i would like to know if anyway causes risks to future pregnancies and if so, which method of abortion causes the least risk.???

I don't know about all the different methods and how they relate to each other but I do know that all abortions create risk for future pregnancies and that if you have one it should be PROFESSIONAL. No do-it-yourself home kit for this. No coat hangers, either. I think you know that, but I'm just throwing it in to make sure.

For the people who are familiar with the band Slipknot, if any of you know the 9 pointed star they use an a symbol, what does it mean? My friend said it was satanic and i was wearing her sweater (which has that sign on the back of it) and i do not worship Satan by any means, does this sign offend anybody?
So can someone tell me what that means?
Thanks!

It's not Satanic at all--it's Wiccan. Wicca is a form of the Pagan religion. Wiccans definitely do not worship Satan or indeed believe in him. Wiccans like to say, "If it harm none, let it be." All the pentacle means is love yourself, love nature, respect all life, and don't hurt anybody. You should check out the Association of Smith Pagans website (http://sophia.smith.edu/asp/) for more info, I'd gladly go on but I'm in a hurry at the moment. But basically, the symbol only offends ignorant people who don't know what it means.

Me and my girlfriend have been seriously dating for almost 3 years. 8 years before I met her, she became friends with an exchange student from Belgium. She had a big crush on him, however nothing romantically happened. Last week he was in town and needed some 1 to go to Orlando Florida with him, my girlfriend and her brother agreed to go with him. At the end, her brother wasent able to go, so she ended going with this guy by herself. I trust my girlfriend 100 percent, however, the thought of her willingly going, while fully aware of my negative feelings towards this so called "friends" trip has been driving me crazy. Ive asked around and the answer I always get is " get rid of her". My question is, do I have the right to feel mad, disrespected and betrayed by my girlfriends actions, what should I do?

You have the right to feel that way. You can't stop your feelings. But are you sure you completely trust her? I think on a deeper level you don't. I know that's true, because if it wasn't why would you be asking right? But it would be very unfair to her if you just "got rid of her". You don't have any proof that there is anything going on with her and this guy. Just your suspicions. It would especially be unfair if you dumped your girlfriend without completely confronting her about it. For example, how do you know she is "fully aware of your negative feelings"? Did you tell her exactly how you felt? Or did you just say, "Huh. I don't really like the sound of that." I think the two of you need to re-open communication. Both of you should talk about how you feel right now. A great way is to write it down and have the other person read it. It will help you gain some perspective on yourself and your relationship and may even end up saving your relationship.

Okay, so, I might be having sex for the first time in a few days, and I'm wondering, should I be shaved...down there... or not?
And please, I dont need the "If he loves you for who you are inside he wont care" bit, so leave that out and give me a straight awnser... thanks :-)
Ah yes, and I'm a girl.

There's no "right" answer for that. It depends on what you like and what the guy likes. You already know what you like, so maybe you should ask the guy what his preference is? Don't be shy about it. If you're going to have sex with him, it seems silly to be embarassed about asking that question.

hi! well im 15/f
and yeah my family doesnt think i have any friends...BECAUSE my cousin always wants to do something with me like hang out..she doesnt have very many pepole to hang out with...and like so i have to spend all my time with her it seems..i just met this girl and we clicked right away! i mean we are pretty good friends now..i dont really hang out with anyone really..except my cousin and this girl that i was talking about earlier..and so my bro comes home today and is like yeahhhh susie (my aunt) said she is worried about you because you have no friends..i mean i always wanna go out and do things! party it up! but i never get invited to parties..im not outgoing..and i dono i guess i really dont have THAT many friends..well i do..in school..but i dont hang out with many and today my cousin is like yeah my my was gonna ask if i could spend the weekend with you since they're gonna be gone and im like..oh? and then she is like Nevermind!! my dad is gonna be home..you can just spend the weekend here then..and so now like i guess i have to sleepover there friday and saturday and then hang out on sunday too..and i didnt wanna be like yeah i dont wanna hang out with youu! so i was like umm okay? but that takes up my WHOLE weekend and we like never do anything there..i even told her we are gonna go out and do something!!! because she always sits on the computer..and im like we are gonna go to a movie or something..just party it up! and then she is like i kno..but what are we gonna do? and at her school..they're are alot of hotties but she isnt exactly the 'popular' type.. sorry not to be mean..but she isnt? i can tell..and so she doesnt have like hardly any friends..and like NO guy friends :( me either thO! and i wanna hang out with guys..and shes like well on the computer we can ask a whole buncha people including this kid that i think is hott...and he is pretty popular i guess..and im thinking he is gonna try and make up an excuse not to go..or say he has other plans..and i hear this girl that is like very popular and gorgeous that this kid i think is hott..is going to the movies this weekend too..so im scared their gonna ask this kid to go..and alot of other people then nobody will wanna go when we doo..and the kid always flirts with this girl and it BUGS me..i wanna meet hiM!!! thats why i want to like go to a movie or something..but i know if my cousin asks he wont (sorry mean?) but its true! and i dont know anyone else that knows him.. and on friday my cousin plays hockey and she is like OH SHOOT..i have a hockey game at like 530 and they usually have to watch varsity too..so there goes our friday night you know?..UGH this is very very confusing i cant meet new people thru my cousin..she dont kno anyone..but i wanna go out and have fun! neither of us have cars..and her dad works till like 6 every night..and i dono if he would even wanna bring us anywhere..and yeahhhH! please dont say hang out with my friends..because i dont hang out with many people either..woahhh sorry SO LONG really!! its just lately this has been bothering me..

SORRY SO LONG AGAIN!!!
BUT THANKS FOR ANSWERING :)

Well, I have just two close female friends and three semi-close guy friends. I am not "popular" at all. Though at my school, we're not really divided into groups like that. But even s, my two girl friends that I mentioned? One likes to party TOO MUCH for my tastes, the other doesn't like going out at all. Sometimes it bothers me, and I get lonely. But that's life. So...you don't have cars, huh? Is there anything fun to do in walking distance? Like a mall or something? If there is, it's fun to get all dolled up and just walk around the mall together (I mean with your cousin). There is more to life than being popular! Just be yourself and be happy with that. You sound very insecure about yourself...you should get over that. Embrace your inner Goddess; be beautiful. Okay, enough of that sappy stuff (though I still think you should do it!!!) Have you tried talking to this popular boy? Maybe he is more approachable than you think. And if he's not, you might be able to get to know a bunch of un=popular people who are still really cool and great to hang out with.I think the way you feel about your cousin is understandable. You spend a lot of time with her; it's easy to get sick of people that way. I often end up getting sick of my friends. Try to spend some time away from her to vent.

I wear makeup to hide ugly scars on my face. With my makeup on no one ever knows that I have them. Only my family has ever seen me without my makeup. My boyfriend of one year is getting fed up with me. He cant accept the fact that he cant see me as sporadically as he'd like. When he comes over unannounced I make him wait 10 or 20 mins while I fix myself up. He says that he loves me no matter what.. and yet he is always saying the best thing about me is my beauty. Should I reveal to him how I truly look and risk losing him? Or save face and let him be upset?

You never know what's going to happen until you try. I'm sure that he does love you. You need to be bold. You gotta take chances and go for it. Remember--you're a Goddess. =-)

i like my stepbrother A LOT 13/f he is 14 but what do i do"???

Okay, a lot of people are acting like this is something really wrong. But he's your STEP brother, not your brother, right? So even if you had a relationship, it wouldn't be incest. It is perfectly normal for step-siblings to get married. Like what if you were already with a boy, and then his mother married your father? The relationship would still be legit, and it's the same in your situation. Actually, in the story Marmalade Boy, a girl's parents go on a cruise and meet another couple. The two couple's "switch", her mom marries the other man and vice versa. And then they all live together, only the other couple has a son. And the main girl and that son end up falling in love. Awwwww =)

Anyway, there is nothing in your question that even suggests you like him romantically. You said you liked him a lot. That's not a big deal. Brothers and sisters like each other a lot sometimes. But since you followed it with "what do I do???" with a triple question mark, even, I'm just assuming that you meant you had a crush on him. It may be only that--a crush. When I was thirteen I was madly in love with a different guy each week. Sometimes I would be in love with up to five of them at once. Crushes are no big deal.

If it starts to get more serious, I would be hesitant about revealing it. As you've seen from some of the responses, some people seem to react negatively to this for some MORONIC reason. Maybe you could talk to your mom or step-mom or other female role model, the same way you would with any other crush? Hopefully she will not be one of these narrow-minded people.

I hope it works out for you!! =)

I am currently 8 months pregnant and the last 2 months i have been addicted to sniffing Tipp Ex and marker Pens, could this have caused any harm to my unborn baby?

Most likely. It would be a miracle if it didn't.

what does tippin on 44s mean?

Driving in a 1984 cadillac with four 84 rims.

i'm having a baby girl and i don't know what to name her..i am 6 months..can somebody give me a site or some names to name her..please help

You can do this:

If you or the father is Chinese or Italian or something, you can give her a name from that culture (talk to Chinese or Italian friends to check if it's a good name).

Personally, this is something I think about literally ALL the time and I keep changing my mind, but it's always within this circle of names. Even though I'm going to be giving them to you in a vertical list, I like to think of them as being in a circle.

Elizabeth
Celia
Ophelia
Jane
Violet
Hannah
Alissa
Gwen
Rachel

I've heard that it really does depend on the child though. People have said that they didn't know what their child's name was until they saw her. A newborn does have her own personality, you know, and the name has to fit. So apparently you'll instinctively know who she is when you first see her. But it's still a good idea to be thinking of your options. My parents picked my name out long before they were even married let alone pregnant, and luckily for them (and me) it just happened to be the right name.

PS-there are also a lot of baby name books available! Go to Barnes and Noble.

Does anyone know what a g-string is?

I know that it's a thong, but what kind of thong? My friends make it sound so dirty...

It's just skimpier/narrower than other thongs. Some people find them really uncomfortable.

How do you know if you are lesbian or bisexual? I am fourteen years old and I have had two girlfriend and a ton of boyfriends. I feel attracted to guys kinda but at the same time Im attracted to girls more I think. I would rather look at girl porn then guy. So I dont really know. If you need more information just ask.

Personally, I don't think it matters. I dont think anybody can be attracted to just men or just women. Some people, we just find attractive and others we don't. I do know where you're coming from since I have struggled with this as well. I have been through phases where I thought I was all about the ladies. And then I would get a crush on a guy and I'd be "straight" again. Finally I'd had enough of spinning around and around, and decided that it just didn't matter. I didn't want to put a label like that on myself. I didn't want to say "I'm bisexual." and have people judge me. Because even people who are open-minded and accept different sexualities would still think "White, girl, brown eyes, bisexual." when they thought of me. I just didn't want that. Normally I don't care what other people think, but in some cases it really does matter. Don't listen to people who say your sexuality is not "real" or "legitimate". They're YOUR feelings! How can they not be legitimate?!

does anyone know if AIM is coming out with a new version of aim??

thanks!!

Most likely. They pretty much constantly come up with OMG NEW SUPER UPDATES DOWNLOAD NOW that freeze my computer and give me tons of spyware. So, yeah, they are coming out with new stuff. And they will continue to do so. A lot.

i had a check up at the doctos today and he checked my thyroid gland and said that it enlarges during puberty and he told me to get blood test to make sure nothings wrong. do you think this is gonna be a problem or anything?

Well, what your thyroid does is control your hormones. There are two types of thyroid problems--hyperthyroidism and hypothyroidism. If you are hyper it means that your thyroid is producing too many hormones. I've never had it but basically, you know those women who can eat constantly and never gain weight? That's a symptom of being hyper. The treatment for this is to either remove or kill the thyroid, which makes you hypo and then you will have to take hythyroidism medication.

I would not worry about until you get tested. However, the definition of a thyroid problem is very blurry. Each doctor interperts it a different way. If the doctor doesn't think you have a problem, just going by your test results, he or she may refuse to put you on medication. The best thing to do is RESEARCH it so that you know exactly what to say to the doctor. If you are ignorant about all the medical terminology and just take the doctor's word for it, that can lead to trouble. The more you know, the more protected you are. I would not know any of this if not for my mother, who struggled for many years with hypothyroidism before researching it thoroughly and discovering that part of the problem was her medication. Basically when you have hypthyroidism you are slow and out of energy, and you gain weight, among many other things.

Yes, thyroid problems are a big deal and they are very common. I am not telling you this to worry you, but to inform you. Like I said, your best bet is to research it. There are many books on the subject. An author that my mom recommends is Mary Shomon.

Even if you do not have any problems now, it is likely that you will end up with them later in life. So why not get a head start?

I really feel awful right now so I'll sum it up. When I got to my last class today a friend told me I was really stained. I went to the bathroom and i had blood on the back of my pants. It's so embarrasing. I feel like becoming a hermit crab. Share your experiences with me please.

As many people have said, it happens to everyone. Everyone. Once in phys. ed I had it really bad and had nothing with me. I was wearing these really revealing shorts and didn't want to say anything to the teacher. I tried really hard to play hockey that day (effort is everything in that class) but mostly I was trying to cover it up while checking the floor for blood stains. I think the teacher sensed something was up because he was being extra nice to me--I checked and there was no visible blood but he must have seen how nervous I was. Or something.

Another time, I was taking this long exam in the library with a bunch of people. And during it I suddenly got my period. When I stood up, there was actually a bit of blood on the chair! Aagh!! But I very quickly wiped it with my (dark) sleeve and I doubt anybody noticed.

The first time I had my period was towards the end of my school day (that seems to happen a lot). I thought I just had major indigestion or something and I said I didn't feel well. Then it started getting out of hand, so I went to the bathroom and saw all the blood (it was really, really heavy). Luckily I was wearing black pants day, so nobody could see. But a boy did say "What's that smell?"--I'm sure you've noticed that menstrual blood has a very distinct odor.

Oh my, I could go on and on! There are atleast three more I can think of, but I need to be getting to bed. This has happened so many times to me! It's all part of being a woman. It's good to be able to laugh it off.

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