queenbee's advice column

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Q: Ok, My names Mike and I was wondering, I'm a very random person and will do anything to get a laugh from anyone. So. I do alot of random stupid things just to get a luagh, but sometimes the things I do make people think I'm just a retard. So, I'm wondering if anyone thinks that people like me are funny and great to have aound? And what I mean by people like me is, people with no care of what people think and will is unhibited and will act wild and crazy just for kicks.

There is nothing wrong w/trying to get a laugh as long as it is not at someone else's expense. That said however, it is important to let people know you have a serious side so that you can develop more meaningful friendships w/people. If people think that you are just "wild and crazy" than they probably will not pursue a relationship w/you that goes beyond entertainment purposes but if that's what you want then go for it.

Q: What does this mean...
"Denial is the first stage?"

Thanks!

You may want to elaborate on this question (i.e how did you hear it used).

One suggestion is that when someone is addicted to something (alcohol, drugs) the first reaction when confronted is to deny that they have a problem hence the first stage is denial, etc...

Q: if i am going to have sex with a girl that it is her first time how do i go about it with out hurting her? should i just go slow?

In addition to being gentle, when everything is finished try and do something fun together because things will be very awkward for her and it is important that you make her comfortable. She will never get her virginity back so you should try and make it special and talk about things before hand just to make sure she is ready and not doing this to make you happy.

Q: do girls like a guy to be to sensitive or not sensitive at all

It is important for a guy to be sensitive to a girls feelings but not so sensitive that she feels like she has to be strong for her bf. Most girls want a guy who can sympathize when she is having a rough day but she is looking for a strong shoulder to cry on not someone to cry with, that is what her girlfriends are there for.

Q: hello. all my life i have been made fun of because of my muslim faith. people always say, there is bin laden, get him.they think i support the 9/11 attacks. my parents support them but i don't. please help me get through this before i go crazy.

You should not be ashamed of your beliefs. Do not let other people's ignorance dictate how you feel about yourself. Be proud of who you are and where you come from. You cannot change how your parents feel but you don't have to agree w/them 100 percent of the time. 9/11 is a tender subject in the hearts of all Americans regardless of race and/or ethnicity but that does not make it okay to single you out because of your religion. You had nothing to do with what happened and you don't have to bear that burden.

Q: please give me a list of ways to lose weight FAST! i need to lose alot by august 30th. and keep in mind i am 14 and i WILL NOT get lypo. i will rate!

Because you are 14 you should be careful not to lose too much too fast. 6 maybe 8 lbs depending on your current BMI and weight/height ratio. The best thing to do is eat smaller meals more often and get into a regular cardiovascular routine, strength training will increase your metabolic rate. Avoid starches and sugar especially soft drinks. Drink a lot of water, get an adequate amount of sleep (6-8 hours/night). Remember muscle weighs more than fat and if you lose too quickly you can do some serious internal damage.
Take a look at Shape and Self Magazine websites. Also Oxygen online has some good, healthy tips.

Q: guys im worried.. ok so this guy im dating, we dont talk about EVERYTHING yet; weve only been goin out 4 3 weeks, and hes told me that his parents dont want him dating right now because of some wrong decisions he made in the past..but he never comes right out and says what those decisions were, and iv never asked because im scared he might not be a virgin anymore, and im a lil more prude than him, i know that for sure.. im 14, almost 15, and hes 16, almost 17... and whenever i tell people that im dating him, they're like "girl what are you thinking, ive heard so many stories about him" ive never asked 2 hear those stories either,cuz im scared of the truth, but i know he went out with this "slut" last year that was a grade older than him, and a girl 2 grades older than him which is who he made the bad choices with.. do u think hes jus datin me cuz im a grade younger, so his parents might let him date again? im also scared he might not be a virgin, which means he might try something i dont wanna do with him, although i made it clear in the beginning im takin it slow n im not a slut... eeek hes at work camp this week with his church which is where he hooked up with his g/f he made bad decisions with (but that was last year @ camp).. i hope shes not there again.. and i dont really doubt the fact that he'll try 2 put the moves on other girls... hit me up ladies~ im worried about this one..

You should judge your bf on who he is now and not the decisions he made before. You have to decide if it is really important to you what he did before and see if you can look past that. As far as what he may expect from you, it has been my experience that guys want relationships w/respectable girls and not easy or "slutty" ones.

Q: ok this is a lil weird but im still gonna ask im 15 and i have like all the signs of puberty like hair voice everything except like size down there is that one of the last things to come or like is there something worng?

It is different for different men. Everything continues to grow as you do so when you have finished growing (i.e. height)then everything else will fall in to place. You should take into account if it is erect or flacid, a flacid penis can be very small. If you are really concerned ask a pediatrician that is what they are they for and they won't make a big deal out of it.

Q: what r some good products to remove makeup? say how much urs cost n where u got it plz! ill rate u!! also, how do u use ur products to actually get the make up off?? i need help to get my eyeliner off (both top and BOTTOM LASHES!!) i dont want my mom to think i look slutty, cuz she says ppl do when they were eyeliner, and sumtimes when i try to get the eyeliner/mascara off, itll take out sum of my eyelashes! i hate it cuz theyre my best feature n i dont want that happenning!! so plz help!

Baby Wipes and/or Johnson's Baby Lotion is a good way to remove makeup plus regular soap can dry out your face and the lotion is a good way to keep your skin hydrated. A big bottle may cost around $3.00 and it lasts a long time unlike expensive department store removers.

Q:
i really want a whiter smile..but i don't want to use any whitening products (besides whitening toothpaste) do you know of any good whitening toothpastes that i could use to get a brighter smile??

I use Colgate Total plus Whitening and regular floss daily, I get a lot of compliments on my smile so it seems to be working well. I also try and brush three times a day because I drink coffee and that can leave a residue that discolors your teeth so the more you brush the faster you will see results.

Q: hey i havent had my period in may,june,and july. i THINK i had it in april im actually not sure.. im 14 years old and got my period in february of 2002. i know im not pregnant im not sexually active..

Considering you had your first period two years ago, you can rule out the idea that this has anything to do with regualting itself. You are definitely underweight for your height and this is messing w/your body in a way that you are no longer having a period, you should see a gynecologist and gain some weight before you do more damage. If you continue to lose weight or maintain this weight you could also stunt your growth and do major organ damage. Please seek out professional medical advice and don't rely on this column, people giving advice around here are not much older than you and can only say what they think-a doctor is much more sound advice than random columnists.

Q: i am 5'8 and i can hardly find clothes that fit...everything is to short! {pants} does any one know where to find resonably priced long pants, that would fit me?

Gap, The Limited and Express all carry 34" inseam/tall length which is probably what you need. A good way to know your inseam length is to measure from your inner thigh to the bottom of your foot w/a soft tape measure, if the length measures between 32"-33" go with a 34" inseam which is typically a tall. If it is longer than that check out Victoria's Secret website, they sell pants in xtra long.

Q: HELP! I'm going to a party 2nite, and I need 2 get rid of two nasty looking pimples! I already popped them, but blood just came out. HELP!!! I'll rate, just please help! Don't delete this question, please! (:

I don't know if you have any of this unless you have small siblings but Desitin (Diaper Rash ointment) will clear up the acne and take out the redness. I've tried this and it seemed to work really well, plus it is a lot cheaper than clearacil(-:

Q: when are the earliest signs of pregnancy and what are they??? how can you avoid a birth IF NESSECARY??

Unfortunately the signs of PMS and pregnancy are very similar. Other signa are frequent urination, breast tenderness, extreme fatigue... Also, if you have missed your period. If you have missed a period and experience these symptoms then take a pregnancy test, if it comes up negative then you may be stressing yourself to the point where you have delayed your period.

Q: I'm a great advice columnist but i guess every advice person needs some advice as well.

Ok so about a month ago my sister and my brother in law came to visit us and i was sleeping (it was night time) and I remember waking up for my brother inlaw touching my leg. I didnt think much of it but after that I kept on thinking about it. Well i was at their house and last night he said he was sorry, and i didnt know what he was talking about and i was like for what and hes like I touched you in a place that you shouldnt have been touched by me (higher than my legs) I dont know what to do! because I mean I dont think he was doing it for more than a sec cuz i think i woke up right away but I dont want to tell my mom and dad because my dad would kill him and they would say something to my sister and then my sister and him would probably get a devorice and my sisters really happy. I mean that was the first time but I still cry about it like i feel so violated and i dont know what to do. I cant sleep cuz i think about it. All I do is cry about it. Please help me please!

I promise i'll rate a 5 no matter what! Atleast your trying to help me.

Wow, definitely discuss this with your mom and dad. What he did is wrong and you should not allow him to get away with it. He needs to know that was not okay.

Q: I'm addicted to taking pictures of myself, i have lyke over 400 recent pics. All of my friends lyke always say that I'm lyke conceited or that I'm in love with myself, but I honestly think their just jealous!...what should i lyke do?!@#$^&!?

I think you have a problem bordering addiction. Taking pictures of yourself in such mass quantities makes you sound like a vapid individual who is extremely self-evolved, you need to go take pictures of people who have real problems and then take a real look at yourself.

Q: when i was in 4th grade my dad came to my school and told me he was leaving forever. My dad is a very abusive person and threatend a lot of stuff on my family. Its been 5 years and hes back. My mom is afraid she wont meet any guys again. So my dad is living at my house and he yells at me a lot when my moms not home. Im scared of him bcuz he might still be abusive. My mom doesnt understand and i dotn know what to do. i get in a fight with him every day. Please help.

You should notify a teacher and/or school counselor immediately. This is a very serious situation and your mom may not be thinking straight.

Q: I have this friend *Amy*, right? Well, before me and my boyfriend started going out she used to be obsessed with him. All she would ever talk about was him and she literally *stalked* him. Well, me and my boyfriend started going out and she backed off a little bit. She got a boyfriend and he just recently dumped her for another girl. Now she keeps trying to talk to my boyfriend on AIM, asks ME for his screen names, his email addresses, and where we're going for our dates. This is really starting to annoy me and I don't know what to do. How should I tell her how I feel without EXPLODING in her face?

If she is harassing your then he really should be the one to say something. I would make sure he isn't giving her some kind of mixed signals to keep her in pursuit of him. You may be annoyed by all this but is he? If "Amy" is trying to hook up with your beau you may seriously want to start reconsidering this friendship, even if you don't stay w/the guy...this girl may have some issues...seriously.

Q: my girlfriend wears some clothing that bothers me. she has a very nice body, and its cool that she is comfortable with showing it off... but it bugs me that she likes the attention from other guys and all. how do i let her know that some of the stuff she wears (low tank tops / shirts, short shorts, etc) bothers me without sounding too much like a jealous control freak?

You can't control what she wears, period. What you can do is try to find out why she feels the need to dress trashy, maybe she needs some positive attention from you or maybe she likes having guys look at her. Either way, when you find out why she is doing it you will learn more than just flat out telling her not to. If all else fails than you can tell her she looks fat in those trashy clothes it may make her dress differently but it would also be a blow to her self-esteem so I guess it just depends on how important her clothes are to you and your relationship.

Q: I have a boyfriend who I love sooo very much!! I wouldnt do anything to hurt him! I have a few good guy friends who I ONLY talk to on the internet because my bf doesnt like me hanging out with them. Well, one of my friends asked me to go to a party with him tonight or we could go to the mall another night. I'm not sure I should because I think my boyfriend would be mad! What should I do? And if I shouldnt hang out with him, how do I say no without saying my boyfriend wouldnt want me to. He always says "F*** your stupid boyfriend" :-/ Thanks for the advice!!

From the sound of your post you are in a relationship that is borderline abusive, you seem pretty young, letting your boyfriend dominate you at this age can only lead to trouble. Your friend's comments were rude but had some truth to them. My advice is to have a time out w/your beau. If he cares for you like you care for him he would respect your interest in spending more time with your friends. If he doesn't then you should seriously considering terminating this relationship and fast before his dominating gets physical.

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You were once wild here, don't let them tame you."
-Isadora Duncan

She was conscious that the things she did were the things she had always wanted to do.
-Zelda Fitzgerald

Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend them all the care, kindness, and understanding you can muster. Your life will never be the same again.
-Og Mandino