Member Since:
February 13, 2007Answers:
449Last Update:
January 2, 2012Visitors:
30516Favorite Columnists
Razhie
orphans
HectorJr
Daimeera
Main Categories:
Love Life
Mental health
View All
about
I hope that if you come to this site, you feel at least some reassurance. Life is messy, life isn't perfect, and I love that there is a place, virtual as it is that can acknowledge this. I don't pretend to be perfect or know everything, but I promise that if you ask me a question, or if I see one and take an interest, I will answer it as best I can.Check out my forum here:
http://www.advicenators.com/talkaboutme.php?userboard_id=41589
to post/comment on a topic =]
advice
Alright, so let's say you are a maybe not depressed, but not happy person.. Maybe like, neutral ALL the time.. & Let's say you take pills for depression.. What happens? Would it help? What would it make you feel like?
Pills for depression don't really have a huge impact, even if you do have depression, at least not at first. It's not like a drug like marijuana where you take it and get an instant high... you have to keep taking anti depressants for 4-6 weeks to feel any different, and a lot of the time what you feel is just the placebo affect - you think you will feel a certain way, so you do.
Even if you have depression (which I'm not sure you have, but a simple google search can give you a list of symptoms)the meds aren't necessarily a cure. The medicine gives the user more energy at first, so if you started using it you may feel more agitated than usual. The purpose of this is to get over the apathy associated with depression so you feel like doing things again. Other than that - my life improved with the medication, but I had trouble sleeping.
As to if the medicine makes you happy... I don't think anything can actually MAKE anyone happy. It's a bit of a human mystery, happiness. It comes and goes. Somethings might make you feel happier than others. The main thing is to enjoy the company of friends, talk to people, figure out what you enjoy doing and do it.
On your neutral feelings: you could be feeling neutral because you're not letting yourself feel. Maybe you're worrying about being depressed so aren't allowing yourself to feel sad, and are covering the sadness with your happiness, so that you don't feel either. I don't know. I'm no therapist. It could be that you're just in the middle of things, coasting. Maybe you need to challenge yourself more, talk to someone you wouldn't otherwise, get interested in things again.
Mainly, it's a bit unrealistic to look at anything really as a "solution". Seeing a psychologist isn't a bad idea. They "work" in some ways that they are people to talk to. I suggest you try some new things, maybe hang out with some people you like, and hang in there. Life in general isn't going to be rainbows and butterflies, and a lot of getting through whatever you have is going to be based on your own efforts (not necessarily meds).
Wish you luck and something exciting (hippos falling out of the sky, perhaps?).
well theres a guy. i feel comfortable talking to him online (like myspace,email,IM, etc...) but in person it's like i freeze up or something and i can't think of anything to talk about. what are some good ways to get over this?
If it's seeing him in person and potentially liking him that's freaking you out, pretend he's just another of your girlfriends, and act as you normally would. It sounds weird but it works for me!
Things to get the conversation going:
1. what are you doing in your present situation? If you just make a comment about something currently happening around you, he can reply because he's there too, and voila! Conversation!
2. if there's a break coming up, you can ask what they're doing, then say what you are doing/ where you are going (if any one of you happens to be going anywhere)
3. Or if you have just gotten back, "how was your break?"
4. anything bizarre/ironic/funny that had recently happened to you (make mental notes beforehand while walking around)
5. any bizarre/random people
6.how you feel in your situation ("I'm so glad it's friday!!", "gahhh so much homework and I'm so tired." ect ect)
And before you talk to him, you could always think of one interesting thing to say (I prefer the bizarre things that happened to you/ bizarre people for this one), to either open a conversation, or to say when there's a lull.
If you're already talking to him online, this shouldn't be too hard to get over =]
do guys like long well manicured finger nails?
or do they prefer short?
just wondering
Guys are all different and they probably don't even notice half of the time. Just do what you want!
I tried to cut myself but I didn't go through with it. I called my best friend that night crying my eyes out. & he kept asking me why i was gunna do it. But I couldn't give him an answer because I did because of him. (I like him) But I can't tell him that he was the cause cuz he would get wicked depressedand probably hurt himself. But he keeps asking why I did it. And I don't know what to say to him. help?
Honey, unless he did something horrible to you, it's doubtful that it's just him that made you almost cut yourself. You like him, yes, and this is giving you angst, but this would not get you to consider self harm on it's own.
First of all, you have to examine your own feelings... have you felt this way before? You could just be depressed in general, in one of those moods where anything can set you off. I suggest you tell someone who knows more about this sort of thing, get help from a guidance councillor, psychiatrist, ect to make sure that in the future when this happens it won't be the real thing.
On what to tell your friend: tell him the truth, but don't make him feel like he is the sole cause of this because he likely isn't and in that case doesn't deserve the blame.
If you're in this much turmoil, there are probably other hidden issues as well as the main one on top that you can see. Its important to talk to him and sort out how you feel about that but remember the other issues aren't going away on their own, either!
Okay. So there's this guy(he's 15) and I like him(14). We're at this spot where I feel like we're more than friends, but he doesn't see it. He is very... blind? He asked me out two halloweens ago at a dance, and then 9 months later told me he didn't know we were going out. >_< Anyway, I love this guy, a lot(no its not dumb high school stuff. I want him. For life. I would MARRY him if he asked me. srsly.)
Last night we went to see a play(slasreveR neveS[he's so backwards... he loved it]) and the whole time we were messing around, playing with each other; poking, teasing. Afterward, I called for our ride, and we were hanging out in the lobby with this girl, and it was fine, totally natural, no jealousy, no flirting with her. Well, so we got in the car, and the next thing I knew, his hand was with mine. I'm like WHAT? he didn't hold it all through the show, but the minute people couldn't see us...? He also brought me a present... Earrings. GORGEOUS earrings. darkish silver, circular with red beads. perfect for me.
the only thing is, he doesn't like me. I asked him to the Sweethearts Dance at V-day, and he said IMMEDIATELY; "Just as friends right?"(he went, we danced the one slow dance)
Anyone want to clue me in?
He likes you but is scared of liking you, and therefore he is trying to deny it by not holding your hand in public, by saying he is not going out with you, by adding "just as friends right?" after you asked him out to the sweethearts dance. Most probably he isn't blind, but just freaked out by how he feels about you... I don't know much about him but I'm guessing he is still wary about relationships.
If you love this guy like you say you do, I suggest you give him more time to adjust to the "more than friends" thing. I suggest you don't go up to him directly demanding a confession as to whether he likes you or not because 1. it'll put him on the spot, make him more awkward, and he may not even mean what he says since he seems to be confused/freaked out by the whole thing 2. Hello? he held you hand. Why would he do that if he didn't feel something for you in that way? Body language does count as a language, you know.
Another thing: since he doesn't know how you feel, he may be pushing the friends thing so as not to push YOU into anything.
But like I said, give it time. You two are still young and have lots of it to figure out how you feel about each other. It must be hard for him being a confused commitmentophobe, but don't worry, they usually do get their act together when they are ready and when they realize they want something enough =] besides, holding hands, even in secret, is quite an accomplishment.
i am looking for black eyeliner that does not smear, or wear off duirn ghte day i currently use one by sephora but im looking for one that wont smear or smudge (ps i dont want to spend more than 7 bucks on eyeliner i know that it wouldnt the best, but yeah) haha thanks
(ps if anyone has used the covergirl whipped foundation how is it?)
thank you
Well... i kno some good stuff. although the experts @ sephora are smart there are other alternatives.rimmel exagerate.. the one thats not the pencil kind. its relly hard to find and eyeliner that works better then EVER BEFORE but with the rimmel stuff u only have to re-aplly once. it also DOES NOT SMUDGE. AT ALL!!! Ps.. the covergirl whipped stuff is good. i personally use the new rimmel foundation stuff. also.. try some worthwile brands on your foundation like clinique... or my personal favourite lancome. Lancome works really well. my mom has it and i use it. its AMAZING
I am on a diet.
Try food that is semi healthy. Ei, instead of eating a cake, eat a muffin, instead of eating a chocolate bar try a granola bar with chocolate chips, instead of eating chips, et pretzels. ou get the idea. Once you get used to this you can go healthy altogether with the whole whole wheat all of the time veggies as your only sncks kabang. But until then, give yourself some time to ease into it.
ps. yes popsicles are fine =]
im 15/f
So, i went to the sadie hawkins dance with a guy i knew. and i guess friends with but I kinda like him in a way. theres some awkward weird moments sometimes, but i talk to him too.
i have another dance coming up and i have to ask a guy. all the other people i was gonna ask are alrady taken. Its like 2 weeks from now.. and i need to ask someone. I was gonna ask the person i went to the dance with before, and I think i am. but i dont want him thinking I like him..cause he probably thinks im a weird little Freshman. I really dont want him thinking im in Love with him.
SHOULD i ask him to the dance???
if i say "can u go with me AS FRIENDS"
idk. i feel bad for some reason .
anyways
should I ask him>? thanks
Reading your question, it sounds like you really really do want to ask this guy. First of all, relax... he may suspect you like him, but suspecing LOVE is a little extreme, no? I'd definitely ask him. If you want to enough and are obsessing enough to put it on this site then you definitely should. If you don't want to add the friends part, don't. To strike a happy medium between friendship and love, smply be very casual about asking him, as if asking him just kindof occured to you on a slight interest. It shows you are interested, but not head over heals, and willing to spend some time hanging out to see where it takes you.
Have fun!
im female 15
im 5'5
i want to be 5'8
my dad is 5'7 my mom is like short 5'1 maybe
will i grow to maybe be taller
or how do you know when youre not going to grow anymore ?
well... you probabably won't grow to be tller than your Dad. For an answer to your question: there is no way of knowing. Think of how developed you are physically; that should give you a clue. After you've had your period and waited a few years with no growth spurt, you've probably stopped growing.
OKay I'm getting a new car I'm 15 and I really want a nice one so could you please give me some ways to get money? I need a lot in a about 9 months. My estimate is around 40,000 but prolly not as much cus my parents will pay for some of it. But anyway I can please help me out!
1. Do you have any friendly old people as neighbours? They usually have lots of tasks you can do around their houses (tending to gardening, shoveling snow, cutting grass, be creative). Most will say yes to whatever you have in mind, just because many are lonely and will welcome company.
2. You could expand this to find more work... ei one you start cutting grass for one person, ask some more
3. dogwalking, or petsitting, if you know a nieghbour will be away
4. Babysitting. It doesn't pay a lot per hour, but once the kids are asleep, you are basically being payed to do homework. That's my kind of multitasking.
5. Chores around the house. Bonus: you don't have to put much effort into getting to know your clientel
If all else fails in the freelnce deprtment, you could start checking out actual compagnies that could hire you. Although most jobs are more looking for people who are sixteen, shop around because many still hire minors. Your best bet is probably with relatives that own a business, or you could just do a google search on jobs/ visit a mall, get your resume out there, and see what happens.
Good luck!
ughh i got braces today. they dont hurt because i dont have wires in yett, but they are soo annyoying! from others exceprience, how long till they feel normal? and what are some good foods to eat?
and any suggestions on how to make it look like your mouth isnt bleeding metal when you smile., if you know what i mean.
thanks in advance :)
It takes a few weeks to feel semi normal, and over time you won'tbe able to imaginea mouth without them. Good foods to eat, while your mouth is still sensitive, are soft foods and foods that do not require you biting down on something large (ei, remember that burger king commercial with the guy who yanks out his teeth to fit the burger in? not that). I recommend soup, yogurt, pudding, scrambled eggs, that kindof thing. As you get used to braces you will be able to eat anything you want, although the orthodontists will try to keep you away from certain foods, and ideally you will listen, though no one ever does and I don't think it mkes any prticulr difference in what you eat. Until they get tightened, anyway... this happens about once a month and you'll be back to the soft foods for a bit.
I had some trouble with the bleeding smile. My main advice is use lots of wax (they give you it in your braces kits, and you can buy it in drugstores), and make sure you have no wires sticking out once they are attached (this hppened to me and it was not pretty). Orthodontists usually have this machine that saws away at edges of things...well dulls edges anyway, and you can suggest they use this on anything else that is sticking out particularly much.
Yup, braces are annoying (and you will hve to brush your teeth way more to keep your teeth pearly white), but soon you'll get used to them and they'll just be part of life, like anything else.
14/f
Ok well yesterday I got the courage to ask my mom if I could use tampons instead of pads, cuz well I play volleyball and so she said yeah i could, so we bought the Playtex Sport Tampons Regular.
Is that a good brand to start off with?
Well anyways, I think i got the main idea of how to put a tampon in... so correct me if i'm wrong
first you put the first part into the vagina, and then push in the second part inside of the first part, then take out the first/second part (they are inside of each other) and the string should be coming out of your body.
is that correct? tell me if thats wrong and how to do it.
Also another question is... (might be really stupid) Where do you put the tampon in?
like I know theres the butt hole where you poop, and then theres like a flab of skin where the pee comes out... but where do you put the tampon in?
like i can't bend down and see the hole, so how do i know if i'm putting the tampon in the right spot? I read the directions and they say i have to insert it 45 degrees angle, so how would it look like? Like would the back of the tampon be closer to your front? or back?
IDK i'm so confused... I had the courage to ask my mom if i could use tampons.. but I am REALLY uncomfortable to ask her how. and like ask her to show me.
plz help me!!!
thanks soo much!
Oh and how long are you supposed to keep tampons in maximum? 8 hours is ok??
The "hole" where you put the tampon in is really tiny and punctured into your hymen, that flabby circle of skin between your anis and your "pee hole" (lol). Or you could have more than one hole, or none at all (this is actually a rare medical condition that my friend had... though you don't hve to worry about this). To put the tampon in, look for where you see blood coming out of the hymen, and push at a 45 degree angle - basically point up, but angle the tmpon slightly horizontal. Arching your back or leaning bckwrds a little bit helps. It may be a little tricky to put the tampon in your first time, but after a few tries you'll get the hang of it (and yes, you are right about the first part =] )
You can keep tampons in for 8hours but I would recommend you change them more often, like every four, just to keep yourself feeling fresh and to keep the tampon from irritating your skin. Remember that if you wear it for any longer than this, you are putting yourself at risk for tss (toxic shock syndrome), a rare but fatal disease marked by headaches, fevers and nausea... not fun. Because of this, if you do sleep for more than eight hours a night, you may not want to wear it then.
For more information, no matter how awkward you feel in asking your mom, she went through the exct same thing yourge nd Im sure would love to help! As well, many tampon packages come with digrams to further help you out.
Good luck!
I'm the same person who asked this question: http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=479017
Well, when I went to see the psychiatrist, she told that I had depression and anxiety but it is a mild case. I'm going to be treated by taking medication and going through therapy. and I was wondering when you tried the medication did you feel better than before? and what is it like during the treatments when you came back to see the psychiatrist?
The medecine actually did make me feel a lot better, though you won't feel anything at first because generally it takes several weeks for it to work. The treatments, well they didn't really make me feel much better. My psychiatrist always focused on my depression, and got me to do stuff like "rate how depressed you are in a percentage" which was annoying because I really didn't know. She also liked to focus on my symptoms a lot which pissed my mom off since my mom claimed all my therapist saw was the depression... which kindof got messy. My advice here is not to take that side of the job personally and to not get your mom involved between you and your psychiatrist. This happened to me and I've been off the meds a lot when I've felt I should be on them...
Otherwise, treatments are ok... one of those things that you just get used to. Overall you should feel better (though I hope none of the drama I went through happens to you :/) in a few months or so. Oh yes... and there is another thing. Even with the meds, there is a lot you are going to have to deal with on your own. My advice is to try a hobby, talk to random people you might not otherwise just to try to reach out. A lot of what got me through all this (which is still so important) is my art. But really it could be anything, so long as it gets the frustration out.
The medicine I can say from experience does help (the therapy I am a litle more dubious on), however the real challenge is always just facing each moment, facing each day in those long moments needed between the time tyou get treatment and the time when you actually feel noticeably different. Depression is tough, not gonna lie. After a year I'm still fighting it. Whatever happens, I wish you luck.
Yesterday I talked to my dad about my depression and how it is affecting me. then he scheduled a appointment for me to see a psychiatrist which is tomorrow. When my mom found out she started to freak out and she told my dad that if i get help then the problem will be worse. then she told me that I was stupid to say anything. So now my parents are arguing and now I'm thinking that it was a mistake to ask for help. Was it okay that I asked for help and what will the psychiatrist do on the first day?
my mom got really paranoid about my psychiatrist, too :( my advice is to take the confidentiality route, and don't freak out too much unessecarily about what they do in the session (I did. My mom got mad and started spazzing. not pretty).
You definitely did the right thing. I don't doubt that for a second. It's tough when your parents freak out: you need to tell them that this is your issue and that you don't want them fighting over it and that you are going to put your trust in the professionals (it's them that know what they are doing, right? not your parents)
I also went to "get help" for the exact same problem! At first I had to go for a half an hour to fill out all these forms, some long answer and some multiple choice (mostly questions like: you feel down or sad all of the time, answer on a scale of one to ten... also questions like talking about family conflicts in the long answer, if you were abused as a child, ect). Then I had to go into an office with a psychiatrist who asked me all these questions about how sad I was, how anxious I was, did I abuse substances or self harm? that kind of thing. After that she diagnosed me ("you have anxiety and depression") and gave me meds and a perscription, as well as referring me to a therapist and booking more appointments. However, they may not put you on the meds... in that case you will mostly get help from a therapist. Therapists mostly talk, occasionally give you strategies or whatever to heal yourself. I find this helps less, but it is nice to find someone to talk to (don't be afraid to shop around because you need someone you actually like talking to lol).
yup. So that'll cover the first day. I wish you luck!
okay i know I'm only 13 and i have my hole life a head of me but i'v never had a boyfriend or a guy even ask me out=[ i have some guy friend but only a few of them are single and all of my close girlfriend have boyfriends and i and i don't want to call them hores but they've all gotten passed 2end base and i feel like no one gives a crap about me and no one will love me=[ i meen i think I'm pretty and allot of the guys i hang out with don't say I'm ugly and i mean none of my friend say i am but still I'm a nice person and well i have my flaws but I'm only human and i feel alone but i dont want to seem like a hore just to get a date but i don't know what to do or how to get a boy to like me as in more then a friend.
People will love you. Don't worry, just give it time! Besides, most guys your age are still really nervous about all this (well... I'm two years older and they still are!) so just because they don't ask you out doesn't mean you aren't interested.
But all this is besides the point. You haven't actually mentioned anyone you are interested in, and, to be frank, getting boys interested in you to feel loved and beautiful is not a good way to look for relationships and not at all fair to the boy! You need to look inside yourself and find why you ARE beautiful, not just why someone else may or may not think this. You need to reach out, love yourself, do things you are interested in, enjoy your friends (don't they love you?) - boyfriends come randomly when you are least expecting it. Don't force it.
I have come to the point where I cant write, concentrate, derive pleasure from anything, have difficulty remembering things, have blurred vision, eyes seriously hurt, sometimes have severe headaches, most of the time dont know what I am talking especially with my elder brother. I have nt got father and mother I live my elder brother and his wife since 6 years. I am 26/M an MBA had a successful career but now since six months things have been deteriorating. I cant bear it any more. Plz tell me the easiest way to commit suicide which hurts less and is quick and doesnt make much of a mess.
please don't commit suicide. Get help. It's harder and you have to work way harder and try way harder than if you just gave up, but I promise it is worth it and it does make you feel better. Not completely better but better.
One of my friends just told me that he tried to kill himself last year. And I am so glad his attempt failed, or I wouldn't have met him, would I? Life can be shitsville a lot of the time, but us less than happy people have to keep trying, stick together, try to prop ourselves up as best we can until we get through the tests life sets before us. Please please please keep living. There is a reason you are here, even if you can't see it right now.
um..do all tampons look the same and are just a different size? Because I thought they were round on both ends so that when you insert it, it won't damage up there but I looked at thsi box of tampax pearls and on the picture on one end it's really sharp like a needle!
None are actually "sharp like a needle". It's cotton, right? Not a pointy metal beak or anything. You are right, however, in your suspicion that not all tampons are the same. Some tampons claim to expand in all different directions to maximize anti-leakage protection. Personally, I find these annoying because they're a little trickier to get in and out. Some also have anti leak guards, which are good because then you won't have to worry about panti liners and such. Personally these also annoy me because man that thing is itchy! Anyway. I personally like the normal, no special features added boxes with different sizes, but they all pretty much work the same.
My best guy friend, who I like, calls me to hangout everynight. If he doesn't, it's usually nota big deal, cause I have a class with him at school, and see him on the bus. But today he was on a field trip all day, and I haven't seen or talked to him once. It's making me really stressed, how can I take my mind off this? It's making me feel like shit that he hasn't called.
First of all... calm down. Do you really need to see him everyday? And if it's really bugging you, you could always just call him.
Hi my name is Joyce i'm 14/f. There's this boy i like alot. I kind of got over him, but now i know he likes me i like him again. So I want to add him on my myspace, but i'm afraid he'll deny me (becuse he did about a year ago when i first requested him). So my question is should I take a chance and add him? Because I don't want him to think i'm desperate or anything. And since he's in all my classes that would be awkward, and I'm afraid i'll drive him away. But then again since he likes me now mabey he'll want to add me? I'm so confused please help!
if it was a year ago, there are tons of reasons why he wouldn't have added you (ei, he didn't know you before?) If you know he likes you, why do you think he would say no? And besides, you've got nothing to lose. Adding him to myspace is not something that generally would drive people away.
ok so i just started going out with this guy, and we are both kinda shy, so i was wondering what were some good conversation starters.. we dont talk much, so i am trying to get our relationship started by starting conversations.. i don't want to talk just about school, because i dont want to sound like a school nerd.. but any conversation starters would be awesome!! thx
try thinking of something that he would find interesting... I mean life is so ironic, and there are tons of weird people everywhere that can get you started...
"so I was on the subway when..."
"You won't believe how (insert name) was acting..."
"and then there was this sign that said, Having an Affair? We cater""
or you could just start by saying how you're doing at a particular moment in time. If you're upset about something, say so. If you have completely amazing news, tell him that.
Hopefully, when you open up, he will too.