I have studied psychology though I am not a psychologist or a licensed counselor of any sort. I'm an artist and writer and teach both to small private groups. I have worked with counselors by using art and writing projects at workshops to encourage people to open up, and I have been recommended by therapists to their clients to take my classes to help them understand more about themselves and what all is going on in their lives through art and writing. Though I'm not an art therapist, I use many tools from art therapy and my own experiences gleaned from counseling. I have always had the desire to help people and I do it in any way possible. Hopefully I can be of some help to many of you!
E-mail: susana182006-extra@yahoo.com
Gender: Female
Location: Virginia
Occupation: artist & writer/teacher of both
Age: 52
Member Since: November 27, 2005
Answers: 116
Last Update: February 25, 2006
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Okay well every year around this time of year (December, winter time...) I ALAWYS get sick and I mean sick to my stomach. It's usually the only time of the year I get this sick. Anyway that's not really the point. I was wondering is there anything I can do right now. Lately it's just been dry heeves (sp?) I mean I've thrown up once since about 8-8:15 which was about 8:45 and that's only because I didn't care, I was really thirsty so I drank some Ginger Ale right after throwing up. But is there any thing I can eat or drink that shouldn't upset my stomach too much, and right now it's about 10 minutes to 9 and the last time I threw up was 8:45 because I drank something but technically not including the dry heeves which every once in a while left me with a little bit of regurgitation, was like 7:30. 7:45.
Yeah so just how long should I wait and what type of foods or beverages would be best to have. I'll just go with it's been about 15 minutes since I last threw up... thanks, sorry it's gross. (link)
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First of all, if you only get sick around December and the winter time, ask yourself if there is more stress in your life at that time. Stress can cause all kinds of things to happen to the body. Having a distressed stomach is one very common reaction to stress. Sometimes the diagnosis is called "nervous stomach." The regurgitaion you experience could be just from the constant need to vomit, or it could be a sign of gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD) where the lining of your esophagus is disturbed by acid reflux. The esophagus is lined with a mucous membrane which helps the smooth passage of food from the mouth to the stomach. If there is too much acid going into your body, sometimes the acid in the stomach will slip back up into the esophagus, disturbing this membrane and causing a burning sensation similar to indigestion, though indigestion is usually felt a little lower.
I think you also might want to check out the type of foods you might be eating at this time of the year with all the holidays and parties that are going on. I know that if I eat too much chocolate or other sweets, i.e., very rich foods, I have problems similar to yours. (Have you been eating a lot of nuts right now? These can cause problems too.)
But, it sounds as though you are having the dry heaves an incredibly ridiculous amount of the time. That just doesn't sound right to me and I can't help but suggest that you see a doctor about this - even if it only occurs part of the year. It can't be healthy for your system at all.
Ginger Ale, 7-up or Sprite are good drinks, especially if they're a little flat and not too cold. Stay away from drinks that have caffeine or are high in acid concentrate, e.g., orange juice and others. Fruits are also usually hard on the stomach when you're feeling like this. Saltines often calm the stomach and allow you to get some kind of food into your body. Jello, broth and chicken noodle soup can help also. You don't want to eat soups that have too many ingredients such as lots of veggies because the veggies may be too hard on your stomach right now. Try to eat small amunts of light, soft and non-acidic foods and eat as often as you can. I think it would be okay to drink your drinks shortly after you throw up but only have a small amount at these times; I would wait about 30 minutes before eating any food.
This was not a "gross" question. It is obviously something you're very concerned about and I don't blame you. You can't possibly be comfortable and this may even seem a little scary to you.
Seriously, I would consider seeing a doctor AND I would look at what kind of stresses may be prevalent in your life at this time of year. There are definitely medications to help with stress, a "nervous stomach," GERD, and any other possible problems that may be going on. Hopefully some other people will have some helpful suggestions for you. Good luck and I really hope you feel better and get this resolved SOON!
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okay theres this person at school that I really hate! He is so mean to mean! He calls me a lesbian and I'm not one! What should I do!? He's really mean and I tried ignoring him but it doesn't work...I don't want to tell a teacher though because it would be very uncomfortable telling them what he calls me! Please help me! I'll rate 5's unless you're mean! (link)
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Man, it's hard when people make fun of you for anything! And kids CAN be so mean because they just haven't reached a level of maturity that makes them think before they talk, or that makes them just NOT think about the mean things they say. (By the way, there are way too many adults who are not very mature either, and they don't think before they talk!)
OK, ignoring this kid is a good idea even if it doesn't seem to be helping at the moment. You can also just laugh when he says this stuff to you because what he wants is for you to react negatively to his comments. THAT'S what gives him the thrill. He WANTS to bug you.
I have a question for you: Has this guy ever asked you out, or if you're too young to date, had he shown signs of an attraction to you before all this started? Did you turn him down when and if he asked you out? Did you turn away his affections if you guys are younger than dating age? Now, let me make myself clear: YOU have done NOTHING wrong if any of the above has happend. He would be acting out of hurt and being very childish with his reactions. This will pass. Another question that may seem completely weird to you is: Do you think this guy is trying to get you to go out with him, or be his steady by claiming you're a lesbian? Meaning, do you think he wants you to prove that you're into boys vs. girls? Of course, he would absolutely be doing this in the wrong way, and once again, very immaturely.
There is NOTHING wrong about being a lesbian, but I can understand how you feel when in fact you're interested in boys and you most probably want boys to know that! When I was in my twenties, I worked at a restaurant and was very private about my life, never talked about my dates with men, just listened to all the other waitresses spill their life stories. The owner of the restaurant decided for some reason that I must be gay because he'd never met any of my dates nor did I speak of them. I laughed it off and finally said, "Sure, what's the big deal?" He was so surprised by my answer that he stopped asking questions and his "teasing." Now, I'm not recommending that you do this because you may feel totally uncomfortable and fear that he will start a rumor that will bother you. But my point is that if you don't let the offending person know that they're bothering you, they eventually give up trying.
Should this guy keep up his shenanigans, I wouldn't hesitate to talk to a teacher about this. I know you say that you'd be uncomfortable doing that, but remember: 1) there is nothing wrong about being a lesbian and since being gay is much more out in the open these days, teachers are not apt to think a thing of this guy's comments EXCEPT to acknowledge that YOU don't like them and that they're untrue; and 2) a teacher should be able to talk to this guy discreetly about HIS problem and hopefully end your problems with him. Better yet, you could talk to the school counselor and ask for advice in how to handle this guy. Counselors counsel and they've heard everything so you don't have to be embarrassed about revealing what the guy calls you.
Ignore him, laugh at his remarks, go about being yourself, and try, try, try not to let him get under your skin. This probably won't be the last time you're teased about something in or about your life, or about things that are untrue about you. I was teased to distraction about having a northern accent when I moved to Alabama. It got old and the teasing was NOT nice because most of the guys who did the teasing made a big deal out of the fact that I was from a part of the country that fought their part of the country during - of all things! - the Civil War!! And honey, I ain't that old by any means! The other thing I was "teased" about was the fact that my family (Caucasian) lived on on an African American college campus in a tiny town in that deep south state and it was the 60's when there was much civil unrest between the two races. My entire family was heavily involved in the Civil Rights Movement which did NOT make us very popular at that time. This particular teasing was very vicious, but I knew that what they said was entirely misguided and downright WRONG! I ignored them, laughed at them, and got up on my soapbox to tell them about the politics that they knew nothing of. For the most part it helped with stopping that nonsense. The reason I mention this is there is always the route you can take of telling this guy that he's really not bugging you because you know there's nothing bad about being gay, even though you are NOT gay. You can tell him that he is just spewing nonsense and making judgments about people he obviously knows nothing about - YOU and those people who are indeed gay.
So, you have several choices here and I hope that at least one of them will work for you. You'll be okay once you learn to let go of whatever kind of teasing you encounter. And yes, I do know that's easier said that done. You just have to work hard at it. ALWAYS, ALWAYS be yourself and others will see who the real you is. Forget this jerk. Don't waste your energy on him. He's just not worth it.
Good luck and remember that you are who you are no matter what other people try to make you out to be.
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im 13/f and i dont think i ha my period. i think had it in the beginnning of december for 2 days. im really confused. ive had discharge since i was like ten. its really weird.
*please dont tell me to see a doctor or talk to my mom, i would ask a question here if i wanted to do that (link)
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Going through puberty and starting menstruation are definitely confusing times. I don't blame you for being confused!
It's normal for young girls/teens to have their first period last anywhere between 2 and 7 days. It is also normal if your first few periods do not come on a regular schedule for a little while.
Discharge is said to usually begin about 6 months before a girl begins menstruating. This happens because of a change in the level of hormones and an increase in vaginal secretions. It is also a way for your body to rid itself of dead skin cells and bacteria.
Since menstruation starts at varying ages (as early as 10), my unprofessional guess is that you've just been expriencing a part of the pre-first-time menstruation process. However, if the discharge has always smelled bad, causes itch and burn, then there is the possibility of a vaginal infection. Again, my guess would be that since this has been going on for a couple of years, your body has just been going through a stage of menstruation without the discharge of blood. I will assume that you've never had sex, but if a young girl has had sex, having a constant discharge can (not always) be a possible sign of a sexually transmitted disease (STD). A vaginal infection or the possibility of having a STD is something that definitely should make you seek medical care as soon as possible. But I'm thinking neither of these things is your problem. It is my opinion that all is normal. I've included two site addresses that will give you more information on beginning your menstrual cycle. Both are geared towards young girls/teens.
http://kidshealth.org/teen/sexual_health/girls/menstruation.html
http://kidshealth.org/teen/sexual_health/girls/vdischarge2.html
If you still feel confused after this answer and going to these sites, I'm afraid that I would suggest going to a gynecologist even though you said you did not want to do that. I know that the experience of going to a doctor for "female" issues feels really embarrassing - especially the first few times. However, do keep in mind that doctors are used to these sorts of examinations and when they know it is your first, they are usually more than gentle and give lots of explanations...or at least they should.
Also, I believe there are several health professionals connected to this site, so hopefully if my answer isn't complete enough, one of them will respond to you. I wish you luck. And, as odd as it may sound, congratulations. You're becoming a woman! Cool.
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I'm a university student living away from home and I've just returned to my family home for the Christmas period. I brought home a bag of presents, but it appears that one present slipped out from where it was stored before I brought it home (I don't think I've lost it, just left it behind).
The gift in question should have been half the present I'd be giving to my elder sister. Should I buy something else, or would it be acceptable to give her the remaining half when I next see her, around the 8th of January? As it's half of the present she'd still have something from me under the tree on Christmas day, but I feel bad for being disorganised and wonder if I should get her another token thing so that it doesn't appear that I've been much less generous to her than to my other sisters on Christmas Day. On the other hand, I'm sure she'd understand and I will see her relatively soon after Christmas as she lives much nearer to me than the rest of my family. Any thoughts? (link)
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I bet you're rather frustrated. Misplacing a gift or leaving one behind has happened to most of us.
A close friend of mine and I are always forgetting to pack something in our Christmas/b'day packages and then we send whatever it is on later. We've found that to be kind of fun as we end up extending our gift-giving and opening.
Would it be acceptable to you to find a small box and write a sweet note to your sister about the second half of her gift being delivered to her on the 8th of January? If you guys have a good sense of humor, you could make the note humorous - even write a silly little poem about the poor little gift being left behind because it "removed itself from the bag" (or whatever), or a poem about you and the hecticness of your last few days at school when you failed to notice that the gift had...
You could buy a pretty ornament which you could then use as part of the wrapping of the little box. Attach it to the ribbon you tie around the box. This way she'd be getting some other token of a gift (a lovely one) and will find out that she'll be receiving her other gift in the very near future. You say your sister would understand, so if that's true then she may find this idea fun and rather mysterious. I would!
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Does anyone know the quote that says
,Do you see these tears?, as the first line? (link)
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I Googled "Do you see these tears," and came upon a page that mostly had sites relating to words sung by Jerry Butler formerly of The Impressions, an old group. However, the best site seemed to be http://www.houseoflyrics.com
The exact page with the song that includes that line is as follows:
http://www.houseoflyrics.com/d/artists/jerry_butler/songs/never_give_you_up.html
Other than that, I don't really know a thing. Maybe some other singer has used Butler's original line because that sure happens all the time. Hope you find what you're looking for.
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Thank you for your quick response. Your advice is just what I needed to condition myself to accept the fact that “it’s time to let go” & not to build false hopes (but to pray for the best and face reality).
Timely (& sadly) , right after reading your message, the vet called and gave me the bad news that there was another heart attack . That was it.
Again, Thank you for your reply. It was really a big help.
My name is CAroll
(link)
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Oh Caroll, I'm so sorry that your puppy had yet another heart attack. You said, "That was it." Did you mean to imply that you had to make your decision then? I don't mean to make you relive anything distressing. I guess I'm just wondering if the time to let her go actually came tonight. Whatever the case, I'm sure tonight has been rough on you and I empathize more than you know.
Yes, praying for the best and facing reality is the only thing we can do in times like this. I respect your thoughtfulness for your pet during this whole time. You sound as though you've been a wonderful friend to your dog. Both of you have been so fortunate to have one another.
I'm glad my reply was a help. Thank you for letting me know.
-suzi
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thank you for your answer. it's a big help. truly, i am in anguish at the moment thus confused to make a decision. your reply provided me with rational/practical insight.
again, thank you very much.
shy (link)
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I appreciated your response to my response. I just know you are in anguish over this. As many pets as I've lost through the years (I've had a pet or pets every day of my entire life), I have grieved with profoundness each and every time. And yes, I obviously moved on, but I remember each pet and have great memories.
I wish you the best in using your own rational, practical and loving insights in following whatever you need to do. I hope your vet can truly guide you in your thought process about everything that needs to be discussed and thought about.
Here is a link to a site that has the most wonderful poem I've read about pets. I go to it every time I have to make "the difficult decision"...before and after. Please try to go to this site and read The Rainbow Bridge Poem. It might help you deal with your anguish. http://rainbowsbridge.com/Poem.htm
Again, I wish you the best and would very much like to hear from you if you need someone to talk to about, well, whatever. Please don't hesitate to contact me via e-mail if you'd like:
soysusana@verizon.net. I really do care and I'm thinking about you and your dog.
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My son got married to a young woman who is the oldest of 8 children. His wife Penny is a wonderful young woman but her mother has these 8 children ages 3, 15, 16, 17, 19, 21, 23, 26 have several different father's and their mother always depended on the oldest daughter to handle everything. Now that this daughter is gone the whole family is falling apart. The mother goes gambling every night and the 3 year old is left alone. Last night my son and his wife Penny went over and the 3 year old little boy was in is under pants alone in the basement with a party going on on the top floor with the teenagers. He was cold and hungry. My son does not know what to do as they are expecting their own child in two weeks and really did not want to take on this child. I can not sleep thinking about this child and if I say the word I am sure the mother will say great - you can take care of this child for the next 18 years. I am 57 and have recently quit work to take care of my 86 year old mother. My husband and I are quite comfortable financially but taking on a child is quite a committment. I have an entire play room with a bed and many toys for my grandchildren. This child does not even have his own bed but sleeps with his mother in a basement room that does not even have a closet or a set of drawers. The house is an unbelievable disaster and would probably win the award for the messiest house contest. I have not been able to sleep all night or for the last couple of days thinking about this child. I am thinking of phoning the mother and telling her that we can take the little boy for a while if she wants that but I think that it might be a very long while. My husband thinks that it would be okay to take him but that the mother might fall apart more if she does not have this one to look after. What do you suggest? (link)
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OK, so we know why the mother of this group of children is not being very effective right now since she has a gambling problem. But has Penny tried talking to her adult younger siblings? Is there some reason they are not helping out with this little boy? I realize that it's not the responsibility of children to take care of their siblings, but some of these "kids" are adults and I'm confused as to why they aren't helping out here...like Penny did. Well, obviously they are NOT Penny, but I would think that if she "held the family together" while she lived there that there must be some modicum of respect for her from all of her siblings. Maybe they will listen to her if she presents the facts of what is happening.
Before you decide to take on the huge responsibility of taking care of a 3 yr. old, I would sit down with your son and daughter-in-law and have a serious family discussion. Ask them what their thoughts are on this dilemma and whether or not they would be able to take in this child for a period of time. I know you said your son was not exactly prepared to do that especially with a baby on the way. However, maybe if you all think of the ramifications to such a young child being left alone, your son and Penny could swing taking in her brother. I know that's a lot to ask. Of course, if there is agreement, maybe you and your husband could work with your son and Penny and the child could go back and forth between the two couples. That's still tough on everyone and will probably be hard on the little one as well, but it can't be worse than the situation he's in now. Penny knows her mother better than anyone so she's apt to know how her mom will react to any relative taking the child away, even if for only a temporary time (which could of course lead to a much longer period of time, depending on whether or not Penny's mom decides to seek help for her addiction).
In order to keep things open with your son and Penny, I would talk to them about whether or not one of you should call Child Protective Services. If you call without talking to them - especially Penny - this could damage your relationship with your son and his wife. That doesn't sound like it would be such a good idea - you all need to stick together in this mess. Maybe Penny would be willing to make the call. Or, if she's okay with it, you can make the call. Explain to her all of your concerns because even though it sounds as though she's concerned, she may not have looked at every angle. She needs to really know how unhealthy this is for her brother. I know that CPS can seem to disrupt the family life, but this child is in danger from what you've described. Also, from what I know about CPS, they try to keep the family together and to help the parent (or parents) get their lives back on track.
It sounds as though an intervention of sorts needs to happen with Penny's mom re: her gambling problem. If Penny could get the support of her siblings and you and your husband were involved, maybe approaching the mom in a "tough love" intervention will help her to open her eyes. I see that you were given a link to a site to help gamblers. Information from this site, or Gamblers' Anonymous in your area, would be very helpful to have at the intervention. Think also of other people who this woman may trust and would feel safe around. Maybe they could be part of the intervention. Perhaps this could be tried before CPS is called.
The whole situation sounds so very sad and I feel that this young child is very fortunate that you are trying to come up with a solution to an ugly mess. I know it can't be easy. Hopefully, though, you and your husband, and your son and Penny can all together work out some possible solutions or steps to begin taking. This child needs someone's help. Hopefully any one of these suggestions can be helpful to you in your desire to give this little guy a chance in life. I thank you for him and so many others who are left to drift in the wind. I wish you and your family (extended, as well) many good wishes.
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Me and my bf were out on the town the other night. We met up with some other of our friends. Well my bf left for a couple minutes to pay for our drinks. This other friend of ours who is married came up to me. He said " you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen". Well I looked at him with my eyes wide and then he said "as a friend", but I know he was seriously attracted to me by the look in his eyes.
I didnt really know what to say. I was flattered but felt guilty because his wife was sitting at another table. I know she couldnt hear and I think he waited on purpose to get me alone.
Now I don't know how to act around this guy. I told my bf and he was really pissed off. I told him not to say anything because i was worried this other guy and his wife might have a fight.
What should i do? (link)
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If you and your boyfriend find yourselves in the company of this guy again, I recommend that you BOTH act as normally as possible. Your boyfriend does not have to stick to you like glue because I have a sure-fire comment you can make that should make this married flirt back-off FAST. I've used it before and it does work. You can very firmly and seriously tell him that if he hits on you again (and he is hitting on you) that you will have to inform his wife - your OTHER friend - AND your boyfriend. Tell him that his behavior is inappropriate even if he's saying it "as a friend." The tell him that he needs to go over and be with his WIFE, then you go off to be with your boyfriend, or other friends...meaning, walk away from the guy to allow your words time to sink in. Don't stick around for him to try to make excuses like telling you "[I said it] as a friend." LOL If he were to be thinking of you ONLY as a friend, then he should have no problem whatsoever to give you a compliment IN FRONT of your boyfriend. For example, he could say, "'Rob' [name for your boyfriend], 'Lisa' [your name] is such a beautiful woman. I'm sure you would agree. You're a handsome couple." A lot of guys wouldn't do this of course, but I'm trying to say that it is okay to give compliments to other people's partners in such a way that it is not a come-on.
Let your boyfriend in on how you intend to handle this guy should he approach you again. Your boyfriend will hopefully agree to handle this guy with maturity and decency. If for some reason this guy is completely idiotic and stubborn and continues to hit on you when you all are out together, then, in front of him, be true to your words and say to "Rob," "Sweetie, do you know what 'John' just said to me?..." That will surely wake the guy up and he'll probably be stumbling all over himself to make up something to say to your boyfriend. Let him try to get out of his mess on his own. Tell your boyfriend to remain calm and say whatever he thinks is appropriate at the time. Sure, try to keep this guy's wife out of this mess, but if he goes too far, don't hesitate to act on your warning and tell her that her husband is hitting on you. She certainly won't be happy, and maybe she already knows that he's a boar, so be prepared for a reaction that may not be what you want or expect. My suggestion is to leave her out of this completely or at least as long as possible. I suspect she does know he's a flirt. You have the power to cut this guy off. Take control of the situation. And your boyfriend can help if need be.
This never feels comfortable so I hope that it won't happen again. If it does, I wish you luck in confronting this guy about his inappropriate behavior.
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I honestly don't think I like my boyfriend anymore. He's wayy too protective, and he'll always say the stupidest things. I just woke up this morning & I really don't like him as much as I used to. Should I ignore this feeling, and maybe it'll go away? Or, do you think you shouldn't have negative feelings about your relationship when you're dating someone? + I'm NOT Pmsing. (: lol Thanks. (link)
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Sounds to me like you've outgrown this relationship. If you're hearing his comments as "stupid" too often, then you probably have moved on in your maturity and tolerance for such things. If someone is being overly "protective" I have to wonder if that actually means "possessive," and that sure isn't a good sign. Overly protective or possessive - both are signals that something isn't right. At least to me they are. Someone being overly protective can seem to be too clingy and can make a person feel boxed-in, trapped. Possessiveness is dangerous especially since it involves jealousy more often than not. And it usually doesn't go away.
If you're thinking about this whole thing - not liking him anymore - on a consistent basis, then you probably need to move on. You'd not only be doing yourself a favor, but you'd be doing him one too, even if he feels hurt at first.
I tell as many people as I can that the best thing to do is to follow your instincts - your gut feelings. Don't ignore them! Don't push them away. However, if these feelings just surfaced and maybe something happened between the two of you to cause these feelings to pop out now, then give it a short while and see if you are continuing to feel this way. If you already have been feeling this way for a while, then let him go. And you're right, it's not right for either of you to stick with a relationship just because you think you should. It's not good for either of you if you're having negative feelings about your partner or the relationship.
LISTEN TO YOUR GUT! Good luck.
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i just brought my dog to the vet because of a heart attack. i was told she has heart enlargement. she is 13 years old. is there hope for her? or is she too old to recover? (link)
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I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with the illness of your pet. I'm a huge animal lover and I know this can't be easy for you. But part of loving animals so very much is taking the responsibility in knowing when to let go - which is NOT easy to do, I know.
Thirteen is a fairly old age for most dogs, though, yes, I know there are dogs who live longer. My suggestion to you is to have a long talk with your vet and ask a few questions:
1) does your vet think your dog is in pain or experiencing any sort of discomfort;
2) is your dog apt to have more heart attacks due to the enlarged heart;
3) does your VET think your dog is apt to recover?
My thoughts are that if your dog is apt to be experiencing ANY kind of discomfort then it is cruel to allow that to continue. If the dog is prone to more heart attacks due to the enlargement of her heart, then do you want to see her go through that again? My guess is that you don't. If there is some kind of surgery that can be performed on her heart, do you want to put an older dog through something as traumatic as surgery - and this kind of major surgery?
Again, I know this must be excruciatingly difficult for you. But think of your dog first. Yes, you will miss her dreadfully, especially since she's been with you for so long. But would missing her as much as you will trump the fact that you'd be allowing her to continue a life of discomfort, pain, and possibly more complications? Please talk to your vet. Get some answers and advice. And think about whether or not you're willing to try to let her go before things get much worse. You would be performing an act of kindness and love by letting her go if this is a no-win situation for HER.
Good luck. Give your little doggie a hug from me. I'm sorry you and she are going through all of this.
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We were having a Xmas party at my school today. In one of my classes, we were having a mock debate game. The teacher would call up four of us and give us a topic. One of the topics was 'it Santa Claus real or not"? Two people had to debate for the positive, that he was real, and the other two had to debate that he wasnt.
Well when my turn came up, the topic was: does Santa spend his summer in mexico or the North Pole? I was on the negative team, so I had to debate that Santa did NOT spend his Xmas in Mexico.
Well when I started talking I was really on a role. I said that I had been to Mexico 3 times and never once had a seen a fat, pasty looking man with a long white beard tanning on the beach. Then I added "who would want to see that? It's DISGUSTING!! I also talked about how Santa never has a tan, and that if he spent a whole summer in Mexico he would still be a bit bronn at Xmas time. I also added that he had to compile his naughty and nice list and get his elves in order, and that the summer is only 4 months away from Xmas so he would definatley have to spend his Xmas in the North Pole.
Well I got a couple of chuckles during my speech, and me and my partner won a prize for best debate!!
The only thing I'm worried about is now some of the guys in the class are avoiding me, and not being as friendly to me after I made my speech. I thought of two things: maybe some guys don't like girls to be funny and outspoken, that's what guys do, and 2, maybe they were offended by me saying that seeing Santa tanning on the beach was digusting.
Does anyone have any ideas?
PS, not everyone reacted this way. The teacher came up to me afterwords and told me I was hilarious. (link)
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I think I'd first have to ask you if you know for sure these guys were avoiding you after class, or maybe, just maybe they were preoccupied with something else? Could you perhaps be too senstive here? I obviously wasn't there so I'm just trying to get you to look at other possibilities.
It sounds like you did a great job on your mock debate team and that you answered your question with humor. The only thing I could imagine would even be a little offensive might be the fact that you put "fat" and "disgusting" in the same thought/sentence. People have such low self esteem issues especially when it comes to body image. Were any of these guys overweight by chance? I know the image you were trying to portray and the humor with which you were relaying it was derived from on-the-spot thinking. And yeah, Santa Clause is fat! So I don't think you did anything wrong. I can only guess as to whether or not someone felt embarrassed or hurt because the idea of being fat and lying on a beach was announced by you as "disgusting." But yes, you were on a roll and you were truly trying to put across an image of SANTA CLAUSE doing something totally foreign to what we would think of him as doing.
I don't buy the idea that these guys don't think girls should be funny and outspoken. Do these particular guys usually act like they're from chauvanistic generations gone by??!!
Hey, maybe they were "disappointed" because the team trying to dispel the myth of Santa Clause won! Maybe they were joking around with you. Who knows why they were being the way they were? I wouldn't give it another thought and I bet you'll see that all is normal once again. Try not to over-analyze this and assume anything. You were playing a role and you seemed to have done well.
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well ive been dating this guy for like 2months now and im in love with him! were complete oppisite but we cant get enough of eachother! but about a week ago he told me that he had cheated on his last girlfriend and im a very jelouse person and now all i do is blame him and accuse him of cheating on me! he does certin things to make me jelouse, like drive by her house and break his neck to look over me into her windows and talked about her all the time and throws her in my face when i do something he doesnt like! like he'll say for example " oh, amanda would never act this way," or "amanda would do it" and now hes even acting kinda mysteriouse and not calling me and when i ask his mom y he hasnt called me she tells me that she thought that he was because for the past 3 nights he has been talking on the phone till 3am! i dont know wat to do i love him alot but i dont know if hes tryn to test me or hes cheating on me and i just dont know it! (link)
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Well, for one thing your boyfriend sounds like he is very immature. However, did he start trying to make you jealous as soon as you became jealous due to his confession to you about what he did to his previous girlfriend? If you've been blaming him for certain things (?) and accusing him of cheating, is he just responding to that, albeit immaturely? I am NOT condoning what he is doing to you right now, but I'm just curious if this started as soon as he made his confession.
He could have told you about his previous cheating because he wanted to be up front and honest with you. I can understand though why you then would be a little worried if he'd do something like that again, but it doesn't sound like you gave him much of a chance to prove himself to you. (From what you've written, I wouldn't bank on this being the case - that he was just trying to be honest, I'm sorry to say.) On an entirely different note, maybe he was telling you about his previous affair to let you know what type of person he is - someone who is unable to commit and thus may have the desire to do it again. A "warning" of sorts. Uh oh...not good.
You two have only been dating for two months and even though you feel like you love him, I don't think you've known him long enough to really know 1) much about him, and 2) if you're truly feeling love, or if you're infatuated with him...and he with you. Love and infatuation are totally different things. Love lasts and infatuation usually dims and goes away.
Again, I believe his behavior is extremely childish and mean, but your jealousy leads me to believe that you are very insecure. Jealousy is derived from insecurity about one's self and often the relationship at hand.
Ask yourself - HONESTLY - if this guy isn't just a player and he, for some reason, gets off on making girls jealous by doing the things he does. I'm thinking that this attitude of his makes him feel powerful and boosts his ego in unhealthy ways. If he's not calling you, but you're finding out that he's on the phone a lot (I'm sorry his mother told you that), you might want to try talking to him withOUT anger, jealous reactions, etc. and ask him what exactly is going on. You also might want to ask him in a calm way - not when he's actually doing this - why he still seems to be stuck on this old girlfriend by peering into her home and throwing her up in your face when he's angry. That last part concerns me. I think that is a sign of complete lack of respect for you and that perhaps he thinks it will make you "straighten out." Wrong. The guy's thinking is just too skewed for my liking.
I'd be careful with his guy. Sounds like you're already being hurt after only two months. Man, that's not a good sign. As hard as it may be, if I were you, I'D start backing off from this guy and setting your sights elsewhere. You don't need this kind of grief. He's definitely acting like a jerk. Do you want to continue being with someone like that? Do you want your jealousy issues fueled all the time by having someone who is obviously not putting all of his energies into your relationship and then TRYING to make you jealous? You're worth more than that. And try really hard to work on remembering that you're worth more than that and that you DO deserve respect and someone who will pay attention to you and when he's unhappy deal with the situation between YOU and HIM and not throw up past relationships to try to make a point. Bad news, sweetie.
Good luck. Please, please work on your self esteem and becoming more secure about who YOU are and what you actually want in a relationship.
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Well I'm a 16 year old girl.
I usually have a huge appetite and I would eat enough for about two or three people my age but for the last month I have had no appetite at all. My friends think I'm going anorexic but I'm not. I want to eat like I used to but I'm never hungry. It has been 5 weeks since I lost my appaetite and I see no signs of it coming back soon. My friends and I are getting worried because I have now lost almost 7 pounds and I was originally at the healthy weight of 124. I don't know what to do. I talked to my counselor and she told me to go to the docotr but I just went to the docotr about three weeks ago because my throat was looking really bad and hurting. She also told me to eat healthy when I do eat and for the most part I do. When I eat I usually eat like a few bites of a sandwich or a small amount of pasta or a piece of fruit. I just don't know what to do. My friends think I might be developing an eating disorder but I don't think so. (link)
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Our eating habits do change as we get older. However, I wouldn't hesitate to go back to your doctor and tell her exactly what you've told us in your question. I agree with her that you should eat healthy foods when you do eat, but I would ask her if there might be the possibility of something wrong. Ask her if you should be taking vitamins while you are going through this period. Also, ask her advice (and your counselor's) how you can make sure you don't throw yourself into anorexia. You can do this without even knowing it.
It sounds as though you are trying to eat something when you can and that's good. Don't skip meals, especially now, no matter how not hungry you may be. Eat small meals and several of them - more than 3 - during the day. Fruit, veggies, nuts, a finger sandwich, anything will be helpful and not too filling. But you'll be supplying your body with energy.
Ask your counselor to talk to you about eating disorders which can creep up on a person (especially young people) without a lot of warning. Is there something that has changed about your life? Are you dealing with a lot of stresses that may be curbing your appetite? What is your self image like at this point? Are you keeping emotional stuff inside of yourself and not really dealing with it in counseling? I encourage you to talk to your counselor about all of this and not just your doctor.
I feel that it is VERY good that you're aware that something is not right and that you're concerned about the effects of whatever is going on. It's also great that your friends are concerned and being supportive of you during this time. Are your parents aware of what's going on? Ask for their help in this situation.
You can even Google eating disorders and read more about them and why people have them. One good site to visit is the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA):
http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/p.asp?WebPage_ID=294
This page should help you learn more about eating disorders and what causes them. I highly recommend you read this page and click on some of the links provided. This will not only help you in trying to see if you do have an eating disorder but it should help you with questions you might want to ask your doctor and counselor.
Good luck. Do try to resolve this - whatever the cause - as soon as possible. It sounds like you're already trying and I applaud you for that!
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I've been having a lot of trouble this year concentrating, and my grades are definetly reflecting it. Everytime i sit down to do my homework, something distracts me so i go and do that first, or i call that person, or go talk to people online. I always feel like everything is more important then my schoool work but i know its not. I end up going to bed so late doing all these things i get distracted by. Does anyone have any suggestions that could help me concentrate on my schoolwork and not all these other little things? (link)
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This may not be the answer you're looking for, but I'll give it a shot anyway. Why don't you pick a time of day - like right after school - when you will devote your time to homework. If you can, set an amount of time you wish to spend on the homework. E-mail all of your friends and tell them that this is what you're doing and would they all please respect your need to have this allotted time ONLY for homework. Ask them to not call or contact you in any way, e.g., IM, until this time period is over. This may even help your friends begin to set their own priorities. If the phone does ring and you have an answering machine you can let the machine pick up your messages, be your secretary. If you have your own telephone, turn off the ringer during this time and once again, allow the caller to leave a message. The world is not apt to end during this time and your friends CAN wait. You may want to use a timer (can buy an inexpensive one at the grocery store or a kitchen store) or an alarm clock and set it so that you have a break during the time you're doing your homework. Maybe you'll want a 15 minute break. You can have a brief phone call with a friend or do something short on the computer, but be sure you set the timer for the amount of time you'd like your break to be and then hang up, stop communicating via compuer, etc. Stick to your guns about this. The timer/alarm clock should help, IF you're determined to make some changes.
The key here is to really think about what your priorities are. You've already said that you know that schoolwork is the most important thing. Well, keep thinking that and try to make some easy changes so that you will keep that on the TOP of your priority list. This is all about choices and you can CHOOSE to chnage your habits. As you grow up, you will always need to think about priorities. The work place will force you to do that; so will family life. And, if you decide to go to college (or even if you don't), NOW is the time to focus on how to get yourself to concentrate and to set up reasonable schedules for yourself, dealing with your priority list.
The other thing you might want to consider re: you going to bed so late because you get involved in so many "distractions," is that you set a certain time of night for EACH night of the school week when you will go to bed. If you have to, set the timer or alarm clock to help you remember that time. Then do it! Go to bed. You need your sleep to be able to concentrate at school, and to concentrate in general. Sleep deprivation is damaging to the body and the mind.
I know you can do this, especially since you're at the point where you are asking for help. Good for you! Good luck and hopefully you'll be able to pull up your grade average by following some steadfast guidelines that you set up for yourself and ask your friends to respect.
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I have a question that I really can't ask anyone else about because it is too humiliating. Well at the college I go to there is a weekly campus newspaper. I was reading the classified section the other day and under personals it had my name (just my first name), and then is said (my name), STAY AWAY!! I thought it was just a one time thing but then the next week it had my name under the personals again and this time is said (my name)," masturbation is fun."
This guy that had been really mean to me even brought it up, and asked me if I had been reading the paper. I can't prove that it was him doing this, but isnt this a form of harassmant, or slander? Could I sue the college over this? This guy that has been mean to me is a reporter for the paper.
What are my rights? They are only using my first name so they could always say they were talking about someone else, but I know it's about me. (link)
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This guy sounds pretty scary to me. Much more so because he made reference to a sexual act in regards to you. And then, he asks you if you've been reading the paper. Well, at first I was going to ask you how you knew for sure this was about you, but then when you said that this jerk was a reporter for the paper and he'd asked you about reading it, I, too, felt that he is more than likely responsible for this harrassment.
I doubt that you can sue anyone over this due to the fact - as others have said - that your last name was not used. However, I would go to as many higher-ups as you can. The editor of the paper is apt to be another student, so go to the faculty advisor for the paper and speak with him or her. Take issues of the paper that have these personal ads and tell the advisor that this guy has been harrassing you, and make sure you mention that he came out and asked you if you've been reading the paper.
Have a talk with your own advisor, the Dean of Student Affairs, your SRA if you live in a dorm, and anyone else you can think of. I know this is dreadfully embarrassing to you and I understand. However, keep in mind that most likely no one else is aware that these ads have anything to do with you. But you must get this guy to stop what he's doing NOW. Take the issues of the paper with you to each meeting.
If it's possible, whenever this guy approaches you, leave his presence immediately. If you know much about his schedule and when and if you might run into him, try to have someone with you. IF he approaches you and you're confronted with more harrassment, start keeping a journal of the things he says or does with date and time. If you can remember other things he's said or done (the "mean" things), record them as well even if you don't remember dates and times. Include this information whenever you speak with an authority about this situation.
I would be much more concerned about this guy's harrassment - of any kind - than I would about what your rights are re: suing the paper. It sounds to me like this guy has the potential for being dangerous. I don't mean to frighten you, but I'm obviously concerned about what he is capable of doing.
Good luck and I hope you get this ugly situation resolved soon! I would love to hear from you again as you start the process of dealing with this jerk.
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I have a huge problem.....I'm a failure at everything in life . All my previous friends have told me so and my whole family is CONSTANTLY telling me that I'm a failure. Even people who don't know me personally, tell me that I'm a failure when they hear about me. So , what they're saying (that I'm a failure) is true, since so many people have told me the same thing. Before, hearing that statement would motivate me to work really hard. And it would work because I would achieve my goals, temporarily. Now, whenever anyone tells me I'm a failure, it doesn't motivate me anymore. Instead, I get really sad and stay in my room alone and cry. I even skip going to college because I'm so sad and don't want to be annoyed by anymore people telling me the same thing. I already have depression and am taking medication for it, so hearing this statement from people doesn't help. Now my question is: HOW DO I GET OVER THIS? HOW DO I MOITIVATE MYSELF AND STAY MOTIVATED? HOW DO I PROVE TO EVERYONE THAT I'M NOT A FAILUTRE? Sorry for the long letter. Please, no smart alecs. (link)
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I think some of the other answers you've gotten are very good and hopefully helpful to you. I agree with younggrandma that you might want to go back to your doctor and try a change of antidepressant med. Not all antidepressants work the same for each person. I strongly encourage you to do this because it will help to make YOUR attitude better.
It's a terrible travesty that so many people have told you that you are a failure. This may sound weird to you, but it is my belief that if you have always thought you were a failure, then you attract (without knowing it) people who are going to pick up on that energy and mirror whatever you're thinking of yourself. It's good that you said your "previous friends" said these things about you because I'm hoping that they are no longer in your life. You definitely need new friends who will support you and encourage you. I don't know what your relationship is with your family, but can you talk to them about how they talk to you and tell them 1) that you want and need them to stop dragging you down by telling you that you're a failure, and 2) that you will no longer stay in their presence (go to another room, leave the house, whatever - but I'm NOT saying that you should leave them out of your life) when they start this kind of talk. Try to distance yourself from them or anyone else who says these types of things to you. At least for a while.
I'm sorry that YOU think you're a failure. I highly suspect that you are NOT! For one thing, you're in college for heaven's sake. That is obviously a major accomplishment! And, as younggrandma said, you write very well, so that's another plus for you.
But the main thing here is that YOU need to work on not thinking that you're a failure. I obviously don't know what happened to you to make you begin feeling that way. Did this evolve from a family member telling you this from a very young age? Unfortunately that happens all too often and then the child grows up believing it. But no matter what happened to you to get you on this line of thinking (which, by the way is so very detrimental and unhealthy), it is up to you to change your attitude about yourself and all that you do. I know this may sound impossible right now - changing how you view yourself - but it can be done with hard work. Please try to look at your life and find the things that you are proud of. I'd suggest making a list. On the one side write what has disappointed you about your life, and on the other side write what you have accomplished. Really think hard about this and try not to judge yourself harshly while you're doing this. Try not to judge yourself at all! Just be as honest as possible. If you have ANYTHING on the list of accomplishments (such as college) then you can surely tell yourself that "NO!" you're not a failure. Also, I would suggest some counseling while you're in this depression. A counselor can help you see why you allow other people to not only say these things to you, but why you have allowed yourself to believe them. And, a counselor can help you take steps in regaining your self-esteem. You'll also receive help in how to motivate yourself again WITHOUT being "forced" into it because people are saying cruel things to you, like you did before. You're probably aware that college campuses have counselors for students and that their services are free. Please look into that. Taking medication for depression is one thing, but receiving counseling along with the medication is the BEST thing.
Please know that because you are aware of your depression, that you've done something about it, AND you're asking for advice, that you are making some very good (and even difficult) steps to changing what all is going on. This tells me that you're a determined person who is not destined for failure!
This also may sound strange to you, but have you ever tried anything like getting into a marshal arts class? Karate teaches people how to center themselves, take care of themselves mentally and physically, and interestingly enough encourages pride and the building of self-esteem. It sure worked for me at a very low point in my life, even though I just knew I would fail at that! I didn't and I found energy and motivation through the work I did in karate. I'm very thankful for what I gained from that experience. Maybe you could try something like this to help you with several of your issues? There are probably different marshal arts classes taught at your college. Or, you can probably find an inexpensive one given through your local recreation department.
I believe that you WILL get past this, but YOU need to work on getting yourself a little more grounded and looking at yourself in an HONEST way. One thing that is suggested by positive thinking workshop facilitators feels a little ridiculous and embarrassing at first, but believe me, it helps a lot! That is, each day, several times a day, look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are successful. Do not say, "I'm not a failure," because you are still using that word that is bringing you down. The more you give yourself this positive affirmation, the easier it will be to do it and you will eventually be able to start believing it. And think about it: you've told yourself over and over again that you're a failure and you began to believe it. So why wouldn't telling yourself that you're a success over and over make you eventually believe that?!
Try to start going back to your college courses, hold your head up high - don't slink into yourself - and remind yourself as often as possible that, "Hey, I made it to college! What an accomplishment!" Don't try so hard to prove to OTHER people that you're not a failure. What they say may hurt, but it is not what makes you who you are. YOU make you who you are. You don't owe anyone anything. Tell yourself each night that you will no longer succumb to the cruel assumptions of others. Tell yourself while you're lying in bed that you will get up in the morning and begin a new day with a positive attitude. Sure, this may be hard at first, but try as much as you can to at least motivate yourself to do this one thing. Take baby steps if you have to. Who cares really? Only you should care about how you respond to what others are saying. YOU are the one who must change. You can't make others change, but with your own changes, be aware that you'll discover that many things will change around you. Life will look a little brighter each day.
So, bottom line, maybe change your medication, stay on it, try some counseling, repeat over and over positive affirmations to yourself, and distance yourself from those who are absolutely dragging you down.
I wish you much luck. I have confidence in your already begun process of healing yourself. That, my friend, is being successful!
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ok i nedd help like now please please please.
ok right well my skin is normally so good its always been soft and clear but when i do get a spot i get one HUGE one and for the past 2 days my faces has gone into total breakdown.... i have like 4 spots and theyre quite red and then i have an old on ethats not a spot anymore but a red scarwhat do i do!!???? im going out to dinner with loadsa friends tonight and i dont know what to do please tell me the best thing that will get rid of them in like 8 hours please im just drinking water and not wearign any make-up as a detox but please help a fast spot clearing hting and i dunno if i can pop down the shops just anything please!!!!!!! sorry long but ill rate really high
thanx
xxx (link)
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Am I to assume these "spots" are pimples? Or are they something else?
Whatever they are, if you're trying to do something to help them for tonight's dinner, there may not be anything you can do to actually get rid of them in a few hours. However, I do have a few suggestions that may help for tonight if you can't make it to a pharmacy before your dinner:
1) Use a warm to hot compress - hot water on a washcloth and hold it to each spot for a short while. If these are pimples, that will hopefullly calm down the redness and make them come to a head. If they aren't pimples, you might want to try a cold water compress, but I'd still try the hot water one first.
2) After the compress: If you have meat tenderizer in your kitchen cabinets, wet each spot with water and then put the meat tenderizer on each spot and leave it there for quite a while. This works well with insect bites as it takes away the pain and itch AND reduces the redness and swelling. Maybe it will work with your spots - pimples or not.
3) After the meat tenderizer, of if you don't have meat tenderizer, then use this after the compresses: Most homes have a tube of Neosporin - antibiotic ointment - or something similar. Since pimples are infections, many doctors recommend using an antibiotic ointment to help get rid of the infection.
4) After you've done all of the above, using things that are hopefully in your house, then dab a little make-up on each spot, let it dry, and then put make-up on your entire face. I think it's good that you've not been wearing make-up to help keep your face clean, but for tonight, I think it will be just fine and will certainly help hide the redness of these spots. Make sure you clean your face thoroughly once you are home after the dinner.
-- Oh, I just Googled home remedies for acne so I'll share a little of what I found. Aloe vera should help your skin heal and lesson redness and swelling. If you have any pure aloe gel in your house, apply it to your skin after washing. And then there is this: A paste of the spice nutmeg & water or a paste of nutmeg & milk should help the affected areas. (NOTE: These nutmeg remedies were actually suggested for a 3-day cure, but you might still want to try either one.) --
For future reference:
It will probably do you some good to use the Neosporin each night before you go to bed. Two acne treatments that I've found to be quite helpful are: Clearsil which usually does a great job of drying up the pimple (I often use the tinted one so that it helps cover up the redness); and, Clean & Clear Blemish Treatment which has the ingredient Salicylic Acid which is something dermatologists highly recommend for blemishes. Clean & Clear also makes a wonderful blemish cover-up in different shades of skin tones. It is supposed to help heal as it acts as a cover-up. I use this all of the time. I put a little on each blemish before I put on my make-up, and sometimes a little after the make-up is on my face. (The little tube is like a long, skinny lip gloss tube and is easy enough to keep in a purse for touch-ups.) I've also used it when I'm not wearing make-up and just make sure it is well blended into my skin. There is a Clean & Clear acne treatment wash that is good for thorough cleansing. Nowadays there are SO many acne washes avaiable and most of them contain the salicylic acid because it works so well. Depending on your budget, you might want to buy any of the brands that are out there.
Since I don't really know what kind of blemishes you're talking about, I hope that I've helped a little. I think that no matter what kind of blemish you have, the steps I mentioned above should help any kind of blemish in a pinch. Maybe other people have better ways of dealing with something like this - especially if you need to do something as fast as you do and aren't able to get to a drug store. Good luck! Have a great time with your friends tonight. And think about this too, if you're getting together with "loads of friends," then 1) all the action that will be going on will more than likely distract everyone and no one will notice your spots, and 2) these are your friends and I'm sure they go through the same thing and will not think a thing of this. Still, I understand how you feel, so again, I hope my suggestions help, even if just a little.
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Zehra here agian. im sowwie i kinda lost the page i typed my question out on for you.. can u email me?
zehraladak@gmail.com?
z (link)
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OK, done! I've answered you via e-mail.
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I dunno... Im very serious. i wasnt happy with her. Aisha and my relationship was always me doing wht she said i shuld do. And yea tht aws great wen i was 10 but now i jus wanna grow up Zehra! not Aisha Latifs bestfriend or aishas substitute. I am willing to appologize to her. And let her know tht i shuldnt have bitched but i dun wanna say sorry for ending it. we both wuldnt have ended it on good terms. and i wanted to be out of the relationship with ehr bcauz i was gettin hurt. she was jus abt never there for me where as i managed beign there for her always.
yea i bitched. and im willin to say sorry to her. but not those people who i bitched abt her too cause they started it...
i jus want people to give me another chance. all my life i was called *angel* cause i was the one girl who never said no.
now im the *bitch*
why dun i have a chance to be human?
im generlaly a mature girl. i dun get into shit like this often. and i bitched abot ONE person. these people are bitchin abt EVERYONE!! i dun get wht to do. i dun get why
am i bein crazy!? (link)
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Zehra, I've written you an e-mail with a copy of your questions included in it. Maybe I've helped a little better with my answer this time. I hope everything works out for you.
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